Thursday, March 31, 2005


marilena's seemed so inviting yesterday morning. cool, cozy, and oh-so-comfy. had breakfast with paulynne. i read for her. it was not my intention to make her sad...still it amazes me how the faeries seem to know everything that goes on. the faeries were all rational during the reading, but they only had good things to say. i know it hurts, but the truth will keep on hurting us if we don't agree with it. i know paulynne is still hurting. i hope the dark lady helps her in this phase. moving on is a struggle, what more than letting go...but we have to know that it is always to our advantage, the pain we feel. it makes us tougher. then it will all get better.
breakfast was lovely. the coffee was great. i had two cups. the conversation was a reality check, not only for her, but for me as well. what's good about it was that we were together to ponder on questions we know the answers to. not that we wanted to justify our mistakes, but it reminded us of our humanity. what we are prone of doing, of we misinterpret the obvious, how we fail to obtain our desires and how we tend fight off our needs. still, it goes back to choosing between right and wrong and avoiding all the gray areas. our feet are now back on the ground.
i got home a little later than i needed to. i immersed myself in my paintings. i was able to go to my photo shoot at 1. and it took forever...hay, kids home at 4:30 and slept for 30 mins. woke up when sam texted me.
samio and i went stroller shopping today. saw eisyss' pictures! sooper-dooper cute! mana sa ina. i also had two shots of espresso. had so much fun reminiscing with him. dang, we miss the good ol' college days. eto yon:
mikko's nady boy and pigeon...samio's orange hair...the caricatures on the classroom walls...mikko's excessive farting aHHAHAhahahhahHAHAh!!!!...sleeping on the table after portraiture classes, and on the bon-bon bed na nakadikit na sa floor...zagu days with the golden girls and sir sustiguer...sir madrinan a.k.a. unicorn...TAWERN!!!
makes me miss my friends more. sarap, now we get to see each other more often. and tinay gave me a call today. tampong kulangot. i don't call her daw! eh the last time i called her, she was in hongkong!
we were able to submit the pieces today. no more worries about that thing now. i'm in the office now. i got us a bag of maxwell house instant 3-in-1...hay, the great taste and aroma, good to the last drop...just like what the bag suggests. nye.
coffee and me
paulynne said she used to compare me to rhumba before. the character of the drink, the itchy bits of chocolate coffee cookies, makes it hard to swallow. but that is also the thing that makes it addicting. it takes a lot of getting used to me before getting to appreciate me.
she told me that i am a totally different drink. i am espresso. made of three parts-- the crema, the body, and the heart. i am sweet on the outside, so full of character, and my heart makes it all good.
pinbulakalak ko na lang yan para kunyari astig ako. hehe.
looking forward to the weekend. miss raens soooo much.


i'm okay for the day! 42 cases...and i have a lot of time left. i also finished the paintings today...while working. asteeeeeg ako!!! i'm so happy! at least i have less things to worry about. i just wish i stay up till lunch time without a migraine attack. i'm going to take my students' pictures today. i hope my camera works good.
i had the most amazing time yesterday when i woke up around 4pm. i washed a friend's shirt. nadaig ang powers ko. makapit ang mantsa hehehehehheeeeehehehe!! i used to be good in doing the laundry. di ako nagtagumpay. sabi ni paulynne, tide with bleach lang ang sagot nyan. kaya siguro talagang maputi ang mga damit ni tolits.
i saw my crush pala in megamall two days ago. cool. and i'm too old to have crushes. kaya i prefer to obssess na lang. nyar.
i love lenny kravitz to death.
coffee later wheeee!!!

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

no complaints today

i feel good today. i had 3 hours of sleep before going to the school. although short, it was sweet. how i fell asleep may be sick, but still, it was sweet. the nose knows...

i'm almost done with the paintings for the april 9 exhibit. the hot weather is a blessing. the temperature's perfect for drying oil paint.

had a nice time watching the kids rehearse for the play. i still get pissed off at the thought of props falling apart, but, hey,they were clearly enjoying themselves. it was kristoffer's birthday yesterday. he left home early because they were going to have dinner at his lola's place. we made him promise to bring ice cream later.

went to megamall to meet up with blythe.yay! missed her so much. we ended up in a crazy conversation with mike and jp at the 4th floor.

i also got batteries for my camera. finally, i can test the pentax tita lolit sent. i really wanted to try it out but was scared of using it. it's so much like my bestfriend joy's lang pala. click click click...

will go stroller hunting/shopping with samio on thursday =)

Monday, March 28, 2005

back to work

i'm back in the office now. i had so many realizations during my week long vacation. i'm much calmer now.
i just saw the boss and i'm glad he decided to keep quiet about the whole galera thing.
i have read my cards. one said that there are things or emotions being withheld. there are fears not willing to be faced. the situation needs to be worked out but some people are not just too willing to. it's just a matter of choice. this is resistance.
the other card told me to just stop blaming both parties for the dilemma that is occurring. if it wants to stay that way, i should just let it be. this is acceptance.
the reading gave me closure. not only that. i have two paintings on the process bearing these two concepts. resistance and acceptance. it is a sad thing. i don't want to feel sorry for myself or for anyone else for that matter. living with it will be easy. i have survived a lot of instances similar to this.
i vowed never to read for myself again. i leave it all to fate and time. i am responsible for all i feel. i always come face to face with reality sooner or later, why hassle myself, right?
i'm all set to work now. i'm so glad i decided to have this no-brainer week. i'm finally okay. now, if i could just do his laundry...

sick sick leave

i'm sure everyone's guilty of this, so don't judge me. i'm writing this down to share. i know everyone will notice my tan (haha negra) so i assume they'll think this, too. anyway nolan and tey know, so what's to hide?
my week was quite eventful, i guess. i did lose my voice and lost a lot of money over gimiks but i sure had fun. not guilt-free, though, but really, i even surprised myself.
monday - went to the hospital to visit bembol's mom. ended up at the fort with mike and two girlfriends and much later, at eastwood.talked about ghosts,dwarfs,religion, the bible, ewan ko kung ano pa... i have to admit, mike talaga fascinates me. he's one friend i'll never get tired of...shaka talagang sasapakin nya ko just to get sense in my head. hehe.
tuesday - spent the night with juanlou, blythe, and king, and some other guys. guess where? at the corner of a quezon city street! scout borromeo ata yun. astig. good service.
wednesday - spent the late night waiting for thursday morning somewhere in munoz.
thursday - left for puerto galera at 3am.
nye. i don't want specifics anymore. actually, i've edited a lot of events already. haha! some just can't be printed, i might get into a lot of trouble...
i love galera! i really was sick, well, "stressed out" is the better way to describe how i felt. i just couldn't think straight anymore. i guess the flow of events just started killing me. i really had to go somewhere to unwind. the trip was okay, although it could have been better if...ahehehehe...well, that's way beyond my control, so let's just leave it at that.
i loved the company. met king's friends - lab,cherry and mico. nice people. i loved watching juanlou and the other tattoo guys make sand sculptures. loved the empoys at 3pm. loved the carinderia food. loved the filthy sand and the salty ocean. loved the galunggong lab bought. loved the salt that stuck to my earrings and the splashes of salt water during the boat ride to galera. loved it when they made us stay at the rear of the boat, under the scorching sun, because the wind just kept on cooling us.
the beach was so crowded. enjoyed looking out for what the guys called "chicksilogs." i'm sure you'll figure it out by yourself. enjoyed sleeping at the beach when some kid stole my smelly slippers. enjoyed the mini by the beach because i didn't leave any for blythe. loved that trip. had fun waking up at 6am when the boat leaves at 6am. haha, no more washing up or anything, we just stuffed all our things inside our bags and started running to the beach. well, the boat didn't leave us. we got back to manila before 10am.
i'm painting the thingy for the cubicle right now. so go away and don't disturb me.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

the irony of things

saturday -- just when i thought i was okay to let go of the feeling, an accident happened on that gloomy saturday morning. we were happily waiting for afternoon to go to angono to have fun. had a lot of thinking to do whether i should go to the tattoo convention first. but i had to stop myself to lessen the complexities of things. i wanted to stay as far as possible so i won't hurt myself too much.
the news arrived around 11am. i just started crying like crazy. wanted so badly to go right then to be with him. i could have had easily done that. but then, i did a mental would be like intruding.sino ba ko di ba?
i wasn't in my right mind siguro because i made a truce with god. sacrificed whatever's there.
i worried a lot on that day, but eventually felt better after i spoke with him around 10pm. his mom's condition had improved. so ayun, nahulog ako sa pool sa sobrang kaligayahan ko. slept on the couch, was out cold, wet, and light in the head.
truce -- i think it's gone. well, not entirely, there's still a little tinge of it. i'd give up my happiness for him to have his.
i don't feel too bad...i little sad, yes, but i'll live.

Friday, March 18, 2005

frustrations and consolations

i've been painting continuously for a few weeks now. lately, i have so much time in my hands to. i'm doing this nonrep piece but somehow i can't seem to come up with the right colors. i just might have to let go of this one. sayang ang canvas. the other three i have thought of for the angono show, sobrang tapos na in my mind. i guess i should have used calsomime in the first place because the plaster i used completely disfigured the whole thing.
what's really frustrating is that for the past two consecutive days, the electricity died off while i was at work. i don't have a decent studio and it gets really dark inside my bedroom...frustrating talaga. my acrylic dries out on my palette.
but that gives me more time to rest. i love the feeling when i get lost in the music from my ipod. good thing a good friend was so nice enough to download wonderful songs in it. i get to think about a lot of things while lying down on my sister's bed. i get to fix up my schedule, think of one-liners, daydream, and reflect a lot on my mental state.
i spoke with mike tonight. i really like talking with him. every conversation with him soothes my insanity, pulling me back to reality. i don't know why. i guess it's called charisma. haha.
i'm looking forward to tomorrow's outing. bad trip lang, dad will be using the car... but then again, pareho pala kami ng sentimyento. he was mumbling something about the people who can't lend me their cars. unfair daw. haha. i heard that line from myself din just this saturday. just goes to prove that my dad and i think the same thoughts. only i don't get boners in the morning. hahahhahahahahahahahaa!!!! foul.vile. my thoughts disgust me.yuck.
that's why you don't go inside your parents room in the morning.
okay, i should stop this now before i get anymore repulsive. eeeewwww.

my kiddies

as usual, i came in late for my teaching job today. i arrived to see the boys working on their electronics projects. i chatted for a while with a co-teacher while watching the kids make a big fuss with their soldering irons and crocodile clamps. hay...boys will be forever boys. they were doing cartwheels while having electronics classes! the other kids were climbing up the piles of monoblock chairs. three came to ask for a grade, and got the same answers..."tapusin nyo muna project nyo,bago kayo bigyan ng grade."
but amidst the noise and the hyperactive bodies running around, i had to smile. they were so full of activity and energy. some came up to me to ask if we have rehearsals. they were excited about it.
i have to give it to the kids. they keep on surprising me with their creativity and wit. especially now when a lot of them just recently gained awards from art and academic competitions. sometimes, what they have doesn't seem to reach our standards, so we keep pushing. well, most of them are slightly above the average kid na pala.
sweet thought- the highschool kids took over the rehearsals for the black theater presentation. some kids would look at me and say, "ma'am sana di ka na pumasok,sana natulog ka na lang." it just goes way over your heart and head when the kids do that. you can feel so much concern in their voices. their sincerity just overwhelms me.
what i do may kill me, but i can't leave this job just yet. i love my kids.


i have a feeling that stress will take its toll on me around april 2 when i suddenly stop this routine. i wish i don't get sent to the hospital for intravenous thingamajigs...i get so scared at the sight of needles. really ironic. for a person so into pain, i don't like the needles you get poked with in the hospital.

i wasn't able to sleep much earlier so mom decided to let me stay home tonight. i've been having this series of migraine attacks. i really don't mind working with the pain, i just don't like it when i feel sleepy at the same time. i don't like sleeping in the office. i'd rather sleep here.

one thing i get so whiney about, is this friggin' haircut...i feel really stupid now that i have less hair. i can't even wear girly earrings because they don't match my eyeglasses. i'm getting a new frame...i swear. i can also get a wig, perhaps, but no...i'm sure hair grows back. i hope mine does. i look like a boy! boo hoo!

Thursday, March 17, 2005

lovely mornings for the figure conscious people

i always look forward to mornings when i have this sense of freedom to just yack away like a maniac. i spend these mornings with my two good friends, paulynne and claire. getting off the bus means a short walk to adb ave where we have expensive breakfasts...well,it becomes expensive when you start doing this everyday.

anyway,we took our usual routine today. we ended up in marilena's (really good twice-cooked adobo) because we wanted to try the cheesecake. of course, the topic as always,is LOVE. come to think of it, lately,we always end up teary-eyed during conversations. really, talk is always good because insights are shared and compared, plus a couple of reds make time really special with these two funny girls.

i finally ended up sharing sob stories of my life. complicated or shallow, hell, i don't care. it just feels good when you talk and someone listens. and it feels better when you do the same thing for a friend.

i hope mornings like these will be forever present. it makes you feel peaceful inside. whether you talk about pain or glee or of bitterness or the sweet life, and of course i tend to interject a few morbid ideas, it will always be a hundred times better when spent with people you love. no matter how high or low i feel, these are moments i'll forever cherish. even my selective memory won't mar these precious moments.

these are the best things in life that make you want to live much longer.

and, yup, the cheesecake was extremely delightful.

so tired

i don't feel like working tonight.

it is one of those days when i can't seem to think straight. i'm in such a daze, in a maze, but it's just a phase.

earlier today, i saw my dad eating sinigang. of course, i turned green at the sight of it. he even looked like he was enjoying it.

hay, sinigang. it was a sign. sinigang and me, we don't get along well. we can never be. we can never be caught dead together. sinigang. the sour smell of the hot soup makes my insides churn. it was not a hint. it is destiny.

never can be.

good thing mum recycled yesterday's fried chicken for my dinner.

fast forward

i have crazy plans for the next time i come face to face with my latest disappointment. desperate times call for taking the most desperate measures. hmmm...if only i could flee from the nightmares that happen during my waking hours. i keep riding this paranoia. i know i should have gotten used to this since i've been in this state for the past 7 years. why can't i find peace now? see, the sinigang was indeed a sign.

well, why worry? i can always recycle fried chicken.


i'm always confusing myself. sometimes, i come so vocally honest, so frank and open; sometimes i get so vague, i give myself headaches.


there are 6 women in my life today that prove to be so invaluable. no matter how freaky or how melodramatic i get, these people listen. i tend to repeat myself but they never get tired of hearing me out.

they are so greatly appreciated.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005


my day started good, spent a lot on breakfast...had a hungarian sausage with a croissant, a chicken bechamel croissant, and a peach danish, washed down with fresh orange juice.of course i had to splurge,it's somebody's birthday today. unfortunately, i can't be with the birthday boy so i celebrated on my own! i hate delifrance! but hey, it's payday, i can cut myself some slack.

i reached antipolo a little early. i decided to go to my "suking" parlor. i first got a hot oil treatment. it felt so good after a night of a bad case of migraine attack. while my head was cool and sticky, i got a foot spa but fell asleep halfway the thing. haha, i was so embarassed because my chinelas smelled like mayonnaise. after that, i had my hair steamed. it was funny because i kept dozing off while doing the steamy thing and the seat was so uncomfortable. i looked really stupid. vilma, the shampoo girl, woke me up so i could get my pedicure. fell asleep again through the thing, but they were nice enough to let me sleep on the couch for a while before i had my haircut. i got nice feet again.

now, i remember why i always get haircuts with my contact lenses on. i couldn't see myself in the mirror and i started to get worried because there was a lot of hair around. e konti lang buhok ko eh! uh oh...the stylist took off too much hair...i'm almost bald again. bad haircut. bad haircut.

i wish my hair grows back before the 26th.i don't get to see you-know-who much often now, and i don't want to look manlier than him. ikamamatay ko!

had a bucketful of doubts in my head about art stuff. good thing, raena's always around to give me enlightenment. felt home feeling a little cooler around the head, had my moments of emptiness, organized my unreasonable thoughts, and slept till 7pm.

i'm now here in the office, minding my own business. i don't mind the people working. it'll be another long night, i'm sure.

migraine girl

oooh, the pain shifts from one kind to another...i already took a nap. it was heaven.
i woke up with a different kind of headache, this time,slightly milder. i went to the restroom and there was this girl who complimented my favorite skirt. she said it's gorgeous.i had this urge to give her my usual line-- "i know" --haha, hiya ako...i just said thank you.but then again baby,i'll have to let you know,it's not just the skirt; it's character that makes it gorgeous.
para kasi akong cartoon character eh.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

funny disturbing events

i called up a friend today. i haven't seen him for a long time. we talked on the phone and eventually decided to meet up. we went to megamall together to have dinner and coffee. he's currently a "starving artist" meaning he's unemployed...but that gives him a lot of time to paint. inggit ako.

nice to hear that he's been really busy with a number of upcoming shows. we met up with blythee and visited the art walk.

the artsy fartsy talk was nice, not that we're artsy fartsy people,oh you know what i mean...

he gave me little lectures on how to's in the art scene. made him swear that he'll help me when i finally get to finish my series. yehey!

funny thing. seems like all the people i meet, but personally have no idea who they are, know of my lovelife. haha. i wonder why. well, men are just as talkative din pala as girls. cute.

i feel happy today. got myself a good pack of reds, a grande latte, and a disturbing message. wasn't meant for me but somehow it found its way to my phone. ewww. my migraine's full blast but the pain is nice...reminds me that i'm still alive. i feel tired but i have an excuse not to talk to anyone and enjoy my ipod. listened to a song raena suggested that i listen to.really amazing how a backrub works with it.

i'm thinking about oysters and red wine. holy cow, i need my friends! nights like this shouldn't be wasted in the office. happy birthday,pow!

i feel a little lighter than usual. looking at things on their brighter side really does help. no matter how trashy things get, a good friend somehow reminds me what every other thing has to offer. i don't have to go gaga over the mood swings anymore.ride lang nang ride.

ayan, sleepy na ko...

i miss my bed!we haven't slept together for a month now...haha!! if only i could clean up my room...

consolation prizes

i keep on complaining about how life treats me. but raena reminded me a few weeks ago that life is always sweet, we just forget how and why.
a lot of friends ask me how i'm doing now, what's up with me, and other stuff like that. they always have something nice to say.
i may not be getting what i want and doing what i really want to do, but these people make me feel happy everytime i go down there. yup. i may not be the winner here. but consolation prizes are the best things in life. they are always just right, just enough, not fabulously amazing though, but really, they are the sweetest. they're always around when you feel like you have nothing at all.
nope,i'm not saying that they are the second best. i'm saying that they make me feel like a winner.
lucky me.

Monday, March 14, 2005

no sleep + good coffee = coffee breath

i get so irate everytime i try to paint at home. i just want peace and quiet. but you can't have that with a bunch of kids around. everyone's a kid at home. they are so freakin' whiney. must be in the blood.

i slept a little after church. i wasn't able to have dinner with the rest of the family. but dad woke me up at 12am to help my cousin out with a few write-ups for his business.trip out 'to.kept typing and yacking all night with ate winnie.

haha.i cried again.good girl daw ako with regards to how i took the series of events nung february.

aside from the stress i get from my two jobs,i'm beginning to feel the pressure of the upcoming shows. although the one on april 19 requires only two works(and really small pa, at that),i seem to lack the capability to come up with a concept. i just don't wanna look bad, especially when everybody else is so active in the art scene.

the one in angono(the green earth gallery,probably on may 22) requires four big ones.but i already know what to do so i'll just have to fix up my sched for that.

now what kills me is rehearsals for my students' show on april 1.we are barely halfway the whole thing. what's worse is that i tend to sleep during rehearsal time. i'll probably die early because of these jobs.

i'm thinking of quitting my call center job. i probably will on december.i just want to look for something that will help me pay off my phone bills, sustain my art, and buy me wine. ha, i'd give anything to paint full not anything,really,joke lang yun.

well, i gotta go and recharge my ipod. will take nap before going to work.hope na matatalino yung mga students ko today.hehe.

i need to brush my teeth!

Sunday, March 13, 2005

too old for this

i finally gave in and cried a little today. just a wee bit, i swear.

there are only 3 guys i sincerely "liked" all my ex-boyfriend and two guys from school; well, geof's happily committed now, samio's hitched( no secret to,di ba?), and you- know- who is just so out there.

you see,i loved geof genuinely, but i liked samio a lot and everyone knew that. he was single anyway and i wasn't his type, but it felt really good to be just there for him. i didn't care if he'd have girlfriends or even boyfriends for that matter.happy lang.but that's not the point and all's good and i'm eisyss' godmother so we better not talk about it,because i don't want trouble and since it's no secret,let's just leave it that way.

now,you see,you- know- who had had he's off limits,but honestly, i liked him since 1998. i just didn't do anything about it. but there were instances that i did stuff to show him i like him.but heck,he's barkada, so sweetness is easily ignored. and after years of not seeing each other,god,something bizarre happened.i don't know if i was just imagining things. but then again, i'm not that stupid,so my gut instinct did confirm that i was not seeing things. but that's history. the good thing lasted for a month. it felt really good all the way to the heart.

but when reality sneaks back at you, when you finally see the bigger picture, you only get pain so massive, you split in two.very very ouch. you try to be a reasonable person but the other half of you goes looney. i tried so hard to be sensible about this, looking at it from all points of view. i'm sure i succeeded. i saw the good and the bad of it. i was able to swallow everything. i was able to live after all my pride has gone. i can even function quite well.

i just cried today. well,all things work together for good. i just might drop dead at the age of 40 due to breast cancer (prediction ko yan) and leave him shattered and hurting and all alone. at least, he won't have to invest emotions now.

i'm so whiney today

major question. why are we so scared of taking risks?
blah blah blah...dang the thought of not wanting to sacrifice one thing for another. isn't it better to indulge and be happy for a short while then recover after the fall than do nothing at all and regret it for the rest of your life? i choose the first option. i move on easily.
sometimes, i blame myself for letting my pet psychosis take over me. am i guilty of confusing one thing from another? hey, i'm only human...i think i can read between the lines, though. is it just too much to ask for? that everything be in a clear and on my face,hey,it's obvious, it's yours kinda way?
maybe i just wasn't born to be happy as anyone else. the irony of it, i make a lot of people happy, i know...why can't i be?
don't get me wrong, i have a lot to be thankful for, i know. and i actually am.
there's just a big gapping hole in my chest.

old habits,dehydration,and sniffles

one more time this computer shuts down,i'll whack it with anything i can get my hands on.
anyway,i should not be blurting this out and giving myself away,but i had such a good time,i want to share.
friday night was a mess.i woke up at 8pm and promised to pick up paulynne and claire at 9pm.haha. i left home with blue at 9pm...good thing, blue, my trusty car, didn't have the hiccups anymore. i can drive fast again!! i made it to our meeting place at 9:30.unfortunately, c5 was in a jam.really really toxic.i started apologizing to the two,especially to paulynne...wala pang late yan, i called the front desk to advise that we'll be late for work.
yun na.nagkatamaran na.hay, old habits never die. cutting classes, that's what they call it. but in this case, it is not school we were avoiding. it's work.
took our time to think since we were late anyway.we parked somewhere at the fort to contemplate on whether we come in at 2am to work or just do something extreme.malate?no way.too far.aaaaahh...alvin's place.but we still have to think of a good excuse because the tl told us to come in kahit half-day.
we did a really huge u-turn and went back to shell at mocha blends. it was so funny because we thought of excuses, some of them really crappy. finally, we had one.claire was to call. aba, the inday was writing down a script.she's not good in lying, daw. osha na nga,i made the call instead...i didn't give the tl a chance to speak.i told her that we were stressed out,we were not in the mood to work anymore,a late would look bad in our scorecards,that instead of waiting,we'd rather go home and do something productive...well,the last one's half truth.
after much girltalk, we went to alvin's house in pasig. leif came, too. we had such a nice time together.awwwwwwww, my carpool buddies...together again.
paulynne got a little drunk. i made pimp juice.she liked it alot.lahat ng tagay, ininuman.
we said goodnight to alvin and left at 8 am and went straight to antipolo. we had to look for a place for next week's outing. it was soooo hot yesterday morning, i was sweating like a pig. haha. i dinged myself. well, we weren't successful. antipolo has become really expensive. so i just took leif,paulynne, and claire home to have something cold to drink. man, i was so dehydrated, i hurt.
i make good iced tea and pimp juice.
after so much time with no sleep, i went to angono after driving from pasig to antipolo, around antipolo, to rosario, and then back to antipolo. the green earth gallery is one month old, located at the scrapyard resort. scrapyard resort. sounds icky? yup, but it was such a nice place. really lovely.
i choose not to give out comments anymore.
anyway, only two other artists showed up at the meeting. very few were accomplished. i got home at 4 and painted a little. i slept after a while with paint on my hands.woke up at 3am. painted again.
now, yoshee wrote me a friendster testimonial and made me cry.

Friday, March 11, 2005

one way streets

wrote this a few days ago in my's been a long time since i wrote stories.found someone for inspiration.ouch.

here goes...

he met her in the time of his childhood. but looking at him,he stands like a man,sounds like a man,smells like a man. a man-child perhaps...but he never grows old. beneath the facade,yes,he is still a child. and then they met.

in the complexity of her thoughts, her insides became stagnant. in the complexity of his being, he continued with what he is used to, unassuming. amidst the contrast of their feelings, something thrived. she tried to keep calm, but her misfortunes overwhelm her. he feels nothing, not even guilt. he feels only indifference. the feeling she hates the most. it cripples her.

he doesn't understand the pain he causes. she basks in the pain she thinks she deserves. he keeps on picking on the wound. she thinks it is lovely. she deserves a little happiness. she knows she is worth it. but he doesn't see it. they are a symbiosis. she hates herself but loves him still. he is oblivious, he is a child.

the man-child lives.she dies slowly.

sleepy sleepless nights

been really really excited to finally do this. took me along time to finally figure out how to work this dang, i have something worthwhile to do during these long graveyard shifts.
how i could just type away...but a burger will do,instead.