Friday, February 23, 2007

and so now i realize

i shouldn't be too whiney because

i definitely have no right to go pmsing

because

baog ako at pangarap lang ang magkaperiod. wahahah.

and that my fears are all imaginary.

dahil

i have an imaginary bank account. ahahahah.

and i have the weirdest imagination ever. hahahah.

as i always say,

every emotion is just a state of mind.

and i am very creative.

guess what i am thinking about?



that is so weird.

and now i have an idea.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

pwedeng utuin, paglaruan, asarin, paasahin. pero bawal ang pikon.

kasi ang mabait, minsan kapatid ng tanga.

take everything gracefully.

ang pikon, talo.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

praning all over again

and so i cannot sleep.
no more coffee for me after dinner. oh, how i dread these long silent moments when i think of countless things and realize too many.
i really am not liking myself too much, especially when i throw tantrums and annoy mikkey at night. i hate it when i catch myself staring in space. i hate it when i start thinking deeply and shut up while having conversations. i hate it that i can't sleep and nobody knows. i hate my insecurities and my dilemmas because i drag people into suffering with me. i detest waiting for something i know is coming but keeps on getting delayed. i hate being responsible for things i am clueless of.
i am not having too much fun now.
and sometimes, i get to think that i'm still that sorry sick little bitch i always am. i hate these sleepless nights. i hate crying over nothing and i hate how the ceiling looks.
and its gonna take a few weeks more before i get over this, i swear. in the meantime, let's play cool.
i'm whiney tonight. haha.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

cold cold feet

so i stop for a while and think hard.

don't you want it?

yeah, i do.

i mean, really, really want it?

maybe.

why just that?

i've grown up.

and so how are we today? oh, i've been busy, tired, lonely, and quiet. just tonight my feet started hurting. i got cold feet. i don't really like myself too much today. i have been spreading myself too thin, exhausting my energy.

i'm in my drama queen mode tonight. do i need to be?

i'll just see gregory house now.

Friday, February 16, 2007

ala naman kwenta





my giant safety pin. everybody here wants it. bleh!



and the meatloaf sandwich.and, no, it doesn't fall off!













Tuesday, February 13, 2007

hello world.
still trying to clean up the house. throwing out trash accumulated through out the years and disposing clothes nobody's gonna use for a long time. thinking of getting turtles, but decided against it. pets are not people. haha! and two dogs are just too much to handle. anyway, i still haven't cleared up the other room and my new roomie(plus 2) is coming on friday already. the house will be noisy again.
hay. nabuburaot na naman ako. hanep sa term di ba. hehehe. i am so hanging sa ere...parang di ko na alam kung anu minsan gagawin ko. i need a job. ang hirap maging mahirap. wahahaha. kasi talagang inip na inip na ko. possible naman kasing ako na lang mamroblema sa sarili ko pero ewan ko na kung bakit talagang ayaw nila ng ganun. tumatanda na ko ng paurong, paabante, patagilid, pataas, at maraming pababa. pero wala pa talgang nangyayari sa mga plano nila at di na ko makapaghintay dahil hindi naman sila ang nakakaranas ng hirap. hindi naman sila ang namomroblema kung san ako huhugot ng pambayad sa isang katutak na bills ko. at hindi sila namomroblema kung sakali mang magka-cancer ako at the age of 40 dahil hindi nila ko papachemotherapy! weh! hay...ang mga sentiments ng 27 year old bum.
kelangan ko lang naman talaga kasi ng pera. hangang pebrero lang to. pag walang mangyari, kanya-kanya na muna tyo.
sa kasalukuyan, napipikon ako sa mga pamangkin ko. mag-away daw?

Sunday, February 11, 2007

home alone

they left thursday.

had little time to cry. i actually didnt have to. why cry? they are far away, yes, but family stays in one's heart.

it took me a lot of effort though to take out the toothbrushes they left from the bathroom. these are supposed to be fixtures in one's home. it made me shiver.

it's really quiet. i don't even turn on the tv. the only noise i make is from the ipod.

oh well. i can't write yet. so i'll go now.

Monday, February 05, 2007

chicken!

told russ na i made mikkey's stir-fry chicken in garlic sauce last friday for eten's tiny party. told her that it was good. well, everyone liked it. except ate anne, kasi mejo weird ang taste buds nuon. hindi pa nageevolve haha! so here's the procedure kasi mikkey(hazimsa link ko) only gave the ingredients.

2 lg. garlic cloves, minced
1/4 c. soy sauce
1/4 c. water
1/4 c. honey
2 tbsp. vegetable oil
1 tbsp. cornstarch
1 lb. boneless, skinless chicken breast, cut into strips (that's a little more than half a kilo. shempre magconvert ka mag-isa mo)
1/4 c. chopped spring onions
procedure:
mix everything in a big bowl except half the oil and the spring onions. let it marinate for a really long time. mikkey wants two hours, ako 1 lang kasi late na.
on a hot pan, pour the remaining oil, dump in the chicken. tapos stir fry. the meat will cook siguro for a few minutes, mga 3-5. or whatever. malamang alam mo naman how cooked chicken looks. hmp. tapos, pour in the marinade. let it thicken, mga 30 seconds, ang galing! let it simmer a little, and let the garlic cook a little pa.
ayus na yan. lagay mo sa plate, garnish with the spring onion tapos, tapon ma sa labas. hehe, joke lang. pakain mo na kay nanay russ, mejo the meat is sweet because of honey tapos the onion and garlic flavors explode sa mouth mo after a few seconds. pero kung ten minutes ka na ngumunguya, malamang wala ng lasa yun.
oi, it was really good ha, taob un plato eh. hehe.
ayus na yan russ, alam mo yan.
saturday night, went to eastwood with my friends from here sa village. after 48 years, nuon na lang kami lumayo ng antipolo. haha. kasi after i let go of my job, scholar na ko talga ng bayan. aba, nakakahiya un ah! hehe. scholar, as in, sila na bahala sa akin, sumama lang ako. wahaha! well, anyway, it was a sorta despedida for eten. and the night before un, ung mga friends na ilan from highschool and mga kababata. si ten had dark circles na nga under her eyes ehehhe. too bad nagulo yun arrangements with 2nd degree cousins from dad's side. tsk. well, last night naman, sa church. they were all trying to make me cry. weh!
i'm having problems with the kids. may conflict un mga highschoolers. nakakapagod. sometimes, i just wish na for this all to end. hay. i have too many things in my mind na sila na dapat un least kong iniisip. at least kasi sa call center, wala kang emotional baggage. hmp. instead of just giving out projects and grades, you have to listen to them pa, and you have to hope na whatever you say, makatulong. makapagpagalit ka without hurting feelings. you have to be careful with what you say. and you cannot take sides. whatever. hay. bawal kasi dapat ang mayabang. oh no. what do i do? i hate this.
what's wrong with you people?!

Saturday, February 03, 2007

sa malamig!

oo malamig. dito kami nakatira sa malamig. masakit sa paa, sa dibdib, sa ulo. lamig ang hehele syo sa pagtulog pero ito rin ang gigising syo sa madaling araw. bawal mag-shorts, lumabas ng walang jacket, at bawal din kumain ng ice cream dahil mangingilo ang buong katawan mo. bawal basain ang aso kasi kaawa-awa naman. bawal itutok ang electric fan sa gabi dahil baka sipunin. sa mga taong may hika, o pwede din sa wala, mahirap huminga. parang magyeyelo ang butas ng ilong mo sa gabi. at lahat ng kinain mo hindi matutunaw dahil hindi ka pagpapawisan, kakapit na lang ang mantika sa bituka mo na parang sebo. parang pati ulo mo rarayumahin. sa dinami-dami ng sakit ng katawan, lalamig ka na lang na parang bangkay, kaya mag-ingat wag madikit ang malayelo mong paa sa katabi kung ayaw mo ng gulo. mahirap naman uminom dahil ayaw mo rin mahilo, at lalong ayaw mong masuka dahil malamig ang tubig na ipang-hihlamos mo. at mahirap magmumog dahil mamamanhid ang gilagid mo.
and finally.
they're definitely leaving on the 8th. and i must admit, yes, i do get emotional. nangingilid-ngilid ang luha ko pag niloloko ko ng mga pinsan ko. i know i can do this. mikkey is very supportive about it, too. mahirap lang talaga ang ganito. iiwan nila ko na parang walang definite na pupuntahan ang buhay ko. hindi mo rin ako masisi dahil sobrang tutol sila mum sa paghahanap ko ng trabaho, at kung magsisimula ulit ng business, naranasan ko na ung walang wala sa simula. eto un sa sense na talagang di aasa kina mum and dad ha. pero kasi they also want me to stay home and just paint na lang. too bad hindi ko sila mabigyan ng exhibits pa sa ngayon.
aye ayoko magpakadrama queen today. i'll miss mum, dad, ten, and ali. sobra. mikkey told me that it's okay to be sad. and that i should accept it kasi if hindi sila ang aalis,malamang, eventually ako, and they'll be sad, too. but ganun nga naman ang life. okay lang din daw na mag-iiyak ako. and besides, uuwi pa rin naman sila, right?
ang tahimik dito sa house. nagppractise na ko.