gewang thoughts on culture, media, etc. not for the sensitive.

wow. i haven't written an entry in a long time. well, i did attempt to, but it was all about whining about lost love, and how sad my head is. well, marami na ang may alam nyan. most of the readers, siguro all 3 of them,  have followed my ups and downs, and my pagewang-gewangs.

what's on my mind. let's see...(i'm going to get in trouble for this! hindi naman ako racist, pero nagkakataon lang.kaya taglish ko na lang ito susulat)

while hanging the laundry, i suddenly remembered this wisecrack from the internet and his article, "I hate Filipino culture". una kasi sa lahat, dapat " I hate THE Filipino culture." pero siguro tama din sya kasi hindi naman well-defined ang culture na sinasabi nya. I'm not going to go ahead and diss this guy. entitled naman sya sa sariling opinyon nya. at nakasulat pa ang blog entry nya sa English. mahilig din naman ako mag ingles.

the way he talked about  pinoy pop culture was a little over the top. he ended his article with saying that the people who are successful in the PI are eitherr "of a foreign culture (the Chinese) or those exposed to western ideals", and that the "masa culture is a byproduct of ignorance". wow ha. deep.

ah, the Philippines. I love the Philippines. I would love to stay there if  i can actually get a high-paying job, or be finally financially able to go full time with my business. i love being able to regularly pay my taxes, and hope,eventually, that i can give back to my university loads of cash (eh pano na pala yun ngayong semi-private na ang UP?) 

i like the filipino pop culture better than j-pop,k-pop, at kung ano ano pang pop pop na lumalabas jan. cute lang sila kasi magaganda ang mukha nila at dahil hindi mo sila naaamoy. manonood na lang ako ng eat bulaga at matatawa pa din ako kay vic sotto. pero torture para sa akin kapag napipilitan akong manood ng wowowee dahil hindi ko masikmura ang humor ni willie,dagdagan mo pa ng speech impediment nya. dahil ba nanonood ako ng lovingly yours, helen at ng walang tulugan, below average na ang IQ ko? at dahil ba mahilig ako manood sa kapitbahay ng cinema one eh hindi na ako makakaboto ng tama? wala na ba ako pagasang umunlad???

ang lakas ng bahid ng ibang kultura sa atin, at ang mga pinoy eh hindi founded and pagkapinoy in their veins dahil sa kulang  ang education tungkol dito. nawawala na ang trademark ng tunay pinoy. nakakalungkot na ang umuunlad sa atin eh mga tisoy, tisay, chinoy, chinay, at ang mga call center agents na napromote na papunta sa country director na position. ay, nagcall center pala ako dati, so kung ako ang napromote, ok pala yun. eh kung ang laking bilib natin sa ibang bansa, eh magpasakop na lang tayo sa intsik. tutal, nabenta na naman ni E ang kalahati ng pasig sa kanila, eh ibigay na rin natin ang spratleys. tutal singkit din naman sila. masosolusyunan pa ang kakulangan sa tubig kasi ma-aadapt na natin ang culture nila na hindi mahilig sa pagligo.

pwede din tayo magpasakop sa mga puti, kahit galing sa amerika o sa europe. tutal, uso naman daw ang mga halfbreeds na, na sinasabi nila na maganda. umuunlad din kasi nagaartista. kapag sinakop tayo ng mga lahing mapuputi, kapag colonized na tayo, or declared na isa na tayo sa USA, magkaka snow na rin sa atin, therefore masasagot na ang problema ng init sa pinas.

malakas talaga ang influence ng banyaga, dahil sa media. blame it kay kris aquino. dahil a) nasa media sya, and b) intsik sya. i therefore conclude, malakas ang influence nya.

lahat yan naisip ko habang nagsasampay. madami na ba akong haters? let me hear you say,yeah!

marami na ko napuntahan, marami na ko nakausap. iba't ibang uri ng tao. pero babalik balik ako sa pilipinas at sa kultura na nakagisnan ko. Kultura kung san ako pinalaki ng magulang ko. ang takot sa Diyos ang most important,  but never letting fate or chance take control (dahil ang relihiyon ko ay hindi horoscope) dahil ang fruits ng hard work are always sweet. the kind of culture where family comes first, where our moral standards are based on Godly principles and passed on to us by the older generations. education was valued. critical thinking was encouraged in our househould.  we were exposed to all kinds of the arts, from different places and other cultures, but we were taught how to appreciate our own.
maglalagay na ko ng disclaimer: malikot lang ang utak ko pero mabait akong bata sabi ng lolo ko.

diverse nga,diverse nga kasi wala nang purong pinoy. what you make out of  yourself is what counts. may edukasyon man o wala.

sabihin mo sa marines yan.

PERO! pero kung gusto nyo baguhin ang pilipinas dahil jologs ang majority ng populasyon dito, handa ka ba baguhin ang sarili mo? dahil ang sarili mo ang worst enemy mo. rebooting a nation? dugo ang dadanak para diyan. and don't even get me started on politics.

2013 started with a bang and it kinda hurt

came back home for a long vacation equipped with my office portable HD. not that i am so happy to work here, but of course i have to. been pigging out, going out, meeting up, reuniting with, and sleeping in.  blessings that hardly feel like blessings come and make me happy for a few hours then they convert themselves to tasks i have to face. oh well. that's how it is. not that i am not thankful, it's just that i am really really tired now most of the times. obesity. and now i am having acid reflux. so that sums it up: i have to stop eating.

full and empty, that's how it is.

sad and happy.

i ask and ask and ask and i get and i take, but it feels like nothing.

it's been a long time

i've been busy. i can't seem to slow down. at least, this keeps my mind away from depressing haha. i've been overworking myself, keeping a job, and working on other stuff at the same time. it feels like my mouth tastes the exhaustion, if there's actually such a thing.
can't complain though, i've chosen this and i have to survive.
looking forward to brighter days.

there's nothing to do!

life doesn't really change when you move to a different country. it's the same you that will prevail. i understand now why there's so much drama happening in this place among my kababayans. Life can't get any boring. even if you have a friend, a partner, or kids here, the limited sources of entertainment will never compensate the loneliness that you'll feel. then you'd crave for drama. some try to avoid it, but it's like a rabid dog that would stalk you and attack you when you're not looking.

finding somethin

haha,was reading the last post here. so what made me want to feel love again? so odd. i was trying to remember since i wouldn't have posted it for no reason at all. hmmm...was thinking of a german with a huge wiener. could be. haha! well, i am not wishing for love at all. not at this moment, at least. and the pajama man, though he may cause me a little heartache every now and then, is topic for most of my jokes now. as i have told my bff, i will not be able to get over him, because i created him. so that's history and hopefully he will not be mentioned in this blog again. but i promise to think about him everyday for the rest of my sorry life. LOL.

i'm not desperate. i still go out with guys, most of them the wrong ones, obviously. in fact, i regularly see someone now. he's ok. i actually like him. and he likes me, too. haha. the brutal truth, though, is that he's not the ONE. and he got me some Ugg sandals. tsk tsk. according to pinoy superstition, imma step on him to get ahead. too bad for him haha!

the name i keep calling out to

in my little world of fantasy, i still have a little spark of hope. 

when things go wrong, when things are lovely, i sigh and whisper a name that still tastes sweet in my mouth. followed by the phrase "why did you disappear?"  then i get to think that, it's not him that i miss. inspite of me being me, i still want to feel how it is to be in love again. 

it's like i had an endless streak of inspiration. and that's what i need right now. of course i can push myself to work. the drive i have may seem low, but i can't bear not to get a job done. i just miss that 'oomph' that comes out in my work when there's a bit of happiness in me. 

i used to look forward to waking up in the morning. 

so right now, i'm hoping that history will repeat itself. i am craving for that. if the world gives me another chance, i'm not going to let it fade away. i'm not going to sit here and wait. i guess that was my fatal mistake. i tend to be so patient when others will eventually just start to not care. 

then maybe my mornings will be amazing again. 

flatlining

i feel terrible. i have this crazy thought that China will change me. my mind's been blank for almost a week now. and i will be here for  3 more months until i get a week off to go home. this is definitely the worst place to get inspiration. i mean, here, changping town. i really could use some time off from the office. me, being young, wild, and free. haha. scrap the 'young' part. i feel old. maybe i've allowed myself to grow up a little bit more. 

there are nights when stay up, wide eyed in bed, thinking, i bit off more than i could definitely chew. my reasons for moving here are all based on annoyance and love. ironic. but what can i do, it's my nature. i guess i'm not a real bad person at all. i thought i was. i thought i was the type who'd run away from responsibility. seriously. or maybe, i really have nothing to live for? but then i think of my family. i do have a valid reason. unconditional love.

the perks of being here are not so grand, a little more pay and... yeah, that's about it. i've said before, the job's not so difficult. physically tiring sometimes when we move stuff around. nothing i can't deal with. and i've finally got the whole flying thing in control as i won't need to go do that for a while. the only thing i can't stand now is not having a real place to stay in. i'm squatting in my boss' apartment because he was too "busy" to get me one. i hate being this uncomfortable when you can't even unpack your bags. yeah, that makes me feel shitty.

i think china will change me. make me boring and senseless. in the PI, i was disconnected to the rest of the world, kinda, staying in my cave and all. but now, all the news i get are from HK, and the weather report around the world. haha, yeah, i forgot, the internet can keep me in the loop. unless of course, the proxy stops working. LOL. 

well,whatever. we make the most of every situation we're in, right? gotta put my game face on, and stare endlessly at my laptop.