Wednesday, May 25, 2005


haven't blogged for quite a bit now. let's see...what have i been up to lately...
okay, saturday night was a long wait for the van to pampanga. lost my voice during the outing. sana kasi i can keep quiet naman minsan. found ourselves a pretty room,but i enjoyed the aircon for 3 hours only. after every task i had to do( that of being a game master, a cheerleader, the baggage counter lady, an ER assistant), i fell asleep instantly on a mattress on the floor. and i missed dinner.
i was up from 4pm saturday and found sleep only at 6pm sunday. the 3 hours did a lot for me. woke up at 9pm but still, i was a little lightheaded. made some boracay for everyone, and we stretched it for more than 20 people! tried to get more sleep after throwing up(hey, i was hungry,remember, and gin is bad for the hungry), unfortunately, i couldn't. so we went singing till the wee hours of morning.
haha, my voice was too raspy but that didn't stop me from singing "come together" thrice!
anyway, our room was bigger than most of the other rooms. it was standing on stilts on a 20 foot deep lagoon. lavender waterlilies surrounded us.i'll try to get some pictures to post here.
leo's leisure park wasn't that leisurely at all. there were ostriches, ducks, geese, turkeys, and a swan. but i don't like birds, no matter what size so, i don't really care. there were sheep and horses and goats running around the park.of course i don't like those,too. they have fleas, you know. the water in the pool was green and the "batis" pool had slimy floors. well, at least the toilets were always clean.
just today, i met up with marvin for dinner. we had fajitas at soul food in greenbelt. had a nice time catching up. missed him a lot.
i now have this really bad throat. been coughing a lot and it sounds really disturbing. i need to rest for 2 days at least.
found out that speakers for my ipod aren't as expensive as i thought they were. still, you won't catch me getting those for myself. not these coming months, though.
i finally finished reading the book raena lent me. reminded me of a guy friend... the book is good, the twist left me hanging, but i liked it a lot. try haruki murakami's "south of the border, west of the sun".

Saturday, May 21, 2005

your space

okay,okay, here goes...
i do love you inspite the fact that you are a brat. although you make stupid decisions and sometimes can be too irrational, i'd look beyond those and see and appreciate you. you annoy me too much but still i can't seem to live without you.
i don't have to elaborate, i know you know how much. i just wish you'd start putting sense in your brain and stop making papansin.
next time, di na kita papansinin talaga.
people may never understand how or why, but we know naman di ba? i don't even have to declare it with words, because everyone else knows.
see you around.
dati, i thought it would be nice to have a boyfriend that talks a lot. di ba, it would be a good thing to have someone who's open and can express his mind easily.
well, after this week,i think i'd go for the usual guys. di pala ayuz yun... buti na lang my friends know when to stop--without effort.
i'm leaving tomorrow for the company outing, will be back monday. but shempre, star wars muna!

Wednesday, May 18, 2005


monday night found me texting in between calls. doctor love for a day, thank you. tel needed a few words of wisdom and i was glad to give out a few. another friend also texted and asked for a date. okay, i agreed to have brunch with her tuesday morning.
finally, a friend who just went through a bad break up texted. hay...i went to his place right after work, breakfast from delifrance in hand, ready to hear out whining not coming from me! spent the rest of the morning sharing shit stories, listening to my ipod, and giving out my no-nonsense points of view regarding love.
love. sweet. but then again, i have to tell you, i had a complete turn around last year. my principles and opinions had changed a lot. let me see...
- pain is just a state of mind, it does what you tell it to do
- trust no one (well, not everyone)
- there are shittier stories than yours
-don't make demands, don't set expectations--people will always disappoint you
-don't drag things around; the weight makes you the loser
-never regret a thing you do
-it is okay to say no
and other stuff like that. i learned a lot of things the hard way. now, i can easily tell the world,
insensitive, indeferent, i don't care. i have learned to treat people the way i want to be treated. action/reaction.
besides, i know who to love and thankfully, am being loved back.
i hope my bestie gets back quickly. i don't want to see him suffer anymore.
anyway, i met up with another friend after saying bye-bye my poor friend. had lunch and went strolling in megamall. nice seeing her again.
slept at 4, woke up at 6:30. lights were out and the rain was mean. had kare-kare for dinner and went to carrie's. i asked them to punch the flowery holes on carol's envelopes since i had too much pain in my arm.
rayuma ata ito. old age.
bestie's coming over here in the office and will go home to antipolo with me. i'll let him paint his heart out.

Monday, May 16, 2005


i finally found time to go get a foot treatment. had my nails done, too. and actually was able to get a haircut at 9pm.
my feet looks okay now. they feel clean,too. the pedicurista, however gave my big toes a beating. at least i didn't bleed. but they're still quite sore. as for my haircut...
do you know how hard it is to grow your hair long again especially when it is so used to being short? and do you know the pains of having unruly curly hair? i asked my bakla not to cut my hair shorter, but make it thinner instead. they keep standing on their ends eh. thing is, the top part looks nice but the back looks so april boy regino when he had short hair pa. kakaasar. kakapikon.
if my hair doesn't look nice by june, i'll have 'em chopped off again.
i told myself i won't go out saturday night, but eventually ended up having dinner at ch2. it's like a 20 minute drive away from home(when you feel like taking time to get there, ha) osha, 15 minutes na lang. lets, carrie, chrissele and i went videoke singing. ch2 has this vip rooms( vip doesn't mean lovely and nice, it just means, private and enclosed) and they can be rented for P250 an hour, and consumable pa yun. sang a lot, ate a lot.

me..................chrissele.......carrie...........let let...............
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pretentious pa di ba

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here are pictures from saturday night. as much as i didn't want to post their pictures here, nadaan ako sa pilit. okay.

we had iced coffee naman kanina at country garden. still near our village. nobody actually eats there. we were supposed to go swimming but we ended up watching the "star in a million" finals there. there were only five of us inside the cafe(cedric was with us but left early after a beer), but still the service was so bad. bad as in i'd rather eat in bahay hepa till i get sick.

can't wait for episode III. will somebody take me out,please?

i think i'm gonna be sick. the iced coffee doesn't feel well inside my tummy.


eten update:

we finally came up with ideas for invitations. hey, it rhymes! sayang we can't invite everyone. we printed them yesterday and sealed them with wax(melted crayons, actually) today. we didn't even stress ourselves out when wax seeped through the paper. it's a most normal thing.

tokens and candles are a check. fabric for dada also a check. what i will wear also a check( decided to modify stuff i already have). fittings a check, too. now, if only money for everything can be checked...


will spend tomorrow morning with ali. we'll go malling =)

Saturday, May 14, 2005

yoshee my friend and payday

it's yoshee's birthday today! been so excited to greet her. i even had my phone alarm at 12 midnight so i won't forget. i think this is the first time this year i greeted someone exactly on their birth date. it's either i miss a day or am a day ahead.
yoshee. i remember the first time we met, niyayakap na nya ko. sabi ko, 'weird girl.feeling close.' hehe. kaya para hindi naman nakakahiya sa kanya, sinakyan ko na at hinayaan ko na maging close kami. i love yoshee a lot. kahit minsan ayoko sya kasama kasi wala naman syang kabuhay-buhay at kulay, we became best friends(napaka subjective ng "bestfriends" pero ayus lang).
it's a wonder how people so different can become closest of friends. englishan guineeshan sya, probinsyana ako, makulay ako,sya boring. eto pa, manang sya at liberated ako. sabi nga ni blythe, love moves in mysterious ways. eto pang isang, brat na to, e mahal din namin yan. madalas kaming nagkukupalan, nagaasaran, nagaagawan at paminsan minsan nagmumurahan. pero inspite of everything( way of life, interests, active side ng brain), spesyal pa din ang halo halo sa chowking at ngayon, meron pa silang merienda size.
she's going back to the night shift, shempre andun na ulit si miss in in between sa mga bangayan namin ni blythe, in between na nagiintercept ng mga pagkain na pinapaabot sa kanya, at in between sa polarities ng mga paguutak ng lahat. how exciting. how goldilocks. yay, may magcocompute na ulit ng tracker ko.
i don't wish her all the good things in life. i only wish for her to get rich so that when we end up together as spinsters, she'll pay for the electricity bills.
i love you yoshee! happy birthday.
thank you HR for making mistakes sa pay ko. you deserve a round of applause.
i can buy wine na for the next session kina raena =)

Thursday, May 12, 2005


i went to have my annual check-up at medicard today with some officemates. everytime i do, i get anxious. i don't like being interviewed by doctors. it's like confessing to your dad that you drink excessively, that you smoke like hell, do drugs and stuff like that...tsk tsk...the doctor gave me me an rx fpr antibiotics and something else. bad cough.
i'm still in that phase where i can't seem to organize my thoughts, time, and money. i should really just go back to being a bum. i can't wait till payday.i only have 200 bucks in my wallet. it was better when i was jobless. i didn't have money problems because i didn't have any money at all.
really weird. the more i keep telling myself to diet, the more i gain weight ata.
a lot of things have been going through my mind lately. i'm not worrying about anything really. i don't even have problems or hang ups. i'm just stuck in this muck. i guess i let myself in it willingly. still can't figure out how to work my way out. i'm more concerned of what and who this affects. sad.
haven't painted for a long time. i will, i promise, next week.
what i am doing right now, is thinking of blood. making something bleed. rats. or any living thing for that matter.
i will buy myself neil gaiman comics. at least i get something i really really want before i become a bum again. i told myself before that i'd work to complete the sandman series...asan na ngayon? haha. been here for more than a year and i haven't gotten anything nice for myself. books. i want books.
i went to powerbooks with russell yesterday after lunch. miss reading soooooo much. hmmm...when i get rich, if ever i do get rich, i'll get my own place, buy this most amazing piece of furniture i once saw ( a low round wicker round chair with a really really high backrest, a round beige cushion, and a small built in round marble coffee table. perfect. so comfy to slump on), and buy all the books i want, and read for the rest of the duration of my mortal life. sarap. that would be the life. coffee and smokes lang ang katapat. ay i'll quit na pala when i turn 30.
lungs regenerate completely when you quit at 30. that's what i heard ,ha.
still too bored.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

i like...for you

If all you've got to do today is find peace of mind
Come round you can take a piece of mine
And if all you've got to do today is hesitate,
Come here, you can leave it late with me.You could be taking it easy on yourself
You should be making it easy on yourself
Cause you and I know,
It's all over the front page, you give me road rage,
Racing through the best days,
It's up to you boy you're driving me crazy,
Thinking you may be losing your mind.
If all you've got to prove today is your innocence,
Calm down, you're as guilty as can be,
If all you've got to lose alludes to yesterday,
Yesterday's through, now do anything you please.
You could be taking it easy on yourself
You should be making it easy on yourself
Cause you and I know,
It's all over the front page, you give me road rage,
Racing through the best days,
It's up to you boy you're driving me crazy,
Thinking you may be losing your mind.
You're losing your mind.
You, you've been racing through the best days
You, you've been racing through the best days.
Space age, road rage, fast lane,
And if all you've got to do today is find peace of mind
Come here, you can take a piece of mine.
You could be taking it easy on yourself
You should be making it easy on yourself
Cause you and I know,
It's all over the front page, you give me road rage,
Racing through the best days,
It's up to you boy you're driving me crazy,
Thinking you may be losing your mind.
But you and I know,
We all live in the space age, coming down with road rage,
Racing through the best days
It's up to you boy you're driving me crazy,
Thinking you may be losing your mind.
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over,
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over, you and I know
We all live in the space age, you give me road rage,
Racing to the best days
It's up to you boy you're driving me crazy,
Thinking you may be losing your mind.
Losing your mind
+ Road Rage by catatonia

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

birthday! and other stuff

eten's turning 18 next month. been fussing about with preparations. eto na naman...toxic. we haven't printed invitations yet and the cotillion practices are just starting. good luck. have decided just today what i'd be wearing. costume party kasi eh. good luck din sa diet ko.
i have an art student, regina. she's 14. actually, i didn't want to teach this summer but what the heck. thinking about it, i'm enjoying our classes. regina's really good and is really excited. i haven't drawn with pencils for a while. masaya.

Monday, May 09, 2005


i wonder what's in store this month for me...
after all the heartaches, i wish for sunshine to warm and heal me. after all the sacrifices, i pray that god would smile and be kind to me.
but then again...
gusto ko magbasa! gusto ko magbabad! halp! halp! gusto ko maglakwacha, lumangoy, magwala! too bad, my finances won't let me. i'm too dang bored and too lazy to entertain myself. i miss hanging out with the people down there in quezon city. i miss marikina! i miss long drives and coffee stops. i miss the boys and girls. let me go back to being a bum!!!!!
7 more months of sacrifice, after that, i will be an official bum again. can't wait. sagada na ito!

Sunday, May 08, 2005


i saw 'my sassy girl' on dvd last time i was at carrie's. awww...the movie was nice. i wonder if a guy like that do exist.
yesterday, the guy i had had a fling thing with way back in highschool was here, practising for my sister's cotillion. he's already 24 but he never seemed to have aged a tiny bit. he still looks like the kid i met a long time ago. i think he even smells like he did before. that was 9 years ago! ahahahahhaha! it was so awkward because i look really old na. kept teasing him na crush ko sya...sobra nakakatawa... well, still, he's fun to be with.
i feel so lazy. nothing's right.
i don't know if i'm just plain stupid or what. i've been having this internal struggle on what to feel, on how to act. if you've read my blog yesterday, you'll notice that i deleted a post. di kaya ng sikmura ko... i threw up after lunch because the different emotions inside me keep my stomach churning. hay...these are the days that make me feel old and gray, lonely and hurt...
i just can't live life carrying heaviness inside me. i guess that's why i get over people and other stuff easily. I HATE DRAGGING THINGS AROUND. yup. i am stupid. i don't have the heart to go on hating people. that's why i try to, i try so hard...sometimes i meet the others halfway and things get good again. but sometimes i come face to face with rejection, and that's when i won't give a damn. sayang ang effort.
suddenly i remembered joey back in college. she couldn't believe that i chose a group of friends so different from what she expected i'd have. well, it is happening again, but this time, medyo violent ang story. errrr, you now how flexible i am, and how you are to me, i am to you, but things don't change between us, so don't piss yourself off. bwhahahahhahahahhahaa!!! SOOOOOOO HIGHSCHOOOL. yuck ano ba yan.
ayoko na! maloloka na ko. i am gonna snap. hay. sana isa na lang akong hermit crab.
i missed my ultrasound.

Friday, May 06, 2005

har de har

har har... i have no hang ups you know. no regrets, no going back.
i guess he "don't" want to talk to me. yo, nigger, wadap???!! har har har!!
i'm so glad mike's home already. bakit kaya gumaling bigla? haha. kilig ako... =)

Thursday, May 05, 2005

on giving up

i haven't been myself lately. thanks to history repeating itself...

people may think that i give too much to the guys i fall for. true. but can't you not tell that i give too much to friends,too? i fall in love with my friends more than you can ever imagine. problem is, i end up being the bad guy. okay.

been thinking about a lot of things. this is the reason why i want to stop connecting with other people. i invest a lot on relationships. i tend to really, and i'm am not denying the fact that i give in to the need that i simply have to show this love in ways too sick (sickeningly sweet, sickeningly obssessive, sickeningly thoughtful, too annoying, too much, you wanna puke)...thing is, i keep looking to the left, when it's in front of me, better yet, minsan daw nasa kanan ko. i guess i keep falling in love with insensitivity, immaturity, with the inconsiderate, with the cool (ask me what is cool, and i'll give you answers the avril way)..ahahhahahhahahhaa!!!!
hindi totoo yan. i now can diffrentiate the keepers from the nonkeeps.
yup, leave me clueless and hurt. I DON'T CARE...everyone knows i'm an ass...
i fall victim to such breed. isa,dalawa,tatlo...
anyway, what the heck...havent slept for 21 hours already, what am i talking about...
no reason for me to whine. i've been blessed with odd friends. remember the good spirits? they're a part of that.
mike update. he's going home today i think. i hope he gets better quickly. visited him with carrie.
sleepy. bed.sleep. ho hum.sleep. me wanna.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

getting tired everyday

i seem to be the one who can't make up my mind. i feel stupid being so tolerant of others' attitude problems. i just let events pass unnoticed even if it's me who end up looking like a fool.
it's a wonder how others can easily drive people away.
mike was rushed to the hospital today. he called me up early today and told me that he's not feeling too well. spoke with him again around 7pm. he was feeling worse so i told him to go ask someone to drive him to the hospital. i went to carrie's to inform her but i was feeling mighty worried and jittery after tita annie called me to tell me that they brought mike to the hospital. was able to tell raena and bembol. mike's still under observation and was given tranquilizers. i hope it's nothing serious. my friends give me jitterbugs.
if it's any consolation, i received a message from the love of my life's mom...hmmm...wanted to ask for her son's hand in marriage hehehe =)
my hands say that i should stop for health purposes. once i get there, they seem to say, there's no turning back. anna the palmreader told me to just continue with how i carry things around these days...i just don't want to drag things around since i don't want to slow down just yet. life should get better. any moment now.
the people who drive others away, they drag a lot of things around. they get so heavy themselves, the weight they bear, they transfer to other people.
i try to keep things as uncomplicated as possible. i hope these people help themselves, too.

Monday, May 02, 2005


this was taken march 1 '05, tuesday, the day i got my butterfly crest. i just wanted to try posting images here. hey, i did it! i did it! major accomplishment itoh.
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my left ankle's been bothering me since yesterday. i tripped on the steps at absinth greenbelt saturday night. literally! at least i didn't roll over, but i fell because i was so wasted and this hiphop dj guy helped me up. i was laughing so hard and just said i was okay, i was okay, but 7 shots of tequila is not okay. i felt like david ames in vanilla sky falling asleep on the curb and waking up in an elusive, not really, but at least i didn't get a hang over.
i don't recommend absinth if you're not into hiphop clubbing and if you're above 21. kiddies.
well, carrie, lets and tel pretended to be 18 again, and of course that made buboi and me 19 and mike, err..22. spent a lot on tequila and now i vow not to get drunk in makati anymore. overpricing! black russian's P165 there while i can get that for P115 anywhere else and at krocodile grille for only P68.
i have a major migraine attack today, probably because of the heat. i melt. i hate the feeling when mousse runs down on your neck. icky. i need a haircut!!!
i am so uninspired. i should be painting. amazing how he affects me. i should let this go.
i have to take a nap. i will be cooking for everyone tonight before i go to work. shrimps and tuna.