Thursday, April 19, 2007

coping with emotional eating

so the things that keep me busy are gonna kill me soon. we've been eating a lot, food tests, taste tests, weh. eating with your eyes closed and moaning with chewy caramel brownies in your mouth, that's purdy emotional. haha.

target date: may 15. if things go well, you'll know by then.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

because i am inactive and in doubt. i am anxious and empty. there is a weird taste in my mouth. the taste of stale cigarettes and of the minutes being wasted away. i have come to that place where i do not know where i exactly am. it seems that my unfinished fiction is far from the climax, farther from any resolution.

sitting in the middle of the room feels like floating in the middle of the sea. huge waves do not drown me but rather make me feel sick. it's like being churned unendlessly, without any definite direction, without any control. there's salt in my mouth.

and i try to make myself better now after i have decided to write my own fiction. and sometimes i dream that it's true. but being here, right now, i still have questions. and whether this will end soon or not, following my plot still gets me nowhere.

and i do not feel anything. but i wait still.

so' i'll be a barista or something. why not? can't you feel the excitement?
ok. here it goes.

wakokokokokkk. i received the floor plan last night. thanks to carlo flo, i won't have to stress myself sa pag-iisip. 30 days.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

click on the thing on the side and listen to jeff buckley's "you and i". hay. napipikon ako. what a waste. he's like a god. nyeh, parang valley girl. but no, really, sayang talaga. he's got the sexiest voice and the most amazing songs. but what the heck. dedbol na sha.
You & I

You and I
Ah, the calm below that poisoned the river wild
You and I
Tears that dry on a rude awakened child
Where you look down
I’ve walked before
Burning holes
With eyes of liquid brown
If we had only known
In a way
We wouldn’t reach this ground
You were my only home
Silver eyes
I want to see you shine
And we will feel the weight
Fall away from us in time
Searching our past for the true
You and I, you and I, you and I
All for you
Where you think you’ll fall
I adore you
Where you shut your soul
I will open for you
If we had only known
In a way
We’d never reach this ground
I'll know
Silver eyes
I can see us shine
I said, we will feel the weight
Fall away from us in time
Searching our past for a true
You and I, you and I, you and I
All for you.

Monday, April 02, 2007

and so, ayan na. pressure. hehe. deadlines to meet. and school just ended. so, do i enroll? nah! wahaha!
oh, well, kung para sa kinabukasan ng mga bata, bakit hindi? ahaha! looking forward to the the coming weeks. will be driving around canvassing for stuff and daydreaming.
it's 3.16 and i am not at all sleepy yet. hayz. mikkey told me to sleep already but i just can't yet. he's traveling back to his place from vacation and he's somewhere now where he can see the ocean and the lights from fishing boats. hay. i wish i were someplace else,too. and not driving. haha. oops, i need to get the car checked. blue has the hiccups again and i'm really scared of taking him to manila. not scared of him dying on me, but i'm just scared of spending for him. weh. i can't even get my car washed. haha. poor little me. wehehehehhe.

found this pala sa friendster ni luke and natawa ako. and the caption says something like "si Spongebob, beggar na". weh! ang sama talaga ni luke, at ang bad ko din for laughing.

kasi naman.

i don't think that i'll be enrolling pala talaga to finish my BFA this summer. uhm,am thinking kasi, tagaytay this april, and zambales, cebu, subic, and laguna sa may. shempre mas masaya magbakasyon kesa mag-aral. parang ang dami kong pang gastos ah, eh magpapaka iskolar lang naman ako. kasi naman, di magiging masaya kapag wala ako. ahahah!
but then again, i need to set me sa workaholic mode ko pala. but i swear, i will not try to kill myself ngayon with stress and activities. haha. anu ba yun. talagang naguguluhan ako. i'm confooosed. anu ba dapat, saya o titulo? ahaha!
osha, promise, matutulog na ko. kaya ko ito.