Thursday, July 06, 2006

push me

i had lunch with a friend yesterday. we started with the topic of who's going out with who (and it turns out that she's currently going out with a celebrity), and eventually settled with the things mature adults would talk about.
of course, we talked about my unusual lifestyle. unusual, because it seems boring to the third person, or rather, insensible.
my friend has this thing for theories and assumptions and observation. well, she does research work, so that mostly explains it.
why do i choose to stay in antipolo, she asked. in my parents' house, without obvious independence. well, it was a hard thing to explain(she had more answers for me). i know, compared with almost everyone, i live a weird life. i am 3 years shy of 30, but here at home i am still the 15 year old kid. i am not even allowed to stay out late. sure it is a disadvantage, for most filipinos though, kids no matter how old they get, are still kids for the mom and dad. it's sad na hindi nag aabot ang edad natin kaya kahit kailan, we will be refered to as 'kids'.
a few years ago, i have sworn to get out of the house as soon as i get a job. now, i don't find it necessary na eh. a long time ago kasi, madaming conflicts inside the house, but now, wala na like before. so, bakit pa? my job is just here, sayang sa pera(which i don't have). well, actually, i don't have too much to spend, din.
ok. she thinks that i am not pushing myself at all. what motivates me daw. i really can't say. i guess i don't really have one. if it's money, well, kulang sya sa sipa. i just want to be comfortable. i want to do a lot of things but siguro, time doesnt allow me pa. i don't know. i still know pa naman where i'm headed eh.
we'll see.
the prospect of death is a strong motivation.

1 comment:

thinking out loud said...

there's a perfect time for everything abs.just do whatever that will make you happy.