Monday, November 30, 2009


so i finally did. if chrisselle didn't raise her arms up and sorta screamed at me to do it already, i wouldn't have done it. but yeah, after a few weeks of hesitating and then a week of not wanting to actually do it anymore, and after the prodding of all the girls and boys around, i did it.
and i got a phone call. we will meet up soon.

cancer and arthritis

i've been promising everyone that i'll go see a doctor since last year. lol. ok, so i've been hearing stories of how a lot of people have been dying of ehmmm lymphoma. tama ba? cancer sa lymph nodes or whatever. f*ck the lumps at the base of my neck just stopped hurting after more than a week. it's like it hurts a lot everytime i get a cold or something. claire, one drunken night, tried to feel my neck if there are other lumps. she found 3 small ones. i don't know if they really exist since she was really wasted that night.
thing is, i just don't wanna spend on doctors and shit. well, i want to go to a naturopathologist instead but i keep on spending my money somewhere else. maybe carrot and pineapple juice will be enough since i'm guessing that will be first if they give me a diet list.
and yeah, i have pain again on my left wrist.
ah, getting old. not a pretty sight.
when i was starting this blog, i said something like this guy can't fall in love with me since i had this feeling that i'll die of cancer at 40. well, everyone will die of cancer eventually. i wonder if i'll reach 40. morbid ba? kaya lang, i don't wanna hit the bucket when i'm already ugly. gusto ko glamorosa, parang artista. ayoko ng cancer, ayoko maging hit and run victim, ayoko masagasaan ng train, at lumipad galing sa roller coaster. gusto ko maganda pa din ako, nasa bed tapos may fur.
hay nako, ok ok i'll go see a doctor. dang, i hate needles.

galing sa facebook ko: why i love the book "twilight"

i apologize for dissing people who love the twilight series of books. i was actually surprised when i chanced upon a copy of the first book. stephenie meyer is truly an amazing writer. her writing style reminded me of ernest hemingway. i can totally understand why many people are hooked. the book was written with such passion and is indeed compelling. here are excerpts from the first chapter that truly caught my attention. i hope you enjoy reading.
chapter one
once upon a time, bella is a girl. edward is a vampire. edward can smell bella's blood. bella's blood is delicious. edward does not drink human blood. edward is a vegetarian. edward likes the blood of mountain lions and elks. mountain lions and elks are vegetables. they are pulsating vegetables.
edward buys glitter lotion from the body shop. his favorite flavor is vanilla spice. edward is gay. bella is a fag hag. edward wears too much face powder. bella needs to throw up all the time.
vampires do not have blood. they are dead. they cannot have an erection. you cannot rigor mortis down there when you are dead. this story is sick. they are promoting necrophilia.
chapter two
bella gets her period
(coming soon)
ganda di ba. if you want me to post excerpts from chapter two, just message me.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

lost it

hmm. i lost it. i was normal na(or so i thought) before i left for china last month. been up, then up again,tapos steady lang, then konting up, tapos down, tapos down pa ulit. lost the excitement for the chance to move on. losing some hope now. and am about to lose my mind na ata.

earlier today, i felt the need to cry. and after crying, i realized that i am so patient after all. yeah, of course, i have my own drama time alone because me being quiet and sad alarms the whole neighborhood. i don't know if i actually feel sad. i'm actually very disappointed. maybe i just keep setting very high expectations. errr, nah, they're not even high.

and of course my brain would always tell me that, there is a reason for whatever's causing my disappointment. and then i suck in all my tears again and try to wait again. ever so patiently.

a good friend once told me to come face to face with my dilemma. she told me that if i don't do it, we'll still be talking about this 10 years from now. but i don't think that will work in this kind of situation i'm in.


swedish meatball is crashing with me. flew all the way from turkey from his job to be with his girlfriend. ah, no, definitely not me. eeeew. ok, he quit his job to be with this girl he is totally head over heels for and he comes and girly gives him a lotta drama before they actually became a couple. the day after they finally become a real couple, i asked him if he already had plans after they established their relationship status. and he said no, he doesn't have any plans. ( i am secretly wishing he finds his own apartment already. it's not that i wanna throw him out, but he ate all the cereals again.haha)

errr, yeah, so after asking him about plans, i was kinda disturbed about his situation. i mean, i'd never ask a guy to come home to me. when i said i would relocate without any questions, i was thinking more of not wanting the guy to stop his life for me. kasi di ba, lalake ang magdadala ng pamilya kaya dapat maayos lagi ang state nya. or something like that( being stuck in front of the laptop for more than 12 hours a day doesnt help my vocabulary). oh well.

whatever. but i think girly should be the one taking care of him and not his girl friends, no? kawawa naman.

ayan. i feel sick. sucks pa na i can't work ng matino kasi of laptop problems. i just wanna stop thinking about silly things. because these silly things won't let me move on and get on with my life. as if there are so much to look forward to. ehmm...more disappointments?

nah,i'm not depressing. i don't know what i feel. it's like being hungry but not wanting to eat because you don't have any cravings. i wonder how "hollow" can be described.

i'm going back to china next month. yeah, work na lang myself to death. i guess that's all i can do.