Wednesday, October 29, 2008

too much of something is not a good thing

how do we not go daydreaming? maybe i get confused with the thoughts i have. maybe i confuse waking dreams with hopes and needs and wants and hopes and needs and desires and hopes and dreams and needs and wants and hopes ...
down doo bi doo down down...
trigger me so i go down and the cold cold days are not helping and daylight is scarce and days are scary and cold and it embraces me like an old friend. i am not gonna stop myself right now. i will let it slide...
so turn my heart into ice and let it freeze and turn numb since it's gonna be cold anyway why not let it freeze and not thaw anymore. this time it's gonna be really ice cold freezing cold makes you get frostbite and gangrene and die and stink.
i don't wanna hear the crap the soothing calming crap of warm wishes and hopes because i will not let it seduce me one more time because i know that it's gonna leave when i climax and leave me wanting and crying and cursing.
when you just want it so badly when you just try so hard for once when you can only think of the good things when you see yourself finally happy is when you fall flat on your face. so much to think of so much to cry over so many things all at once so many tears to deal with. why can't i just stick my head in an oven and die. so how many LPG tanks does it take to kill me?
scratchy itchy throat burning eyes half asleep half awake walking with a dark cloud around my head please pardon my thunderstorm. you don't have to be in it. i will try my best to steer away from you direction so you won't get any on you. why wasn't i able to stop it this time? why did i let go? oh my poor puny little sponge of a much more can you take of this?
i lost my will. i am letting go.

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