whiney me.

as much as i don't want to be affected, as much as i don't want to think about things that shouldn't matter, sheez...i still do. oh, the complications of the human brain! and i go down. will somebody help me? i need to talk to a reasonable being.

i need to be comforted.

i need the noise to disappear. i need to be perfect and i need to stop crying. i just want to breathe. i am not going to lose it, i swear. i will cope. but here, i doubt it will be easy.

i just want to crawl into that space where everything quiets down, where the familiar scent makes my heart beat slower. but it hurts because that place flew far far away, and now it's gone. just like that.

i don't wish for it to come back. i want something better. no, not really. i just want to a reason to be happy again.

i want to stay away.but i should've flown away together with my warm place.

hmm..this entry took a lot of time to write. i had to go outside and went to budgetlane and shopwise to let myself breathe. i feel so crowded and unstretched and tired and needy. people give me a lot of stupid predictions. of doors being left wide open. or ajar.

i asked once, when i had my cards read to me, should i go up the stairs? i was asking something material, not in any way abstract, something physical not figurative. she said yes, but gave me an answer in a different context. sometimes, all i wanna do, is really, climb upstairs and lie down in my old familiar space. and close my eyes. and cry all my cares away.

i am one sad person.

it comes and it goes. it's a virus.