boring

i saw 'my sassy girl' on dvd last time i was at carrie's. awww...the movie was nice. i wonder if a guy like that do exist.

yesterday, the guy i had had a fling thing with way back in highschool was here, practising for my sister's cotillion. he's already 24 but he never seemed to have aged a tiny bit. he still looks like the kid i met a long time ago. i think he even smells like he did before. that was 9 years ago! ahahahahhaha! it was so awkward because i look really old na. kept teasing him na crush ko sya...sobra nakakatawa... well, still, he's fun to be with.

i feel so lazy. nothing's right.

i don't know if i'm just plain stupid or what. i've been having this internal struggle on what to feel, on how to act. if you've read my blog yesterday, you'll notice that i deleted a post. di kaya ng sikmura ko... i threw up after lunch because the different emotions inside me keep my stomach churning. hay...these are the days that make me feel old and gray, lonely and hurt...

i just can't live life carrying heaviness inside me. i guess that's why i get over people and other stuff easily. I HATE DRAGGING THINGS AROUND. yup. i am stupid. i don't have the heart to go on hating people. that's why i try to, i try so hard...sometimes i meet the others halfway and things get good again. but sometimes i come face to face with rejection, and that's when i won't give a damn. sayang ang effort.

suddenly i remembered joey back in college. she couldn't believe that i chose a group of friends so different from what she expected i'd have. well, it is happening again, but this time, medyo violent ang story. errrr, you now how flexible i am, and how you are to me, i am to you, but things don't change between us, so don't piss yourself off. bwhahahahhahahahhahaa!!! SOOOOOOO HIGHSCHOOOL. yuck ano ba yan.

ayoko na! maloloka na ko. i am gonna snap. hay. sana isa na lang akong hermit crab.

i missed my ultrasound.