so i drag a foot along, and worked badly with a cane, all because of stupid decisions such as jumping in a pool with less than 3 feet of water. undeniably stupid and absolutely in pain. no bruising or swelling just hard core pain when i try to put my foot flat on the floor. but it won't go away soon i know, i'll give it a week.
i am unhappy. no, not unhappy. lonely. but is there actually any difference? i sift through my thoughts trying to look for something tangible, something solid to hold on to as if i can actually touch happiness but i keep missing the part where i can really grip it in my hands. maybe if i keep on wishing, if i wish really hard, maybe if i write what i want over and over everywhere, maybe they will come true. maybe i can make a faery tale out of this. maybe.
i am out of ideas, i am out of willpower. i am out of everything, of patience, of long suffering. i am beginning routines, i am acting on command. i am boring and ugly and uninteresting and old. i am beginning to hate myself again. i can't think, i can't write. i can't work, i can't find what i want.
aren't we all tired?