24 lang ako.weh!

nakuha ko sa friendster.shempre inedit ko na para tama ung grammar nung iba. pero baka may namiss ako kasi antok ako.

How old do you act? Put an x on all the
things you can do and find out how old
you act!!

[X] I know how to make a pot of coffee
[X I can do my own laundry
[X] I can cook for myself
[ ] I do my chores after being told
once
[x] I sometimes do my homework/work
[x] I actually enjoy intellectual
conversations
[ ] I think politics are exciting
[ ] My parents and grand-parents have
better things to say than my peers

total: 5
_______________________________________
__

[ ] I show up for school/work every
day unless I'm sick
[x] I always carry a pen in my
pocket/purse
[ ] I watch talk shows
[x] I know what incredibility means
without looking it up
[X ] I drink black coffee

total: 3
_______________________________________
__

[x] I know how to run the dish
washer..and/or do the dishes
[x] I can count in more than one
language
[ ] I can mow the lawn
[x] I can wash the car
[X] I can make adults laugh... without
being stupid
[ ]I remember to water my plants
[ ] I study when I have to
[ ] I pay attention at school/work
[x] I remember to feed my pets.
[x] I'm generally organized

total: 6
_______________________________________
__

[x] I can spell experience without
looking it up
[x] I clean up my own messes
[x] The first thing I do when I wake
up is get coffee--juice or hot
chocolate
[x] I can go to the store without
getting something I don't need
[x] I understand jokes the first time
they are said
[ ] I can type quickly, because I type
every day

total: 5
_______________________________________
__

[X ] My choice in clothing is
acceptable in an office or something
like that
[ ] I can watch politics and laugh
[x] I have realized that the weather
forecast changes every hour
[x] I have realized that no one will
take you seriously unless you are over
the age of 25 and have a job
[x] I can read a book and actually
finish it
[x] People have said that I look older
than I am

total: 5

Now add up how many x's you have and
put "i act like a_ year old

my eyes are heavy. slept at 6am and woke up before 12. fell in and out of sleep. hmmm. i need a caffeine fix.

"bakit di ka pa nagshshow, eh hinog na hinog ka na? you're ripe and ready for the picking."

sarap naman.

p.s. check out russ' and yosheee's blog for photos from the cookout.

merry christmas, everyone!

yup, it may be winter outside, but in my heart it's spring. haha. baduy.

malamig man, it feels all warm and good inside.

it was worth the wait. thank you. =)

merry christmas, kids.

i love all of you.

oh, so, yeah, okay.

okay. so this guy texts me all of a sudden. i had to rub my temples in disbelief. and of course, he has to be the ass he always is. but then i should know that he's always that way. and i go oh, thanks for calling. and thanks for the kind words. inspite you being the ass that you are.

usapang baliw

jez: dude, gusto ka nun... kita ko sa mata nya.

me: ows? bakit?

jez: iba tingin nya sayo.

me: siguro tinititigan nya ko nung kausap nya kami eh.

jez: tol, iba ka, ayus un...kita ko nung kumakain ka, nakayuko ka, pingmamasdan ka nya...

me(sa isip ko lang): dami ko kasi kinakain eh.

it's funny how we send signals that aren't really there. but you see. i'm smarter than you think. although i'm slow, i am smart. ahaha. wow, hanlabo ng world. well, it had its chance, but i am happy and content now in my own little world. so don't tell me that you know things because i am aware of these, too. now if we all just play friends and just talk about business, that would be better. sa ngayon, yes, i would prefer something vague and ambiguous over tangible things. and i can take care of myself.

let's all not complicate things. we left it there where it's supposed to be. and i think that's the proper thing to do.

at kung anu pa man yan, wag na nating pang pag usapan yan. dahil wala naman talaga.

at ngayon...

i'm in trouble because i am insensitive. i wish i knew.

wala akong magawa. i'm soooooo bored.

eto na lang.





at eto pa.

http://www.style-arena.jp/index.htm

wala lang...

confused

i am feeling weird and kinda sick in the stomach. i think i'm dreading something that's coming. i don't even know what. oh. must be the holidays. wehehe. i will be hearing na naman my friends tell me, uy, malami ang pasko mo... aye, malamang nasa antipolo ako. my feet nga are cold in the mornings eh.

but really, this is kinda ugly. i'm thinking, bills...my fault. i wouldn't have this problem if i wasn't malandi in the first place. oh well, anjan na yan, anu pa ba magawa but face the consequences.

i just feel too tired and wasted. and to think i just stayed indoors all day. i didn't even turn on the lights until it got really dark. what do i really want? this is so annoying. i hate this day. it's too gloomy. and globe can't load. wala na ko load bummer. good bye world. for now. until globe gets fixed.

ho hum.

finally i was able to speak with blytheee. i got myself a party on saturday. will be cooking for 8 people.

oh bad back. just below the lungs. parang my back is so unstretched. haha. i need a good back rub. uh oh...tomorrow's a long drive from antipolo to quezon city to tagaytay to taguig to cubao then back home. yari my back. and my wallet. all that for a stupid party. ehehehhe.

bored. bored. errr. i need something to do tonight. blah blah.

hmm..mangangapitbahay muna ko for tilapia and atchara. and may baon ako century egg. heheh. baduy. kawawa naman ako, ala decent food here. i dont want to cook. katamad. it's too cold to move.

wala kayong kwentang lahat world! hala, nababaliw na naman ako. i found myself talking with myself na naman, pero dalawa pa lang kaming nag-uusap. weh, i'm a stupid human being. i need a beer. ahahhaha. makol, asan na ba kaw?!!! hehehe, bukas mga equally-baliw friends ko pala kasama ko. si jez, joy, and nowel. ayan na naman!! tulog tyo! addzhhhhhhhhhtttt!! tawern! sabog ka ba?!

oi, hindi ah...

ala pa din kwenta

Smsing

from eten: wahaha. Anlupet ng statement d2 sa jip. ‘share TO seat, win a friend.’ Aus.

Me: ahhh. Panu yun?

Ten: iniicp ko ba din eh.

Hala sige, go figure!

----------------------------------

Went to grilla last night for dinner with the rest of the faculty members. Good kare-kare. I got ham. Haha. After dinner, I went out the deck with tyrone and ten. I was starting to get AC allergy so I had to get fresh air. O eto. According to Oprah as told by tyrone, the meat we eat is digested through decomposition. Ewww, double dead pala ang meat sa insides natin. Ayus. E anu pa nga ba. Therefore we have to eat fiber and drink water to flush out ito. And whatever’s left inside us becomes putty na nagiging cause ng cancer.

Also, the fat na dangerous ay yun naiiwan sa sides ng stomach at intestines kasi eto unan nagagamet pag kelangan ng energy. Sabi ko bakit dangerous. Di nya daw alam. Weh ang labo. They showed daw a healthy aorta. Sabi ko how can an aorta be healthy kung kinuha na sa tao at patay na sha, paano?!! Ang labo ko daw. So dapat kumain ng fresh na fruit and vegetables, na tawag naming ay mga pagkaing buhay at hindi luto. Kasi we need the enzymes daw to help digestion.

Weh anu ngayon?

---------------------------------

Yesterday I made my first batch of cheese sticks. Thank you, hunny, for sharing mum’s secret recipe with me. Ang sarap kahit mejo overcooked ata, hehe. Mwah.

---------------------------------

Ayan today, I went to megamall. Tagal na ko di nakapunta dun. Sobrang toxic. A few years ago, joy would ask bakit bad aw trip na trip ko mag mall. Well, hindi na ngayon. I hate shopping. Mum had to convince me to get nice girly shirts. Kasi I chose two na pang boys haha. Sabi nya umayus daw ako. So I got three more, since she’s paying, bakit hindi. Mum, I want new shoes din. And a mailman’s bag. And a newsboy hat.

i got pichi pichi, kuchay ah, and stuff for saturday.

i got a facial thing. hehe, masakit noh. nagsorry nga sa kin ung nag treat kasi umiyak ako. shempre di naman malakas noh. mejo i got really teary-eyed kasi na-soak ung gauze sa eyes ko ng luha. bakit? bakit?! bakit nya ko sinaktan?!!! pero ok naman. cute na ulit ako. nyaknyanyak!

sobrang tired ako when i got inside the car, buti na lang dad drove. sabi ko kasi wala akong license. eh wala naman talaga. bad back.

si hunny, sakiting bata...

-----------------------------

gotta rush a painting. bye bye!

acidic

mum handed me my money for this payday. i still get to shake my head everytime i get my pay. i used to make 4 times back when i was working in makati. and then i get to think, will it be worth it if i go back?

4 hours of miserable sleep everyday. recurring gastro thing. bad lungs. allergy.

ok.

i told nowel that i'm thinking of going back to work. makikipagplastican na naman daw ako at mabobo at di na makakapagpinta. oo nga naman. at madami kaming plans sa grupo.

well, let's wait for january.

--------------------------------

sms from reng : hahahar..in lab c abba? ang hirap kc paniwalaan! c sarcastic,procrastinating abba in lav?!

ha?!!ganyan ba ako?! WTF?!! haha!

i was thinking. is there a pill or something that lessens the intensity of an emotion? kunyari, prozac for the happy. haha. baliw daw ako, baliw! well, i guess i do deserve to be happy naman. i'm pleased to announce that my big cloud of depression had floated away. my skies are all clear now. and it's a weird relief that i can identify other emotions now.

sabi sa akin ni madame reng, di daw pwede pagsamahin ang air and land signs, ang libra at virgo. sabi ko, bakit hindi? kasi daw conservative ang virgos and ang librans, liberated. sabi ko, huwattt?! ako conservative. not in the christian sense daw, but kasi articulate and consistent daw ako at baka hindi mainitindihan ng librans ang mood swings ko. si ako pa, very much a virgo. sabi ko mejo contradicting naman un sa nangyayari. ingat daw ako kasi librans are promiscuous. ahahhahaha!! ayus. di bale, dog naman sha kaya, dependable, honest, and loyal ang libran ko. hehe.

ala lang.

-------------------------------

dec 18.

lets texted me if i had plans na for the day. since wala pang definite anything, i agreed to accompany her to the parlor. xmas party nila eh. ok din naman because i wanted to get my foot scrubbed. may pintura pa kasi. hehe. parang di ako naligo nakakahiya.

now i have red toenails. ramdam ko na ang pasko.

ten has a mean tummy ache na nagraradiate to her back. i hope it's not serious. probably stress-related daw or muscle pain. if masakit pa daw after the meds, kelangan nya mag pacheck ng kidney. poor thing. her eyes na are puffy. i hope she gets better soon.

-----------------------------

i promised na i'll write something sensible. i don't think it's possible. kasi i am mad. kasi i'm in love with a probinsyanong hip hop- a scot who eats freaky balut eggs.ewww. hehe.

hello the holidays and other stories

whoa. i tried to avoid food but sha ang nag chaCHARGE! papunta sa akin. good luck.

yesterday, i went to shangri-la with vaughn and cheenz so that they could get a gift for their parents. so we went for dinner at KFC. i had two of the tiny sandwiches. ung chicken fillet crunch. ok, tapos walk around, walk around. got the gift. tyrone came and asked us to meet him at green tomato. he bought us a carafe of peppermint ice tea. at first, lasang astring-o-sol, but after the shrimp and salsa pasta and the chicken fingers, masarap pala. got coffee after the second dinner (sorry hun...di na talaga uulit). tapos drove to the airport. huwaw. i'm never going back dun ng december. grabe the traffic, really heavy. picked up ate wins and kuya arnold and went to the fort for the 3rd dinner. dami poseurs hahahah. grabe, i hate konyo gimik spots talaga. parang ang fake ng lahat ng tao. anyway, 3rd dinner was at an italian cafe. calamari and cabrese for me. and 2 teaspoons ng amaretto tiramisu.

grabe. patayin nyo na lang ako.

wala na pala akong other stories. haha.

--------------------------

smsing.

after my pshyc student friend analyzed me nanaman a few days ago, nagshare sa love life nya.

me: why don't you try cyber dating?

hannahbanana: ano ko cyborg?

hindi. isa kang gulay! umayus ka. hehe

--------------------------

panu mo sabihin na may BO ung friend mo.

according to tyrone:

"tumutugtog ka ba ng Bach, 'tol?"

--------------------------

gtg. hosting thing sa rotary christmas party. next time i promise i'd write something sensible.

After a series of mean acid attacks, I was allowed one last cup of coffee for this week. while hunny is drinking red horse somewhere in the far south, I decided to get a grande quad latte with hazelnut syrup. Sabi ni eten, sulit nga ang last cup ko.

I missed eastwood a lot. This is the only gimik spot I enjoy going to. Because parking is always easy, I prefer this place kasi ok naman ang choices sa restos and bars. Met up with my relatives from cebu because my cousin Marshee is leaving already tomorrow for periodical exams. We got free dinner at pho hoa thanks to tita edith. I had a vermicelli bowl, un na fave ko sa pho hoa. Sarap warm salad.

And medyo nabugbog ako ni ethan, un 6 year old cousin ko na di kami magkaintindihan. Slammin ba naman ako eh. Binalibag ko nga.

We had éclairs from jack’s loft and took silly pictures. Walked around a little. They left us around 10pm. So ten and I decided to get cofi para bonding. Yun, sa starbucks we saw friends ko from the old office, sina raech and terrie. Saya naman, reminiscing and making lait the people. Exchanged stories and just laughed our hearts out.

Left eastwood around 11:30. when we got to antipolo, black out sa street naming. Bummer naman. kaya now, I’m here typing on Word, with an hour left sa battery ko. I just lit four candles. I’m still finishing up my hell of a coffee.

Planning a cook out for my convergys friends on the 23rd. the tentative menu ay:


Appetizers – raens’ egg salad with roe on crackers and olives
Pasta puttanesca
Beef and shrimp kebabs
Grilled corn and vegetables
Red wine

May humihirit ng crabs daw. Ah eh, sige basta sya bumili. Wow, mahal. If we get crabs, I’ll be deep-frying them and serving them with crispy garlic flakes.

Hunny had 8 bottles of beer and 2 cocktails na. funny na mag text haha!

May dog-cat chase sa labas. Ayus I can hear everything kasi ang tahimik all around. I hate it talaga pa walang electricity. It gets really depressing. And parang nagkakadaming mosquitoes. Asan nab a ung mga alaga kong lizards ditto when I need em? Sana mag ka power na kasi baka masunog ako at napaka flammable pa naman ng paligod ko. Paint thinner, linseed oil, oil paints, and my hair. Scary di ba? Haha!

Oooh…Christmas is so near. And I still can’t feel it. Sana Santa will bring me nice gifts. For Christmas I want the following:

1. a new ipod (mamamatay na un mini ko eh)
2. a new car (mamamatay na si blue eh)
3. new shoes ( yun 3 pairs ng chucks na I’m dying for)
4. a perm (but ate Winnie will treat me sa salon if I grow my hair a little longer pa daw)
5. a camera phone (kasi jologs lang ang phone ko)
6. a big bunch of flowers (kasi tagal ko na di nakakatanggap nun. Eh hobby ko pa naman tumunganga at ngumiti-ngiti parang gago sa flowers. Haha. O kaya bili na lang ako sa palengke kasi mura lang. si blytheee pa huling nagbigay sa kin nun)
7. a big bottle ng clinique happy
8. a light saber
9. madaming toys! (hotwheels, action figures and a real doll. Haha!)
10. and world peace.

Sabi ko kay eten, makakapaghintay ako hanggang Chinese new year haha! Alis na sila ng January eh. Sarap naman! haha! Yan,nagresign kasi di tuloy maregaluhan ung sarili. Haha, pag pasko kasi favorite kong bigyan ng gift ang sarili ko. Ayuz!

----------------------------

school life.

there's this really annoying kid in school. i don't like her. i tried but she's too weird. nasa loob ang kulo. when you talk to her, shrug lang ng shoulders ang gawin nya.

favorite line ko: if you don't answer my questions, that means only two things: either you're stupid or you're mayabang. and i don't think na may taong bobo.

her parents came to the school. i told them off. haha.

softly

Softly
Kissing you as you lie sleeping
Breathing
Gently with you in your slumber
Your face is the picture of contentment
My angel's dreaming, my angel's dreaming

And I'm so happy wit'you
So happy wit'you
So happy wit'you
So happy wit'you

Slowly
Opening your wondrous eyes on me
Shining
Green and glorious in the morning sun
This moment, what could be more precious?
May it live forever, may it live forever

So happy wit'you
So happy wit'you
So happy wit'you
So happy wit'you

Smiling on me your love gives me all the blessings of this new day
The heat in your skin caresses my senses in sucha glorious way

I'm so happy wit'you
So happy wit'you
So happy wit'you
So happy wit'you

softly by lamb

---------------------------

runny nose today.

things to do these coming weeks:

1. host rotary's party on saturday

2. help mum cook for the rotary party

3. think about the christmas eve menu

4. shop for ingredients for a gazillion california maki and tuna maki

5. make the gazillion maki

6. paint

7. photgraph paintings

8. email clients

not in order though, kya magulo list ko. wala lang.

busog!

galeng nito.





relatives from dad's side came over yesterday. all the weeks of dieting went to waste haha. love the lechon cebu. will be looking at a busy week.

---------------------

kim: tita, gising ka na daw.
me: ha, bakit, may pasok ba?
kim: tita, sunday ngayon...
ate anne: hala ayus, disoriented ka na...
me: oh, i thought monday na...

but really, i am in no way excited to go to work anymore now that the holidays are on their way. antipolo is cooler than usual now with occassional drizzles. i sometimes even wake up because the breeze outside causes too much noise. i am terrorized with the thought of christmas cooking. and if orders come pa, i'll have to bake pa. ok lang with the extra money but bad trip if hanggang 24, may orders pa. oh well.

wow, hindi pa ko depressed even with the cold weather present. haha! galing galing. mahusay na ko ngayon.

still, wala pa ko intentions of getting gifts. kahit sa chinese new year, wala kyo mapipiga from me. i'll just host my teeny parties/cookouts siguro for the kids during the holidays. haha. i told them na extend ko na lang deadline for their writing project, yun na christmas gift ko sa kanila.

smsing:

zach's number: tita, totoo ba na ieextend mo ang deadline para sa lit class?

me: maliban syo

zach: cheenz to

me: maliban din syo

cheenz: TITAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
---------------------

i know i have something else to write about, but i keep on losing it everytime i start to blog.

---------------------

welcome to the world, keon albert ice pinpin! you made my pamangkins list a little longer, mwah!

Trippy song for the night. Catatonia’s Don’t Need The Sunshine.


Oh holy hypertension. I get really edgy sometimes. And then I go kulet and insecure and praning over a lot of things. I admit na how my usual nature fluctuates every once in a while. But given reasons for depression kasi stimulates it. And I still regret it because my aggressive nature takes over me during these moments. Maybe it’s my hormones. Hey, give me a break, I’ve been sickly this week.

Alcohol is a depressant. Mental note: stay away.

My endorphin level is quite low for the week. Ate Anne asked me to go do Muay Thai with her. This coming week perhaps. Haha, I don’t actually believe it, because my face pulls into this funny smile every minute. And Kevin said I am unusually jolly while Zach said I am insanely happy. I’m loving every bit of it. Okay, okay, it’s intense and fast and maybe I need to slow down a bit. You tell me.

I’ve resurrected the paintings I’ve worked on before the art fair. After I finish the last of my naïve paintings, I’m going back to photorealism to keep the balance in my folio. Yup, I’m now working on my folio. Really. I get more and more excited to paint everyday so it’s looking brighter. Noel also told me that I should do photorealism again so that we’ll have variety in our group folio. And hunny said we’ll work on a project and I am thrilled.

Mum is missing me again and she’s started to get on my nerves. Sorry, mum, I just wanted to take advantage of the holiday. I locked myself in the studio today to paint and went out only to go for Starbucks with the kids. Mum, there’s such a thing called the phone. If you need me, you can always call me.

ooh i spoke too soon...

i'm still having a bad tummy ache. i can't even figure out if it's gas, acid, pms, or whatever. basta masakit. if i go see a doctor naman, that means i have to drive myself to qc. ayayay! kawawa.

good luck sa akin. good luck sa coffee. at goodluck sa diet ko. ow...

oh, finally, i feel better already.

still i'm a lazy ass. i don't wanna go to work and i don't wanna go out in the sun.

the moon was lovely kahapon.

03:05:28, dec 3, 2006

half asleep, i thought i was dreaming. breathless. speechless. and now i know how it feels again.

lovely.

---------------------

been a total pain in the ass--was too sickly yesterday. well, actually, until this very moment, i've been having a terrible tummy ache. it went away today for a few hours but it hurts again. downed kremil-s, advil, and motilium, had hot tea, and i have novaluzid just in case. hmmm... nevertheless, the pain doesn't seem to matter. kahit na pati likod ko masakit. huhuhu.

thanks for being so patient. =)

---------------------

went to alabang for the opusfest's final concert and left my phone at home. hala. nakakabaliw pala yun. tyrone played really well. actually, all his friends were really good. he met a german pianist na ang galing daw. idol nya daw. but mas gusto nya ata ung french wife kasi ang hot. hahah! also saw friends from the college of music na i haven't seen in a long time.

totally deleting a huge part of this entry because tyrone will kill me if i don't.hmp.

kahapon, at church, si noemi na pulpito. sabi ni pastor, dapat daw hindi nagmamadali because god's will will be perfect. kahit daw 22 ka na, ok lang yun. at nidivert ang attention sa akin. tingnan nyo si abba, 27 na pero okay lang. weh. kawawa!hahahah! hey, i'm not looking for anything na naman eh. i am content with what i have now. sobrang content.

gotta go...inspite of a bad tummy, driver on call talaga ako. off to marikina for yellow cab. at least i'll get starbucks tonight, hehehe.babaw.

thundercats win!!!

spent the lovely day with my cousins and nephews and neices. we played paintball!! thundercats(the titos and titas) versus the pamangkins. we won 2 out of 3 games. draw pa ung isa. hahaha.

mikkeli. bleh!

after that, we had a long table set sa resto sa mmldc for dinner.


mga pamangkins and the younger cousins. mga beho. mga walang mata. haha. hunny, si cheenz yung naka striped shirt.


kevin. pinakamatyabang. he said he'll beat the crap out of us. sha lagi unang out. haha. tallest kasi. at 15, 5' 10" na sya.

lookee! i got long hair, whee!

lahat ng photos blurry kasi maka hyper lahat.

i wanna go and do that again. addictive.

but masakit sa katawan. plus, swollen ang left pinky ko. was hit. ouch.

----------------------------

goodnight, world! i gotta attend to something really really important *winks*

everybody here wants you

sam played this on the way home from tagaytay and it got stuck in my head. pang romansa daw yan, according to sam, hehe.




Twenty-nine pearls in your kiss
A singing smile
Coffee smell and lilac skin
Your flame in me
Twenty-nine pearls in your kiss
A singing smile
Coffee smell and lilac skin
Your flame in me
I'm only here for this moment
I know everybody here wants you
I know everybody here thinks he needs you
I'll be waiting right here just to show you
How our love will blow it all away
Hmm, such a thing of wonder in this crowd
I'm a stranger in this town
You're free with me
And our eyes locked in downcast love
I sit here proud
Even now you're undressed in your dreams with me
Oh, I'm only here for this moment
I know everybody here wants you
I know everybody here thinks he needs you
I'll be waiting right here just to show you
How our love will blow it all away
I know the tears we cried
Have dried on yesterday
The sea of fools has parted for us
There's nothing in our way
My love
Don't you see, don't you see'
You're just the torch to put the flame to all our guilt and shame
And I'll rise like an ember in your name
I know i,
I know i
I know everybody here wants you
I know everybody here thinks he needs you
I'll be waiting right here just to show you
Oh let me show you
That love can rise, rise just like embers
Love can taste like the wine of the ages, oh babe,
And I know they all looks so good from a distance
But I tell you I'm the one
I know everybody here, well, thinks he needs you
Think he needs you
And I'll be waiting right here just to show you.

---------------------


yesterday.

while driving off to work, i saw this kid, a toddler, maybe around 2, walking in the middle of the road. barefoot. i was just a few meters away from our house. i parked and got out off the car. nilapitan ko ung kid, and asked where he lives, and where's his mum. shempre di sha sagot. tapos from afar, malapit sa house namin, ayun, maid ata nila. i didn't leave the kid until nakalapit na ung maid, and told the kid off. sabi kanina pa daw hinahanap ng mum nya. i told her to pick the kid up kasi he might hurt himself. mnagcomplain pa ung maid na masakit daw sa likod kasi mabigat kaya pinalakad na lang. dami pa sinabi. pag-untugin ko kaya kayo ng nanay nyan. poor kid. if i were him, i'd get a new mum.

------------------------

paintball!!!

i'm in love!

i want these for christmas...

I now remember my story.

Yesterday, I went to my cousin the dentist to get an incisor filled. A crack came out and the enamel started to chip off, too. Yah, kumain ka ba naman ng staple wire eh, noh?

ganda na ng teeth ko ulit. whee!

Anyway, hindi yan ang kwento ko.

After my visit to the dentist, I went to our friendly neighborhood carinderia where mum, tita jo, ali, and my cousin joey were eating barbeque. I was supposed to get barbeque only (no carbs, please), but tita jo was eating this sizzling slice of beef and rice and said that it was good. Oh well. After waiting while nibbling on carcinogens, my food came. I had to wrestle and partly lost to that tough motherf*&@#!. Wow, that one really put up a fight ha. And it tasted blah.

And I had to complain that it wasn’t worth my 90 bucks. Hehe, 90 na nga lang for a tbone thing, nagcomplain pa. and it burned my tongue pa. ayun sabi ni tita jo, kaya naman pala I didn’t enjoy it kasi di ko nalasahan

But, di pa rin yan ang story ko.

Haha.

Eto na, a long time ago, when megamall was still the hip place to be, me being the coffeeholic that I am, would go to Coffee California everytime we went malling. Unfortunately, there was this one time when we really need to go home, but I really wanted coffee. I ordered a cappuccino to go, topped with towering whipped cream and chocolate syrup. Mum wanted to share the cup. So, we started on our way back to the car. And while walking, I was trying to sip the cream. Eh may sumamang kape. Potek, boiling hot. As in lumuwa ata eyeballs ko! Eh isip naman ako kung ibabalik ko sa cup ung kape eh sabi ni mum hati daw kami…dilemma…ayun, I swallowed the friggin’ mouthful. Three days masakit ung throat ko. Haha. Siguro my mouth was all white nun, kasi seared ung gums ko. Weh!

Story ko walang kwenta. Hahah. Pero natawa ka naman. Hmp.


I don’t feel well.

Oh, no…

I’m starting to go down again.

Poof. I’m back in my reality.

I don’t wanna be sad again.

oh, kids, beeehave!

mum: sino ang president ng pilipinas?

ali: si manny pacquio!

ayuz.

---------------------------------------

toxic.

i gave out detention slips last thursday and now am suffering from it. haha. i have to stay in school too after classes for this.

mikkeli and i have decided to become parenting experts. haha! we've been talking a lot about kids and how they are. so pwede na kami mag hold ng talks. practical parenting. haha! funny this mom who came over sa school, well, she's a single mum. and she way over reacts about everything. she even questions the school's credibility and methods. she said her son kasi is bullied by the older kids. duh, ung kid kaya nya ang bully. the kid kasi is quick-tempered. panu ba naman, he's not even allowed to express anger, tapos bawal sya magcomplain about everything at home. super repressed yun kaya ibang-iba sya sa school. nagmamanifest lahat ng bad attitude nya pag wala mum nya. and the mum accuses pa the older boys na dun na pick up ng anak nya yun.

well, pwede ba, all my grade 6 and highschools students, even the boys ha, are very nice kids and they behave very well noh. it's only now na may instances ng bullying sa school.

she thinks na we should change a lot of things sa school. i told her na we are actually working on it. and hindi na nya kelangan makialam(sa isip ko lang yan eheheheh). sabi ko kay hunny, eh anu sha, vice president ng pilipinas para baguhin namin ang school para sa anak nya? hunny replied na, bka sya vp ng pinas kc c manny ang pres. hehehe!

un na nga, some parents kasi try to bend and break their kids for their own sakes. parang dapat laging good kid para di sasakit ulo nila kaya they control their kids by the neck. what they don't realize eh that it affects the kids psychologically and it stuns their maturity. nagiging poor ang judgement ng kids and eventually pa nawawalan ng character and individuality resulting to poor self-esteem. and so on and so forth. blah blah.

weh anu naman. anak ko ba sha?! ahahha, bad teacher. i just hope na i'll be a good mum if ever i'll have kids. goodluck sa ovaries ko.

speaking of ovaries, kamusta na kaya sila? haha. promise, i'm gonna see my ob gyne na.

oh well.

------------------------------

sabi ni ten ang tanga ko daw.

me: ten anu day ang december 1?

ten: friday

me: eh ang december 2?

huhuhu. i was just asking eh.

-----------------------------

i saw happy feet yesterday. whee, ramon and lovelace!

and i had a foot treatment kahapon. sarap. nice feet. kaya happy din sila.

-----------------------------

i know madami pa ko kwento but i forgot.

haha.

i just have this funny feeling that things aren't gonna be the same again. and i don't like it.

palakpakan!

long day for me yesterday. i woke up a little too early because of a bad dream, but really, a sweet sms had a great deal of good timing and prevented me from staying too long from dreamworld. anyway, i painted a little more despite the fact that i knew that i had to be preparing for my tagaytay trip.

so i had to rush stuff pa and completely forgot to eat here at home. drove to marikina to pick up samio. then drove off to qc for jez and nowel. the truck's AC was faltering and by the time we reached diliman, i was dizzy beacuse of the heat and hunger.

ayun. being with jez is really a riot. wala ng tatalo pa. basta may masabi talaga di na nag-iisip. i'm sure you'll like jez when you meet him.

drove off to makati after a quick lunch of rice burgers and jez' spam sandwiches haha.

sam's client had installed the painting he bought on his red accent wall. wow. had a giant glass of juice, ay royal pala, and after sam signed the paintings, we were off. oh, but we had to convince sam pa to come with us na lang to tagaytay since uuwi naman din kami.

pagsampa pa lang ng skyway, si jez and nowel became hyperactive.

jez: pzhhhht! ayuz! ikaw ng magaling skyway!
nowel: palakpakan! (claps loudly) woohoo!
jez: yeah, ang init! whoo! mahal to! mahal to! (referring to the toll fee)
nowel: sana mabuksan ko bintana ko!
jez: airplane! palakpakan! sana may marijuana!!
(claps loudly ulit)

and it went on. and on. until we reached tagaytay.

my client, john miller was waiting for us sa sidewalk sa tagaytay, haha. he jumped on the back of the truck and told me to drive down this curvy na road. his place is like 3 to 4 minutes away the 7-11 where we met up. he looked younger nga than when i first saw him sa makati. his place was really nice, mejo modern and maraming paintings talaga. he offered beer and we toured us around the house. sa roof top, you can see taal lake, but the volcano is partly hidden by a hill. it started getting colder and colder. john brought out appetizers and malupet, a plateful of tubes of acrylic paint. he set up a huge canvas. we collaborated on an abstract piece. funny, talagang mahirap magwork together ng walang plano kasi hiwahiwalay kami ng trip.

grabe, funny si nowel kasi walang baong inggles. para ngang bigla syang nawala eh.ahahahah! and si jez was really scared of john's shar pei, sparky. eh he's the nicest and gentlest dog ata na i've ever met. he's quite smelly lang and was shedding skin because of a anti-flea shampoo john used on him.

it was a fun day. lalo na when he paid me. hahahah!

i got home around 12, tired and sore.

at ngayon, wala na akong pera. but i got paint and a sack of dogfood.

i got home around 12, tired and sore.

sayang, russ. haha. i'm sure you would've enjoyed the trip. lalo na yung dinner. haha.

asia and europe. i like that.

--------------------------

i want cake, too, hunny. and a shampoo!

--------------------------

palakpakan!

i heart you world!

so this is how it feels...

last saturday, november 18th, we dragged ourselves off our respective beds to drive to makati and painstakingly set up our 6 meters of wall space. the museum foundation of the philippines held another art fair, Art in the Park, in velasquez park in salcedo village, makati.

the day was bright and beautiful, and starbucks came flowing in. yoshee, my nephew vaughn, jez and nowel were there for the day. ali and russ came( salamat sa starbucks), too. had a wonderful day taking pictures and goofing around. grabe, with nowel and jez around, di ka titigil kakatawa. until nowel farted. haha!

potah, late na. wala pa kaming benta. nakakainsecure. but turned out na mas way cool beacuse, madaming interested. we did sell a few.

and i will be driving to tagaytay to deliver all of my five pieces.


so i found my lucky charm. and i am really just too happy. but it's not for everyone so i'll just be keeping it in a little box and hiding it in my pocket...

i'm still having sleepless nights, but this time, i'm not whining...

------------------------

oh, and hindi na ako ang grammar police pala, haha!

------------------------

i love this song.

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on

Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little BIT of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer EACH DAY
Still I can't SAY what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer TO ME
So close that I can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage!
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't WANNA scare her (him to dapat, haha!)
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know

cannonball
by damien rice

----------------------

i heart you!

i've never been this high in two years.

SAD

flashback: mid-november last year, i trashed at people and was finally able to face my issues with anger. ground-breaking yun.

and now, i think i have Seasonal Affective Disorder. kasi this is the same thing that i felt last year.

but sabi naman sa akin ni ate anne at ni blythe, wag daw ako mag-alala kasi alam ko daw na may nangyayari sa utak ko so i therefore conclude, hindi pa ko baliw. weehhhehehe. sama kayo sa basement ng med city? =)

i have been blog hopping to kill boredom. mostly teen-age girls. i realized na i have grown much older alone. i'm almost angst-free pala. galing.

gotta go!

pretentious

ako, kahapon, masaya naman eh. pero bigla na lang bumalik ung twitch ko. parang naiiyak ako. my face pulls into this frown na, i really don't know. i have stupid fantasies and i have realistic dreams but wala pa rin.

anyhow, i want to announce that may Art in the Park on saturday, nov. 18, 2006. sa Velasquez park sa salcedo. it's a fund raiser yata ng museum foundation of the phils, (ayoko maghanap ng link), but parang ganun na nga. andun na ko ng super aga so mga 10 siguro wala na ko kasi natunaw na ko. sa init at sa araw. kasama ko sa booth, ewan ko lang kung dadating sila, pero sana kasi kawawa naman ako at si yoshee, sina samio my love, jezreel anak, at ang simpleng pintor na si eman. ewan ko lang kay makol. wish us luck guys. madami kaming kasamang mga galleries at mga NGOs. epal lang kami.

nakakapikon minsan pero masaya pa din. nakakabato pero nakaaliw. nakakasuya pero masarap pa rin.

sa dinami-dami ng dinaramdam ko, ayus pa din. bakit kaya.

siguro kasi.

do you actually think that it is possible? perhaps. but maybe, perhaps not.

pero i'm happy, too. you.

smsd

grace started sending messages to see if we have power at home. it was almost lunch and she got worried about her babies because they won't get to watch wowowee. i went, how jologs. that is unacceptable and will not tolerate kajologan sa mga pamangkin ko. and she went, they do this boom tarat thing and they're cute. i go, what?

msg 1: hopscotch pala english ng piko. tingnan mo, may natutunan din kme sa wowowee.

me: how exciting. magbasa ka kaya. mas madami ka m222nan, hehe.

msg 2: kahit nman ilang YES magazine ko, dko ma encounter hopscotch noh, hehe

me: hoy hindi educational ang yes magazine

msg 3: alam ko, pero mas masarap magbasa ng chismis.

me: mas masaya maging smart. hmp. i'll lend you books.

msg 4: love story?

me: i'll start with that.

duh.

i want a pina colada. init!

mom had pizza delivered tonight. two things: either she missed me because i've locked myself up or because she felt guilty making sinigang fo lunch today. when i got home around 1pm, ate marlyn made guisa corned beef for me. and also i made ate marlyn swear that she won't leave me when my family leaves. hmmm...i am just too lazy. i guess it's too hot today. i was on the phone with mike and i just started sweating. ahahhaah. blah blah

kahapon joy called me up. napagusapan namin about how i wanted to live up to 30 lang. and how do i do that? OD gusto ko sabi ko. bakit daw. hmmm...my weird reasons... i've experienced a great deal of things already. as in ok na syo un? oo naman. unless i get pregnant. so what did she think? ok naman yun. kasi when someone says na, oh, i wanna go die na, their friends would go, oh, you're so selfish, a lot of people loves you and would miss you. so we agreed na, bakit, papalamunin ba nila tayo? so it turns out na sila ang selfish for making you prolong the agony. oh ok. we then agreed.

hmmm. weird lang why some people find the concept of death scary. it's a nice topic. it's actually enlightening. try talking about it.

FUNNY PEYUPS VANDALS

FA Wall:
"nobody cares"
somebody answered:
"not even the carebares?"
then another:
"not even kier?"
then:
"not even zoren?"
lastly:
"not even zorro?"
all written by different people.


AS:
AS chairs:
"push button to eject seatmate"

"push button to eject urself"

“push button to kill teacher.”

"push button to eject teacher"
....reply: "it's jammed! We're doomed!"


AS cubicle:
"Donate your bulbol here.." tapos may chewing
gum
na pagdidikitan. ...

AS chair :
“you know bobo? bobo is you!”

AS 1st floor CR:
“if you forget the past, then you porget the
purious..”

AS 1st floor CR uli:
“ Im a simple gay “
tapos me sumagot
“sira! Dapat ‘Im simple and gay!’ Taga peyups ka
ba? duh! “
tapos me sumagot ulit (with matching arrow pa na
nakaturo dun sa reply)
“sira ka rin! yung simple is used as an adjective
tapos yung gay is used as a noun. kaya ok lang
yung simple gay nya!”


CHEM:
Chem chair:
“push button to spray acid on prof’s face.”

Another chem chair:
“You Boron!!!”


BIO:
Bio chair:
"Push cadaver to haunt teacher.”


FO Santos:
“SA MGA NAGTATAPON NG BASURA DITO...
bawal.”


ENG’G:
Sa Men's CR, facing the urinal:
"Hawak ko saking mga kamay ang kinabukasan ng
bayan!"
Reply:
"the future you are holding is very small."


GAB:
sa likod ng armchair sa isang room sa GAB:
“takas ng ward 7”


MATH:
sa cr sa may math building:
“SUMAPI SA NPA! “
may sumagot:
“PAANO? “
may sumagot pa:
“MAGFILL UP NG COUPON AT IHULOG SA
PINAKAMALAPIT
NA DROP BOX SA SUKING TINDAHAN!”

sa math building, sa likod ng isang “teacher’s
chair” sa 3rd floor:
“BABALA: asawa ni babalu”

sa math 3rd floor, sa isang upuan uli.
"you'll NEVER find what you're looking for"
May nag-reply:
"find x."

sa math 3rd floor, sa isa pang upuan uli.
nakasulat sa armchair:
“F*CK DA WORLD! “
ta's may sumagot:
“F*CK U TOO!
--WORLD—“

3rd floor math cr:
"kaibigan, pagkapatos mong umihi, paki PLUS mo
naman, hehehe."


UPIS
sa loob ng music room.
“maam _______(music prof) boses palaka! “
tas may sumagot
“nakarinig ka na ba ng boses ng palaka “
tas may sumagot uli
“weh “
tas may nag-react uli
“oo, sabi kokak!kokak!”


VINZONS:
Wall ng vinzons
"Do not steal. The government hates competition"

men's cr sa Vinzon’s:
"remember: the hands that clean this toilet are
the same hands that cook your food."

men's cr waaaay above the urinal:
"if you can reach this, the fire department wants
you!"


NIGS:
sa isang upuan:
"f*ck nigs!"
may nagreply:
"who's nigs?"


MAIN LIB
Sa isang lamesa ng main lib, filipiniana section:
“UP STUDENTS HAS BECOME PATETHIC"
tapos may sumagot...
"mali pang grammar at spelling mo, halatang di ka
taga UP"

KALAI:
nietzsche-"god is dead"
God- "Nietzsche is dead!"


SC:
sa labas ng PNB:
“in case of emergency break ass and push butt”

sa girls’ CR:
“Bawal ang vandal Dito!...
Mommy said: First Aid Terramycin”

sa girls’ CR uli:
“My boyfriend and I had sex and now I’m pregnant”
Reply:
“Pray to God”


Kwela.

kain!

saturday night was sin night. salamat pau and raens for the pictures, and salamat din you guys for the sarap dinner.

the buffet.

my plate. first round pa lang yan. haha.

wasn't able to force the steak sa stomach ko. but vish also had a feast! that's raens' golden retreiver.

i am still in my baliw mode. i have till thursday morning to finish the two paintings na i'm working on. then, party mode ako. haha, not really, just meeting up a bunch of friends this coming weekend.

spent last night driving to the mall, shopping for bags (habang nagffreak out na ko kasi i haven't shopped in a long time), and goofing around with 8 teenagers in starbucks. i had caffeine overdose and sang all the songs sa radio while driving home.

painted till 2 am and had no problems sleeping. i could barely open my eyes while washing up. i've been waking at 8 am lately and this is really not normal for me. today, i woke up a little later than 8 and painted again. boring. but sleeping without difficulties is exciting pala haha.

oh, last night, while i was walking to my studio with my nephew who had an upset stomach (kasi lactose-intolerant sya), i looked up and the stars were really bright and lovely. when we got to the studio, i looked down and saw that i had different slippers on. green and pink. still have them on right now. haha! but nevertheless, they look cute with my purple toenails. tee hee!

hope to see you in cebu

i'm still hoping that we visit cebu before mum and dad and my sisters leave for hawaii. i've been wanting to see my cousins again and a guy friend din kasi eh. been itching to go since last year. i hope we spend new year there.

but aside from cebu, i also wanna go to vienna with tyrone, backpack with joy around asia, and go up north with her, too. and beach hopping sa visayas. hmmm...but then i have to pay for my credit card bills first.

ok, so i'll have more time to attempt to study cebuano. my cousins are really mean. they don't want to talk to me in tagalog eh. they insist i learn to understand. they make sure na aware ako na they talk about me in cebuano on my face ha! hmp! kasi naman, i am really bad when it comes to dialects and languages. kaya nga di ako makagraduate eh! spanish 11 na lang, punyeta!

so, sana, sa sinulog, kita tyo.

-----------------------------

last night, we pau and i had dinner kina raens. grabe. grilled steak (as in 3 big slabs of it ha), grilled corn on the cob and broccoli, pasta puttanesca and prawns. and a bottle of red wine.

just thinking about it, sumasakit yung dibdib ko.

the two will be posting pictures soon.

----------------------------

i suddenly remembered a conversation between joy and me. ang topic: sex. ay yung lack of it pala. eto ang kakaibang sagot ng mga 25+ years old na girls dapat in defense of being tigang.

ahem.

after years of fooling around, we find sex unnecessary at this point in our lives. at this age, there's more thrill in being invited for sex than actually doing it. and of course, only a few men are talented so you can always expect a bad lay. and after that bad lay, you'll find sex boring and a waste of time. soon you'll be able to live without it, and you feel liberated because you're beyond sex.

unless a really hot guy comes along, bawi muna ahahhaha!

ay, namiss ko tuloy si joy.

dada played this at home a few days ago. love it!



thanks, yoshee for helping me! love yah!

la dee dah.

squeeze!

there are happy days coming and i can feel them already.

but then , i know i'll be sad at the same time. the visas we've been waiting for arrived and even though we'll be having tons of reunions and parties and night outs with the family, malulungkot din ako. oh, well. mum and dad and my sisters will be leaving in a month siguro. huhuhuhu. kawawa naman ang 27 year old kid.

today, we had a surprise despedida party for my tita mel. she'll be leaving on tuesday with her husband, tito rey, and my cousin phoebe. she is the principal in the school i work in, and she was my principal when i was still studying there. it was a bittersweet moment for the kids and her. as in humagulgol ang mga kids. and super hug sila kay tita. i cried din. but sabi ko di naman yun goodbye. so i said, see you later, instead. bahala na who goes where.

however, this is a nice time in my life inspite of being poor and strange.

funny weird

i feel funny. a nice funny.

hmmm...

i'm not lying, i am flying, i'm not lying, i am flying, i'm sure.

---------------------------------------

you know what annoys me? coincidences. because i have this thing for wanting signs. and you know what? i am vulnerable. but i am so in a la dee da mood.

my little nephews are falling in love. i laugh at it. love. juvenile and silly love. and i always tell them, i wish that they find girls that are intellectualy stimulating. and i take out their hearts and rip them to shreds because i am so unromantic. well, i know, i know, puppy love is sweet and youth should not be wasted on matters of consequence.

and they laugh at me because they have to tease me for being an old maid. hoy, 27 is ot old, noh!

i got hooked to this koreanovela, my lovely sam soon. it's the story of a chubby 29 year old girl who broke her heart but eventually found love again in the arms of a younger and kadooper cute guy. and i go, aja, sam soon, for all the normal-looking smart girls in the world! ahahaha! so now, i'm not too grumpy and i'm sure i have a chance. tee hee. and i am romantic. ask my neighbors.

and they tease me again for obssessing over englishmen and their accent. and i freak out because mr. bean is english. now a nephew sends me messages that go, hahahaahah mr. bean! weheheheh!

well, in any case i get old before finding a guy with a smart accent, i will just have to resort to playing mary poppins to my nephews' future children.

---------------------------------------

but lately, i have this weird churning in my insides. i guess, i'm a kid after all. juvenile and silly.

found this. it's my favorite picture of me, minus the background, salamat sa photoshop!haha! i want to look like this again, virginal,haha, kwela... sabi ko kay ten,i look innocent, sabi nya, nagpapanggap lang ako. hmp! potah, 19kopong-kopong pa to. read: 1900's pa hindi pa umabot ng 2000! weh anu naman!


ipukpok nyo sa bato! goodbye cake and donuts... pero gusto ko pa rin ng prunes, raens!

gotta go paint. mwah! goodnight, world!

i wish that people who love me for my mind show a little more flexibility haha.

pathetic and bored

i answered the stupid questionnaires posted sa bulletin part sa friendster.

tee hee.

*** nang dahil binuksan mo to.
sasagutin mo din
to ng tagalog at walang kasamang ingles na salita.
ayan! simulan mo na. pero basahin mo muna ang
mga yan. ***


makulit ka ba? kung oo, paano? -
~*> oo, mahilig ako mangasar, pero alam ng mga
kaibigan ko na pag nilait ko sila, ibig sabihin,
mahal ko na sila.

ano ang madalas pang asar ng mga
kaibigan mo sayo? -
~*> abnormal daw ako

pikon ka ba? -
~*> hindi.

pang ilan ka sa inyong magkakapatid? -
~*> panganay

ikaw ba ay isang "positive thinker"? -
~*> nye, ingles un. hindi, magulo lang ang utak ko.

ano ang paborito mong numero? -
~*> 18 hehe, anu tagalog nun?

bingi ka ba? -
~*> ha,anu kamo?

saan mo gusto dito o doon? -
~*> kahit saan basta may banyo

ano ang mga paborito mong kulay? -
~*> berde

nakakain ka na ba ng hayop maliban sa
manok at baka? -
~*> oo, marami na silang mga hayop sila!

galit ka ba sa mundo? -
~*> hindi naman mashado, sha siguro galit sa kin

naiinis ka ba sa mga taong kinukwento
ang katapusan ng pelikulang hindi mo pa
napanood?
~*> hindi, kasi sinasaktan ko na sila bago pa nila
masabi

saan ka mahilig sa sapatos o sa damit? -
~*> sa tsinelas

sino mas gusto mo si juan o si pedro? -
~*>si juan kasi di ko kilala so pedro

ang boses mo ba mataas o mababa? -
~*> mataas kasi galing sa bibig,utot un pag sa
baba

nagtatago ka ba ng sama ng loob? -
~*> hindi, mataray ako eh

sumasayaw ka ba? -
~*> hindi, nakaupo lang

magaling ka bang kumanta? -
~*> depende kung sino mga kasama ko

natutulog ka ba ng patay o buhay ang
ilaw? -
~*> patay

mas marami bang naidulot na masama o
mabuti ang friendster saiyo? -
~*> mas maraming masarap haha!

mukha ka bang cartoon character?
~*> hindi.kamukha ko si aiza siguerra,hehe

saan mas masaya sa sun o sa moon?
~*> kala ko ba tagalog lang. koreano yan eh

ano ang gusto mo sa lalake/babae,
mahilig sa sports o sa music? -
~*> gusto ko lalake, ok na ko duin kahit wala
shang hilig sa palakasan o sa musika. bobo ka.

------eto pa---------

1. complete this phrase: "i could be.."
@ stupid.

2. what is the wallpaper on your cellphone?
@ 1g ang phone ko, bawal mangarap

3. did you get enough sleep last night?
@ nope, umaga na eh

4. first thing you thought about this morning when
you woke up?
@ tulog ulet!

5. do u ever wonder why the sky is blue?
@ would you believe that before the great flood, it
was pink?

6. ever tried to skip meals?
@ no, but have you ever tried being bulimic?

7. grilled or fried?
@ grilled. hmmm, kebabs!

8. what makes you unique from others?
@ you tell me.

9. are you afraid of the dark?
@ nope. i love it when it's dark.

10. favorite hangout?
@ in my studio and raens' place

11. people you can't live without?
@ my employers hehe

12. first thing you will buy if given 1 thousand
dollars?
@ i'll pay up my credit card bills

13. favorite song when you're sleepy?
@ panu un? eh di nagising ako? bobo ka!

14. what are you afraid of?
@ growing old alone.

15. are you a giver or taker?
@ giver, ipagtanong tanong nyo pa

16. if you could choose another name for yourself,
what would it be?
@ brooke shields mendoza! ahahahahazim!

17. what is your mom's name?
@ leticia

18. most recent movie that you watched?
@ dvd, monster house

19. invisible for a day, what would you do?
@ panic. i dont wanna lose myself hehhe.

20. stuck on a deserted island & could have only
one kind of food for the rest of your life, what would
it be?
@ alimasag from hell!

21. favorite tv commercial?
@ as of now, hmm...sony bravia's 250,000 balls
commercial

22.if you were dead and your soul was given
another chance, what would you do first?
@ make sure i get born filthy rich. hehe--ako din
peach, promise

23. if you could choose your eye color,what color
would you like to have?
@ i don't really care so long as they're not defective

24. what are the things you always bring?
@ i bring joy.haha!

25. what did you wanna be when you were a kid?
@ saleslady sa national bookstore

26. what do you usually do when the clock turns 6
am?
@ i don't really know, it's too early to tell, haha

27. the color of your bedsheet?
@ sa house, pink, sa studio, madungis eh, i can't
tell na haha

-------------------------------------

wala lang. beats doing nothing. if i were normal, i'd be probably out malling. thank god i'm not. i'm going to apply for a job tomorrow, wish me luck.

dog tales

i took cyrus out today for a short walk. i tried the short leash on him. it was really tiring because i had to use force on him so he wouldn't bite on it. kasi naman, it's pink and purple...i can't help it, i want color! haha!

i gave him a bath first though and it's a tough job kasi he's so playful. he is probably around 50 pounds na, really tiring, i was sweaty agad. i didn't take him all around the village, just a few blocks lang, testing and gauging if i'm still able to control him. thanks to those weight lifting sessions, strong pa din ako, haha! no really, if it weren't for that, i'm sure sugatan na ako. ang bigat when he pulls talaga. but shempre, he knows pa rin who's the head of the pack. his head kasi reaches na my thigh and if he stands on his hind legs, hanggang chest ko na sya. really huge.

there was this one time, i saw the trailer for hidalgo, sabi ko, sana i named him hidalgo na lang. my sister said he's to much of a softy to be called hidalgo. dapat nga boner, kaya lang my sister would kill me i'm sure, haha! he looks like a cyrus naman talaga. i'll post photos soon. he's a fluffy foo foo! he's super sweet and smelly!

haha! nice day for sleeping.

updated my resume. ho humm. nothing better to do. my sister gave me a pedicure. oh and she is in page 14 of the oct 2006 issue of candy. street fashion. it's a small photo but she looks good there. she's really a great dresser, yun nga lang she's a little heavyset na din. so i woke up a little past 12 as i have started writing my story last night and slept around 4 am. watched tv, and until now, still unbathed. ho humm.

i'm still feeling low, but mom made ginatang bilo-bilo. i haven't had that for a long time. there are food kasi na i don't eat unless it's mom's cooking. cheery. will probably go to the studio later to finish up stenciling my baby sister's UN day costume.

talaga no, when you're in gradeschool or preschool, obligado ka sumali sa mga pageantry na super embarrassing pala hindi ka lang aware sa edad mong yon. kasi naman ang parents sadyang mga stage mom and dads talaga pero shempre in denial sila. well, when you get older, talagang swerte ka kung showbiz kang tao at willing ka to make a fool out of yourself. parang ung mga highschool students ko, wala kasing mga kabaklaan sa mga sarili yun kaya they really abhor itong mga spectacles na to. they really hate performing and halos magmakaawa pa kami sa kanila. at ang mga baliw mas marunong pa sa teachers. pag sinabi mo na merong ganito ganito, sasabihin, wag na ma'am, ganito na lang. mga bruha. kaya the theater group prefers the black light theater kasi hindi sila kailangan mag emote at magpakita sa tao.

it's too hot to do anything. potah, ebay is erroring. i'm trying to submit ung thing ko because i'm selling a 25 year old mosaic from italy. ayaw,naiinis ako. leche.

i have a headache. ang tagal ng ulan. please come down and cool us.

i had to delete everything i typed.

i already wrote about how i went to cubao without a car, about the surge of crowds coming and going, of making blythe wait in cubao. of lrt rides and parlor games. of food tripping and starbucks' red cups. of mike and joy coming over last night to listen to the crickets and gaze at the stars. of my days locked in the studio and scrubbing off paint from my hands.

and then i find myself depressed, again, thanks to a text message and a parent. i've been telling myself not to let my emotions get the best of me. that inspite of the events that had recently happened, i told myself, i'm cool. but then as much as i try, other people would hit the switch. and now i'm back where i started.

and to make things worse, i'm going to apply for the same role i had a few months back and i 'm going to make my life miserable again. so that i could save my sanity. so that my self-worth would stay intact and so that i can be away again. it doesn't even have to mean that i am swallowing my pride. it's just that i want to be a bird so that i can fly far far away.

whine, whine, i guess i do love misery and misery loves me, too.

nov 1, 2006, 2am

I’m currently in my studio, and of course I have to curse a little under my breath. My studio is too messy. Sheets of paper are scattered about and the floor is dusty. I haven’t sprayed insecticide in a few weeks and there are tiny moth-like creatures in my tubs of paint. I am not in the mood to be depressed and waiting for paint to dry is certainly entertaining.

Last night I wanted to paint but ended up sleeping beside my laptop. Half of my body on the mattress and half on the floor, I started dreaming but forced myself to wake up because I knew I was in a terrible position and would probably wake up in the morning with paint all over me and all over the floor. I cleared everything up and settled myself in a better place (completely on top of the mattress) but opted to keep the lights on so that it’d hurt my eyes when I wake up and I‘d be forced to get up and not waste my time sleeping. I set the alarm for 3am so I could make myself useful, yet I haven’t thought of anything to paint. I fell asleep around 9 and woke up a little before 10 and decided to resume to lovely sleep with the lights still on.

I woke up at 10 (lazy ako) because the people next door were really noisy. They were listening to this radio station na masakit sa ulo. And my sister called me up and asked me to come to work. I complained a little because it’s my day off but agreed to go. I painted a canvass violet and took a nice bath. Scanned the bathroom and promised myself that I would clean up tomorrow.

Went to see the kids and was asked to go to a student’s birthday party. Bad trip kasi, when I woke up, I swore that I’ll go on a diet already. Of course I had to go, and of course I had to eat. The mommy made carbonara and cordon bleu for the kids and pinaputok na tilapia and steamed sigarilyas, talong, kangkong, and okra with a surprisingly amazing bagoong for the adults. I didn’t have okra of course, it’s on the same list with sinigang eh.

Ate and ran. I was supposed to get a free diamond peel with my cousin but I voted against it. Free nga eh, eh baka naman anu gawin nila sa face ko. Mahal ko pa ang mukha ko noh. Told her that I didn’t want to because they’d be selling her services that she won’t really need. So we went to the mall instead. I paid the last of my cellphone bills (yippee!) and got myself books from booksale. I bought 2 novels, and oddly enough, the covers almost look the same, even the font ha. Haha. The other one has pictures in it. Collector items, vintage lunchboxes. Wala lang.

Chrissele and Jo Anna came over and brought a microwavable container with the staple canned tuna with dinurog na fita. The fita dapat durog daw for the texture. And ate anne donated a can of corned beef. Haha. Chrissele told funny stories about her childhood kakulitan and embarrassing bladder issues. Ang galing nya because kami ni Jo almost don’t remember anything na. At shempre, we had to talk about my love issues. Forget the guy na daw. Oo nga, if it’s that easy, why not. Whatever. Hoy, wala akong issues noh!

Picked up the trash after they left. I checked on the doodles I made for the five small paintings I’m gonna do for my folio. Painted a little, had a shower and continued to write this. There’s scratching inside my weird wall (I’m in the attic eh). Yuk. Probably a cat, or a rat, two of the things I hate the most in this world. Hmp. Oh, and if you hate lizards, keep spraying insecticide. I wasn’t able to paint in 2 weeks and the studio’s been empty. Now, there is a gazillion pooping lizards in my bathroom and in the teeny corridor which can’t actually be called a corridor because it’s more of a stair landing or something like that. Mental note: clean up and spray around and feed the dog.

oh no, oh no, i'm now having second thoughts. what i should really do now, i don't know.

this is so diappointing. so i'll probably get my rubbershoes and walk the dog. and later on retreat to my studio and paint. because i know, the thing that causes me the most problems is also the thing that soothes me. and then i'll read a little.

i just want to do things right. hay. my poor tired old soul.

hay, friday night, ang boring. was supposed to meet up with mike but it seemed impossible, so he ended up driving to tagaytay, and i ended up staying at home. oh, well. i bet later will be more boring.

i saw this commercial for a tv show in gma. they shoot in cafe cristina. ahahaha.

oh, please, someone, take me out!

i want a tattoo...

ikaw na ang magaling

grabe, had so much fun last night. i met up with samio, jez, rachelle, and joy to got to nowel's group show. we met because i have this thing, a project, but i won't be elaborating on it. saka na lang. after eating okey na okoy and sizzling tofu, we went to mike's place. ahaha, ang ganda ng bike ni mike.

i never realized how much i missed jez. he still has his killer lines. sobrang funny nitong tao na to. and underated, too. malupet pa din si jez. i guess i'll be seeing him more from now on.

hay, today, astig talaga ang meralco. they really ruined the holiday. we had no electricity from 10 am to 5 pm. and nawalan ng water around 3, tamang i was going to make tuna burgers(with wasabi mayo!) pa naman. well, i managed naman eh. kaya ok lang. nakakaawa nga the kids kasi we were supposed to watch dvd. they ended up playing monopoly, which was ok din kasi bored games are really entertaining pag bored ka.

grabe, as soon as power came back, nagvideoke kami. chrissele came over and sang a couple of songs. and before she left, dumating si letlet. at nagingay kami sa kalsadahan. kakahiya. hehhehe.

i'm such a weirdo. you know how it is when you really like this person na lahat nilalagyan mo ng meaning para lalong gumulo yung buhay mo kahit wala naman talaga syang gusto syo pero masarap isipin na meron kasi wala kang ibang better things to do? ayun.

guess who i found sa friendster. wahahahah!

la dee dah.

ang hirap when you know what you want to do and it doesn't really work out right but you're still happy wateber. wateber cleber.tee hee.

miss my friends. take me out sometime.

What am I worth?

I wanted not to have any reasons for depression within the 2 weeks since I felt happy. But as I once said, happiness is not for me.

I’ve waited long and hard, and was able to feel it for a few weeks. Well, the very ones who gave it to me were the ones that took it away, too.

Maybe, just maybe, I am not supposed to be doing what I love.

May Your grace be sufficient for me. All I asked before was the strength to let go. Should I now ask for it again?

I have been wanting to blog since Wednesday of last week. A lot has happened and I wanted to write the stories. Yet, somehow, even though I tried, I was unable to write something.

Maybe it’s because of today.

Mothers’ Day of this year, I greeted all my mommy friends. One replied with this – thank you darling! And happy mom’s day to you, too…I know that you take care of so many people just the same. Just don’t forget to take care of yourself…

My nephew, in a conversation yesterday said, “Totoo, tita, good guys finish last.” I didn’t want to agree. Maybe today, though, I’d say, sure. I really didn’t want to make a big fuss about this latest disappointment. But somebody told me that it was really unfair.

Talk about gratitude daw.

And she is right. How do you say “thank you” to the one who stayed, to the one who believed?

Actually, I never believed in the Filipino concept of “utang na loob”. That’s why I don’t want it to bind people with me. But I also believe in not arguing and with making people feel awkward.

This year, I give myself two more chances. If these work out, I will continue. If not, I will say goodbye.

Pero,
Wag mo akong lapitan,
Habang ikaw ay nagpapaalam.
Dahil hindi ko gustong matandaan
Ang yakap mo
Tuwing dadalawin ako
Ng kalungkutan

I’m sorry to those most disappointed. I hope you realize how this hurts me more. I need your silence.

------------------------------------------------------------

i wrote this early today. surprisingly, i am now ok. salamat sa lahat na naniniwala. mahal ko kayo.

------------------------------------------------------------

kaya instead of whining, i went to cafe crisitna with my nephews, zach and kevin. it is a lovely sunnyday today.

ganda ng araw talaga.
gusto ko ng ganito sa bahay ko.

kevin and zach.

had cold coffee and ate a little. also, i'm working on a project kaya okay lang ako.

eto eh.

di daw ako included sa exhibit.

made steamed pla-pla with olive oil and crispy garlic tonight for my tita's birthday party. hala, burned my fingers chopping garlic. bilib pa naman ako sa sarili ko for a long time kasi kala ko koreano ako at hobby ko magbalat at magtadtad ng bawang. had a really nice time with family, especially with my isang katutak na pamangkins. shempre, dami na namang food. lechon, pancit malabon,steamed garlic plapla, vietnamese rolls, and monggo sprouts. simple lang yun, but we had 3 kinds of cake. grabe, help me lord. kahit ano, kahit ang aking tanging yaman, ibibgay ko, pumayat lang ako( beam of light appears, angelic choir music fades in, white screen). hmp, sometimes, i just wanna lock myself in a room para lang lumayo sa pagkain. napaka unhealthy pa ng diet ng mga pinoy. kaya tuloy lagi akong pinapagalitan ni joy. sobrang bad daw kasi ng hobby namin dito. lagi kaming busog.

gotta review for sts. may exam ako tomorrow. i'm sure, though, as soon as i start reading, i'd fall asleep agad. whatever. i'm sure i'll pass the course and i don't have to review.

will be driving to UP and then to the fort to submit my portrait. hay, i still have to psych myself for that long drive around. traffic galore ito. and shempre, mejo uneasy pa ko kasi i haven't renewed my license yet. but secret lang yun ha, kasi everyone here thinks na i did na. bothersome naman talaga eh. basta, promise, i'll do it this month. as soon as i have money na. promise talaga.

kanina, kwentuhan with my cousins, tita, mom, and dad. tapos we started talking about a friend na spinster. well, sa totoo naman talaga, she's weird kasi she eats oatmeal everyday. as in, oatmeal with milk, oatmeal topped with powdered milk na kailangan pantay ang spread, oatmeal mixed with milo, oatmeal with milo topping, oatmel with carrots; oh, i can go on forever. she also fries suman, and requires her neice to eat the same everyday. minsan nga her neice threw up sa dining table eh. ikaw ba naman iforce feed ng oatmeal araw araw, di ka masuka!anyway, she also does calligraphy and dries flowers. sabi ko, so typical sa spinsters yang ganyang hobbies and drying flowers is a metaphor.

sabi ni mommy, baka daw makarma ako. hehe.

nayari pa ko kanina kasi nakabasa daw tita ko and cousin ko ng article tungkol sa mga call center people. madalas daw kasi, tinatamaan ang respiratory system ng kung anu ano dahil sa puyat. at nagkaka mental problems pa. dapat daw inenroll na nila ako sa basement ng medical city.

basta, dahil masaya ako ngayon, bawal ako madepress in two weeks. kasi ganyan ang simula ng pagiging manic depressive. hehe, ayan raens, pwede mo na ko idocument pagnangyari na yun! teehee!

osha, magaaral na ko kunyari.

hay, kay sarap.

holy cow, i am just too damn happy.

saturday, russ and i met up in angono and she gave me my neruda book. salamat russ!
been reading a fine book, survivor, by chuck palahniuk.
got sawdust before i ran out of kibbles.
was able to watch my neighbor totoro and the cat returns yesterday. i love old school anime!
had dinner tonight at cena and dessert at m. salamat, ate winnie!

the exhibit dates had been moved and my parents probably would've gone for hawaii already before the show(which is rescheduled to next year, but still no definite date). felt a little sore but that also means more time.

i feel dandy. i really am happy.

surprise me

http://kevan.org/johari?name=abbaghanda

this you don't have to read.

Chapter 1 : The happiest sad story of my life

Mix gin with soda. Light up a cigarette. Play a movie. That’s what I am left to do. I cry because of love stories someone else wrote. And the sadness lingers but for a few minutes.

If they can write their own stories, I’m sure I can do, too.

The saddest part is when you do it alone. Sure, call a friend to stay with you, but soon they all leave. Leaving. If goodbyes are temporary, there is always the reunion to look forward to. But if goodbye means forever, what is the end of sadness?

My hometown was devastated by the past storm. And the next day, all seemed fine. The sun goes up again and we hang out mattresses to dry in the sun that wasn’t there yesterday. Why is it so different when we say goodbye to those things that were washed away? On the other hand, we also find an opportunity to clean up and let go of the piles of old textbooks, of clothes never worn for the longest time. We give the dogs baths and we go on with our lives.

Then why write about the storm? It gave us pretty a clear warning that we should soon leave this place because of the threat that this will happen again. But why bother, life goes on. It will be another year before the typhoons come again.

Repeat. And we do it all over again. If you are smart, come the rain, we pack up and vacate. Knock on a relative’s door, keep safe for the night. Then go back home the next day to clean up. Besides, our house, our land, well, it will always be ours.

Repeat. Will we ever tire?

What is love? Why is it any different? Same with the rain, the storm, it floods our hearts, our insides, our person. But when it goes away, how do we say goodbye? No, we cannot just clean up the mess and continue with life. No, not for a long time, I’m sure.

People. They take advantage of this thing, love. They take it for granted, no? I am sure.

When we were young, love was all there is. Mom and dad. Pain can easily go away with a kiss from mom, and dad was the only man in our lives. They mean only what is good, what is best for us. Read:Love has different degrees. And every one has his or her own opinion about it. But what else can we do but live with love?

I have read countless books, watched tons of movies. And love is all there is to it. Mix in love with a story about aliens invading the earth, or love with a neurotic movie, and it is sold.

Write. Write our own stories, if you please.

And when we say goodbye to love, we realize that we can’t hang it out to dry. We can’t air out whatever stench it has.

So let’s take a sip of our soda with gin and light up another cigarette.

And let us begin to write our fiction.

She was in her youth when she saw him outside of her window. He gets off his ride everyday, at four in the afternoon. He was oblivious. One day, he saw her, but pretended not to see. She was young, and he felt too mature for her. He was in love with someone, and she was with him. One day, he was left alone by the one he loved. And he noticed her.

She was a girl, he clearly saw that. And nothing else mattered. But everyday, at four, he saw her. But he pretended not to see. And soon their eyes met. And they smiled. She, as young as she was, gathered courage, and slowly began to get near him. And he was pleased. Soon, they were saying their hellos, and it became constant. He went nearer and hellos turned to conversations.

As predicted, they fell in love. But she loved more. And they were happy.

And she died.

That was nice. At least there was closure.

Sip and puff.

All short stories can never be long. It has to end soon.

Too soon.



Chapter 2: What comes after.

We get better. After we find ourselves in the lowest part of whatever it is, we only hope to get better.

I wish that the only task I have is to make mom and dad proud. And this is never ending. Especially when we forever attempt to but still fail.

Turn on the shower. Cold. Wash out all the disappointments. Dry yourself.

And we try to live for ourselves. But it seems that people are more selfish. They expect more. And soon, there are a million of other people wishing and hoping not to be disappointed with you.
A reminder to them: if they are disappointed, of course, you yourself get disappointed with you first. Ah, the complexities of the human brain.

Write our fiction.

After four years of studying hard, she graduates with honors. And at the stands, mom and dad beam with pride. That’s our daughter up there, they say. Applause.

She finds a job on the 31st floor of a shiny new building with marble floors. She dresses up in smart clothes and wear stilettos in the office. She drives her new car to work wearing dressy driving shoes. She buys coffee from Starbucks.

She has people waiting on her. She presses the intercom button and a timid girl answers to her every desire. her coffee is hot and fresh, her requests always answered.

And she discovers that she is unhappy. With her savings, she purchases a nifty powerbook and starts to pound away. She writes fiction, and sad love stories. She quits her job to write. She writes everyday. She hopes to sell books. She hopes to be known. But it is hard.

Her parents are disappointed with her decision and complain. They want her to go back to her high-paying job in an office with a view of the smoggy city. She struggles and argues. She goes home broken and in pain.

As with any stressed out and miserable people do, she goes back to the corporate life to please mom and dad. She works for another year.

She writes her final piece and folds it neatly. She leaves it on the top of her dresser. She is disappointed with herself. She ingests 30 pills that put you to sleep and drinks 3 cups of vodka straight. She fights the urge to throw up and curls on her bed. She died with tears in her eyes but she was ironically peaceful.

Her parents are disappointed. With themselves.


Chapter 3: What we should do.

There are times in our live when we wake up really happy. And there are days when we breeze through it without any dilemmas. How can we make it happen everyday? Of course we don’t.

Is there a way we can find on how to guarantee unending happiness? Find love I guess.

Refer to chapter1.


Chapter 4: Writing your own fiction.

Some people have it easy. They never get caught driving through one-way streets. Neither do they fail Math 1 or the physics class. There are those who find true love and live a faery tale. Theirs are stories that go to the non-fiction section. But what if life doesn’t cooperate with you?

Easy. Write your own story. You don’t even have to make it happen. Just make believe.

My fiction.

After watching Kuya Germs in “Payaso”, I quickly made up my mind not to become a child star or in any other way join the show business. I am definitely not going to bring out the golden susi ng langit and parade it in front of the cameras.

So I decided to sing Broadway. Without any effort, I made it on the stage of a damp hall and sang “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” clad in my really cool 90’s get-up – an ethnic-print skirt with matching vest, grungy black boots, my smart Tan Gan shirt with long sleeves. Eww. But for a few seconds I basked in my personal round of applause. I even tried out for “Evita” but of course, I really wasn’t made for the bright lights and didn’t make it; not even for the pit choir. But I kept on singing, always dressed in the cool 90’s fashion.

Soon, I decided that the stage and show business are connected to each other and looked for another thing to waste my time with. So I got myself a boyfriend and another thing to do. Not that I was doing my boyfriend that time, that goes into another part of my story.

Stop. I do not have a fiction. Mine is fine. I like it this way.

Chapter 5: Non-fiction.

I watched a movie again today. It was a happy love story now.

Right now, I seem to forget about writing any sort of story for myself. Amazingly, I feel better. I feel as though I’ll be all good soon.

And I just have to wait. My story writes itself.