Thursday, August 06, 2009

stormy days long nights

i'm upside down again. i know i should take advantage of the weather and sleep at night when it's cold and sweet. unfortunately,i still can't.

i've been wanting to scrub the sidewalk and the garage floors. and rearrange the mess outside. i want to scrape the paint off the fence and repaint it and scrub some more. if i can, i'd even clean the roof and the gutters. it's weird here, because our place is not high-end, but if i do stuff like that, people stare. maybe it's because of the fact that i'm a girl or i'm not the maid. can't wait for the raining to stop and the good antipolo weather.

mum wants me to go to hawaii. it's either they file a petition for me or get married( which she said is easier). i was laughing my ass off when we were talking about it. so i told her to get me someone who smells really good. after hanging up, i froze and realized that i for whatever reason that is (lurve or papers), i don't think i wana get married at all. i spoke to her again a few days after that and now she wants to set me up with this guy. he's american daw and he's 42, i was like, mum! that's old! and she was like, ilang taon ka na ba? err..almost 30... kinikilabutan ako.

so i figured out that maybe i do wana get married in the future. i thought i'd be married by now nga eh! eh apparently, ayaw sa akin ng universe. so maybe wag na nga lang. nakakaloko no. the thing that i wanted the most came and went and left me scarred. eh ang sarap pa naman kutkutkutkutin at tungkabin ng peklat. peklat ka! peklat! wah!!!!!!!!!!!

grabe the wind ha. so strong like making whistling sounds na. it's so cold here. and lonely, too. not too much has been happening. mejo quiet ang life here now.
**time space warp***

jo came to put a splint on my left hand's middle finger. the joint connecting the intermediate and distal phalanges hurt and feels swollen. i can't tell though, i have chubby fingers.LOL. and right after that, we had tea. tyrone then came to pick me up. we went to his place and i had chicken curry and rainbow maki. then we had cake. talked about cory and people who plan to run for the 2010 elections. gah.nosebleed. i hate politics. really do.

jo started texting half past 11. lets also texted looking for me. quiet daw ang earth kasi wala ako. i suddenly had this craving for hot choco. it's soooo damn windy today, perfect for that. tyrone said i should just invite them over since we have ghirardelli anyway, and he also had this sudden craving for that. tita started looking for food for us in the fridge and handed me this huge embotido. lol. too big and too frozen. hahah. found the bottle of peppermint paddy syrup and searched the cupboard for the cream whipper. tada! mint choco! lets and jo came with stuffed breadsticks. premidnight snack snack.

haha. evil. i don't think it's a good idea that tyrone moved closer to me. a few weeks back, it was krispy kreme. i dread the day that the gazebo and the baking area behind his house will get fixed because we already promised ourselves pizza parties. hayy. so much for healthy eating.

my deadly sin for today: gluttony and sloth. potek, pamatay talaga. my favorites.
**back to my room***
i wish the voices in my head shut up for a minute.

i don't know what to do at this point. i know that i want to travel and go as far away as i can. if i reach the other side of the earth, will i still have sleepless nights and will my waking dreams keep on haunting me? maybe they will stop. maybe the powers i have is stronger than i actually think. because going to places and leaving things familiar takes unnatural strength. because change is always scary and to claim the changes means i am actually beyond normal. i am abnormal. sheesh, i still make me clown after all.

does saying goodbye fall into the same category? leaving without moving. i wish i find the strength and the will to do it again.

it's about time i do.

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