oh, cheesiness!

jan 12

i woke up feeling really bad. physically, i was hurting, due to lack of sleep, and mentally, i was drained. my voice was hoarse and i still was sleepy even after i took a bath. i drove all the way to makati but i already knew that i'd be unproductive. i decided against going to work while parked behind the building.

was too tired and sore to go towork but i just had to hang out with a friend. i found company. i had 2 cups of coffee and she had 3 beers. mental note: sisig is never good with coffee. the conversation was funny as usual,we being both clowns. the night was cool enough to stay outside the cafe, and it was a relief to get off from work that easily. our laughter was drowned by the loud music coming from the speaker behind me.

but we had to call it a night since she's setting the world record in getting the most sleep in a week. i followed her example and went home.

the drive home required real air so i turned the airconditioning off and opened tha windows. the radio played country music. it was my fault, i left the ipod on while i was in the cafe. i was stuck with AM eadio but alison krauss' voice proved to be relaxing. then i suddenly remembered.

...and just like that, i experience ou all over again...

we went out to celebrate something.our birthdays,perhaps. you bought tickets to a concert. it was one of the best gifts you've ever given me. before the concert, we had dinner at mario's kitchen. and if i'm not mistaken, we had lengua and paella. i t wasn't really good, dinner, i mean. but the thought of having a slightly fancy dinner with you was thrilling enough.

when we got to the theater, we found out that we had to sit on monoblock chairs. you got us SRO tickets. it was okay, but i had to sit next to the wall,and there were fat cable wires between me and the wall. it's just so you to decide on the last minute.but i'm so used to that. okay, i admit i was pissed,but when gary v(ugh) went on stage, i immediately forgot that i was annoyed. and i never thanked you, right? well, thank you.

we also bought black gary v mugs. teehee. baduy.

that's quite a good flashback scene there. my selective memory does sablay din pala. well, the memories do come, but i only remember bits and pieces, no more details, and most of them really cloudy. but i won't deny, the thoughts made me smile. i get cheesy. don't get me wrong; it doesn't mean that i want it all back.

you see, being single takes a lot of time getting used to, but it's not as bad as we all think. i'm in my 21st month of singlehood,and even though it gets painful time to time, i'm happy. that's why i get bigger by the day. oh, how i wish i was angry and bitter again. just kidding. the benefits of being angry and bitter did a lot for me, though. that was the time when i needed to produce a lot of endorphins to make myself happy. thus, i worked 2 jobs and went to the gym everyday for 2 hours. i literally tried to kill myself with work and i lost a lot of weight, too. bad thing: i am a happy girl now so i dropped gym. a lengthy supply of happiness keeps me from going to the gym. haha.

oops, i almost hit a road block...

my headache was back and an acid attack was on its way. i wasn;t supposed to drink coffe. stupid me. la dee da. i ran over a red thing that looked like a box. it went 'thud' under tha car. what if it was a bomb or something like that? i could've right there in the lonely sumulong highway. morbid thought.

antipolo. late night smells like poultry and shit.

oh, they're fixing up mikko's house.they chopped down the bougganvilla tree. it's spelled that way, right? whatever.

i hat puddles on the road. they look so unsanitary.

i wish i could go blogging while driving so that i won't forget anything. i mean, i have lovely thoughts while in the car. i almost ran over a white cat with black spots.

mental note: i need to get a bottle of green cross alcohol.

that's it. suddenly , i was empty. the radio still played really soft country music. sounded like elvis presley crooning with all that shakey voice of his.

i'm a 26 year old kid with a red plastic fireman's hat set on my bedpost.

wait till you see my gold plastic viking helmet.it has two horns.

inbound,eto na po

we're taking in calls now. it is so stressful. and i usually get irate. after 5 minutes in a call, i get irate. all of the calls feel like the first. the new shift also sucks. 8:30pm to 5 am. no social life.

i hope this year i'll get lucky in everything. okay, i won't wish for it. i'll work for it.

still, no news regarding my application for the promotion.

uh oh, first week for the kids and i can already feel the pressure. the junior students' convention is coming and my students need to submit their art entries next friday. how convenient. the new shift and school.

i wish i do have the shit that pow teased me about. the one that'll keep me awake forever.

i guess i'll be keeping my new year's resolution regarding sleep.

new year,happy everyone?

hey boys and girls! the holidays went by and boy, was it fast! actually, i didn't really feel the holidays despite my previous entry. although i had fun looking for gifts for the kids, i really didn't get much rest after that. sad part of it all, i didn't even get the chance to bake anything. but i made kani maki for new year.

i have two new year resolutions list. one i mean to keep, the other, okay lang if i keep it or not, para walang samaan ng loob.

here's the first:

1. i will go on a diet and exercise more this year. i will lose weight.
2. i will cut on my vices.
3. i will learn how to use a computer properly.
4. i will sleep whenever i have the chance to.
5. i will save enough and spend less.
6. i will cut on caffeine and not spend too much on coffee.
7. i will again go to school and study,really.
8. i will work hard.
9. i will not get a really short haircut
10. i will only get at least 1 tattoo this year (excluding the retouch i'll be getting on friday)

and my second list:

1. i will go on a diet and exercise more this year. i will lose weight.
2. i will cut on my vices.
3. i will learn how to use a computer properly.
4. i will sleep whenever i have the chance to.
5. i will save enough and spend less.
6. i will cut on caffeine and not spend too much on coffee.
7. i will again go to school and study,really.
8. i will work hard.
9. i will not get a really short haircut.

well, i just want to be safe.

holiday blues and cheers

i have cold feet. it seems that i have no drive to work anymore, not even with the pending application for the promotion in process...

it gets really heavy on your chest when you leave home 2 hours before work and you still end up late. i mean, i do try my best but still, the memos would come. imagine, 2 verbal warnings and 1 written memo in just two weeks! eh sa pantene nga eh, your hair grows up to 2 centimeters in every two weeks, tapos ako, tatlong memo?!! imagine?!!!

frustrating. i'm confused about the whole thing. again. nakakainis kasi when i had my heart talagang set na to resign, nikki came along...kung di lang talaga sya cutie!!!!!!

anyway, i don't really care for that too much, i just have to go with the flow. sakay lang, habang nandyan, ayus lang...pag pinalayas na ko ng kompanya, fine with me.

at least i got to meet some of the most interesting people in the whole wide world.

lapit na christmas! i still haven't done my shopping. i usually give out gifts na sa new year's eve eh. 17 nephew and neices, 2 godchildren, and 8 more lovely kids to shop for...wow. i wish i find time to shop in peace for all of them.

i just wish that most of the kids today are still easy to please. that's why i hate technology. every kid goes gaga on video games and such...this year, i swear, i'll buy books and toys that don't play with themselves for the kids. as for my lovely friends, i 'll probably end up cooking for you! haha! ooooh, i'm so excited at the thought of giving out gifts. sana i also find time to bake for my good friends...

hmmm...i remember the kitchen when it gets all warm and sweet-smelling when we take the cookies and rhum cakes out of the oven. ..

well,as for me, let's see...what do i want for christmas?

...i want a miracle...

i just realized two things today. first, i can't draw, and secondly, i can't speak in english.

very ironic.

now, don't laugh just yet. the thing is, i tried to draw something for our christmas presentation for church. amazingly enough, i just can't. the thing i did looked like something drawn by a gradeschool kid. ask me to paint, and i'll deliver. but draw, shoot...i think i lack practice. or i just can't draw something representational. very ironic for someone who is a photorealist. depressing.

oh, i can speak english alright. but the tasks i have on hand (which happens to be up my elbows now) just seem to flood my mind and i can't organize my thoughts. and i now have problems with my tense consistency. bwahaha.

i miss the night shift. i can't function well with this temporary schedule.

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oh, last friday, i went to meet up with my cousin at chef and brewer in ortigas. i got there just in time for the band's final set. the band members were old people. yup, just like mom and dad. but they rocked! they played chicago, beatles, the beach boys, and other old stuff. i wish my parents were that cool.everyone was dancing, and there was even this old guy groovin' to the music with his cane tucked to his belt!

nice.

will someone please lend me a nice mask for sunday? i will attend a party and if i don't find a good mask, i'll wear a beaded surgical mask. oooh...

help.

first day in cct

we've been asked to write a paragraph using the four articles. here's my work( the articles are highlighted):


I've forever been living in the city of Antipolo. It used to be refered to as a province a long time ago, but now it's a city. It became a city just a few years ago and along the title 'city', came the noise and air pollution. Anyway, Antipolo is still the sweetest place I know. We have windy afternoons and cool nights almost everyday. It feels peaceful up there, especially when we hang out in some of my friends' places. I just love the long days when we just choose to bum around the whole of it. We can actually still see some exotic birds in the late afternoons and hear the mating cries of musangs while waiting for the sunrise. Cheap thrills are also available when you decide to climb up someone else's balcony and just bask at the sight of the lights of Manila at night. Either with a tumbler of coffee or a bottle of wine in tow, Antipolo is still perfect for late night quick fixes. I just find it amazing up there until now. An apple a day adds two more articles to my paragraph.

haha

i'm submitting my comms coach application today and i'm kinda scared about the whole thing. i know it's a new kind of responsibilty if i do get the job. that means i have to hone my computer skills, which is actually non-existent. but the good part about the job is that i get to do what i do in school. only, this time, i'll be dealing with adults. funny thing about that is it's sometimes better to deal with kids than most adults.

i have to answer 3 questions on the application form. and i have to do it without being sarcastic or so. it's tedious.

i wish i can just get the job if they won't allow me to resign. i mean, it'll be just for 6 months, then i could freely go. if i'll die of boredom, at least i'll get paid better.

now, how do i impress the interviewers? be as candid as ever?play bored? play witty? ho hum. i wish my self-esteem good luck. i hate interviews. people could sum you up and assume that you're no good in just 30 minutes. hey, i've been living my life with that kind of comments from left and right for 26 years. who needs another one of those loser comments? i mean i know i'm all good and everything (but not with computers, i know), but it's scaring the daylights out of me, really. gad.

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*******i just deleted excerpts from my daydreaming spree***
i forgot i invited my boss sa friendster and he might see it because i 've put a link to my blogspot there... hehe. pangarapin daw ang boss!
hindi yan malasawa ha, excuse me...
hayyy...

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scared and scary.

feeling: bored and undecided

help me while i float, please.

depressing thought:
my cousin heard something, a song i think, that goes like 'sana akin ka na lang' or something. he told me that it reminded him of me. i asked him why, and he told me na di ba daw dati, ang daming nagsasabi sa kin non.

i forgot na about that eh. but yeah, madami nga. sana the boss would like, tell me, 'sana sa kin ka na lang.' hehe.

a better deal? you tell me.

okay. i spoke with nikki, the really cute boss. of course, he didn't want me to resign. he told me that kung alam nya lang daw na ganito kong nakakatawa, di nya daw talaga ko papayagan. told him na, ganon? talagang ganyan lang ang gusto nila sa kin,panandaliang aliw. chatted about UP, and joked around.

going back to business, he offered me two options yesterday. one is an agent position for commonwealth and the other, a part-time job working on something else, but i don't get to be an agent anymore. he said he'll give me time to think about it. i told him that i wanted to bum around, paint, sleep, be the family driver again, and do graphic designing work. ay ang astig daw ng mga pangarap ko sa buhay. he was more concerned with me getting a stable income. he said that the two he's offering is practically stress-free. nye.

well, while i was having coffee with two of my co-workers, i mentioned that i'll probably stay if they offer me a communications coach thing. ayun, nikki did find a position for me. for convergys ortigas. i'm actually giddy about the whole idea. giddy as in dizzy ha, not euphoric. well, thinking about it, the pay is much better and it's nearer that makati. will probably save me a lot of money. all i have to do is wait for the manager to look for my comms score then i'll be good to apply.

so i gave my dad a call and asked for his opinion. of course he said that's a good choice, applying for the coach position. he said you don't get that big a salary from anywhere easily. he told me that i don't really have anything else better to do with my life anyway.

but then i still dream of bumming.

i told my supervisor that if ever i don't get the position, i will resign. and that's it. what do you think?

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healthwatch: this is the same thing i had a few months back. and it is stress-related. at least i'm not feverish anymore.

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uptraining for the inbound thing starts on the 5th. shoot.

i'm dying!

joke lang.

spent thursday,friday, and saturday night with friends. but was already sick since friday evening.

but i just had to go to the office party last saturday night. played host but was really sick to my stomach, but it didn't stop me from getting my share of margaritas and tequila. the party had a 70's theme so i showed up in a brady bunch attire complete with mike's afro wig. was declared best in costume. stayed till 2am because the wig went missing. god, and my head was spinning and my stomach churning at that.

sunday night was also spent with friends. had pizza and corn and coke and a few movies. had fun while i was suffering from pain until mom started giving out sermons at 4am.

i feel sick and i hurt. until now. but of course, i showed up here in the office. the boss will talk to me later. let's see if his charms will work on me...

i feel like i have cancer already. gad.

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my 14 year old cousin was complaining earlier about having to go home after we played badminton. she told me that her parents say that she's becoming too much of a rebel. oh yeah, it's the same old lines we're talking about...

if you don't answer, the mom and the dad barks at you, but if you do answer, that means you're talking back. yada yada yada...

kinda reminds me of me when i was that age. oh, but then again, it still happens up till now. what do you do when you're 26 and still living in your parents' house? easy. move out. then, i begin to think, gad, i hate being pinoy just for that. i just have this feeling that if i do move out, it won't stop there. i most probably would be excommunicated by the whole extended family. argh.

i just can't believe that even the guys in my family never attempted to move out of their parents' houses until they all got married. it's sad that we've become so sheltered but at the same time, repressed. i'm scared that i'll end up just like everyone else. dependent on mom and dad and on help given by relatives. i don't actually have anything against that, i mean on the helping part. but when you stop helping yourself, that's the end of you.

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i feel so tired. karma for calling someone a 'f****ng a**hole'. kasi that's what's hurting ehhehhehehe. coffee+wine=bad idea.

i'm getting all scared. my mom and dada might be leaving for the states and might leave me here. i just can't seem to live with the idea that i'll get thrown to relatives' houses for the next couple of years. i have very conservative parents, but i have super conservative relatives, you see. goodbye social life.

i'm really enjoying this week. i was on leave last tuesday, and i've filed for another one for friday. i'll be visiting friends. and the boss just announced that we don't have work tomorrow since it's thanksgiving day. hay, sarap...

i still get goosebumps thinking about what happened last saturday night. i never imagined myself, at this age, making a scene in public. i told mike what happened. he said i was growing up already. hehe.

i did good.

i submitted my resignation letter last friday. i can't wait. but now, i begin to think, i'll be spending the holidays in antipolo. sheez. ang lamig ng pasko.

the pitted prune: a very aggressive fruit

do you take into consideration that other people actually do things for a reason? for example, do you not think about why people put up a front? well, maybe, they are scared of something. or maybe they do not intend to involve you too much into their own lives because they find you too shallow. maybe they know that they're assholes yet are actually considerate human beings. and these people would even try to protect you from themselves because they would rather use their energy in productive ways than insult you from head to toe, since you being the absurd abusive dense little rat you are, can't understand anything beyond superficiality.

or, how about the difference of friends from companions and acquaintances.

and have you ever heard of the "8-inch personal space"?

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everyone knows that i'm a clown. i'm sweet and mushy, generous and sometimes thoughtful, patient and open... but do you know the real me? do you actually have a clue?

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"i'll get you and i'll make it look like a bloody accident"
- cat, in "the cat in the hat", while talking to himself as the guy in the sweater who asks all the obvious questions

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filipinos have this thing. they can't say "no." well, i actually don't have hang-ups saying "no." so when i say no, i mean no.

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when people ask me, "are you taken?", i usually say, "yup, i am taken. i am taken for granted, thank you very much".

well. and when i begin to hear side comments such as "wala ka pala eh", i usually answer," wag lang on a bad day, kasi kahit ako di ko alam what i'm capable of doing".

i choose to stay quiet, and not think about it. i have better things to do than get mad or trash everyone.

until this week.

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flashback:
my anxiety attack was triggered by the fact that i had so many things going through my mind and that there were so many things i wanted to say but never did. and of course, the fact that i hold back anger. i do get sad and frustrated, but never angry.

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do you know how easy it is for me to be hurtful once provoked? well, too bad you chose this week. i'm having PMS.

and you thought i can never be serious.

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oh, and just as i predicted. karma did come and get you, sweetie. i swear, there are more in store for you.

slam! (or, meet bored,witty, and funny)

i was going to write about my sunday blues which had been going about for a few weeks already but that's so normal and i don't have to elaborate.

so today, i spent most of the time in the kitchen, making eggplant pizza and washing dishes. i really love my eggplant recipe and i'm sharing my recipe. here it is:

ingredients:
pizza crust or focaccia
eggplants, sliced thinly
pesto
more garlic,chopped (for that super sarap bite)
white onions
tomatoes,seeded(optional)
tomato paste
feta cheese (or kahit cheezee kung kulang sa budget)
olive oil


to make sandwiches: mix pesto, tomato paste and garlic. paint stove-top grill (or kahit non-stick pan na lang) with olive oil.grill eggplants,tomatoes and onions. after that, grill the focaccia so that it'll absorb the flavors on your grill. while still on the grill, smother it with the pesto mixture. put in the veggies and plus the feta cheese. the cheese won't melt much so you can take the sandwiches of the grill when the bread looks deliciously golden already.

to make pizza: smother pizza crust with pesto mix and top with the veggies. put feta on top or grate the cheezee since you can't afford feta. hehe. place in oven for 5 minutes and you're good to go.

you can put a little salt and pepper if it please you. i don't put salt on my food eh.

cooking is very therapeutic for me, especially when i get to smell the herbs and the spices. i feel happy.

i slept for a few hours and woke up around 7. i promised eten that we'd go play badminton before i go to work. she didn't give up even though i was too lazy to get up. she prevailed!

my nephews, kevin, zach, and vaughn, decided to tag along. i really love spending time with the three stooges. kevin and zach were doing their hill billy willy act and vaughn was giving out snappy sarcastic remarks on the way to the courts.

we played for an hour and a half. vaughn was too lazy and won't hit the shuttlecock back even if it's just a few inches away from his reach. maybe most of the time kasi he's bored eh. zach is good. he's really athletic and was witty enough to play with the pro (me,hehe). of course funny kevin had his own way of playing. or maybe he's got bad eyes. but one thing, i tell you, i won't pair up for a doubles with him. it's either i get hit with his racket or i get a flying kick from nowhere. kevin is way too hilarious.

well, i got all worked up and spent most of the time laughing my heart out with their crazy antics. we'll play again tomorrow. the boys decided that their tita abba needs the exercise and have commited themselves to help me lose weight. harhar.

drove to tagaytay last saturday. went to places we usually don't.had a nice time with the family.

unlucky

nakakainis. kahapon, nahuli ako ng big boss na natutulog. tamang kapipikit ko lang. paano, etong mga katabi ko, ang sarap ng mga tulog.

sa unang pagkakataon sana, ako ang watchdog: taga-gising ng mga kaaawa-awang nilalang.

mga mayroong tatlong beses ko silang ginulat, ginising, sinitsitan. yun nga lang, di ko talaga magising.

and if i can't beat them, i might as well join them.

ayun. may memo na naman ako. halos isang buwan na lamang ang ititigil ko dito sa kompanyang ito, magkakaka-memo pa ko.

my bestfriend commented on the issue that i fall in love easily, just because. she said that it's too childish, so juvenile for me to be like this. well, it's just too obvious that when you are miserable, you tend to be vulnerable.

well, i'm sure in this case, this is different.

i've never felt more sure.

and i'm still too miserable.

caramel apples

spent most of the weekend cooking. we made caramel apples on saturday night. these sweet treats give you a nostalgic feel.sinking your teeth into sticky moist caramel to be followed by the feel-good taste of juicy crisp apples gives you the feel of youth.

tj added a few pine nuts for effect. kasi daw halloween.

i'll be taking orders for christmas as early as november 15. you can email me at abbaghanda18@yahoo.com.
i'll be making cheesecakes, brownies, and rum cakes,too.

o di ba? nag-advertise pa ko. promise, they're perfect as gifts.