unwell

i'm feeling all the shit and i think i know why. i haven't been taking care of myself since i after got sick. i've been lazy to prepare good food and not eating right, not exercising, and not sleeping right. kasi naman, i feel like i just need to work and work again and not stop. i'm not getting rich, but i am focused. and i am bloatey. so i guess, and i hope, that money just follows.

i also let small things get to me most of the time. most kasi annoy me, when they actually shouldn't. i'm not a perfectionist, i am a realist, but mediocrity is not acceptable still. am i contradicting myself? you tell me. so bakit nga ba? kasi MD na ko? haha.

was at tagaytay for 4 days. and still i can't relax. i kept thinking about emails and the server and photoshop. even during the massage thing at sonya's, naiiisip ko ang photoshop. but of course it is alwasy nice to see my friends who i get to see only in tagaytay.

next stop, china.

sun bathing inside the house? no problem!

made a huge mistake of setting up my work station right before the windows. i now have a nice tan and my fake giorgio armani shades is doing a great job. haha, kim told me to set up my umbrella on the table to shield me from the afternoon sun. great idea! lol.

even putting on clothes feels like torture. i wonder how's it gonna be in dongguan next week. the weather predictions also look bad. i just hope i get better before i fly off again. i have parang gitis, kumanta kasi ako ng mga songs ni sharon cuneta sa videoke last saturday. ay, totoo pala, pharyngitis pala, hindi pala parang gitis lang, kasi ang kati talaga!!! kasi naman, from cold and dry, naging warm and humid sa dongguan. tapos pag uwi, ay torture! masama nito kung ang next stop ko ay quarantine sa guangzhou. boo hoo!

i feel bad about being unable to concentrate. i feel bored kasi. lol. funny, but i have the need to multitask talaga. kanina, i was kinda lazy and didn't want to work so i asked tyrone if he wanted to hang out at a cafe to waste time. i ended up working at the cafe. shucks. everyone's telling me that i'm a workaholic. i think it's true. i can't even go out anymore kasi i feel like i'm wasting too much time sa travel. well ,there's nothing better to do anyway. i can party a lot and waste my life away but that bores me too.

it's 5am and i'm still working. gah. oh well. won't be too useful later. i should sleep.

i miss my starbucks

the first thing i wanted to do when i got here was to get coffee. so sunday came and i asked tyrone if we can just drive our pamangkins to sta. mesa after the evening service and get starbucks on the way home. of course, he cannot resist invitations like that. the clock in the car read 10:45 when we got in. i announced that we'll be at sta. mesa at 11:30. good thing that traffic was really light already. and we had enough time to get to gateway for my coffee before everything closed down.

we were like 5 minutes away from the sta. mesa house, i was busy stating our options(coffee bean and tea leaf, cafe adriatico. starbucks, etc.). i fixed my eyeglasses when suddenly, the left temple broke off! and i was like, wtf! still i was determined to get my coffee. but i had to stop for a bit because whatever's left of the glasses were wiggly and it made me dizzy.

we discovered that aurora blvd. is like a really long stretch of 7-11less land. the drive took forever because we had to slow down to look for any convenience store. finally we got to the araneta center, passed by the well-lit and busy coffee bean and tea leaf, and continued to a mini-stop, but they didnt have any super glue. went to a 7-11 and they were out of stock, too. went to another 7-11 and finally got my glue.


yes! coffee! drove to the parking lot, but the one near the cafes were closed so i had to turn around and park at the one we just passed by. walked blindly to the area where the cafes are, and yup, you guessed it, closed na lahat!!! wah!!!!


ended up at baang coffee somewhere in cainta and checked out the manager who was a very willing victim. he probably enjoyed that i stared. lol.


the superglue did give up after a day, and this is how my 6 year old eyeglasses look now:too bad i have to leave next friday and i don't have time to get a replacement. tsk tsk. ok pa to! lol. well, i have no choice but to keep it this way until i get back. hay china...

back home and feeling a tad weird

china for 28 days isn't just as fun as one would imagine. lol. this trip was way too tiring and boring, kinda. not really boring, but it just kinda felt like it dragged on after the first 2 weeks. was happy actually at first because i wasn't able to fly since january until march, and the weather there was just lovely. perfect ang weather because it was a relief after the heat ng holy week.

hmm. can't remember much of what happened during the china trip. funny. was awfully tired lang talaga, i guess.

went to xiamen to visit a factory and taught the chinese how to eat chicken wings properly. sold out ako. hahaha! lamig lamig, sarap. baby boss said it was mostly like that in scotland. sana sama nya ko. haha! ako na boss ng art department. lol

oh, yeah, my rubber shoes finally gave up and crumbled in guang zhou. it also made my feet stink. haha. so i left it in the trash can after the canton and jinhan fairs. lol. sabi ko, sa sobrang kakalakad namin sa super laking canton fair, na ang pangarap ko mamatay because of old age, ayun, sabi ko mamamatay na ko doon kasi super sakit ng katawan ko. shucks, after the 3rd day, i could feel my feet swell pag nakaupo ako. had to get me ankle supports kasi my left ankle started to kill me. but it was a new experience. so next time, i'll bring 2 pairs of shoes.

i do remember these 2 really really cute guys at one booth at hall 10.2 at the canton fair. no they're not chinese.not caucasian either. di namin ma-place sa globe eh. pero mahal na namin sila ni dimple. hehehe.

grabe, i think what got to me was the constant washing ng clothes. cebupacific sucks kasi, only 15 kgs ng baggage is allowed and that's like good lang for a week worth of clothes.

fast forward.

so now i'm back home. and just sitting down makes me sweat like bikram yoga. haha. ,may lagnat daw ang pilipinas according to chrissele. hmm. weird lang, kasi, i feel kinda alone. alone naman talaga ako, but this is just abnormal. maybe i'm not supposed to be here anymore. or maybe kasi i've been having a dreams that are not so nice to me.

i know! i think i'll just get curtains. and an AC. lol. centralized na lang para masaya. i bet hindi na ko magiging lonely kasi dito na titira mga kapitbahay ko. gah.

and now it's the next day na, kahapon's tomorrow. tagal ko sinusulat to ah. ayan. been coughing a lot, dry pa. tapos na ko bumoto!

3 days since i started this. gah! slow. ehm, it's confirmed. i am going back on the 21st. crunch time!

MIA

won't be back till may 7.china. bye.

painting!

just as i promised, here's the painting samio and i did for PTV's office. inspired by gustav klimt's 'the kiss'.

me, the stalker and other random cynic sheeet

no, not really. just kinda searched facebook photos of someone. so funny kasi nakanganga rin sya lagi. like me. haha! and secret lang ha, i stole 3 pictures. lol. hair's wavy, too. this is what sleeplessness do to me, it makes me psycho! i'm not even crushing; i was just curious.

ayan. wag natin sya iexploit. parang si david bunevacz lol.

Y: stalker. lol
me: yeah. yun ang title nun blog entry ko na i'm writing hahahah. nah. u wana see? ahhahahaha
Y: tingin nga
me: hahaha
Y: nice... very nice...lol
me: ahhahahaha that was funny hahahhah. crushable noh?
Y: yup
me: but wala na sya sa buhay ko
Y: bakit?
me: last i heard of him, *blah blah blah*. it wasnt even feb when he told me that hahaha
Y: lo
Y: l
Y: lol
me: i got that the first time
abba: ahahhaha sayang. seems like a fun guy
Y: onga and he seems nice
Y: very nice...
me: ahahahhaa you're so funny. sayang bagay sana kami
Y: i know
me: ahahhahaha
Y: onga

--------------

funny how a lot people kill the whole love/relationship thing. shempre, you have cheaters, liars, whores and manwhores, users, etc. you know, the usual stuff. but i got more on my list.

-when people start to read to how to become politically correct to be in a relationship, that's kinda pushing it.
-when people use love to get revenge, that's definitely wrong.
-when people cry to manipulate their partner, that's crap.
-when people yell at each other in front of company, that's not love.
-when it's just convenient, that's not love.
-when people call their partner names, that's definitely not love.
-when cheaters mistake lust for love, that's stupid.
-when you can't grasp the idea of a 'sense of belongingness', then you're pretty sick.

you get the idea.

never was perfect, though, but i got a pretty good idea how love and relationships should be. but what i just saw from the third person's point of view, man, it just scares me to death. i wish people would just stop killing love.

haha, nah, not really interested in it now. just saying.

i like to keep it simple.

i don't know why i attract this certain kind of people. i feel so much pain whenever i am forced to have conversations-no, it kills me every time i have to be in the same room as them. even if there are people who declare themselves as free spirits, enlightened ones, and unorthodox blabber mouths, i assure you, more often than not, they carry a lot of negative energy around. that's why i generally don't like being with adults. i prefer being with the kids, at least, all their angst are focused on one thing: curfew.

listen: i don't have any hang-ups. i just don't like sticky irritating annoying redundant people, places, and things. so don't force me to go near any of these if you don't want me lashing out on everyone/thing. i love my house, my mum, my dad, the dog, silence, my peace, and not being pretentious. i will not try so hard for people to think that i am an intellectual; my intelligence is displayed through my actions. also do not make me try to explain my art; it ruins everything. please do not analyze my 'weirdness'; i will not involve you in my mood swings. also, if you want me to respect all the beliefs you have invented, try not to be so rude when talking about the deity i believe in. don't make me talk; i am not one to argue simply because i am not the one who will feed your need for attention.

i tell you, i just want to be left alone. i provide for my own and i am content. no need to impress anyone, thank you, i like it simple. so if you disagree, look for your own kind.

----------------------------

generally quiet and happy here in my own little world. not angry anymore now. am excited for my new little adventures that will come soon. minding my own business, healing my almost-gone wounds, and waiting for my rocket to come- occassionally thinks of the pajama man and gets annoyed by bunny teeth but everything's steady here. i'm glad i turned 30. it makes a lot of difference. kasi pwede na ko maging cougar officially! bwahahahah!

death by baygon and other nonsense

been sitting here in front of the laptop for almost four hours. watched a movie, edited some pictures(half-heartedly), and been inhaling smoke from the burning mosquito coil. the mosquitos are still biting now, probably got immuned and probably just enjoy the high the katol gives them. i'll be dead way before these tiny monsters die.

----------wow, kahapon pa to, pero same story of my life pa rin.

my dada will undergo ear surgery in saturday, friday there. and i'm kinda feeling weird about it since they haven't told me what it is for and my sister is also clueless. hay nako dada... ten said he's actually more worried about the bills than the thing that might be in his ear. so ten gave me her theory why dada always have had that thing with his ear. too much noise at construction sites. well, dada had ringing in his ears due to Ménière's disease (pronounced /meɪnˈjɛərz/[1]). According to Wikipedia, it is a disorder of the inner ear that can affect hearing and balance to a varying degree. It is characterized by episodes of vertigo and tinnitus and progressive hearing loss, usually in one ear. It is caused by lymphatic channel dilation,[2] affecting the drainage of endolymph. It is named after the French physician Prosper Ménière, who first reported that vertigo was caused by inner ear disorders in an article published in 1861. The condition affects people differently; it can range in intensity from being a mild annoyance to a chronic, lifelong disability.[3]

-------------no wonder dada was always annoyed by me when i was in college. lol.

i am bored. although a have a bunch of stuff to do, i can't find the energy to do them anymore. the school year isn't finished yet,and i'm on vacation mode already. oh, and no, i don't want to go on a vacation. i have to contradict myself. i really want to work, but this is not what i want to do right now. but still i had to, and finally i finished reading my students' term papers. nosebleed.

------------------------------

4 of my friends have new babies. i want one, too!

me: how come they keep on having babies?

yosh: because they like sex?

me: i like sex, too.

yosh: but they actually have sex.

oh, yeah. and i don't really like sex. i think it's overrated. even if tel thinks differently and doesn't believe me, i really still don't like it. haha. it comes with age and maturity. lol.

-----------------------------

i'm annoyed. i don't want to be a home for the homeless. ulit, "the Homeless". isa lang kasi sya. hehe. i don't think i'm ready for ranting and negative energies since i just recovered from anger. gah. but i am maawain, i know. ok, i'll space out na lang so i won't have to listen. and i won't have to say "i told you so"...

-----------------------------

gotta sleep. a few minutes more, and i'm gonna be too hungry. i hate sleepless nights. i still get to think about my happy thought and it's not making me happy anymore. peste.

galit at nagpapaliwanag lang

i really hate not having anything to do. it makes me see details, and these details, more often than not, make me angry. let me rephrase that. details, for example, a stupid and senseless arguement, an unwitty remark, and plain stupidity, these, these make me angry.

and i've been angry for 2 weeks.

so i realized, i can't not have work. and i just can't work on one thing at a time. i have a need to multitask. according to my dear friend mumi, i have ADHD. my mum said one time, in passing, that i might have that, too, but wasn't put in therapy. thanks, mum! well, i do love to multitask because i get bored easily and i keep running around while working(and i only work on the computer. except of course i am also painting and washing the dishes at the same time).

daddy boss gave me things to do. yipee! happy! done! and now i'm bored again.

back to being angry. will update on my next mood swing.

random sheeet ng mga drama queens

had a bad dream last night.

he hugged and kissed me and said, take care of blah blah and blah blah, especially blah blah because she's pregnant. if no one takes care of her, i will marry her.

i went, papakasalan mo ung hindi mo mahal at hindi sayo ang anak pero ako sinasabi mong mahal mo, hindi mo man lang makasama?

drama queen. waahahhahah!

having this conversation with a friend suffering from misery caused by love. itago nalang natin sya sa pangalang Rubi, ang bidang kontrabida.

Rubi: feeling ko kasi parang di natatapos kagagahan at kahinaan ko tuwing didikit ako dun eh

me: or baka naman dadating ka na sa point na magsasawa ka or mamahalin ka din nya. unaunahan lang yan

R: ang tagal, ang tagal tagal ko magsawa. shet

me: matagal talaga

R: feeling ko pag nadivert ko atensyon ko oka na ako. abba kasi nm 10yrs na

me: buti ka nga un mahal mo totoong tao eh. ako hindi. ni hindi ko man lang nahawakan ang kamay

R: mahirap nga yan. kaso abba...ang hirap din nmn kasi ng malapit nga...nakakasama mo.....pwede may mngyari ulit..... pero alam mong parang wala rin sya dun. mahirap mamiss ang taong nasa tabi mo lng

me: hindi naman kita pinapaasa. sinasabi ko lang na maswerte ka pa din kasi existent sha. kung ayaw nya pa rin syo, magiging manhid ka rin jan

R: yeah i know. excited na ako sa araw na maging manhid ako sa knya .kelan kaya yun? parang kasi lahat ng aspeto ng buhay ko nagugulo pagnabubuang ako s knya

me: hahaha .ipagdasal mo lang yan na kung hindi para syo maging masaya na lang kayo pareho

R: abba, 10yrs ko ng pinagdadasal yan

me: mahirap yun ha... ako rin noh...

R: puki ng inang yan. mas masaya pa nga ako pag may gf yan hayup na yan

me: ...un arawa araw mong ipagdadasal na sana maging masaya sya at araw araw mo ipapaalala na hindi mo na sya dapat mahalin
...

me: hayy. eh wag ka na lang mainlove para masaya. taasan mo bigla ang standards mo hahah

R: yan talga nagpapabagsak sakin. or sabhin n nting SYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ang nagpapagbagsak sakin. leche. inisip ko nga abba....hindi kaya kung hindi ko sya naging frend.......10yrs ago, baka mas naging masaya or nasunod ko ang plano ko sa buhay ko na hindi ko lagi dinedepende sa thought na"baka sakali"

me: awwwwwwww... bata ka pa,marami pnag mangyayari sa buhay mo. i'm sure hindi eto un pinakamasakit na bagay kasi lalake lang yan meron pang mas matindi jan pero ang bottomline, hindi natin ikamamatay yan

R: nakakaumay na kasi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grrrrrrrr. abba!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ganyan magusap ang mga sawi. lol. pero wala naman nareresolve. ay, si rubi lang pala ang walang nareresolve, pusong mamon kasi na binabad sa gatas, palibhasa fag hag kaya grabe mag emote. hahaha! kaya para sa mga bata na nagsisimula na umibig, uminom kayo ng maraming kape para nerbyusin kayo sa mga matatandang dalagang emo!

midnight blues

watched american psycho and the machinist last night. was feeling a bit disturbed when i tried to go to bed and was also hungry. i remembered i got strawberries in the fridge. so this was what i had for my midnight snack:

nyeee, baliktad un order...too lazy to cut and paste..

i miss the pajama man. i shouldn't, though.

la lang

went to see claire at the hospital to get my shot last night. we hung out at the doctors' quarters a bit and claire told us a juicy chikka. it was a long story, and of course i needed to have side comments:

me: ay nako basta he's an a**hole pa rin for me

claire: he is really nice

me: a**hole!

claire: nako, if you meet him you'll fall in love with him

me: no, i will not get married for any reason except fame!

la lang.

speaking too soon

ah yeah, after publishing the last post, i did get a dizzy episode. sheesh. and now i have vertigo meds that make my tummy feel sick. darn it.

well, on a better note, i got me another business deal. and another friend also proposed another thing that's gonna be a really really good deal.

according to koji my dear friend, katulad ni kris aquino sa movie na 'feng shui', lahat ng swerte ko sa career ay may kapalit na kamalasan sa love life. more werk werk werk, less boys. haha! so now, i have to tell you i am really straight, but pathetic as it may seem, koji looks for guys for me at his favorite gay-dating site. kahit man lang daw gay, may makita akong mga lalake. haha.

i'm not complaining. i am working my ass off to forget a boy. for heaven's sake. haha! pag di pa ba naman ako matuto. hahaha!

i won't be going to china this march(wheee!). i should really go see specialists noh? sayang naman the month if i don't. thing is, if i do, i might not have enough money for shopping in HK! wah! kaya kelangan humada. hahahah! humataw pala. ano ba yan. lol. well, i think i can manage, and i can even ask my health care provider(dada!) for assistance. haha!

been painting for 3 weekends already. samio kicks ass pa din. and i'm the greatest. lol. will post pictures soon. i also submitted the second batch of revised spreads for hopepictures. i wish we can finish with everything already because i really need to pay the bills. and i'm really going crazy over the mineral make up i want to get. haha. i'm sooooo arte!

i want to meet up with yoshi later but i don't know if i can trust myself yet. i get dizzy walking from here to lets'...i wonder if i'll survive galeria, with a pregnant woman, and no money. nice combo. i bet it was avatar in 3d that triggered this whole thing!! imagine, hearing the stupid lines over and over all in 3d! i see you...i see you my ass! gah!

nothing much really has been happening. i don't even go out. i just stay indoors and i'd only go out for dinner if it's for free. nothing too exciting about carrot pineapple juicing in the morning. oh and yeah, i was hoping i can be vegetarian, apparently, "healthy" for me is not being healthy, i need my red meat yeah!!! iron-rich diet daw eh, low normal ang red blood cells ko. i'll die if i don't eat meat, lol, goodjab!

this is fresh. hehe

finally, i woke up without any signs of getting sick today. 11am also felt nice as it's kinda cloudy and it's not too bright outside. after days and days of a foreboding vertigo thing, i am not dizzy today.

kevin, my nephew, decided to practice his nursing skills on sick relatives, and has been checking up on me ever since this started. actually, we really don't know if this is vertigo because i've been hypotensive some days and that can be the cause for the dizziness.

it's not really affecting my work, but work is actually affecting my health. haha. i can't stop working even if i really feel like dying alreday. i guess it runs in the women in the family. too strong to let sickness interfere with life. kevin asked me to just rest for at least 2 days. stop using my eyes. yaiks. i have cimc, a project for goldfish, and samio and i are painting. i've also been checking on the kids at school almost everyday.

i guess i am coping. i tend to overwork when i'm in that certain position. hmm. maybe it helps me not to think about the dilemma or shit, and it works. but now it's kinda too much. i can imagine going down with the flu as soon as everything's done. usually happens. but what can i do, i am enjoying.

everything i believe in is real.

well, not really, but most of, yeah. was planning to write this really really emo entry; i think it's too early to go dramatic. i also intend to let it pass. if it's still in my head after 2 days, then will i write about it.

yesterday, i woke up around 8AM and started working really early. i was thinking about this guy who sends in work for the goldfishpool(see links on sidebar)from NJ; the last time he gave me something to do was a long time ago.i was getting concerned about our relationship because the last time, it took me mnore than a month to get the spreads done. i was worried that he didn't trust us anymore. anyway, i had to let that go because the china office just sent me 4 folders to work on. that means maybe a hundred files was waiting for me.

was making a mid-morning sandwich for kuya nonoy,who waas painting the gate, when the phone rang. it was the lawyers affiliated with the bank. oops, the last time i made a payment was november. i wasn't able to do anything december since i was in china and the holidays came in swarms. hehe. was gonna pay january but the bank's system was offline and i was told to just come back. but of course, i got me one hella schedule, and because the CSR told me to go to MY bank to make the payment, i totally intentionally forgot about it. so i need to make a payment before Feb 5 or else i'll go to jail! wah! hahaha. come on. lol. but yeah, that's how they do it. they're good in giving you paranoia. the best thing to do it is to go with their routine and be totally totally nice that they can't give you their scripted hell. hehe.

ok. honestly when i hung up, i was like, oh sheeeeet, where am i gonna get money. of course i don't really believe that i have to pay the whole amount (something like 10K++) in a week. so i was trying to compute in my head the money i'll be getting this february...that was hard...hahaha!i can actually make it. lol. but i'll have a week of doing the dayukdok diet. haha. kidding. so i prayed a little and asked for another raket.

after a few minutes, i checked my gmail. ta dah!!! work from NJ guy. i can pay the bank and someone else na mahal na mahal ako at di ako sinisingil pa. lol.

He is always good to me. I, in turn, this year, will do my best to be good to Him.

benutrex hi ya!

i got me a shot last night again of benutrex. that was my fourth time. i don't know why, but i really can't take needles. i can definitely get a tattoo, but getting shots make me squirm. went with tyrone to see claire. and claire had to administer it in the ER! the single patient's family members were laughing while i was getting it. tyrone saw a copy of this on the doctors' table:

he concluded that i needed bedrest.according to the wong-baker facial grimace scale, i made the top place. worst possible pain. and it was such a tiny needle. i keep forgetting to take photos of the syringe and the vials because i get too anxious when i see them.

my arm hurt a lot and felt really stiff. claire was upset last night because of work. she gave me bloody hell tuloy. hehe. it hurts a bit till now.

breakfast.

make you feel my love

if it means anything to you

ah, the old maid

after 100 years, kuya nonoy finally sold the junk. it maybe trash for me, but for others, they can be, like, treasure. haha! well, it was old stuff, mostly steel, and they're getting rusty and soon they're gonna be really worthless. so i had everything picked up by the junk shop people and kuya nonoy made more than 3K. gave him some, and asked him to buy paint.

now, there's so much space! and that means, less space for the rodents to live in. and the fence just got white-washed! teehee! it looks new again.

i've been wanting to scrub the sidewalk, too. but maybe i'll do that in the summer. my next project will be the ceilings. dada sent me money for that but i spent it on repairs and repainting of the roof first. then after that, i'm gonna sell the house. hehe. dada's gonna kill me, like torture me then chop off my extremities first, cauterize everything, then feed me to the wolves while i'm still alive and let me die in the cold and shit like that. and he'll do that like bruce willis. really cool, dada.

hehe..some stuff i have on my phone:

this is how we say it in china.

santa singing "poker face"

too many photos for one entry. gonna save the others for next time. ah, i have one more:

during detox. looks hungry.lol. ugly...

feeling sick

a little more than 2 weeks ago, i went to see a doctor. dada sent me money already so i had no excuses anymore. it's still the same thing; the lumps on top of my right clavicle scares people. there are like 2 or 3 lumps-mumma lump and baby lumps. lol.

the EENT gave me the same medication as the surgeon did. different names, though. EENt gave me ebutrol, an anti-TB med, and unasyn, a strong antibiotic. while on the meds, i was also taking decolgen for my colds and ascof because i was starting to cough. i felt better after a few days, maybe 4 days into the treatment. cough and colds were gone, but my sleep pattern was a mess. despite the fact that i was almost always high, i couldn't sleep until the sun came out. yeah sure, i always do that, but that was just crazy. the sun used to come out at 5am. now, it's still dark till 6:30am. and i was useless most of the days again.

until monday. i slept at 11am and was woken up at 1pm. lets needed to run some errands and i went with her. it was also the same day i had to pay bills and get an IV shot of benutrex c(kick ass vit c). it was also the last day of unasyn for me. went over to claire's for the shot. put on some drama over a 3cc syringe. dang,i hate needles. yeah, i cried a little. haha. after that, i was able to sleep at 7:30 pm. probably it was the exhaustion that got to me. well, was happy to be normal again. and i got my colds back.

so yesterday i went back to the EENT. feeling shitty again. and he says now he can feel that there are small lumps,too. apparently, he didn't feel them the last time. since the antibiotics somehow worked while i was on it, he gave me the same meds again. this time though, he gave me b complex because ebutrol fucks up your eyes. ooops. he forgot to give that to me the last time. yeah! as if my eyes aren't fucked up yet.

started with again unasyn last night. and had another shot of benutrex. and it made my pee a wonderful lime green color. slept at 3AM. and woke up at 4PM. isn't that wonderful? damn. i missed a day again.

so for breakfast, i had juice from 6 pieces of calamansi and honey, 2 ebutrols, unasyn,and b complex. haha. after 30 minutes, i had a banana and carrot pineapple juice. i wanted to eat something real so i decided to make bacon and pancakes. it's kinda hard to do that when you are spacing out. man. i can't even keep my panckaes flat. they're like a mess.

and it definitely is hard to be sick when you are alone.

i have to endure this for 2 more weeks. then i get a CT scan, an endoscopy, and probably an ultrasound. claire told me i should get a fine needle biopsy. i don't want it. i still get laughs when i say it's against my religion. seriously, that's one test i'm not gonna get. if it's cancer, let it be cancer. i'm considering going to laguna for alternative meds.

i think this is where you say, "be careful what you wish for"...