Tuesday, July 24, 2007

sore

so i drag a foot along, and worked badly with a cane, all because of stupid decisions such as jumping in a pool with less than 3 feet of water. undeniably stupid and absolutely in pain. no bruising or swelling just hard core pain when i try to put my foot flat on the floor. but it won't go away soon i know, i'll give it a week.
i am unhappy. no, not unhappy. lonely. but is there actually any difference? i sift through my thoughts trying to look for something tangible, something solid to hold on to as if i can actually touch happiness but i keep missing the part where i can really grip it in my hands. maybe if i keep on wishing, if i wish really hard, maybe if i write what i want over and over everywhere, maybe they will come true. maybe i can make a faery tale out of this. maybe.
i am out of ideas, i am out of willpower. i am out of everything, of patience, of long suffering. i am beginning routines, i am acting on command. i am boring and ugly and uninteresting and old. i am beginning to hate myself again. i can't think, i can't write. i can't work, i can't find what i want.
aren't we all tired?

3 comments:

thinking out loud said...

tara! jack and coke at my lace. let me know when you're free.

tinay_md said...

haha! ab, labanan mo! go out of your way to explore and discover new things! not easy, but it will pay off. in no time you'd feel you're the diva again. pero dadalawin kita kaibigan.. malapit na :)

abba said...

hay.

raens: sa palagay ko, mahirap ata yan. hehe! miss na kita, miss ko na ang forest. puntahan kita soon.

tenay: malamang maraming exploring ang magagawa ko as soon as i finish the inventory. hehe! tenk!