Sunday, November 21, 2010

the problem with the prefrontal cortex

well, if this isn't so nice. i have completely washed you out of my hair and i am feeling so free and light!

deleted a few paragraphs. walang kwenta. haha.

ah, reality. time and time again, i have to give myself a slap on the cheek to remind me to snap back to reality. and of course, every time, i shiver, because reality is scary. pero, the truth is, reality is also very simple. and that's so comforting. haha.

survival is the only reality. going through it, i mean, surviving, can look and feel tough and complex, but it's really not. it's just repetition. something repeats itself, in different forms, though, and as you progress, you learn discernment. and then you grow. you get yourself ready for more surviving.

nov 15


and yes. i have 13 hours to spend here at home. yaiks, i am very emotional right now. it's like, i was fine and dandy yesterday, and because i pissed a good friend earlier, i feel really sick now. my fine and dandy shifted to anxiety and i am feeling shattered. my good vibes flew out of the window.

i hate it when i shift to a totally opposite state of mind without any warning.

Saturday, November 06, 2010


arrived early morning today. my dear lelet picked us up from the airport. we shared stories in the car,and over tea here at home. after lelets left, i went to the room. the bed was unmade. i went to the bathroom to wash up; i found a sliver of soap in the dish. the fridge's almost empty.

worked a bit and went to bed around 5am. i woke up, and it was still dark. i checked the time and saw 5:24. i thought it was still morning. oops, i slept for 12 hours, and i missed a day. kinda felt bad about it. so i went to the kitchen to look for food. settled for a can of chili and some nuts.

nieces dropped by to say hi and tell stories. took a shower with that sliver of soap. gah. i've been feeling bad about this since i got home. well, this is what happens everytime i come back. no supplies, bills on the table, and a happy dog.

makes me feel that i don't belong anywhere.

i need to work things out. i have to grow. this plateau is not going to end unless i do something about it. i have so many things in my mind and i need to tame the mess or else it's gonna spill right out of my ear.

got me soap. things are looking brighter. =)