and so i cannot sleep.
no more coffee for me after dinner. oh, how i dread these long silent moments when i think of countless things and realize too many.
i really am not liking myself too much, especially when i throw tantrums and annoy mikkey at night. i hate it when i catch myself staring in space. i hate it when i start thinking deeply and shut up while having conversations. i hate it that i can't sleep and nobody knows. i hate my insecurities and my dilemmas because i drag people into suffering with me. i detest waiting for something i know is coming but keeps on getting delayed. i hate being responsible for things i am clueless of.
i am not having too much fun now.
and sometimes, i get to think that i'm still that sorry sick little bitch i always am. i hate these sleepless nights. i hate crying over nothing and i hate how the ceiling looks.
and its gonna take a few weeks more before i get over this, i swear. in the meantime, let's play cool.
i'm whiney tonight. haha.