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i went to have my annual check-up at medicard today with some officemates. everytime i do, i get anxious. i don't like being interviewed by doctors. it's like confessing to your dad that you drink excessively, that you smoke like hell, do drugs and stuff like that...tsk tsk...the doctor gave me me an rx fpr antibiotics and something else. bad cough.

i'm still in that phase where i can't seem to organize my thoughts, time, and money. i should really just go back to being a bum. i can't wait till payday.i only have 200 bucks in my wallet. it was better when i was jobless. i didn't have money problems because i didn't have any money at all.

really weird. the more i keep telling myself to diet, the more i gain weight ata.

a lot of things have been going through my mind lately. i'm not worrying about anything really. i don't even have problems or hang ups. i'm just stuck in this muck. i guess i let myself in it willingly. still can't figure out how to work my way out. i'm more concerned of what and who this affects. sad.

haven't painted for a long time. i will, i promise, next week.

what i am doing right now, is thinking of blood. making something bleed. rats. or any living thing for that matter.

i will buy myself neil gaiman comics. at least i get something i really really want before i become a bum again. i told myself before that i'd work to complete the sandman series...asan na ngayon? haha. been here for more than a year and i haven't gotten anything nice for myself. books. i want books.

i went to powerbooks with russell yesterday after lunch. miss reading soooooo much. hmmm...when i get rich, if ever i do get rich, i'll get my own place, buy this most amazing piece of furniture i once saw ( a low round wicker round chair with a really really high backrest, a round beige cushion, and a small built in round marble coffee table. perfect. so comfy to slump on), and buy all the books i want, and read for the rest of the duration of my mortal life. sarap. that would be the life. coffee and smokes lang ang katapat. ay i'll quit na pala when i turn 30.

lungs regenerate completely when you quit at 30. that's what i heard ,ha.

still too bored.