Went to bed at 3:30 am but couldn’t sleep. Was in a weird trance-like stage and every time I moved, I kept waking up. So. I spent 6 hours in a half-awake state, getting dizzy while my eyes were closed. It was hell. Too much stuff in my head. I hope I break my skull so the stuff can ooze out and give me peace. If it were that easy.
Got me a new set of meds plus an additional set of antibiotics to get me bacteria-free; no idea what the hell is wrong with me. No appetite to eat since last night, and forced food down my throat to actually stop myself from collapsing. Maybe it’s all in the head. Well, I hope I don’t change my mind anytime soon.
Missing mum and dad and my sisses so much. Saw ten’s photos from her graduation and I was not included! So much for that.
Totally out of connection since I’ve been clueless for days already. When you just want to know the answer and it’s being kept from you? It’s like that, mostly. Not my kind of puzzle. I hate puzzles you can’t solve.
Getting angry now. What can I do but wait for my empty hopes to either happen or pop and disappear entirely. Serves me right for having too much faith. When you know that you just won’t have a happy ending, it becomes easier to bear. So faith is the end of things.
I wish I can just stop. Yappity-yap.
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