Monday, October 19, 2009

goodbye, bed

going to china today. argh, instead of starting to work out this week, i feel like i am procrastinating again. so i'll just walk around dong tien li yuan every afternoon for 2 weeks to avoid the guilty feelings i will start having if i don't exercise. since i won't have anything better to do there(no blogging and no facebook), i'll try not to have any excuses anymore.

i'll miss my friends and most especially, my bed.

and when i get back, i will try to do something different. gah, only if i get the guts to. haha.

Friday, October 16, 2009

mabatong kinabukasan

ahhh...i'm feeling better now. thanks to the weather change.

so sad about the devastation brought by the typhoon but i feel worse about the fact that this showed us that most of our countrymen clearly has to no respect for our earth. the floods revealed how filthy we are and honestly, i feel that it is also us that brought about this unfortunate situation.

now that the flood waters unearthed the filth, i hope that we become more conscious about our responsibility as citizens of this planet.

but the strong winds cleaned up the air and that is a blessing.


it's been a few weeks already that i've been trying to clean up the house. a lot of unnecessary things have accumulated and i think that this is the reason i have too much negative energy around. so far, we've fixed the roof and some of the walls, garage floors have been scrubbed, trash taken out, and junk have been sorted. so what can i do to dispose old dvds that don't work anymore? sa tv kasi napapanood ko na sinusunog lang ni edu manzano at ni bong revilla. my friend mark said we can make costumes for halloween. giant disco balls daw kami. haha. seriously, i'd like to know.


there's this guy i like. well, i don't think i really "like" him because i don't really know him. haha. he's lanky.haha. about 6 feet. and he's got a really strong jaw(drool), and he's kinda tisoy. just my type. LOL. crushing lang ako. itago na lang natin sya sa pangalang totoy bato.

saw him at a gathering once but we never were introduced. saw him again at this party and he came over to say hi. he's also an artist but he's into functional art. he works with wood. yuk. obvious na. hahaha! buti na lang wala kaming common friends na nagbabasa ng blog ko kundi buking na naman ako. we had small talk, well, a lot of it, during the party. there was this awkward time pa nga, kasi i was sitting on a very low chair and he came over ulit, medyo weird pala when you talk to the crotch of a really tall guy. hahaha! shempre i stood up kasi sabi ko sa kanya i can hardly hear him from down there. he got my number and medyo business-y naman un mga messages nya kasi he thought we can do business together. hayyyy, i'm willing to learn a new craft para sa kanya. ahahaha! pathetic!

anyway, the other day, he was at a party with a common friend. and he knows pala na i actually exist. he even knows daw na i went to his workshop but he wasn't there(i was dragged by some friends kahit ayoko!!!*with kikay voice and kilig*). according to my friend, he is looking daw for a girlfriend, early 30's and responsible. hallllleeerrr!!!pasok ako sa requirements! ahahaha! at itong friend ko naman, vinolunteer ako(anu beh!!!!*with kikay voice and kilig ulit*). pero ang perfect dun, he wants time daw to try lang, like for a year. kasi he doesn't really know what to do yet..haha, pangarap ko kasi, ganun, parang hanging out lang. perfect. papadala ko na resume ko at artist profile ko. mejo my friend was surprised when she found out that totoy bato is only 26. exactly my type! LOL.

so kaya pala, whenever i say " i don't like men", claire agrees. kasi daw i like boys. haha! but dati, a long time ago, i promised myself na hindi ako magkaka crush from their clan, kasi i've been to his niece's party dati, at ako nag pinaka dark ang skin! i stand out. haha. and the kids pa call me "face painting lady" hahaha.

mabato talaga to. walang future. cute cute nya, sarap ipag drive pag lasing sya.

going back to china on monday. sana umulan ng pera so i can finish the house repairs. at sana mag text na sya ulit. ahaha!

Saturday, October 03, 2009

huwaw, labo...

been reading old entries. grabe. was insanely whiney pala, lalo na nung 2008. well, if i can go back, i'd write about love and world peace and taking care of trees. haha. well, to survive this cruel cruel world, i have to rant here. spares everyone from listening. i take everything back.

not for reading

i think i have to write down this one. this is kind of too soon, but i have to process it this way. i am not the type of person who asks for advice and shit, but i do rant a lot. but this is something difficult for me to verbalize, even to my closest friends. they usually would give far out pieces of advice, and even though they have the purest of intentions, it simply doesn't add up. after this entry, i hope i can focus again.

i was almost level-headed. i've been praying, struggling, and working on some private matters(well, they're not really private as i have blogged about it a gazillion times). i was hit by the big 3-O on a most normal day. i quietly celebrated with my family since most of my friends were unavailable that day. of course i had a lovely time with my pamangkins and cousins. i was stable.

the week after that(my birthday was on a friday), i found myself floating again. do you know how it feels to be both happy and scared at the same time? i wasn't confused, i had already established the position where i am supposed to stand. of all the things i am asking for, i know this is the prayer that will not be answered. and i have accepted it. i was doing well already.

i cannot imagine how only one person can turn my world around, inspire me, make me breath, and break me apart. i knew where it was headed for, but still, i dove in. while i was there, i was already expecting the end, yet, i kept praying for more. it was like setting myself up in a trap; i know i had no where to go. i was telling myself, if this is part of the process, it surely is confusing. confusing because i didn't know how it fit in the equation. was i to do more than just accept things? do i have to walk away from it, too? say out loud that enough is enough? i didn't want to think that fate was that severe, and i was afraid that bitterness will find its way in.

last saturday's storm brought a wall of rain and darkness was once again my friend. it was like as if they sky was crying with me. i was feeling the weakening of the ties that i thought would at least last a little longer. i was in agony, but i was hoping it would stay.

it died a natural death. it already did once, a long time ago. and it went again the same way. a lot of questions are stuck in my mind. how can someone run away from love when it's being offered without any conditions? are emotional and spiritual connections even real? did we ever exist? were we ever true? i came to the point where i asked for a sign. funny that the sign i was given caused me to think again. am i asking for the right one? i looked for the logic and found some and laughed to myself. i just want to figure out how i am supposed to do this. it may take me a few more weeks, maybe months, but i know i will figure this out.

i am over the fact that my prayer will not be answered. i have accepted, maybe even embraced it. but one thing remains constant. i love.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

a whole lotta stuff and sh*t

wow, september really is one hella month. we got birthdays, traffic violations, and typhoons; name it, september's gotta have it.

i don't remember much from early september as i was half asleep, half awake most of that time. i remember going to tagaytay with mumai, though. just cleaned most parts of karen's house and bagheera, the outside cat, gave birth.

i remember going to the LTO 2 days before my birthday to get my license renewed. got there around 1:30pm and the line was already LONG. but the medical exam and drug test went quickly. amazing! i failed the drug test. negative? haha. went back to the LONG line and was able to get my photo taken. BUT. i was informed that i had to go to the MMDA office because i have a traffic violation, all the way from 2005.
**dream sequence**
got out of the office around 5am and was on my way home with blythe. it was around 5:30am, no cars along EDSA, driving fast OUTSIDE the bus lane. about 300 meters away from the crossing where the road will fork, i prepared to go to the outer lane. an old van cuts me from my right. i cursed loudly, and was about 200 meters away from the fork when i switched lanes. damn the mmda guy flags me to stop. guess what? SWERVING daw. POTRES. dalawa lang kaming sasakyan sa EDSA, di nya ba nakita ung nangyari???mababangga daw ako. i said, kaya nga na-delay ang pag switch ko ng lanes kasi muntik na ko banggain nung nag-cut sa akin. it was almost time for breakfast. didnt have money to give to the guy, asked for a ticket. i remember laughing and crying at the same time because of frustration. i was too tired to get angry. he gave me a ticket for DRIVING IN THE BUS LANE para cheaper ang fine. salamat ha. yeah, wasnt able to pay that since i wasnt able to ask anyone to go to the bank for me and i was deep in sleep during bank hours those days.
**tapos na**

so the next day, i went to guadalupe to pay for the 200 peso ticket. got there a little after lunch time. i was wearing comfy clothes: slacks, shirt,and slippers. ah. BAWAL ANG SHORTS.BAWAL ANG SANDO. BAWAL ANG SINYELAS. had to buy a pair of socks for 30 pesos. ayun. i spent like 2 or 3 hours there. wasnt really bad, but was really annoyed at watching grown men being told to sit down while waiting for their turn 5 times! i wonder, how difficult is it to wait while sitting down? i had no problems doing that. i think i even fell asleep while waiting.

friday came. i turned 30 and went to the bank to get some cash for my license. i only had a little, and i still had to buy some stuff for dinner with the kids. was so proud of myself for riding a jeep to the bank. it was really freaky hot that morning. and no fx was passing the bank that day. i got onto another jeep to go to the LTO(which i looked forward to, since it is in a mall, and there is AC there) halfway there, the jeep's engine overheated or something. haha. malas. ok lang since it was still early. i got off and got in another one. i got to the mall around 12:15. decided to get lunch. since i was on a tight budget, i decided to eat at chow king.

so i had my birthday lunch at chowking. ate kangkong with bagoong and lumpiang shanghai. how lonely.

went to the LTO before it opened. it was like 12:45. by 12:50, a huge crowd had already formed. at 12:55, the guy inside posted a sign that said the card machine is broken and will be giving out temp licenses only. i started to rant at camille who called me to greet me. i got to the verification window without bruises and scratches. went to sit, and realized that i already had my picture taken so that means my card was probably ready after all. and it was. sweet.

went to get chicken and other stuff. was in the grocery for a long time because i had to stay inside my budget. it took me a long time to compute prices and put back stuff in the shelves. LOL. and when i got out of the building, the sky was falling. ah, my birthday will never be complete without the rain.

haha. every one loved dinner. my fruit-stuffed roast chicken was a hit.

ah ang haba. and it's just the sh*t part pa lang. ahahahha.