was able to see a few movies and read some books last week despite the fact that i've been so busy. drafted letters, wrote brochure material, and watched friends on dvd during long nights. ate cakes, kettle corn, drank coffee and hot chocolate, made maki, croquettes, bought bread, and swept the floor. threw unfinished corn in a garbage bag, and after two days, they smelled like whiskey. made my joints hurt and sweated, thanks to the nasty heat, painted a hundred of faces for the musikahan and pintahan sa reposo. saw cute kids, wiped off their sweat, met syve, the cute little dutch boy, and smelled street children crowding on me to have their faces painted, too. but i took time to wash my brushes. painted butterflies on sarita and rian's faces, both on saturday and sunday. they gave me earrings as a gift. heard thank yous, both fake and sincere. and of course, we didn't bring cameras. and of course we both felt stupid. had quiche and embotido, roast beef and those chicken whatevers. they were actually empanadas. played boxing on manoli's xbox and won a couple. slept at camille's and woke up late. had my cards read by reng and talked and cried a lot. rode an fx home. alone. cool.

been looking forward to post pictures of the things i see but whatthef***, i don't have a camera. well, what's a poor girl to do?

so reng gave me some questions to answer. she made me choose, go back to a relationship exactly the same as before's or become an old maid. i chose the latter. why are we insecure? because we try to do things thinking of pleasing others and not ourselves. why am i insecure of my works now? because i have something else in my mind. what are my priorities? duh. my cards said that i have to focus on what i'm doing and go up the stairs. it'll be all good if i do it myself. it seems that i will be able to reach the top of the stairs. let me look forward to that.

now, what do you do when your friends have a conflict? of course, i don't take sides, and stay friends with them. but what if one of them is really stupid and it suddenly gets too annoying? i say, off with her head! how do you inject sense inside someone else's head without hurting her too much after you've burst her bubble? well, let's look for a band-aid solution to something more complicated. but then again, why bother? sometimes, the answer to our questions is right in front of our face. what if we are two-faced? do we get two answers, too?


if we find purpose in our lives, does it mean that we all go get boring? after boring yourself to death, how can you then live your purpose?

marina greenhills, near club filipino, sells beer for P20 from 10-11pm, P15 from 11-12am, and P10 from 12am-1am. that goes on until june 15. they're open till 2am. the place isn't really astig but the food is good naman. and the toilets are clean.

belch!belch!

after a week away from my studio, i was pretty sure that it would be gross. well, i was right. i was prepared for it--the dusty floors, the cobwebs, and moisture. i insisted that my sister come along with me to spend the night there so that i'll have company while cleaning up.

too bad, the broom was nowhere to be found and i was too excited not to paint. so, i finished what i left and went to the bathroom to wash my brushes. as usual, i poured the used thinner in the sink, down the drain. i squeezed a generous amount of dishwashing soap onto my filthy brushes and started scrubbing. and then...

a teeny-weeny lizard came out from the drain. phew! major hair-raiser! its skin had turned into a transluscent pink, probably the reaction of the fluids i sent down the drain. it tried climbing up the sink, but it had a hard time doing so. it bought me a little time to grab my other stufff out of the way. oh, i could have died! i'm sure if it was bembol who saw it, he'd fall down and break his neck right there.

i really hate small critters and would probably hate bigger ones more.

eewwww.

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made california maki and croquettes last night. i can make really good onion rings, too.

sleepless

been so for days now. oh i hate mornings when i need to wake up already. oh,i need to wake up already but i haven't slept yet! bummer!

i keep on thinking about this person who happens to be not too exciting. i hate wasting time thinking about people who are supposed to be irrelevant. i have better things to do. sad thing about it, everytime he crosses my mind, i get gas pain. my pet butterflies go on a strike.

okay. i'm going to sleep. goodnight.

well,well,well, look do we have here!

butterflies.

ho humm. i just can't seem to let go of this unbelievably uncomfortable separate universe inside my guts. i am giving up. i have a truckload of manic butterflies fluttering inside my stomach, that sometimes i begin to wonder, maybe this is the reason why i got i big tummy. oh, to be totally sober and to have a cottony mouth on a bright thursday afternoon! the weather has gone from totally wet to ugly humid. i hate the fact that my daydreams are a bunch of episodes taken from the past. i hate the weather, i detest the memories!

my mom and my baby sister are sick. the house is too dusty and the dog has an eye problem. i cannot be comfortable in our room and there is no cold water in the fridge. thus, i spent my daily series of whining in the studio and stick to the fact that the silence i create is for the best. i drink beer like soda and hard liquor has suddenly become a hobby. uh oh.

i groaned and moaned and went crazy over thinking about spanish 11 classes i have to take this coming semester. how i hate languages! i thought of going to a shrink and see if i can ask for a special note that i can give to the spanish teacher, stating that i'll go looney if they try to make me speak spanish in class. imagine me, in a foreign language class. if you can't respect me, try thinking of my age. i am gonna die.

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after 2 years of being single, i admit i miss being in a relationship. question is, now, do i miss the boyfriend or the circumstance? i miss the arguements and the making up. i miss the wasting of time making goo-goo eyes and i miss the stupidity of hugging while sweating excessively. i miss watching movies with the guarantee of having someone to drag along and the certainty of someone there to tell you that there's something on your face or that you smell really gross already.

but what the heck, i feel that it is gonna be weird to have a boyfriend again.

lord, i don't really care about myself, but can you just give my parents a cute son-in-law?

in the meantime, i still wanna be free, and i still want to enjoy a pathetic old maid's life. and i can't really cease from being a pathetic old maid, because i don't have much of a choice. i still enjoy jack and coke with raens and evenings spent with the girls. i very much enjoy all my friends' company. i want to do the things i couldn't have done if i've gotten married last year. i want to sleep more, read more, and smoke more. and study. and succeed. and be understood.

but if ever my virtual boyfriend sends me money, i'll accept. madali naman ako kausap ehehe.

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blythee gave birth to a baby girl last may 12. tamika lee.

and i forgot to greet yoshee. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOSHEEE! may 14. sorry, bad memory.

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i need to lose weight, for crying out loud!

and i need a massage.

and a haircut.

i'll be in the musikahan and pintahan sa reposo on the 27th and the 28th, painting faces. enrollment is on june 6 and 7 for graduating students. classes start that week, too, and i m the advisor for grade 3 and 4 students. 3 subjects to wrestle with. gonna be though. god, i need to take vitamins.

going back home to watch friends.

boring me.

stormy weather, big winds, cloudy skies. falling leaves, wet slippers,muddy streets.

back home in antipolo. back to painting. and i've found inspiration from our walls. literally.

when i got back from bicol, i found our ceiling lowered and it got me choking. got a little claustrophobic. and our wallpaper were stripped off. so ali, my baby sister, and i started working! doodle galore! it's a temporary freedom wall, as dada announced last night. well, the images are definitely going to find their way in my paintings. thanks, aliboo!

still haven't received my pictures and i'm starting to doubt that they'll reach me. tsk tsk.

the weather's somehow changed and it's doing me good. been watching nice movies and taking my time relaxing. you see, the coming schoolyear will find me both teaching and studying. have decided to finish my bachelor's degree. and definitely, after that, will study to be a SPED teacher. i have thought about it a million times. i guess i really love to teach and will be doing it for a long time. this thing, i'm really sure of.

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conversations lately are held with chrissele, lets, and joanna. they range from love, to ex-boyfriends, to future plans, well, anything, everything. the questions raised are really stupid, shallow and sometimes pathetically idiotic. what are the top ten things you want to do before you die? if you were given 3 months to live, what are the five things you really want to do? if given 50 thousand bucks to spend in a day, what would you buy? bleeeech. but it entertains us and ends the boredom.

we've been thinking of reasons why i get easily depressed. the winner might be the fact that i have so much free time that i have all the time to analyze stuff and think on sorry information about me. didn't feel this back when i was too busy with work and tormenting myself. another one came from tj and me. it could be like this because once long ago, i've carefully planned the future with someone and when everything came crashing down, i came crashing down with it; it's hard to start again at this age, probably. blah blah.

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prayed earnestly for everyone to get all the chance to be happy. and that good things come your way. perhaps i pray this because i have accepted the fact that i will never be happy, nor content. whatever comes my way, i will never be complete. if i do not get the chance to help you, in any which way, may the glorious and wonderful elements visit you and help you instead.

may i complete me. somehow. in any which way.
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hay. i need to cut down on tomatoes, eggplants, and those leafy greens that are high on uric acid. i've been making really yummy iced coffee almost everyday. i hate summer days. especially those spent someplace else instead of the beach. i hate my feet, they look disgusting. harhar.

given 5 days to live, what is the last thing you want to do? me, climb upstairs and lie down beside a so familiar body.

to die successful,one must stick her head in the oven.

layo!

left a little after 6 am for bicol sunday morning. after the radiator decided to get hotter than it's supposed to be, we opened the windows. drove from antipolo to quezon before dad decided to take over the wheel. had an amazing time just gazing outside the car. it was an unusual opportunity for me, just staring outside instead of driving. well, i really enjoyed the salty air blowing from the ocean, which was just beside the road. the scenery was an explosion of blues. the sea, the mountains in the horizon, and the afternoon sky. it was amazing. very blue. and it matched my emotions.

drove a little more after dad felt sleepy. spent a little more quiet time with myself. i just wasn't really excited about the trip. well, i can't do anything about it so i decided to just enjoy myself.

dad and i switched places again as soon as it got a little dark. we stopped at a gasoline station to get something to eat before dinner time. and i found myself a box of lotte chocopie. it's the same brand of pie kim sam soon had with cyrus sa bundok sa island.hehe.

the sun set a little after 6pm. the drive was long but the scenery was worth the effort. reached legaspi a little before 8pm. found myself really tired and had dinner in silence. after eating, i discovered queer and interesting old books and knickknacks. unfortunately, i left my camera home. aaargh! i also discovered a really toxic pain in my lower back. and the joints in my hands and feet. i feel so old ha!

papa joffre's house was built in the 1950's. there are a gazillion of vintage stuff. the china inside the glass case looks really fragile with age. just today, kuya raleigh, my priest cousin, opened the door to the stockroom and showed me figurines and they made my jaw drop. i wanna take them home with me! kuya raleigh let me use his camera phone to take some pistures. i will post them here as soon as he emails them to me. will ask someone to lend me a digicam.

i saw this ugly dusty ragdoll. i'm taking it home with me. it must be 50 years old.

hmmm...will write some more in a few days. i'm in the aquinas university. dada's alma mater. cool.