been here for 8 looooong days. time seems to be moving so slow. this is the first. it always felt like a rush, that time wasn't enough to finish my tasks. but now, i can't wait to go home. i just feel tired. i've been sleeping so much; i even trade lunch for sleep. part ng SAD, i know. i try not to be sad, though i already warned carlo that i might have outbursts. he kinda gets freaked out when i start crying for no reason. not cry as in wailing but sometimes, my tears just fall, and i laugh about it.
this is not a good trip; i am definite about it. the visa was rushed and released the same day we left. my burnt skin is peeling badly. i didn't get a pedicure before we left. hopepictures need my files and i can't access yousendit.com because of the effin great firewall! when we got here, the girls announced that they have a long holiday, but baby boss decided to give them only one day off. lilian is annoyed with him. there's a storm. bad bad time to fly. dang! take me back to my cave!!!
the only good thing i think is that i did learn how to use Indesign. it took a lot of struggling, resisting, and persuasion, but yeah, what else do i have to do, but learn. so now, i just don't do design; i do catalog lay-outs, too. and get ready for this, i need to do the barcodes, too! time for a raise, 'no? well, i had a goal, and that was to be indispensable, and i am going towards it.
4 years ago, i was sitting in my studio, hoping to die. jobless and insignificant. i was 27 and i didn't know what to do and where to go. that was depressing. today, 4 years later, i now have a very little idea of what to do and where in the world to go. but i'm not depressing now. it took me 29 years to figure out my life, and i'm not nearly there yet. nothing really changed in me, except that i now have a job that i love and i like kissing ass a lot(LOL!if i learned anything in cvg, it was rubbing elbows with the bosses ). i can count up to a hundred, do simple addition and subtraction, multiply by 2's, and can alphabetize. but i am hell good with everything else. haha!(that's confidence) but yeah, i did grow up. and now i have sisters to take care of. i know i will not have anything stable nor will i afford life insurance, but i have my mind in the right place since i stopped being a bitter melon.
i still have my ugly days though. i can't deny that. these are the days when you want to bury your head in the sand. i don't have a hard time fighting them off anymore. i just let it hover. ah, i suddenly remembered talking to this guy who doesn't believe in God. he said he believes in what he sees, so maybe, if God asked him out to have coffee and a chat, maybe then he will believe. i didn't try to talk him into believing that there is a God. i'm not smart enough to debate with him. but you know what? i do believe in God. i've never felt His existence more than i do now. and life is so much easier now. i still have the same routine, same worries and anxieties, but delays are not always denials. almost everything that i prayed for 4 years ago were answered. and i can't wait for the others to come =)
my next project: send sister 1 to fashion school, and send sister 2 to high school.