hopelessly hoping

JC sent me a message thru facebook asking me to paint something for his room. so i asked if he has a specific theme in mind. he wants it to be about love again. this time, it's 'hopelessly hoping for a love that is yet to come'. perfect.

when i started with TheGoldFishPool, i just recently came from a break up. it wasn't bad and violent, but it felt like the world just went dark. i hung on to it until it just faded into nothingness. a vacuum once again. it was like being in a rollercoaster of emotions, though. one minute i'm happy, the next, i'm not anything. but still, making save-the-date cards and invites was ok; wasn't bitter or anything. just was on a plateau.

i found myself doodling one day, how 'our' wedding invite would look like. it was an image of a starry night, and floating in the sky would be sheep leaping over a fence, surrounded by heart balloons and happy clouds. it was about the countless sleepless nights spent on waiting, hoping for the day we would be together. but it's gone now.

earlier, i was chatting with JC (before he passed out). i told him that the paintings are with his sister already, ready to be flown to NYC. so i told him the story.

and now, i'm giving the images to him. told him to 'own the sleepless nights while waiting for his one true love to come'.

i'm done with love. well, i mean, done with waiting for it. i'm so cool, you'll freeze over.