ok lang ako.promise.

what can i say? i read other people's life stories and i begin to think that i am such a bore. and i am too dumb and numb to actually do something productive with my life. is it my fault that i am actually apathetic about a lot of things including what would actually happen to me the day after tomorrow and the day after that. now that i am definitely out of depression, i get to meet different sorts of issues. and i tend to panic now.

i can't write about anything really because i don't have a life.

but i do, i do want to.

well, school is finally over. after later's commencement exercises, i'll be definitely busy with something else. and i think this is rather life-changing. yup. i'm gonna get married.

joke lang.

wish ko lang though, within this lifetime. ahahha. joke lang ulit yun. there is something else. still not yet ready to talk about it. but i'm sure it'll be pretty interesting. and i'll have something to blog about in the coming weeks. but sa akin muna yun. nakakapikon kasi to write about plans tapos di naman natutuloy. eh ayoko naman magpakaprofound at sumulat ng mga bagay na parang nagpapanggap ako na matalino ako. at baduy na din i-over analyze ang life at ang mga emotions na napaka-subjective naman talaga sa tootoong buhay lang, mind you.

at hindi ko rin naman balak ipag landakan ang mga bagay na nagaganap ngayon sa sarili kong mundo. mahirap talaga ang mga schizoprenic na may catatonic excitement. hehe. pero talgang magulo pa din ang utak ko. minsan naman, tumitigil sya ng kusa. kelangan lang basain ang tuhod mo habang nakatingin ka sa ilaw na parang i-eebak mo ang sense, hehe, kung ganun lang kadali siguro lagi na lang akong nasa banyo. pero ganunpaman, masaya ang buhay ko ngayon.

kahit maraming nangyayaring kamalasan. kasi balanse pa din. sa bawat bad trip na nangyayari, may kapalit naman agad. katulad nga ni blythe, kung sa lahat ng katarantaduhan nyang ginagawa ay napakabilis ng karma, katulad ng pag baliktad sa upuan at kung anu anu pang kakatwang kamalasan, sa akin naman, sa lahat ng bagay ng mejo nagpapaka pissy sa kin, mabilis din naman ako salubungin ng swerte. hindi lang ata talaga ako suswertehen sa pera sa kasalukuyan. pero dahil meron akong malaking lucky charm na antukin, ayus pa rin naman.

meron din pala akong mga hinanakit, well, hindi naman talaga masakit, hindi ko lang alam kung paano icacategorize yun. nakakainis kasi, hindi ko alam kung bakit ba kasi ang daming tao na nakapaligid sa kin na ang gugulo ng utak.

katulad ni ***. kung tutuusin, kung maari lang, eh gusto ko nga sya kasama araw-araw, kahit crush pa sha ng dati kong crush, at naglalandian sila sa harap ko, ayus lang. pero bigla naman nawala ang koneksyon dahil may isang araw na minalas malas kaming pareho, ako dahil hindi ko afford ang umalis ng antipolo at hindi ako makasaklolo sa kanya, at sha, dahil sa katangahan( sorry pero eto ang tingin ko) sa lalake. hindi ko kasi na kayang sabayan ang mga kaibigan ko, alam ko din dahil talgang pinili ko ang lifestyle na ito, pero sana naman ay naintindihan nya na talagang madalas na hindi ko kaya, lalo na ng bulsa ko, ang mga impulsive na desisyon katulad ng pag luwas sa kabihasnan ng walang pera pampagasolina. at duon nagtatapos ang pagiging magkaibigan. siguro madalas nga na sya ang nagiging present physically sa mga panahon ng delubyo pero alam na namin dapat un simula ng mga bata pa kami, eh ganun naman talga ang storya ng buhay namin.

kaya nga minsan ng dumaan ako malapit sa area at alam ko na may oras pa ko para magmaganda, ako na mismo ang nagpigil sa sarili ko na kontakin sha dahil sya na ang umayaw sa akin.

pero hindi ko rin ngayon masabi kung gusto ko pa sha maging kaibigan. dahil oo, nasaktan ako sa mga sinabi nya.

at ang isa pa, etong kaibigan ko na nasa paligid lang. sana wag nya sagarin ang pasensha ko dahil madunong din ako magalit. un totoong galit ha. kasi marunong ako makisama pero sana naiisip rin nila na kelangan din ako pakisamahan.

hindi naman ako galit. hindi talaga. hindi ako galit sa mundo. mejo nagtatampo lang.

the people in my bed

hidalgo with his charlie brown doll. the doll came from jani.

Nana RG, my 50+ year old rag doll. i unearthed her in bicol.

not my day

woke up earlier than usual. been thinking a lot about expenses since last night. i really feel pissy about why mum asked the laundry woman to stay when she asks for 2.8k a month until now na ako na lang ang pinaglalaba nya. and i have to shell out that much from my own salary na hindi man lang talaga halos dumadaan ng kamay ko. and mejo pissy na ko about dad's business deals pa kasi talagang walang collection.

and today, the bank called to ask na i deposit money para di mabalik yun check ni dad, right after i'm pretty much wiped out because of boracay and the laundrywoman came because she needed money. i had nothing on me kanina, not even a hundred bucks. i had to ask tita jo for my money just to deposit something. and i broke down after this happened:

yehey! drove my car sa langka tree while trying to avoid a bamboo fence na natumba. hanep.

i just love it.

hala

so okay i am full of blah thoughts. i miss my mum and dad and ten and ali terribly. and i can't help staring at the ceiling again and thinking hard that i'm gonna get brain soup going out of my ears. and why the hell am i still up at this time of the day?! oh. it's already saturday. and saturdays are usually boring so i hope i get to do productive things later aside from growing facial hair and gaining weight.

i miss my friends. boo hoo.

hay, naiinis pala ako kasi instead of dieting, ang dami kong lakad na all i did was eat. sa two weeks na lumipas, eto un mga kinainan ko:

sugi dinner with ate wins, ang menu ay:

the large zaru soba with 3 enormous ebi tempura and a huge parsley tempura

the big serving ng california rolls

spider roll(maki with soft shell crab)

tuna sashimi

tamago sushi

and right after that, dessert na with tyrone at M:

lemon brazo

creme brulee (the basil, ginger, and chili trio, huwaw)

dinner at grilla with ty's family:

kare kare

the barbeque platter

saisaki dinner with relatives:

crab stick and ebi tempura

cuttlefish tempura

something na cheesy seafood dish

a hot tripe dish

sukiyaki

salmon sushi

tamago sushi

grilled cuttlefish

gyoza

ice cream

mong kok snack with ate anne and the two girls:

tendon brisket noodle soup

lobster rolls

shrimp dumplings

siomai

and take out na muhlach ensaymada and concorde from goodies n sweets

duo sa serendra, dinner treat ni ate winnie:

tessie tomas salad

a basketful of bread and salsa

lapu lapu with risotto

and after a few minutes, a chocoglazed donut sa krispy kreme

green tomato, lunch with family:

prawn risotto with huge pork chops

peppermint tea

mozarella toast

and a few hours after that, half a banoffee and a grande iced macchiatto

superbowl dinner with tita tess:

dimsum platter

sotanghon with chicken

thank goodness walang nag birthday pa na kamag-anak ko sa lagay na yan. at wala pa yun mga home-cooked meals jan, which includes a lot of pasta and shrimp. and my cheese sticks. oh, how i hate eating.

p.s.

i saw imelda marcos pala sa serendra wearing a black terno. wow. nastar struck kami.

nagmamadaling pagkakaparanoid

hay.

it's really late, almost midnight. and i just finished baking cheese sticks. been craving for it for a few days already. hehe. and i just had four sticks. tsk tsk.

hmm...konting tiis na lang and the school year will be over. but i'm dreading the summer din kasi i have to enroll. etong 3 units na to is killing me. i really am not happy with the idea of spanish 11. bad talaga. kasi naman, si ma'am nora won't let me plead for substitution. kasi naman, i have 4 extra foreign language classes na pwede na nga isubstitute eh. bigyan ka ba naman ng options na either maging foreigner ka or get married sa foreigner. huwaw. ayoko talaga! ayako!!! i hate school. i hate languages. i can't even learn a dialect. hmft. ayus naman kasi eh noh, if i do the RGEP, magdadagdag pa ko ng units to take. hay. tapos magbabayad ka para ibagsak ka ng prof na ayaw unawain na sukang suka ka na sa unibersidad. eh kasi naman kasalanan ko ba na magka chronic gastroentiritis due to stress tuwing may spanish 11 class ako last sem. hmft. pucha, tutubuan na ko ng ugat nyan.

kaya eto na lang ang naiisip kong paraan. kumuha na integrated na span 10 and 11. wah. 6 units pa un. eh buti sana kung may magbibigay ng donashon alan-alang sa ikatataguyod ng edukasyon sa buhay ko( anu daw?whatever) para lang para lang talaga mabawasan ang kahihiyan ko sa pag sasabi ng "hola" at chukchak"tiene" sa classroom pag may recitation, kelangan na simulan ko sa basics. ulit. tapos pagtatawanan ng mga kaklase kong hambog ang student number ko, tulad nung dalawang ugok sa college of science na tatawa tawa habang tinitingnan un grades sa sts at tinuturo un student number ko. eh nasa likod nila ako. muntik ko na nga sila pag-untugin. buti na lang napigilan ang sarili ko. kaya sinumpa ko na lang na tatagal sila ng 8 years sa UP at aabutin sila ng isang katutak na pag-aabot sa MRR at kelangan nila gumawa ng maraming letters ng pakikiusap sa kung sino man ung lagi kong ginagawan ng love letter tuwing enrollment period.

eh kasalanan ko ba na naging masaya ako sa kolehiyo ko at pinili ko na tagalan ang pag-aaral. sana nagdoctor na lang ako. eh di sana ok lang kahit nag-aaral pa ko.ahahha. minsan nga naiisip ko, sana ginawa na lang akong battery para hindi sayang un energy ko.

malapit na ako pumunta sa boracay. hindi naman talaga ako naeexcite. sino ba naman ang maeexcite eh hindi naman ako makakapag tupis. ehehhe. kanina sabi ko sa pamangkin ko, si zach, isasama ko sha. sabi ko tingnan nya kung bagay sa kin un bikini na binili ko. ang bastos, kinilabutan at kinilig ba naman. sabi nya lang. eww, ayaw, tita, ayaw. walang galang. ahahhaha! anu gago? matagal ko ng sinasabi sa sarili ko na dapat may dignidad pa din ako. ahahahha. aru aru. kaya mag jojogging pants ako sa ocean.

weh. i love it. i missed my praning moments. ehehehhe.

good night world!

tee hee!

meet hidalgo...

both mikkey and i were surprised that his package came today. haha. he sent me two lovely sarongs and a cute little teddy which has a lop-sided face due to being stuck inside a spongebob paper bag and had to endure travel. he smells like my baby. ang cute cute nya sa totoong buhay.

thank you, hunnybunnypiggeywiggey. mwah.

been pretty busy, mostly because i'm stressing myself out sa school, when i actually don't really go to work. and when i do, i just pretend to work. haha. well, i guess i just think too much. but i'm pretty much happy kahit na walang pambayad ng bills. i'm cool.

i just hope un raket ko would pay well.

and so now i realize

i shouldn't be too whiney because

i definitely have no right to go pmsing

because

baog ako at pangarap lang ang magkaperiod. wahahah.

and that my fears are all imaginary.

dahil

i have an imaginary bank account. ahahahah.

and i have the weirdest imagination ever. hahahah.

as i always say,

every emotion is just a state of mind.

and i am very creative.

guess what i am thinking about?



that is so weird.

and now i have an idea.

pwedeng utuin, paglaruan, asarin, paasahin. pero bawal ang pikon.

kasi ang mabait, minsan kapatid ng tanga.

take everything gracefully.

ang pikon, talo.

praning all over again

and so i cannot sleep.

no more coffee for me after dinner. oh, how i dread these long silent moments when i think of countless things and realize too many.

i really am not liking myself too much, especially when i throw tantrums and annoy mikkey at night. i hate it when i catch myself staring in space. i hate it when i start thinking deeply and shut up while having conversations. i hate it that i can't sleep and nobody knows. i hate my insecurities and my dilemmas because i drag people into suffering with me. i detest waiting for something i know is coming but keeps on getting delayed. i hate being responsible for things i am clueless of.

i am not having too much fun now.

and sometimes, i get to think that i'm still that sorry sick little bitch i always am. i hate these sleepless nights. i hate crying over nothing and i hate how the ceiling looks.

and its gonna take a few weeks more before i get over this, i swear. in the meantime, let's play cool.

i'm whiney tonight. haha.

cold cold feet

so i stop for a while and think hard.

don't you want it?

yeah, i do.

i mean, really, really want it?

maybe.

why just that?

i've grown up.

and so how are we today? oh, i've been busy, tired, lonely, and quiet. just tonight my feet started hurting. i got cold feet. i don't really like myself too much today. i have been spreading myself too thin, exhausting my energy.

i'm in my drama queen mode tonight. do i need to be?

i'll just see gregory house now.

ala naman kwenta

my giant safety pin. everybody here wants it. bleh!



and the meatloaf sandwich.and, no, it doesn't fall off!

hello world.

still trying to clean up the house. throwing out trash accumulated through out the years and disposing clothes nobody's gonna use for a long time. thinking of getting turtles, but decided against it. pets are not people. haha! and two dogs are just too much to handle. anyway, i still haven't cleared up the other room and my new roomie(plus 2) is coming on friday already. the house will be noisy again.

hay. nabuburaot na naman ako. hanep sa term di ba. hehehe. i am so hanging sa ere...parang di ko na alam kung anu minsan gagawin ko. i need a job. ang hirap maging mahirap. wahahaha. kasi talagang inip na inip na ko. possible naman kasing ako na lang mamroblema sa sarili ko pero ewan ko na kung bakit talagang ayaw nila ng ganun. tumatanda na ko ng paurong, paabante, patagilid, pataas, at maraming pababa. pero wala pa talgang nangyayari sa mga plano nila at di na ko makapaghintay dahil hindi naman sila ang nakakaranas ng hirap. hindi naman sila ang namomroblema kung san ako huhugot ng pambayad sa isang katutak na bills ko. at hindi sila namomroblema kung sakali mang magka-cancer ako at the age of 40 dahil hindi nila ko papachemotherapy! weh! hay...ang mga sentiments ng 27 year old bum.

kelangan ko lang naman talaga kasi ng pera. hangang pebrero lang to. pag walang mangyari, kanya-kanya na muna tyo.

sa kasalukuyan, napipikon ako sa mga pamangkin ko. mag-away daw?

home alone

they left thursday.

had little time to cry. i actually didnt have to. why cry? they are far away, yes, but family stays in one's heart.

it took me a lot of effort though to take out the toothbrushes they left from the bathroom. these are supposed to be fixtures in one's home. it made me shiver.

it's really quiet. i don't even turn on the tv. the only noise i make is from the ipod.

oh well. i can't write yet. so i'll go now.

chicken!

told russ na i made mikkey's stir-fry chicken in garlic sauce last friday for eten's tiny party. told her that it was good. well, everyone liked it. except ate anne, kasi mejo weird ang taste buds nuon. hindi pa nageevolve haha! so here's the procedure kasi mikkey(hazimsa link ko) only gave the ingredients.

2 lg. garlic cloves, minced
1/4 c. soy sauce
1/4 c. water
1/4 c. honey
2 tbsp. vegetable oil
1 tbsp. cornstarch
1 lb. boneless, skinless chicken breast, cut into strips (that's a little more than half a kilo. shempre magconvert ka mag-isa mo)
1/4 c. chopped spring onions

procedure:

mix everything in a big bowl except half the oil and the spring onions. let it marinate for a really long time. mikkey wants two hours, ako 1 lang kasi late na.

on a hot pan, pour the remaining oil, dump in the chicken. tapos stir fry. the meat will cook siguro for a few minutes, mga 3-5. or whatever. malamang alam mo naman how cooked chicken looks. hmp. tapos, pour in the marinade. let it thicken, mga 30 seconds, ang galing! let it simmer a little, and let the garlic cook a little pa.

ayus na yan. lagay mo sa plate, garnish with the spring onion tapos, tapon ma sa labas. hehe, joke lang. pakain mo na kay nanay russ, mejo the meat is sweet because of honey tapos the onion and garlic flavors explode sa mouth mo after a few seconds. pero kung ten minutes ka na ngumunguya, malamang wala ng lasa yun.

oi, it was really good ha, taob un plato eh. hehe.

ayus na yan russ, alam mo yan.

saturday night, went to eastwood with my friends from here sa village. after 48 years, nuon na lang kami lumayo ng antipolo. haha. kasi after i let go of my job, scholar na ko talga ng bayan. aba, nakakahiya un ah! hehe. scholar, as in, sila na bahala sa akin, sumama lang ako. wahaha! well, anyway, it was a sorta despedida for eten. and the night before un, ung mga friends na ilan from highschool and mga kababata. si ten had dark circles na nga under her eyes ehehhe. too bad nagulo yun arrangements with 2nd degree cousins from dad's side. tsk. well, last night naman, sa church. they were all trying to make me cry. weh!

i'm having problems with the kids. may conflict un mga highschoolers. nakakapagod. sometimes, i just wish na for this all to end. hay. i have too many things in my mind na sila na dapat un least kong iniisip. at least kasi sa call center, wala kang emotional baggage. hmp. instead of just giving out projects and grades, you have to listen to them pa, and you have to hope na whatever you say, makatulong. makapagpagalit ka without hurting feelings. you have to be careful with what you say. and you cannot take sides. whatever. hay. bawal kasi dapat ang mayabang. oh no. what do i do? i hate this.

what's wrong with you people?!

sa malamig!

oo malamig. dito kami nakatira sa malamig. masakit sa paa, sa dibdib, sa ulo. lamig ang hehele syo sa pagtulog pero ito rin ang gigising syo sa madaling araw. bawal mag-shorts, lumabas ng walang jacket, at bawal din kumain ng ice cream dahil mangingilo ang buong katawan mo. bawal basain ang aso kasi kaawa-awa naman. bawal itutok ang electric fan sa gabi dahil baka sipunin. sa mga taong may hika, o pwede din sa wala, mahirap huminga. parang magyeyelo ang butas ng ilong mo sa gabi. at lahat ng kinain mo hindi matutunaw dahil hindi ka pagpapawisan, kakapit na lang ang mantika sa bituka mo na parang sebo. parang pati ulo mo rarayumahin. sa dinami-dami ng sakit ng katawan, lalamig ka na lang na parang bangkay, kaya mag-ingat wag madikit ang malayelo mong paa sa katabi kung ayaw mo ng gulo. mahirap naman uminom dahil ayaw mo rin mahilo, at lalong ayaw mong masuka dahil malamig ang tubig na ipang-hihlamos mo. at mahirap magmumog dahil mamamanhid ang gilagid mo.

and finally.

they're definitely leaving on the 8th. and i must admit, yes, i do get emotional. nangingilid-ngilid ang luha ko pag niloloko ko ng mga pinsan ko. i know i can do this. mikkey is very supportive about it, too. mahirap lang talaga ang ganito. iiwan nila ko na parang walang definite na pupuntahan ang buhay ko. hindi mo rin ako masisi dahil sobrang tutol sila mum sa paghahanap ko ng trabaho, at kung magsisimula ulit ng business, naranasan ko na ung walang wala sa simula. eto un sa sense na talagang di aasa kina mum and dad ha. pero kasi they also want me to stay home and just paint na lang. too bad hindi ko sila mabigyan ng exhibits pa sa ngayon.

aye ayoko magpakadrama queen today. i'll miss mum, dad, ten, and ali. sobra. mikkey told me that it's okay to be sad. and that i should accept it kasi if hindi sila ang aalis,malamang, eventually ako, and they'll be sad, too. but ganun nga naman ang life. okay lang din daw na mag-iiyak ako. and besides, uuwi pa rin naman sila, right?

ang tahimik dito sa house. nagppractise na ko.

i’ve been having weird dreams lately. And I always wake up with a start. I don’t think they’re nightmares. Just terrible terrible dreams. And they always make my heart beat fast.

Two nights ago, I dreamt of this place filled with weird people. Well, normal people actually, but somewhat rowdy. I went into this big communal bathroom and a girl kissed me. She was older and lesbian, but the lipstick type. After she kissed me, she made me kneel down and she made me open my mouth. She covered her hand with cloth, felt like terry cloth, dark pink. She put her hand in my mouth, palm up. I felt her drilling her nail into my upper palette and it hurt a lot. I could feel her tear through the hard palette. I could taste blood in my mouth. I pushed her away and she made a weird comment I can’t remember. She kinda told me that I looked surprised because I thought she want capable of doing that or something.

I woke up from the dream running away from someone else. And a sore lip because the skin cracked.

Today, I woke up because I was being attacked by rabid cats. Death to all cats.

--------------------------------------------------

Yesterday, I went around with dad. We went to banks and the lending people and the contractors. We didn’t meet up with the ticketing agent because PAL’s server is down. They still don’t have tickets and they’re supposed to leave on the 6th. Oh well. We went to the SSS office in Pasig but their server was also down, too. PLDT’s fault, I guess. We didn’t accomplish much, but ended up having coffee and banoffee pie in Starbucks in the Tiendesitas area. I drove home and had to listen to dad tell me what to do and which lane I should be in. haha. Oh, I will miss him.

Got home early and spent a few hours tweaking my blog and chatting with russ and hunny. I’m thinking of reworking on how I blog so dad could read it when he’s far away na from his favorite daughter. Weh. Joke lang un. He’s banned pa din! Haha!

Cheenee came over with an ice cream cake from haagen-dazs. Yummy.

Went to the studio and worked on a company profile. Will tell you about it in time. Baka maudlot and everything. We don’t want that to happen now, don’t we? Napilitan tuloy si mikkey to stay up and make kwento while I work. Antukin kasi. Went to sleep as soon as hunny said goodnight a little before midnight kasi naluluha na daw sha everytime mag yawn sha. Hehe. Aga. Amazing.

I woke up a little early than the usual today. Because I lost a sock and my right foot got cold. Fell asleep again after I got comfy. And woke up again text messages kept coming in. And yeah, because of the filthy cats.


----------------------------------------------


Yesterday, when we were in the SSS office, we met with a family friend. She works there so it should’ve been easy for us to get the IDs if it weren’t for the tech problems. She started commenting on how I’d be happy with mum and dad away. Well, dad said he knows. Probably felt that I need space, too. Honestly, I am feeling weird about the whole thing already. When we got home, I hugged Ali and told her that I’ll miss her and I started crying.

-------------------------------------------------------

Happy birthday, tyrone, na hindi binabasa ang blog ko!

Salamat for lunch.

-------------------------------------------------------

mum made bilin na a lot of things. i got depressed.

but i'm sure i'll be fine. i hope so.

i'm not perfect.

but then you have to know that my incapability is not an excuse but rather a reality. i am not an asshole and everyone should know that.

" ang 'ebak' ay isang concrete noun na hindi pwede hawakan"

- jumar

this was said a few minutes before davis proved jumar wrong. oh the things that happen when there are kids around.

do you have any idea how tiring it is to spend 5 days with kids not your own? well, for one thing, it wasn't too bad, but i swear i can do another week without seeing any of them.

the camp went well. no major accidents, just a few scraped knees and a few heads got bumped while swimming. i slept mostly during the afternoons. it rained everyday as expected. everyone was agreeable and only a handful threw tantrums. the food was greasy and i think i gained weight. the weather didn't help burn the calories.

well, i had fun. and i'm sure the kids did, too.

went to carrie's last night. had a nice time catching up on each other's lives. finally, nagkaaminan na din. haha. turns out na mga in love at committed na ang mga friends ko. and this time, things are looking really bright. good for them.

shempre, we had to talk about cosmetic surgery. haha. magpapayaman na daw kami para magpamesotherapy na lang. at magpapasaksak kami ng glutathion. kasi nainggit si carrie kay pops fernandez. ewan ko ba naman bakit kasi nauso magpa enhance ng katawan. eh mga inggitera kami. really, i don't want to get anything fixed. but a boob job won't hurt. ay, it will pala!! as in daw! ocge na nga hindi na.

ahhahaha, nanonood kami ng tv. un movie ni ai-ai at ni bong revilla. ang jologs hahaha, nakakatawa nag break dance sila. nagheheadspin pa. ang baduy pero the moment is right kaya tuwang tuwa ako.haha. kasi naman. walang ibang mapanood. i swear, magpapa cable na ko! argh! anu ba naman kasi un.

nakakatamad. i still have to finish the camp program. well, tapos na pala but hindi kompleto ung materials na binigay nila kay di ako makagalaw.

---------------------------------

will be going to laguna tomorrow. i'll be away for five days. school camp. i issued a letter last friday regarding electronic gadgets and cellphones in the camp. stated there that the students can't bring any because we don't want them to have distractions. dapat lang naman na ma-enjoy nila un camp. shaka baka may mawala, masisi pa kami.

the students are complaining and came up with a text message kung bakit nila jinujustify ang pagdadala ng cellphone. nung thursday kasi nagkumpulan sa isang tabi, probably thinking about ways na makapagpuslit ng phones sa camp. hmp. naiinis sila sa akin.

where we'll go to is an amazing place. it's a coconut plantation converted into a campsite. green grass all around. wide open spaces. at this time of the year, it would almost always rain everyday and you can walk around without getting wet. the climate is always perfect. i've been there a lot of times and i never get tired of that place.

sana maisip nila na there are better things to do.

weheheeh! i get to take my cellphone with me!! bwahahahah!!BLEH!

ocge na nga!

yesterday, i went to megamall. yoshi and russ convinced me to try my luck again and apply with them at gamepal.com. i was half-hearted, i would rather just go to meet up with them and watch a movie instead. and as usual may late. buti na lang reng and marvin was around kaya i waited with them. russ came, then yosh. ate lunch. was supposed to go to the office ng 1 but we were 2 hours late. i really got cold feet na nun. at shempre ako pa ung unang nainterview. nanenerbyos tuloy ako. eh usapang bobo naman. malay ko ba, gamers un mga andun, e wala akong kaalam-alam nyang mga gaming-gaming na yan!

para ngang internet cafe lang ung office. mejo masikip. puro guys nga and a few very fashionable girls. kulang na lang nga magyosi sa loob eh.

nagpirmahan ng kontrata. at naiwan ko un kopya ko sa 4th floor CR ng megamall. astig.

oh, ayan, may trabaho na ko. good luck.

dad said it was okay. didn't even mention na they are leaving na. ewan ko lang with mum. kasi un isa kong cousin reacted violently na. i don't really care. ok na nga lang din. kelangan ko lang ayusin ung sched ng mga lakad ko.

para lang sa future ng mga bata. haha.

magpipinta muna ko tonight.

kapoy kaayo

nye. di naman ako madunong magbisaya talaga.

kanina hunny ate chicharon and started making kwento about the owner of the business. he actually met na daw the person who owns it, well, family business yun pala. sabi niya madami nga na bright ideas ang mga people but walang pang-capital.

naalala ko tuloy dati, mga 4 years ago siguro, si gela and camille gusto mag business. we always talked about it nun during sleepy hours, after class. cafe daw. eh ako lagi nagcocomplain kasi mahirap mag run ng ganun. uso na nun ung mga hotel sa japan na capsules na lang instead of rooms. so sabi sabi namin ni gela, ganun na lang ang business namin. sa tapat ng ateneo namin bubuksan, para sa mga students. dapat parang maliliit na horizontal cubicles haha may AC, pillows, blankets, and pipe-in music. and pwede ka pa magpawake-up call. shempre un rates, pang atenista. eh panu daw kung un driver? meron din rates. 10 pesos per hour, banko shaka dyaryo. may electric fan naman. o kaya pwede din, horizontal sila, dyaryo at floor. haha! nakow, yayaman kami nun!

haha. oh the need to be horizontal...

hosted a children's party, face- painted, and made the kids play games. nag laro kami ng "bring me". i asked for a yellow balloon. biglang napuno ng balloon ang face ko. i turned away, and a balloon stick poked me right in the mouth, i laughed so hard napaupo ako hahahha! mga abnormal na kids. mental note: keep your mouth shut if there are balloons on sticks around you. grabe, it's tiring talaga, making the kids listen, hearing screams habang naglalaro, and dodging flying kids. haha.

tiring day.

tomorrow, punta kami sa ortigas to apply for work. instead of doing the cover letter i need, i asked hunny to make one for me. kanina kasi i thought i won't have free time. really, i am tired and blogging relaxes me. and honestly, i hate making business letters. di talaga ako madunong ng ganyan. make me write papers for literature class, okay lang. but business letters, they sound emotional pag ako gumawa haha!

ok bye now, i need to rest muna. my foot hurts.

long day

nahuli ako ng pulis sa makati. beating the red light daw. sige na nga! HMP. 250 din un. buti na lang may license na ko ahhahahhahah!!!

this was friday.

i was with russ. went to makati to submit my folio at a gallery. sa makati ave/ paseo de roxas un. ok na nga eh. tapos rushed to ortigas(well, di naman talga rushed kasi traffic was heavy) for an interview. di ko naman sineseryoso, tapos ung president pala kakausapin namin. nenerbyos tuloy ako. weh, sobrang informal. tanggap agad wala man lang exam. nagproject lang si russ. crush kasi sha nung president ata. sobrang lakas naman kasi talaga ng dating ni russ, parang TL hahaha. eh ako magulo buhok. tee hee. uuyyy, si russ!! haha ayan ayaw naman ni russ maging telemarketer. eh ako walang pake. basta ok na sa kin may pera. ewan ko. di ko alam if i want to work nga eh.

gusto ko lang magswimming. shaka mag beer. haha.

ate pizza sa greenwich. tig half kami ni russ. grabe, nahihiya ako sa sarili ko. but it wasnt the first time na nakaubos ako ng half ng greenwich pizza. 2nd time na to. haha. drove to shangrila to meet up with tyrone. russ got books tapos we made paalam na. ang haba ng araw namin together. pang comedy pa. haha.

ty took me to green tomato. he ordered mozarella toast and risotto. the risotto came with 2 porkchops. nakitdutdot lang ako. sarap talaga ng food dun. the chops were juicy and tender, and the breading was just delightful. hehe. ayus. saw a lot of people sa shang. this is the only mall na everytime andun ako, i see friends lagi. hehe.

passed on coffee, was getting a migraine attack. drove to pasig to pick up bog and nene. got mad when i saw dakki with them. uh oh. di kami kasha sa car because i had to pick up their parents from the airport and ten from eastwood. the baggage would fill up the back and i only had room for 6 people, masikip pa. tyrone suggested that i drop him off sa cubao na lang. kawawa naman. i made pilit lang him to come with me kasi i want someone na kausap ko while driving. hmp. sabagay we couldn't do anything about the kids hahha. it was 10 in the evening and i was angry, guilty, and annoyed.

from cubao, drove to the airport. ayuz. tulog mga kasama ko. hmp. lalo ako napikon. picked up ate wins and kuya arnold from the arrival bay around 12.30. kuya drove to eastwood. fought over gambas, salpicao, and spicy squid sa jack's loft.

starbucks that night was a tall hot choco. drove to antipolo. slept agad around 3am.

the secret to sleeping: magdrive na walang patumannga.

no way.

----------------------------------

house repairs update:

the garage is almost done. they're pouring cement na all over. i'll have glass walls before they leave. i'll have more space na so i can paint in peace. i guess that's the whole idea.

i hate waiting.

nothing better to do

just like i said last year, ang sarap talaga sa antipolo kapag january. same weird thing though. i can't sleep at night talaga.

things to do when you can't sleep:

1. watch 6 episodes of House. you can go to the bathroom in between the episodes. have a liter of lipton green tea on hand, an you're good to go.

2. stare at unfinished paintings and pray that they will finish themselves right before your very eyes.

3. sms. sorry na lang if everyone's asleep or working.

4. read a book. slowly lang kasi you're smsing.

5. get your nephew and niece to help you make carbonara at 12 am. if naubusan ng lpg while cooking, there's always the microwave. but worry muna for a few minutes before putting everything in the microwave.

6. pour chocolate syrup on a banana and share with two kids

7. watch "bagets" but do this in bed in case you fall asleep. but i guarantee you won't fall asleep. you'll have a hard time because you'll be laughing at the outfits. also you have to watch really carefully to see if the story goes anywhere.

8. contemplate if you'll watch "bagets 2".

9. think of things to do tomorrow. you can actually do them instead of just thinking about them but no sleep will make you too lazy to actually get anything started.

10. write weird thoughts like, I’ve been having trouble sleeping again.

A few minutes were spent staring blankly into the screen. Trying to make out a picture, an image, but my efforts are futile.

I’m trying to re-evaluate things. There are a lot of things I regret that I did in the past, but there’s no sense in denying these. So I just accept the past as past and try not to make the same mistakes or anything as equally stupid as them. Looking back at things, I realize that I have issues with trust. Either I trust people too much that I get hurt so badly or I trust myself too much that I get the exact same results. Either way, I end up badly beaten and crushed, almost as good as dead.

I like building walls around me. I have learned to manage things easily with this. What I almost always forget is that a certain part of me has become a separate entity from my whole being. And it turns out to be really gullible, thus vulnerable. More often than not, the walls just fail me. It’s a never ending cycle.

Oh, what I would give just to let me see the picture clearly. Because everything’s just a blur, a puzzle, I never would find contentment.

I can give up almost easily. But I am addicted to the thrill of taking risks. Testing the waters is an appetizer, submerging is my main course. I’ve always been addicted to this. Withdrawal is just as easy. So why should I give it up if I can manage my own pain?

I submit myself to this process still transparent as ever.

And I am not a total asshole so I assume that other people can only live up to a certain degree of asshole-ness, too. But, what if I’m wrong? But right now, I don’t want to be right just yet.

How long can we keep on fooling ourselves? I imagine and try a little bit harder. The picture is faded, the shadows hide everything.

and stop because you bored yourself completely and you're now ready for sleep. pag gising mo, you're still insane but you've forgotten how praning you've been at 3am.

i'm so tired but i still got plenty of things to do. but i don't want to do them.

lazy

mum and i went to the bank today. she wants her account under our names. unfortunately, it turns out that i don't have a valid ID. the bank won't accept the tempo ID so mum had to scold me for not going to marikina where i can get the plastic one ng same day. weh, buti nga i got one pa. haha. my passport's expired and i keep putting off getting a new one kasi i don't think i'm going anywhere just yet. i'm too lazy to get up in the mornings to get my social security. the voter's ID never came. and i am AWOL this sem. smsd bebb to get me a form 5 so i can use my school ID. weh.

got home, scarfed down a lot of salad, a burger, and lobster balls.

ok. got to check papers. i need coffee.

a few more days and i'll be off my catatonia.

kapikon the kids today. they're really irresponsible. being sheltered talaga can cause this. being passive din. oh well. but the thing is, i get really toxic kasi they submit projects na laging late. as in they don't care about deadlines. eh submission na ng grades on friday. hmmm. but vaughn submitted his story book. astig. i'll lend it to you, just text me. hehe.

i sometimes don't know what to do anymore. i'm tired grabe. hindi naman kasi education ang tinapos ko. pintor lang po ako. at driver. sana marealize nila un lahat.

trying to finish my folio. as in konti lang ung pics ng works ko. i can't find the old ones. hay. oh well.

uh oh...

can't sleep...

i tried but i really can't. it's too hot. i'm on the couch, typing and watching house. i said goodnight to everyone already and mikkey's asleep already. he's not feeling well since yesterday. kawawa naman si pogiboy...i hope he feels better tomorrow.

deleted a hundred of junk mail and saw some funny ones sa friendster inbox ko:


Hello friend,
Im 27, foreigner, i want to make friend with you if
its ok with you.
Im in Manila more than 2 years, but i still dnt know
much about tagalog hehehe.
If you dnt mind, can we be friends? Im happy to
know more about you. I really want to know you
more. If its ok with you, can you txt me? My cp
number is 09275910150
My email is domibatigol@yahoo.com
Thank you.

oh, ok. obviously you still dont know much about english, either.

Subject: hi cute
Message: just dropping by just to say HELLO to a woman
whose beautiful face hanging around the corner of
my heart. takecare always.........

weh panalo!

-------------------------------------------

i now have a license. russ went with me to LTO and yoshee came din. wow. took forever. now, i can go to tagaytay. wahehee...oh, i've been there twice na pala without a license. haha, i could've gone for a year pa without it except mum wanted me to go with her sa bank. and i need a valid id. wahaha. kasi my passport's expired, i don't have my sss,tin,and voter's. ayus. well.

--------------------------------------------

yesterday, lets (lelets according to mikkey) called me up. she wanted to get foot treatment and some other stuff. spent four hours sa parlor. grabe. funny, the bading wanted na rebond hair ko. ang galing daw kasi natural ung kulot,ang ganda, kaya magsawa na daw ako. haha. ang labo talaga ng people, pag kulot, paparebond, pag straight, papakulot.

cheenee brought me a sonja cupcake. how sweet.

--------------------------------------------

ok, i'm gonna sleep na talaga. i will try. promise.

happy birthday, russ! salamat sa maraming food! mahal kita.

gulo thoughts for the new year

oh holy kamote, i am so not ready to go back to work. i just wanna stay home and read, paint and starve myself. uh oh, and i can't afford to come in late anymore. hmp.

cheenee made calls aroung 4pm asking me to drive for them so we could go to starbucks. i wanted to go online first and since she had to call everyone and take a bath, i was able to check my mail and blog a little. nothing interesting really online. but i was able to catch russ online.

cheenee called again(well, thrice) on my cellphone, asking non-important stuff. finally she calls to say that she's ready and everybody's at her place already. i unplugged the wires from the laptop and rushed to look for clothes. i was wearing knee-length denim shorts and a white shirt, still not ready, bad tita...went to the bedroom, found ten sitting on the bed clipping her nails. went throught the closet looking for clean jeans and shirts. found nothing. scrambled through clean laundry, found nothing. not even clean jeans. sorted whatever's dry or drying, nothing. the hamper for dirty laundry was overflowing and ten announced that ate marlyn hasn't finished the washing after i figured that out on my own.

grabbed the black girly shirt with gold print and puff sleeves i wore for lunch last saturday from the clothesline, slipped on brown striped flats and tied my hair. ayan, semi-formal na ko. semi ung shorts, formal ung shirt. i went nextdoor and jan opened the gate, laughed at what i was wearing, cheenee and kim came and checked me out, laughed at me, too. oh well. yeah, laugh all you want. eh just last friday, my friend aeah told her bestfriend(and yup, i was there) how weird i dress up. hey, what's wrong with the way i dress up?i am not weird. people are just boring.(quoting raens here)

had grande espresso frap with two extra shots and vanilla syrup. kuya arnold got pizza from yellow cab but passed kasi pepperoni eh. after coffee, went to tyrone's place for dinner(oh no, kain na naman). anniv ng parents nya. well, i didn't overdo dinner. hehe.

after the party, went to cheenee's and watched 3 episodes of house. picked on leftover turkey and fought over the cheesecake from diamond hotel. pinakamasarap na i ever tasted. but shempre, tyrone's cheesecake pa rin ang panalo. went back home and attempted to clear the stuff off my bed.

hunny had said goodnight a few hours ago. kaya i decided to go online para antukin. and now am all alone listening to the mp3s russ uploaded sa laptop ko. ayus, music from the 90's and beyond. haha.

i have a few projects for myself. i want to make teeny paintings for dad to take to hawaii. so he won't forget. nye. as if naman, how could he forget, eh everytime he'll stare sa mirror, i'm sure he'll remember me. still thinking of what to get for mum, ali, and ten. patattooan ko na nga lang si ten ng pangalan ko para maalala nya na may ate shang naghihirap hahah! whatever. am going to greenhills tomorrow. will probably get them things they can use. katulad ng microwave o kaya juicer. or flashlight. o kaya key chain.haha! shempre natawa ko sa joke ko.

ok so now, russ' tentative menu for 5 on jan 5:

breaded chicken breast fillet with capers and lemon butter
salad (just lettuce and vinegrette or whatever)
pasta (still undecided, but it would be tomato or oil based)
maraming coke for yoshee
peach crepes

sana may car ako para makapagdala ko ng turbo hehe.

sunday, when we visited papang, i saw this huge tarpaulin calendar tita jo, a widow, posted near the bedroom door. it had a picture of her late husband, tito jun.

me to the calendar : "ayuz, ka tito jun, patay tayo jan."

patawa talaga ko.

oh. i didn't get a tattoo this year pala. kasi last year i vowed na to get one for every year na i remain single. eh when september came, wala akong budget haha. reng even asked me nga nung october kung may boyfrind na ko, kala ko concerned sa lovelife ko, yun pala gusto lang sumabay nung bf nya when i get one ulit. hay. single kasi, susumpa pa...getting one again soon. para ipasara na so i would stop. but this will be big. meron na ko naisip na design. nyaknyaknyak.

i sold a painting last saturday. tee hee thanks sa lucky charm ko na seloso.

ohh,last january, i bet pala my ass na maging good year ang 2006 for me. tee hee...i get to keep my ass.

happy new year

the season can be so tiring. i am glad it's almost over.

the year ended without any earth-shaking anything for me. this had been a good year , though. i got almost all i wished for.

thank you to everyone who made 2006 interesting.

thank you for the people who stayed when i was at the lowest point of everything and rejoiced with me when things went bright.

to the people who stayed on call during my looney days and to those who supported my delusions, thank you, you kept me grounded.

to the people who believe in me, thank you, you keep on inspiring me.

kay russ and yoshee, salamat for always believing in me. i'm more confident and comfortable about me dahil sa mga kalandian natin.

kay blythee, kahit sakitin ka at nawawala ka, nahihipuan pa din ako sa mga kadramahan mo sa text. salamat sa effort at pagiintindi.

kay joy, sa mga kabaliwan at intellectual converstions na hindi. ikaw at ako, malabo, pero alam ko na mahal talaga natin ang isa't isa. salamat sa pagtambay at pagsama sa akin ngayon taon na to.

raens, thanks for the angas advice na lagi mo binibigay. ikaw ang favorite kong partner sa kaangasan. you have a big part kung bakit ako naging stronger.

jo, lets, and tel...kahit lagi tayong lasing, i treasure ung mga points of view na we share, lalong lumalawak ang utak ko. salamat kasi anjan kayo, witness sa lahat ng bagay na nangyari, at kahit sobrang iba-iba tayo, pwede na! ayus na. alam nyo yan.

kay nowel, sam, and jez, salamat for trusting me. at sa mga ingay sa sasakyan.alagaan natin ang isa't isa.

kay makol, salamat sa lahat ng inspiring talk na hindi naman. at salamat kasi lagi mo pinapaalala na dapat ayus lang lahat pag nababaliw na ko. kahit in your weird and sometimes sick way.

marami pa kayo pero yan na lang muna.

2006 took a big turn for me during the last quarter. after a long time, i'm welcoming a new year with a smile.

thank you to you who made my life a little weirder. eventhough you're far away from me, i now enjoy my sleepless nights, my boring days in school, and my early mornings. you made my life easier and you gave me a reason to wake up each day. you know what you do to me. i love you, mikkeli.

--------------------------

dark thoughts for the end of 2006: sobrang transparent ko daw. kaya nga vulnerable ako. at gullible. sige paglolokohin nyo ko.

24 lang ako.weh!

nakuha ko sa friendster.shempre inedit ko na para tama ung grammar nung iba. pero baka may namiss ako kasi antok ako.

How old do you act? Put an x on all the
things you can do and find out how old
you act!!

[X] I know how to make a pot of coffee
[X I can do my own laundry
[X] I can cook for myself
[ ] I do my chores after being told
once
[x] I sometimes do my homework/work
[x] I actually enjoy intellectual
conversations
[ ] I think politics are exciting
[ ] My parents and grand-parents have
better things to say than my peers

total: 5
_______________________________________
__

[ ] I show up for school/work every
day unless I'm sick
[x] I always carry a pen in my
pocket/purse
[ ] I watch talk shows
[x] I know what incredibility means
without looking it up
[X ] I drink black coffee

total: 3
_______________________________________
__

[x] I know how to run the dish
washer..and/or do the dishes
[x] I can count in more than one
language
[ ] I can mow the lawn
[x] I can wash the car
[X] I can make adults laugh... without
being stupid
[ ]I remember to water my plants
[ ] I study when I have to
[ ] I pay attention at school/work
[x] I remember to feed my pets.
[x] I'm generally organized

total: 6
_______________________________________
__

[x] I can spell experience without
looking it up
[x] I clean up my own messes
[x] The first thing I do when I wake
up is get coffee--juice or hot
chocolate
[x] I can go to the store without
getting something I don't need
[x] I understand jokes the first time
they are said
[ ] I can type quickly, because I type
every day

total: 5
_______________________________________
__

[X ] My choice in clothing is
acceptable in an office or something
like that
[ ] I can watch politics and laugh
[x] I have realized that the weather
forecast changes every hour
[x] I have realized that no one will
take you seriously unless you are over
the age of 25 and have a job
[x] I can read a book and actually
finish it
[x] People have said that I look older
than I am

total: 5

Now add up how many x's you have and
put "i act like a_ year old

my eyes are heavy. slept at 6am and woke up before 12. fell in and out of sleep. hmmm. i need a caffeine fix.

"bakit di ka pa nagshshow, eh hinog na hinog ka na? you're ripe and ready for the picking."

sarap naman.

p.s. check out russ' and yosheee's blog for photos from the cookout.

merry christmas, everyone!

yup, it may be winter outside, but in my heart it's spring. haha. baduy.

malamig man, it feels all warm and good inside.

it was worth the wait. thank you. =)

merry christmas, kids.

i love all of you.

oh, so, yeah, okay.

okay. so this guy texts me all of a sudden. i had to rub my temples in disbelief. and of course, he has to be the ass he always is. but then i should know that he's always that way. and i go oh, thanks for calling. and thanks for the kind words. inspite you being the ass that you are.

usapang baliw

jez: dude, gusto ka nun... kita ko sa mata nya.

me: ows? bakit?

jez: iba tingin nya sayo.

me: siguro tinititigan nya ko nung kausap nya kami eh.

jez: tol, iba ka, ayus un...kita ko nung kumakain ka, nakayuko ka, pingmamasdan ka nya...

me(sa isip ko lang): dami ko kasi kinakain eh.

it's funny how we send signals that aren't really there. but you see. i'm smarter than you think. although i'm slow, i am smart. ahaha. wow, hanlabo ng world. well, it had its chance, but i am happy and content now in my own little world. so don't tell me that you know things because i am aware of these, too. now if we all just play friends and just talk about business, that would be better. sa ngayon, yes, i would prefer something vague and ambiguous over tangible things. and i can take care of myself.

let's all not complicate things. we left it there where it's supposed to be. and i think that's the proper thing to do.

at kung anu pa man yan, wag na nating pang pag usapan yan. dahil wala naman talaga.

at ngayon...

i'm in trouble because i am insensitive. i wish i knew.

wala akong magawa. i'm soooooo bored.

eto na lang.





at eto pa.

http://www.style-arena.jp/index.htm

wala lang...

confused

i am feeling weird and kinda sick in the stomach. i think i'm dreading something that's coming. i don't even know what. oh. must be the holidays. wehehe. i will be hearing na naman my friends tell me, uy, malami ang pasko mo... aye, malamang nasa antipolo ako. my feet nga are cold in the mornings eh.

but really, this is kinda ugly. i'm thinking, bills...my fault. i wouldn't have this problem if i wasn't malandi in the first place. oh well, anjan na yan, anu pa ba magawa but face the consequences.

i just feel too tired and wasted. and to think i just stayed indoors all day. i didn't even turn on the lights until it got really dark. what do i really want? this is so annoying. i hate this day. it's too gloomy. and globe can't load. wala na ko load bummer. good bye world. for now. until globe gets fixed.

ho hum.

finally i was able to speak with blytheee. i got myself a party on saturday. will be cooking for 8 people.

oh bad back. just below the lungs. parang my back is so unstretched. haha. i need a good back rub. uh oh...tomorrow's a long drive from antipolo to quezon city to tagaytay to taguig to cubao then back home. yari my back. and my wallet. all that for a stupid party. ehehehhe.

bored. bored. errr. i need something to do tonight. blah blah.

hmm..mangangapitbahay muna ko for tilapia and atchara. and may baon ako century egg. heheh. baduy. kawawa naman ako, ala decent food here. i dont want to cook. katamad. it's too cold to move.

wala kayong kwentang lahat world! hala, nababaliw na naman ako. i found myself talking with myself na naman, pero dalawa pa lang kaming nag-uusap. weh, i'm a stupid human being. i need a beer. ahahhaha. makol, asan na ba kaw?!!! hehehe, bukas mga equally-baliw friends ko pala kasama ko. si jez, joy, and nowel. ayan na naman!! tulog tyo! addzhhhhhhhhhtttt!! tawern! sabog ka ba?!

oi, hindi ah...

ala pa din kwenta

Smsing

from eten: wahaha. Anlupet ng statement d2 sa jip. ‘share TO seat, win a friend.’ Aus.

Me: ahhh. Panu yun?

Ten: iniicp ko ba din eh.

Hala sige, go figure!

----------------------------------

Went to grilla last night for dinner with the rest of the faculty members. Good kare-kare. I got ham. Haha. After dinner, I went out the deck with tyrone and ten. I was starting to get AC allergy so I had to get fresh air. O eto. According to Oprah as told by tyrone, the meat we eat is digested through decomposition. Ewww, double dead pala ang meat sa insides natin. Ayus. E anu pa nga ba. Therefore we have to eat fiber and drink water to flush out ito. And whatever’s left inside us becomes putty na nagiging cause ng cancer.

Also, the fat na dangerous ay yun naiiwan sa sides ng stomach at intestines kasi eto unan nagagamet pag kelangan ng energy. Sabi ko bakit dangerous. Di nya daw alam. Weh ang labo. They showed daw a healthy aorta. Sabi ko how can an aorta be healthy kung kinuha na sa tao at patay na sha, paano?!! Ang labo ko daw. So dapat kumain ng fresh na fruit and vegetables, na tawag naming ay mga pagkaing buhay at hindi luto. Kasi we need the enzymes daw to help digestion.

Weh anu ngayon?

---------------------------------

Yesterday I made my first batch of cheese sticks. Thank you, hunny, for sharing mum’s secret recipe with me. Ang sarap kahit mejo overcooked ata, hehe. Mwah.

---------------------------------

Ayan today, I went to megamall. Tagal na ko di nakapunta dun. Sobrang toxic. A few years ago, joy would ask bakit bad aw trip na trip ko mag mall. Well, hindi na ngayon. I hate shopping. Mum had to convince me to get nice girly shirts. Kasi I chose two na pang boys haha. Sabi nya umayus daw ako. So I got three more, since she’s paying, bakit hindi. Mum, I want new shoes din. And a mailman’s bag. And a newsboy hat.

i got pichi pichi, kuchay ah, and stuff for saturday.

i got a facial thing. hehe, masakit noh. nagsorry nga sa kin ung nag treat kasi umiyak ako. shempre di naman malakas noh. mejo i got really teary-eyed kasi na-soak ung gauze sa eyes ko ng luha. bakit? bakit?! bakit nya ko sinaktan?!!! pero ok naman. cute na ulit ako. nyaknyanyak!

sobrang tired ako when i got inside the car, buti na lang dad drove. sabi ko kasi wala akong license. eh wala naman talaga. bad back.

si hunny, sakiting bata...

-----------------------------

gotta rush a painting. bye bye!

acidic

mum handed me my money for this payday. i still get to shake my head everytime i get my pay. i used to make 4 times back when i was working in makati. and then i get to think, will it be worth it if i go back?

4 hours of miserable sleep everyday. recurring gastro thing. bad lungs. allergy.

ok.

i told nowel that i'm thinking of going back to work. makikipagplastican na naman daw ako at mabobo at di na makakapagpinta. oo nga naman. at madami kaming plans sa grupo.

well, let's wait for january.

--------------------------------

sms from reng : hahahar..in lab c abba? ang hirap kc paniwalaan! c sarcastic,procrastinating abba in lav?!

ha?!!ganyan ba ako?! WTF?!! haha!

i was thinking. is there a pill or something that lessens the intensity of an emotion? kunyari, prozac for the happy. haha. baliw daw ako, baliw! well, i guess i do deserve to be happy naman. i'm pleased to announce that my big cloud of depression had floated away. my skies are all clear now. and it's a weird relief that i can identify other emotions now.

sabi sa akin ni madame reng, di daw pwede pagsamahin ang air and land signs, ang libra at virgo. sabi ko, bakit hindi? kasi daw conservative ang virgos and ang librans, liberated. sabi ko, huwattt?! ako conservative. not in the christian sense daw, but kasi articulate and consistent daw ako at baka hindi mainitindihan ng librans ang mood swings ko. si ako pa, very much a virgo. sabi ko mejo contradicting naman un sa nangyayari. ingat daw ako kasi librans are promiscuous. ahahhahaha!! ayus. di bale, dog naman sha kaya, dependable, honest, and loyal ang libran ko. hehe.

ala lang.

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dec 18.

lets texted me if i had plans na for the day. since wala pang definite anything, i agreed to accompany her to the parlor. xmas party nila eh. ok din naman because i wanted to get my foot scrubbed. may pintura pa kasi. hehe. parang di ako naligo nakakahiya.

now i have red toenails. ramdam ko na ang pasko.

ten has a mean tummy ache na nagraradiate to her back. i hope it's not serious. probably stress-related daw or muscle pain. if masakit pa daw after the meds, kelangan nya mag pacheck ng kidney. poor thing. her eyes na are puffy. i hope she gets better soon.

-----------------------------

i promised na i'll write something sensible. i don't think it's possible. kasi i am mad. kasi i'm in love with a probinsyanong hip hop- a scot who eats freaky balut eggs.ewww. hehe.

hello the holidays and other stories

whoa. i tried to avoid food but sha ang nag chaCHARGE! papunta sa akin. good luck.

yesterday, i went to shangri-la with vaughn and cheenz so that they could get a gift for their parents. so we went for dinner at KFC. i had two of the tiny sandwiches. ung chicken fillet crunch. ok, tapos walk around, walk around. got the gift. tyrone came and asked us to meet him at green tomato. he bought us a carafe of peppermint ice tea. at first, lasang astring-o-sol, but after the shrimp and salsa pasta and the chicken fingers, masarap pala. got coffee after the second dinner (sorry hun...di na talaga uulit). tapos drove to the airport. huwaw. i'm never going back dun ng december. grabe the traffic, really heavy. picked up ate wins and kuya arnold and went to the fort for the 3rd dinner. dami poseurs hahahah. grabe, i hate konyo gimik spots talaga. parang ang fake ng lahat ng tao. anyway, 3rd dinner was at an italian cafe. calamari and cabrese for me. and 2 teaspoons ng amaretto tiramisu.

grabe. patayin nyo na lang ako.

wala na pala akong other stories. haha.

--------------------------

smsing.

after my pshyc student friend analyzed me nanaman a few days ago, nagshare sa love life nya.

me: why don't you try cyber dating?

hannahbanana: ano ko cyborg?

hindi. isa kang gulay! umayus ka. hehe

--------------------------

panu mo sabihin na may BO ung friend mo.

according to tyrone:

"tumutugtog ka ba ng Bach, 'tol?"

--------------------------

gtg. hosting thing sa rotary christmas party. next time i promise i'd write something sensible.

After a series of mean acid attacks, I was allowed one last cup of coffee for this week. while hunny is drinking red horse somewhere in the far south, I decided to get a grande quad latte with hazelnut syrup. Sabi ni eten, sulit nga ang last cup ko.

I missed eastwood a lot. This is the only gimik spot I enjoy going to. Because parking is always easy, I prefer this place kasi ok naman ang choices sa restos and bars. Met up with my relatives from cebu because my cousin Marshee is leaving already tomorrow for periodical exams. We got free dinner at pho hoa thanks to tita edith. I had a vermicelli bowl, un na fave ko sa pho hoa. Sarap warm salad.

And medyo nabugbog ako ni ethan, un 6 year old cousin ko na di kami magkaintindihan. Slammin ba naman ako eh. Binalibag ko nga.

We had éclairs from jack’s loft and took silly pictures. Walked around a little. They left us around 10pm. So ten and I decided to get cofi para bonding. Yun, sa starbucks we saw friends ko from the old office, sina raech and terrie. Saya naman, reminiscing and making lait the people. Exchanged stories and just laughed our hearts out.

Left eastwood around 11:30. when we got to antipolo, black out sa street naming. Bummer naman. kaya now, I’m here typing on Word, with an hour left sa battery ko. I just lit four candles. I’m still finishing up my hell of a coffee.

Planning a cook out for my convergys friends on the 23rd. the tentative menu ay:


Appetizers – raens’ egg salad with roe on crackers and olives
Pasta puttanesca
Beef and shrimp kebabs
Grilled corn and vegetables
Red wine

May humihirit ng crabs daw. Ah eh, sige basta sya bumili. Wow, mahal. If we get crabs, I’ll be deep-frying them and serving them with crispy garlic flakes.

Hunny had 8 bottles of beer and 2 cocktails na. funny na mag text haha!

May dog-cat chase sa labas. Ayus I can hear everything kasi ang tahimik all around. I hate it talaga pa walang electricity. It gets really depressing. And parang nagkakadaming mosquitoes. Asan nab a ung mga alaga kong lizards ditto when I need em? Sana mag ka power na kasi baka masunog ako at napaka flammable pa naman ng paligod ko. Paint thinner, linseed oil, oil paints, and my hair. Scary di ba? Haha!

Oooh…Christmas is so near. And I still can’t feel it. Sana Santa will bring me nice gifts. For Christmas I want the following:

1. a new ipod (mamamatay na un mini ko eh)
2. a new car (mamamatay na si blue eh)
3. new shoes ( yun 3 pairs ng chucks na I’m dying for)
4. a perm (but ate Winnie will treat me sa salon if I grow my hair a little longer pa daw)
5. a camera phone (kasi jologs lang ang phone ko)
6. a big bunch of flowers (kasi tagal ko na di nakakatanggap nun. Eh hobby ko pa naman tumunganga at ngumiti-ngiti parang gago sa flowers. Haha. O kaya bili na lang ako sa palengke kasi mura lang. si blytheee pa huling nagbigay sa kin nun)
7. a big bottle ng clinique happy
8. a light saber
9. madaming toys! (hotwheels, action figures and a real doll. Haha!)
10. and world peace.

Sabi ko kay eten, makakapaghintay ako hanggang Chinese new year haha! Alis na sila ng January eh. Sarap naman! haha! Yan,nagresign kasi di tuloy maregaluhan ung sarili. Haha, pag pasko kasi favorite kong bigyan ng gift ang sarili ko. Ayuz!

----------------------------

school life.

there's this really annoying kid in school. i don't like her. i tried but she's too weird. nasa loob ang kulo. when you talk to her, shrug lang ng shoulders ang gawin nya.

favorite line ko: if you don't answer my questions, that means only two things: either you're stupid or you're mayabang. and i don't think na may taong bobo.

her parents came to the school. i told them off. haha.

softly

Softly
Kissing you as you lie sleeping
Breathing
Gently with you in your slumber
Your face is the picture of contentment
My angel's dreaming, my angel's dreaming

And I'm so happy wit'you
So happy wit'you
So happy wit'you
So happy wit'you

Slowly
Opening your wondrous eyes on me
Shining
Green and glorious in the morning sun
This moment, what could be more precious?
May it live forever, may it live forever

So happy wit'you
So happy wit'you
So happy wit'you
So happy wit'you

Smiling on me your love gives me all the blessings of this new day
The heat in your skin caresses my senses in sucha glorious way

I'm so happy wit'you
So happy wit'you
So happy wit'you
So happy wit'you

softly by lamb

---------------------------

runny nose today.

things to do these coming weeks:

1. host rotary's party on saturday

2. help mum cook for the rotary party

3. think about the christmas eve menu

4. shop for ingredients for a gazillion california maki and tuna maki

5. make the gazillion maki

6. paint

7. photgraph paintings

8. email clients

not in order though, kya magulo list ko. wala lang.

busog!

galeng nito.





relatives from dad's side came over yesterday. all the weeks of dieting went to waste haha. love the lechon cebu. will be looking at a busy week.

---------------------

kim: tita, gising ka na daw.
me: ha, bakit, may pasok ba?
kim: tita, sunday ngayon...
ate anne: hala ayus, disoriented ka na...
me: oh, i thought monday na...

but really, i am in no way excited to go to work anymore now that the holidays are on their way. antipolo is cooler than usual now with occassional drizzles. i sometimes even wake up because the breeze outside causes too much noise. i am terrorized with the thought of christmas cooking. and if orders come pa, i'll have to bake pa. ok lang with the extra money but bad trip if hanggang 24, may orders pa. oh well.

wow, hindi pa ko depressed even with the cold weather present. haha! galing galing. mahusay na ko ngayon.

still, wala pa ko intentions of getting gifts. kahit sa chinese new year, wala kyo mapipiga from me. i'll just host my teeny parties/cookouts siguro for the kids during the holidays. haha. i told them na extend ko na lang deadline for their writing project, yun na christmas gift ko sa kanila.

smsing:

zach's number: tita, totoo ba na ieextend mo ang deadline para sa lit class?

me: maliban syo

zach: cheenz to

me: maliban din syo

cheenz: TITAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
---------------------

i know i have something else to write about, but i keep on losing it everytime i start to blog.

---------------------

welcome to the world, keon albert ice pinpin! you made my pamangkins list a little longer, mwah!

Trippy song for the night. Catatonia’s Don’t Need The Sunshine.


Oh holy hypertension. I get really edgy sometimes. And then I go kulet and insecure and praning over a lot of things. I admit na how my usual nature fluctuates every once in a while. But given reasons for depression kasi stimulates it. And I still regret it because my aggressive nature takes over me during these moments. Maybe it’s my hormones. Hey, give me a break, I’ve been sickly this week.

Alcohol is a depressant. Mental note: stay away.

My endorphin level is quite low for the week. Ate Anne asked me to go do Muay Thai with her. This coming week perhaps. Haha, I don’t actually believe it, because my face pulls into this funny smile every minute. And Kevin said I am unusually jolly while Zach said I am insanely happy. I’m loving every bit of it. Okay, okay, it’s intense and fast and maybe I need to slow down a bit. You tell me.

I’ve resurrected the paintings I’ve worked on before the art fair. After I finish the last of my naïve paintings, I’m going back to photorealism to keep the balance in my folio. Yup, I’m now working on my folio. Really. I get more and more excited to paint everyday so it’s looking brighter. Noel also told me that I should do photorealism again so that we’ll have variety in our group folio. And hunny said we’ll work on a project and I am thrilled.

Mum is missing me again and she’s started to get on my nerves. Sorry, mum, I just wanted to take advantage of the holiday. I locked myself in the studio today to paint and went out only to go for Starbucks with the kids. Mum, there’s such a thing called the phone. If you need me, you can always call me.

ooh i spoke too soon...

i'm still having a bad tummy ache. i can't even figure out if it's gas, acid, pms, or whatever. basta masakit. if i go see a doctor naman, that means i have to drive myself to qc. ayayay! kawawa.

good luck sa akin. good luck sa coffee. at goodluck sa diet ko. ow...

oh, finally, i feel better already.

still i'm a lazy ass. i don't wanna go to work and i don't wanna go out in the sun.

the moon was lovely kahapon.

03:05:28, dec 3, 2006

half asleep, i thought i was dreaming. breathless. speechless. and now i know how it feels again.

lovely.

---------------------

been a total pain in the ass--was too sickly yesterday. well, actually, until this very moment, i've been having a terrible tummy ache. it went away today for a few hours but it hurts again. downed kremil-s, advil, and motilium, had hot tea, and i have novaluzid just in case. hmmm... nevertheless, the pain doesn't seem to matter. kahit na pati likod ko masakit. huhuhu.

thanks for being so patient. =)

---------------------

went to alabang for the opusfest's final concert and left my phone at home. hala. nakakabaliw pala yun. tyrone played really well. actually, all his friends were really good. he met a german pianist na ang galing daw. idol nya daw. but mas gusto nya ata ung french wife kasi ang hot. hahah! also saw friends from the college of music na i haven't seen in a long time.

totally deleting a huge part of this entry because tyrone will kill me if i don't.hmp.

kahapon, at church, si noemi na pulpito. sabi ni pastor, dapat daw hindi nagmamadali because god's will will be perfect. kahit daw 22 ka na, ok lang yun. at nidivert ang attention sa akin. tingnan nyo si abba, 27 na pero okay lang. weh. kawawa!hahahah! hey, i'm not looking for anything na naman eh. i am content with what i have now. sobrang content.

gotta go...inspite of a bad tummy, driver on call talaga ako. off to marikina for yellow cab. at least i'll get starbucks tonight, hehehe.babaw.

thundercats win!!!

spent the lovely day with my cousins and nephews and neices. we played paintball!! thundercats(the titos and titas) versus the pamangkins. we won 2 out of 3 games. draw pa ung isa. hahaha.

mikkeli. bleh!

after that, we had a long table set sa resto sa mmldc for dinner.


mga pamangkins and the younger cousins. mga beho. mga walang mata. haha. hunny, si cheenz yung naka striped shirt.


kevin. pinakamatyabang. he said he'll beat the crap out of us. sha lagi unang out. haha. tallest kasi. at 15, 5' 10" na sya.

lookee! i got long hair, whee!

lahat ng photos blurry kasi maka hyper lahat.

i wanna go and do that again. addictive.

but masakit sa katawan. plus, swollen ang left pinky ko. was hit. ouch.

----------------------------

goodnight, world! i gotta attend to something really really important *winks*

everybody here wants you

sam played this on the way home from tagaytay and it got stuck in my head. pang romansa daw yan, according to sam, hehe.




Twenty-nine pearls in your kiss
A singing smile
Coffee smell and lilac skin
Your flame in me
Twenty-nine pearls in your kiss
A singing smile
Coffee smell and lilac skin
Your flame in me
I'm only here for this moment
I know everybody here wants you
I know everybody here thinks he needs you
I'll be waiting right here just to show you
How our love will blow it all away
Hmm, such a thing of wonder in this crowd
I'm a stranger in this town
You're free with me
And our eyes locked in downcast love
I sit here proud
Even now you're undressed in your dreams with me
Oh, I'm only here for this moment
I know everybody here wants you
I know everybody here thinks he needs you
I'll be waiting right here just to show you
How our love will blow it all away
I know the tears we cried
Have dried on yesterday
The sea of fools has parted for us
There's nothing in our way
My love
Don't you see, don't you see'
You're just the torch to put the flame to all our guilt and shame
And I'll rise like an ember in your name
I know i,
I know i
I know everybody here wants you
I know everybody here thinks he needs you
I'll be waiting right here just to show you
Oh let me show you
That love can rise, rise just like embers
Love can taste like the wine of the ages, oh babe,
And I know they all looks so good from a distance
But I tell you I'm the one
I know everybody here, well, thinks he needs you
Think he needs you
And I'll be waiting right here just to show you.

---------------------


yesterday.

while driving off to work, i saw this kid, a toddler, maybe around 2, walking in the middle of the road. barefoot. i was just a few meters away from our house. i parked and got out off the car. nilapitan ko ung kid, and asked where he lives, and where's his mum. shempre di sha sagot. tapos from afar, malapit sa house namin, ayun, maid ata nila. i didn't leave the kid until nakalapit na ung maid, and told the kid off. sabi kanina pa daw hinahanap ng mum nya. i told her to pick the kid up kasi he might hurt himself. mnagcomplain pa ung maid na masakit daw sa likod kasi mabigat kaya pinalakad na lang. dami pa sinabi. pag-untugin ko kaya kayo ng nanay nyan. poor kid. if i were him, i'd get a new mum.

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paintball!!!