gewang thoughts on culture, media, etc. not for the sensitive.

wow. i haven't written an entry in a long time. well, i did attempt to, but it was all about whining about lost love, and how sad my head is. well, marami na ang may alam nyan. most of the readers, siguro all 3 of them,  have followed my ups and downs, and my pagewang-gewangs.

what's on my mind. let's see...(i'm going to get in trouble for this! hindi naman ako racist, pero nagkakataon lang.kaya taglish ko na lang ito susulat)

while hanging the laundry, i suddenly remembered this wisecrack from the internet and his article, "I hate Filipino culture". una kasi sa lahat, dapat " I hate THE Filipino culture." pero siguro tama din sya kasi hindi naman well-defined ang culture na sinasabi nya. I'm not going to go ahead and diss this guy. entitled naman sya sa sariling opinyon nya. at nakasulat pa ang blog entry nya sa English. mahilig din naman ako mag ingles.

the way he talked about  pinoy pop culture was a little over the top. he ended his article with saying that the people who are successful in the PI are eitherr "of a foreign culture (the Chinese) or those exposed to western ideals", and that the "masa culture is a byproduct of ignorance". wow ha. deep.

ah, the Philippines. I love the Philippines. I would love to stay there if  i can actually get a high-paying job, or be finally financially able to go full time with my business. i love being able to regularly pay my taxes, and hope,eventually, that i can give back to my university loads of cash (eh pano na pala yun ngayong semi-private na ang UP?) 

i like the filipino pop culture better than j-pop,k-pop, at kung ano ano pang pop pop na lumalabas jan. cute lang sila kasi magaganda ang mukha nila at dahil hindi mo sila naaamoy. manonood na lang ako ng eat bulaga at matatawa pa din ako kay vic sotto. pero torture para sa akin kapag napipilitan akong manood ng wowowee dahil hindi ko masikmura ang humor ni willie,dagdagan mo pa ng speech impediment nya. dahil ba nanonood ako ng lovingly yours, helen at ng walang tulugan, below average na ang IQ ko? at dahil ba mahilig ako manood sa kapitbahay ng cinema one eh hindi na ako makakaboto ng tama? wala na ba ako pagasang umunlad???

ang lakas ng bahid ng ibang kultura sa atin, at ang mga pinoy eh hindi founded and pagkapinoy in their veins dahil sa kulang  ang education tungkol dito. nawawala na ang trademark ng tunay pinoy. nakakalungkot na ang umuunlad sa atin eh mga tisoy, tisay, chinoy, chinay, at ang mga call center agents na napromote na papunta sa country director na position. ay, nagcall center pala ako dati, so kung ako ang napromote, ok pala yun. eh kung ang laking bilib natin sa ibang bansa, eh magpasakop na lang tayo sa intsik. tutal, nabenta na naman ni E ang kalahati ng pasig sa kanila, eh ibigay na rin natin ang spratleys. tutal singkit din naman sila. masosolusyunan pa ang kakulangan sa tubig kasi ma-aadapt na natin ang culture nila na hindi mahilig sa pagligo.

pwede din tayo magpasakop sa mga puti, kahit galing sa amerika o sa europe. tutal, uso naman daw ang mga halfbreeds na, na sinasabi nila na maganda. umuunlad din kasi nagaartista. kapag sinakop tayo ng mga lahing mapuputi, kapag colonized na tayo, or declared na isa na tayo sa USA, magkaka snow na rin sa atin, therefore masasagot na ang problema ng init sa pinas.

malakas talaga ang influence ng banyaga, dahil sa media. blame it kay kris aquino. dahil a) nasa media sya, and b) intsik sya. i therefore conclude, malakas ang influence nya.

lahat yan naisip ko habang nagsasampay. madami na ba akong haters? let me hear you say,yeah!

marami na ko napuntahan, marami na ko nakausap. iba't ibang uri ng tao. pero babalik balik ako sa pilipinas at sa kultura na nakagisnan ko. Kultura kung san ako pinalaki ng magulang ko. ang takot sa Diyos ang most important,  but never letting fate or chance take control (dahil ang relihiyon ko ay hindi horoscope) dahil ang fruits ng hard work are always sweet. the kind of culture where family comes first, where our moral standards are based on Godly principles and passed on to us by the older generations. education was valued. critical thinking was encouraged in our househould.  we were exposed to all kinds of the arts, from different places and other cultures, but we were taught how to appreciate our own.
maglalagay na ko ng disclaimer: malikot lang ang utak ko pero mabait akong bata sabi ng lolo ko.

diverse nga,diverse nga kasi wala nang purong pinoy. what you make out of  yourself is what counts. may edukasyon man o wala.

sabihin mo sa marines yan.

PERO! pero kung gusto nyo baguhin ang pilipinas dahil jologs ang majority ng populasyon dito, handa ka ba baguhin ang sarili mo? dahil ang sarili mo ang worst enemy mo. rebooting a nation? dugo ang dadanak para diyan. and don't even get me started on politics.

2013 started with a bang and it kinda hurt

came back home for a long vacation equipped with my office portable HD. not that i am so happy to work here, but of course i have to. been pigging out, going out, meeting up, reuniting with, and sleeping in.  blessings that hardly feel like blessings come and make me happy for a few hours then they convert themselves to tasks i have to face. oh well. that's how it is. not that i am not thankful, it's just that i am really really tired now most of the times. obesity. and now i am having acid reflux. so that sums it up: i have to stop eating.

full and empty, that's how it is.

sad and happy.

i ask and ask and ask and i get and i take, but it feels like nothing.

it's been a long time

i've been busy. i can't seem to slow down. at least, this keeps my mind away from depressing haha. i've been overworking myself, keeping a job, and working on other stuff at the same time. it feels like my mouth tastes the exhaustion, if there's actually such a thing.
can't complain though, i've chosen this and i have to survive.
looking forward to brighter days.

there's nothing to do!

life doesn't really change when you move to a different country. it's the same you that will prevail. i understand now why there's so much drama happening in this place among my kababayans. Life can't get any boring. even if you have a friend, a partner, or kids here, the limited sources of entertainment will never compensate the loneliness that you'll feel. then you'd crave for drama. some try to avoid it, but it's like a rabid dog that would stalk you and attack you when you're not looking.

finding somethin

haha,was reading the last post here. so what made me want to feel love again? so odd. i was trying to remember since i wouldn't have posted it for no reason at all. hmmm...was thinking of a german with a huge wiener. could be. haha! well, i am not wishing for love at all. not at this moment, at least. and the pajama man, though he may cause me a little heartache every now and then, is topic for most of my jokes now. as i have told my bff, i will not be able to get over him, because i created him. so that's history and hopefully he will not be mentioned in this blog again. but i promise to think about him everyday for the rest of my sorry life. LOL.

i'm not desperate. i still go out with guys, most of them the wrong ones, obviously. in fact, i regularly see someone now. he's ok. i actually like him. and he likes me, too. haha. the brutal truth, though, is that he's not the ONE. and he got me some Ugg sandals. tsk tsk. according to pinoy superstition, imma step on him to get ahead. too bad for him haha!

the name i keep calling out to

in my little world of fantasy, i still have a little spark of hope. 

when things go wrong, when things are lovely, i sigh and whisper a name that still tastes sweet in my mouth. followed by the phrase "why did you disappear?"  then i get to think that, it's not him that i miss. inspite of me being me, i still want to feel how it is to be in love again. 

it's like i had an endless streak of inspiration. and that's what i need right now. of course i can push myself to work. the drive i have may seem low, but i can't bear not to get a job done. i just miss that 'oomph' that comes out in my work when there's a bit of happiness in me. 

i used to look forward to waking up in the morning. 

so right now, i'm hoping that history will repeat itself. i am craving for that. if the world gives me another chance, i'm not going to let it fade away. i'm not going to sit here and wait. i guess that was my fatal mistake. i tend to be so patient when others will eventually just start to not care. 

then maybe my mornings will be amazing again. 

flatlining

i feel terrible. i have this crazy thought that China will change me. my mind's been blank for almost a week now. and i will be here for  3 more months until i get a week off to go home. this is definitely the worst place to get inspiration. i mean, here, changping town. i really could use some time off from the office. me, being young, wild, and free. haha. scrap the 'young' part. i feel old. maybe i've allowed myself to grow up a little bit more. 

there are nights when stay up, wide eyed in bed, thinking, i bit off more than i could definitely chew. my reasons for moving here are all based on annoyance and love. ironic. but what can i do, it's my nature. i guess i'm not a real bad person at all. i thought i was. i thought i was the type who'd run away from responsibility. seriously. or maybe, i really have nothing to live for? but then i think of my family. i do have a valid reason. unconditional love.

the perks of being here are not so grand, a little more pay and... yeah, that's about it. i've said before, the job's not so difficult. physically tiring sometimes when we move stuff around. nothing i can't deal with. and i've finally got the whole flying thing in control as i won't need to go do that for a while. the only thing i can't stand now is not having a real place to stay in. i'm squatting in my boss' apartment because he was too "busy" to get me one. i hate being this uncomfortable when you can't even unpack your bags. yeah, that makes me feel shitty.

i think china will change me. make me boring and senseless. in the PI, i was disconnected to the rest of the world, kinda, staying in my cave and all. but now, all the news i get are from HK, and the weather report around the world. haha, yeah, i forgot, the internet can keep me in the loop. unless of course, the proxy stops working. LOL. 

well,whatever. we make the most of every situation we're in, right? gotta put my game face on, and stare endlessly at my laptop.

into the new year

well, there's really nothing new. not even new clothes.ah, i have a new trench coat. that's it i guess. oh, and i'm sorta almost seeing someone new. kinda,but not yet really. it's not even a dating thing. but yeah, it's something new-ey.
was kinda sick for a few days, low blood pressure. i think it's a thing for me, i mean, getting hypotensive when a new year comes. LOL. i've been putting on make up almost everyday, too. i think that really happens when you get older. fights boredom.
i miss my mum and my dada. it feels shitty most of the time now to be alone in the house. i mean, i like my alone times, but there are times when you just want to snuggle with the parents. haha, except if you live with parents, you can't walk in the house naked. and you can't leave your sex toys wandering around the bedroom. haha!
so, as of today, my house is a mess, and i, i am a mess. trying to clean up,though. little by little.i hope i can get money for minor repairs here also. it's so scary whenever i think of 'maintenance'. gah, that's why i sold the cars.
i'd like to maintain my sanity first in order to keep everything else organized. will update soon. and will post photos, too!

stories of the year

wow. 2012. i'm not much of a feel-good, celebration-seeker, grand welcomer of new years, but hello, 2012. 2011 was an ok year, so thanks, and goodbye. so what happened last year? i have to go through my blog to actually remember. i dunno what i took in college that made my memory so crappy. ahaha. this entry will be dedicated to trying to retrieve memories of the past year.

travel - 2011 was a year of travelling, no doubt. started the year with a trip to frankfurt, my first taste of the winter chill. no snow though. it was a tiring trip, and it was ok. right after that, i was able to fly to stockholm to see karenina and daniel. and snow! and paintings by the masters. that made my first trip to europe amazing. and the semla. i can still taste it. LOL. 

then there was bangkok. it was not what i expected, mainly because i was travelling with a group, and only had one friend with me. so it wasn't that fun, but it was nice. at least i got there before the city got floody. lol. floody. hahahahahha whataword.

of course, my gazillion china trips are still on the list. haha, this year, i feel at home in china already. got used to going around, to staying put, to looking for good food, and just being there. 

and another frankfurt trip. with an 8 hour layover in abu dhabi. haha. summer in germany was so nice, i wanted to move there! LOL

health - i got sick i think only twice this year. and i got sick the first time because i ate a bad egg. my fault. gee. then again the last few days of december. must just be myself trying to detox haha. but no more cabooches the lumpy neck! yes! not cancer. haha. sometimes, some of the lymph nodes still swell, though.

work - as for the office, my status is now full-time job/part time salary. LOL. i wanted to quit, but was clinging on because i have to do something for someone. wasn't really happy with the pay anymore, but baby boss decided that i'm such a nice girl and offered me to live in china for real. which means a higher salary. and i accepted. so come march, i'll be officially turning chinese. LOL

as for the goldfish pool, 2011 was quite busy. i had a total of 10 projects. plus one more client came before the year ended ( deadline is march 2012). she's a professional wedding host so she might be a big help to me. oh and a wedding organizer contacted me,too. will be giving her a call in a few days to meet up. 

finance - still poor, but surviving.

love - ahahaha. they love me. LOL. maybe i'm just not the girlfriend type. ah, maybe i send the wrong signals. we'll never know. haha. i asked my cousin the other day why no one takes me seriously, they just want to hang out ( when i say hang out, it doesn't really mean hang out). he asked me if i wanted serious. haha. of course i said no. so it's me! well. if it comes, i'll welcome it with arms open wide. 

relationships - well, the worthy are still in my heart and in my life. and those who are not, well, they can stay where they are. i honestly have let go of the people who killed love for me. i have let go of those who do not value friendship and time spent with one another. i have let go of those who constantly and deliberately make wrong choices even with conscious knowledge of what is right and wrong. i have let go  of  those who make my heart heavy. 

well, this doesn't sum it all up properly, but at least i tried.

this new year, like last year, i plan to take control of those things that i have the power to. it's not about being  selfish or trusting myself too much, but rather, i have confidence in God that He will give me wisdom and He will lead me to wherever He wants me to go.

and the best story i have heard last year came from manong taxi driver. this guy, he's 72 but still is driving. got married at 17, has 8 kids. his mother-in-law didn't like him and would insult him a lot. proved her wrong. went to saudi and lived there for 12 years. no vacations, just to send his kids to school. his kids are all smart, he said. now,3 are teaching in private catholic schools, one in a public school, and his youngest-- a magna cum laude in PUP, a scholar in MLQU-- now a lawyer with his own firm. i asked him why he was still driving. he said he'd feel weak if he stops. his anecdotes were all funny and at the same time touching. galing mo manong. best story of the year.

why are your panties small?

title of this entry has nothing to do with it.

ok,i just finished packing my suitcase. i'm really hungry now, but yogurt is not calling out to me now. i wish there was cold chicken in the fridge. hey, there is cold chicken in the fridge! haha, but i don't think i can swallow chicken salad at this time of the day. so my best bet would be mcdonald's for breakfast now. not happy about it but what can i do. i'm flying and i can't leave the house on an empty stomach.

ha, i had a glass of skimmed milk. not bad. but seriously, i know i should not be blogging now. i have a plane to catch. as much as i want to miss it deliberately, i still can't let this job go. still waiting for a phone interview, and i'm scared it won't come. sabi nga ng isa kong kakilala, 'cross finger'. LOL

wow, i'm so confused right now. or maybe just lonely. i miss my family so bad that i seem to mess up my thoughts because it think about them a lot. i need a change!

birthday wish!

i know what i want for my birthday! i want to pay the bills, give my niece her allowance, have money for travel tax, terminal fee, and shuttle fare. babaw lang di ba. haha. how painfully real.

so tired

i wish i can have a little more time. then some more to just rest my brain. and the power to convince people to stop being so annoying.

i have been sleeping early and getting up early for a few days now. i like it but i feel guilty also for not being able to maximize a day. haha, not really, i know i have been productive. i'm just a little bit surprised with myself.

going to bed now. if sleep can only take away the problems so tomorrow will be a quiet day, then that would be so perfect.

runny noses, frozen yogurt,and spectacular days

i was sitting in a cafe, waiting for an appointment, staring outside the window. sunlight was coming in from the glass roof and it didn't hurt my eyes so much. i believe i started staring at the sky more often whenever i'm alone in the city after my had the episodes of panic attacks. takes my mind away from the noise people make. it was a nice day outside. windy and not too warm. and i was thinking, hey, i keep praying for good days, but i keep forgetting that i've also been given a lot of spectacular days.

my complex

i hate septembers! it always feels like i'm dying whenever september hits.  i'm a confused man-child. if i were only a man...

so being me is so difficult to explain. when people hear me say stuff that i am shy or unhappy, they shudder in disbelief. LOL. not shudder, really, but they actually laugh and throw witty remarks at me. not so witty, rather lame, but yeah, no one believes me! is it my fault that i am a paradox? can it be not possible for me to be two things at a time? LOL, parang schizophrenic lang. 

and when people tell me that being unhappy is all in the mind, shempre! anong sasabihin ko, oo nga, it's all in the mind and my mind is f*cked up nga.  eh where else can sadness come from, right? i know it's in my head and that's why i try to stop it.

ohhhh, i am still in like with papito. hmm. i wonder why i keep crushing on men i can't get. ah, because when they're mine, i lose interest. but if the heavens and the oceans turned and the tooth fairy gave me papito, i promise to be a good girl. LOL. i think i am saying this because i know there ain't the tiniest chance that papito will come running after me. hay..just touching his palms give me the goosebumps. and now, another teenybopper photo:

and once again, his eyes are blurred to protect his blue-eyed identity, and my mouth blurred to wipe of that huge-ass smile on my face. hmm. i like him a lot not because he's young. haha! but if i had a checklist, he'd have a lot of those ticked boxes. well, it doesn't really matter. so let the old maid have her share of day-dreaming. and yeah, i think his brother noticed that i fancy him. and now i know i will once again regret posting this picture after an hour because he knows 2 of the blogs i am keeping. bwahahaha! but it doesn't really matter because i might never see him again. ever.

so. i will soon bury myself in work, so i will stay far away from blogger and facebook. i think i still have jet lag. oh. this is normal now. 8:20 and still no sleep for me. ok dear old drawing board, let's go consummate our love. LOL. damn i'm dizzy

wow. getting my birthday blues kick-off. is it necessary to feel like shit every time my birthday is coming up? let me review last year's entry...

ah, i wasn't depressed. i was more angry last year. hmm. am i angry now? no. i'm sad. and scared. for quite some time now, i've been thinking of leaving my job. i love my job, don't get me wrong, but i'm getting tired. i'm not young anymore and you all know i have time management issues. it's either i work and not stop, or not work at all for a long time when i'm in vacation mode. the thing is, i've been in work mode since the year started. and i'm juggling so much and i think i keep running out of time. and the lack of time stresses me out.

so there i was thinking, i'd ask the boss if i can just work from home, and fly maybe twice a year to china just to shoot, edit, and lay out photos. basically, there's just the spring/summer and the autumn/winter collection, so it's really an easy thing. if all things work out, a month is enough for a collection. i was in good spirits when i saw how things were working out, and i had a feeling that my prayers were being answered. i also have some projects for thegoldfishpool, and i've been feeling that maybe i can go full time with the business and at the same time, teach again.

then the last china trip was like a slap on the face. the boss made me stay in the factory dorm and cut down my food allowance by 60%. ok, living in a simple dorm is ok, i can live with that. it's just that, i had agreed to go there in the first place with the assurance of staying in a safe and nice place with the proper compensation. to take that away from me, that was a bad low blow. the fact that the dollar has been losing it's power was bad enough, but this was just too much.

so now, i'm in a tight spot. i can't let go of the job just yet, but i don't feel good about the changes. if i do try to resign, they can either give me a counter offer or just let me go. i was planning to go by october. if it were just me, then i can live with a little. simplifying my lifestyle has never been a problem. but the thing is, my cousins and i, we were given a task we accepted voluntarily. because it'll sting the heart really bad if we refused. and we need money for that. we need to send 2 kids to school. it pains me when they come to me and i can't help. i really really need the money badly and i am very scared that teaching and thegoldfishpool might not be enough. then there are 2 other people i help out. and that's a commitment i made and i can't just fail them.

right now, i'm back in frankfurt. i'm tired as fuck but am still happy to be here, because it's always a good experience despite the horror of building the stand for the trade fair. i have 3 more days here then off to my island. when i get back home, i have to work more hours because i have a deadline to meet. i just hope i won't be sad anymore and get my head back on track. and i hope i won't disappoint people i love. because i've been disappointing myself for some time already.

i'm just tired. too tired. and feeling so alone doesn't help either.

panic mode once again. my favorite.

so baby boss decided that i still should fly out on monday. hey, that's tomorrow! i'm absolutely dying here, boss, please stop missing me! LOL. slowly i've been making progress and my checklist is getting the checks i've been waiting for. i decided not to be too bitter about some stuff that's been done and came out not the way i expected them to be, so i can move to the next task. already ,a set of wedding invite projects came out, but not really how i wanted it to be. but what's done is done. and not everything can be perfect, the only thing that's bothering me is that i am getting paid a lot for it. and moving on to the almost-done wedding invite, it makes me glad that i have a lot of hands working on it, all because of love and friendship. and this is pro bono, but i spent so much time doing this and it is a happy thing. on the other hand, office work, they must be done in the office and i decided not to panic because i have come to terms with my humanity. i am not the only employee, and i am not special, and my super powers are limited to the 24 hours of a day. pausing time is not one of my skills. i need to, however, give my students their grades for art classes and HE. which i will squeeze into the 24 hours i have left. i have no more money to spend on taxi or gas and i cannot afford to pay terminal fee, but what must be done must be done. i still have another wedding invite project i hardly started on because i must think of the client's budget. why am i too considerate? ah, but i am. now, china for one week will definitely kill me and my diet, and will leave a lot of unfinished work behind. then i must come home and go to my bff's place because i need skirts and i need them fast because another trip is coming up and i'm not really prepared to look corporatey without looking like an old washed up hag. and all this will be done when the dollar is losing its power and my heart is heavy because i am not at all feeling justified financially. whut? you know, i can drop everything if i get the right salary, but i am not, so in the meantime, i'm trying to kill myself by working myself to my grave. and i can't even afford to buy my baby sister a set of school uniforms. i hate that i only work and earn for myself and everyday i am scared that the time will come that i won't be able to afford even my own groceries. so a lot of praying is happening and the search for answers are ongoing. but still right now, let me panic in my own way. in a span of 2 months, i've felt the choking , gut-squeezing sensation in my core twice, same feeling i got when i was about to leave cvg and when my anxiety attacks came. but then i have to shake it off and swallow whatever effin emotion this is so i can work to become poorer. and then i think of the options i have, the risks i have to take, and the disappointments i still have to encounter. so what do i do? just wait.

all stressed up and no where to go

when i said my work doesn't stress me, i was lying.

i haven't felt this overworked in months. i mean, i always have things to do but this month, it has been outrageous. and things are piling up-- posters, catalog pages, inserts, invitation pdfs, photographs, etc. it's never ending. on top of that, i still teach 4 classes a week. and 3 wedding invitation projects.

my stomach has been in a knot for weeks. i lost track of where my mood swings and emotions go to, as i have no room to whine. and now, i realized that a few years ago i wrote something dangerously ugly about a good friend. took the post down, but i'm feeling acid inside my stomach. how do you take those things back? i feel like crap.

if it means anything right now, i sincerely apologize. sorry for posting it, and sorry for even thinking it. more often than not, i am an ass but i was way out of line for ranting like that for everyone to see. after my anger had died down, i should've gone humbly to you and apologized personally, but i didn't see the value in that. Sorry, Krish, you are one of my closest friends and your company still makes me happy. i hope you find it in your heart to forgive me.

i just want to finish everything and head of to my next stop and finish there, go to the next and finish. and come back home, rest my head, clear my thoughts, and start refreshed.

little miss weird

ha, i don't know what to write about. i already wrote a few paragraphs, but weird as i am, i can't even follow my own trail of thought.

well, it's 4:30 am, and i just had a steak and an egg. i am on a high protein diet which is really making me happy. unfortunately, aside from the diet, i am a mess. not so much like the past 2 weeks, but still a mess. been burnt out and stressed. i allowed myself to cry last night after watching a totally unrelated video posted by someone in facebook. apparently, i couldn't contain the mixed emotions gripping my guts. so because i am only human, i cried. it was easier last year, when august 2010 came, i just let myself cry profusely during the china trip(while watching 'rupaul's drag race' and 'work of art' even of it kinda freaked carlo out). so i guess, i'm just bound to suck it up and work again, and pretend that i am and everything is fine.

i'm lonely.

getting my SAD's on

the pathetic in me is bringing back unreal memories. and the stalker in me is getting puyat. haha. what the hell, man, what the hell. what the hell am i reminiscing about when there was actually nothing. i wanna slap that imaginary face for hurting me like crazy.

ranting and silly goose

wow, i haven't blogged in a long time. blame it on looklet.com. i got hooked, but now, i'm trying so hard not to waste so much time styling for skinny people. haha. and during the time i haven't written anything, life's made a teeny turn and from plain boring, shifted all the sudden to mixed emotions. it doesn't really concern my well-being or sanity so it's not all bad. but it reminded me that people will always disappoint.

sabi nga,' good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions.' at 31, i am still capable of making stupid decisions, but from whatever happened in the past, i had come to the point where i can pause for a bit, breathe, think, and think again. automatically kasi, you see the future and realize what the results or consequences that can happen. i take pride that i am this old. because i know that i am wiser.

unfortunately, wisdom doesn't always come with age. and it's so sad. but what the heck. so long as it is not me making the stupid choices, i don't care anymore.

haha, seriously. i'm not the most righteous person here on earth, but i always make it a point to be a good person. i will lend an ear, a shoulder, and give out jobs. i will help people to the best of my abilities ( parang girlscout lang), and if i can't help physically, i'll always be around. now. if my intentions are for the betterment of the citizens of the philippines, but you don't play your part, then i'm a hater. and haters hate!

but i don't want to be bitter about it.

anyway, on a lighter note, life's not bitching and i'm generally happy. i'm still stuck here in china until friday ( i was supposed to go home yesterday), but i already psyched myself up for 2 more days of chinese food and the office.

i remember a long time ago, yosheee told me that i didn't know how to respond to compliments. for example, someone would go, 'your shirt is so nice!' then i'd go, ' kaya ko nga binili eh', or they'd go, ' ang ganda ng shoes mo!', i 'd go,' alam ko'. yosheee told me just to say 'thank you'. eh bakit ba! until one day, someone i don't know (in the cvg restroom) suddenly blurted out, ' your skirt is gorgeous!' imagine how i had to suck my breath in kasi i was about to say ' i know'. it took me a few seconds before i can actually say thanks.

haha, i'm such an arse.

well, it's funny hearing compliments from people who hardly speak english or are raised in a different culture. had a couple of funny ones the other day.

while working with billyshishenbiao during a product shoot, i told him that the position of the yellow light does this and that, and he was so happy that he exclaimed, "abba you know everything!" i had to laugh. normally, i'd punch someone in the nose if he tells me that. but billy has limited vocabulary so that works for me. "ikaw na magaling!" yun siguro un.

"wow, you smell so sweet and fresh in the morning! at night you smell like an...an...an antelope" fml. LOL

" you have a beautiful and innocent face. the people in the streets won't know that you CAN fuck!" ahaha...oh yeah, i don't talk about sex in my blog. LOL. but this was just so funny.

la dee da. i'm going to bed. have to get up at 8 and go to work at 9. i probably will sleep in the office. made a spot inside the stockroom/studio. kahit san talaga, have floor, will sleep. lol! night world!