Thursday, July 28, 2011

all stressed up and no where to go

when i said my work doesn't stress me, i was lying.

i haven't felt this overworked in months. i mean, i always have things to do but this month, it has been outrageous. and things are piling up-- posters, catalog pages, inserts, invitation pdfs, photographs, etc. it's never ending. on top of that, i still teach 4 classes a week. and 3 wedding invitation projects.

my stomach has been in a knot for weeks. i lost track of where my mood swings and emotions go to, as i have no room to whine. and now, i realized that a few years ago i wrote something dangerously ugly about a good friend. took the post down, but i'm feeling acid inside my stomach. how do you take those things back? i feel like crap.

if it means anything right now, i sincerely apologize. sorry for posting it, and sorry for even thinking it. more often than not, i am an ass but i was way out of line for ranting like that for everyone to see. after my anger had died down, i should've gone humbly to you and apologized personally, but i didn't see the value in that. Sorry, Krish, you are one of my closest friends and your company still makes me happy. i hope you find it in your heart to forgive me.

i just want to finish everything and head of to my next stop and finish there, go to the next and finish. and come back home, rest my head, clear my thoughts, and start refreshed.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

little miss weird

ha, i don't know what to write about. i already wrote a few paragraphs, but weird as i am, i can't even follow my own trail of thought.

well, it's 4:30 am, and i just had a steak and an egg. i am on a high protein diet which is really making me happy. unfortunately, aside from the diet, i am a mess. not so much like the past 2 weeks, but still a mess. been burnt out and stressed. i allowed myself to cry last night after watching a totally unrelated video posted by someone in facebook. apparently, i couldn't contain the mixed emotions gripping my guts. so because i am only human, i cried. it was easier last year, when august 2010 came, i just let myself cry profusely during the china trip(while watching 'rupaul's drag race' and 'work of art' even of it kinda freaked carlo out). so i guess, i'm just bound to suck it up and work again, and pretend that i am and everything is fine.

i'm lonely.