uncreative

sitting here all day makes abba a dull girl.

well, i know, i should be out there, painting the town red. unfortunately for them who had called my attention for some cavorting, moi decided to stay here at home. to work. all day. every day. of course, i do take breaks: i play burger shop(got bored with plants vs zombies)!

so now i am experiencing a burn out. i am UNCREATIVE. i know, it was against my principles to work as an 'artist' in some company, but a girl's gotta eat, right?

so, what do we do? well. it's about time that i get messy. paint? check. brushes? check. glue? check. paper? check. scissors? check. only my canvas is missing. gonna be a loooooong way to the town(errr about 15 minutes), but what the heck, imma brave the weather and the laziness, get on a trike, and go to the market.

gotta fight off this bad bad thing!

oh, and btw, i'm on detox. doing the master cleanse again. hopefully, i can do this for an entire 2 weeks. and i'm staying clean after this. i'm gonna keep track of this health stuff. haha! so it's gonna be 2 weeks and 2 days without meat and my ferrous sulfate. if i go hypotensive, will someone catch me if i fall? hahaha! i remember my cheat during the last time i did the master cleanse. i had a banana. haha. was getting leg cramps so i guessed i needed potassium. the moment i bit on the banana, my mouth panicked. it went like, wtf! what do i do?! hahaha. for a moment there, i really forgot how to chew and swallow. hahahah!

i didn't follow the 2 day prep though, i wanted to finish everything in the fridge before i do this. well, it was just carrots and pineapple juice,and some apple juice, and a salad last night. not feeling bad about it though.

and now, i pray.

i love color (or i like it big, bright, and beautiful)

before my last trip, my borrowed suitcase(tyrone's) finally gave up. well, it was just a strap that broke, but it looked really sad. i didn't want to get a new one, but russ said i should get a replacement already. we were at a mall, and i didn't have enough cash, so russ said we should just charge it. and of course, knowing me, i wont get a boring one so i ended up with this:

the heart name tag came much later.

also, i got this bag from a store in hwa ren(however that's spelled). it's a tokyo store and all their merchandise are from heaven. this one cost me 161RMB (Php1083 or $24). not bad na rin. funny because the zipper's got these metal tags that make a lot of noise. when i was at the jinhan fair, i walked alone and there were not too many people, but i kept looking back kasi ang ingay nun thingies, kala ko lagi may tao behind me. the chinese girls told me it's too bright and not nice. bakit ba, walang basagan ng trip! lol

imma start detox in 2 days so i got me lemons! lovely lovely lemons! will be at it for 2 weeks. wish me luck.

chicken!

i volunteered to cook for sunday dinner tonight. started at 12am to prepare my fruit and bacon stuffed chicken. i decided to document the process, and it took me longer to prepare because i have to wash my hands everytime i took a photo.

chicken, prunes, tomato paste, soy sauce...

brown sugar, pepper, oil, dill, basil... cornflakes and tostillas(di kasama un)

why are they called 'dressed chicken' when they're actually naked?

swimming muna. they're doing the breast stroke.

this is much later na, about 14 hours from the last photo. hey, i sleep, too!

the stuff i used to violate my poor birds.

i love molesting these chicks! haha! that's not a pretty sight, though. but those are prunes and apple slices wrapped in bacon and forcefully rammed into the crevices where the sun don't shine. ( i don't think i can be a cooking show host, noh?)

if these birdies were alive, they'd probably be dead now.
feeling guilty about their misfortune, i gave them a body scrub and massage with oil, salt, and pepper. after that, they needed to go to the sauna, so inthe oven they go.

after an hour and 15 minutes, these lovelies emerged.

i forgot to bring the camera for dinner. but there wasn't time enough to take photos. they disappeared mysteriously. lol.

yey Blue!

my old car is now once again alive. it's been stuck in the garage for a very very long time. i think i haven't driven it in year. well, i just got it to work again since samio already bought it. samio. destiny ata talaga ni Blue si sam.

i remember sam coming up to me in sir bob's class; we were juniors then. he asked if he and camille could borrow my car. and i gave him the keys. even joked that of course he knows i could never say no to him. he told me that camille would drive, but of course i knew he would drive. fyi, i also knew that time that he didn't know how to drive. sa faculty center lang daw sila.

when they got back, sam said, 'abbaaaa...'. and i was like,'yeah i know'. haha! kasi at the FC parking lot, he backed onto someone's car. car ng prof. at may epal pang manong guard. haha! i don't remember the details but yeah, may dent ata parehong cars.

hmm. in my entire driving career(pro ako haha) once pa lang ako nabangga na kasalanan ko. i posted something here about that. but you'll be surprised how bugbog my cars were nung prime nila.ahhaha

first car ko, si B1. he's a boxtype lancer. all yellow, no tint, with ugly peeling seat covers. it's the type na wag mo ipapasok sa motel, or else makikita ka ng lahat ng kakilala mo. he's that bright. only got into an accident with him once. was coming from a small street, palabas ng highway. of course i was looking at where the cars were supposed to be coming from. then, bam! i hit this Kia pride. counterflowing. inaway ako, di daw ako nakatingin. so pinagdadakdakan ko na tanga sya ,and he's like violating a traffic rule. pinatawag nila un kaibigan nilang pulis. ayun, pinagdadakdakan ko un pulis. all he said was, 'tama naman si ma'am..' i was with mikko and japs nun, we were freshmen. sabi ni mikko,'ang tapang mo naman..'

eh ano pa. hahaha!

Big, the big pick-up truck didn't get into any trouble. he was the sweetest. he's gone now.

and Blue. Blue came to my life the same time B1 did. 1997. dada gave me B1 as a gift when i turned 18. and he got himself Blue kasi the red 2 door corolla was like, old na. hehe.after my first year sa fine arts, dad decided to get Big kasi B1 gave me alot of engine trouble, plus bigat ng mga sinasakay ko kay B1 going to school. but Big, according to dada, was too big for me. and mejo matigas ang steering. i was kinda payat non. haha! so we traded cars.

and that was the beginning of my long-term relationship with Blue. official school service ni abba, joey,monsee, tinay, elaine,tj,ria, hasmyn, etc etc, at umabot pa kay ten. he was battered inside and out. the most na sumakay sa kanya was like 7. umakyat pa sa antipolo un ha. and this is his list of accidents(not in chronological order):

1. my x was driving. we were going slow on the way to taytay, red jeepney hits us from behind. you can imagine how much verbal abuse my x got from me. and the operator and the driver never paid for the damages.

2. tinay's dad backed up into Blue while he was parked on the street outside their house. in broad daylight.

3. my x driving again. kakaayos lang nun bumper, 1 week pa lang. we were crossing the road, half nun car nasa kabilang side na ng street, stupid drunk guy in a motorcycle hits the back. tanggal buong bumper. kasalanan daw namin. duh. didn't pay din kasi daw sabi ni manong pulis, pag walang umamin, walang may kasalanan. eh inamin ko naman na kasalanan nun mamang lasing. at obvious ba, sya ang bumangga!

4. traffic jam, my cousin driving. car from an establishment backs up and hit the side mirror on the passanger side.

5. uncle driving. stopped at an intersection, red light. closed van hits him from behind.

6. sam backing up on the prof's car

7. prof from the science dept. backed up sa car ko, parked behind palma hall. in broad daylight. leaves a note. but i didn't bother to look for her.

8. our driver driving, around 1am. dad made him stay sa UP kasi we joined un roadpainting thing. i think he was sleepy, paakyat on a curve, un car pababa kinda brushed sa amin

9. effin patok na jeep brushed din kay Blue kasi the driver forced his way sa traffic

10.at ang nagiisang kasalanan ko, hitting a langka tree kasi i was crying. broke my front signal light sa passenger's side.

bow.

ang dami di ba. but Blue's fine. bago pa shocks nya! hahaha! may malas kasi yan. bakit kaya? wag nyo na sagutin. haha!

la dee da dee da di dum dum di day ecstasy ecstano. whatevah.

wasn't sure about what i was gonna write about, so i'll write random stuff.

i'm thinking of seriously getting a tattoo cover up using this design:

although i'm not sure how it'll fit in a strip along the spine, but i really really want this. no one's gonna see me naked or at least wearing backless dresses, but i MUST have this. haha.

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checking sent mail. ooops. i write stupid 'love' letters.

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gah! the kevins in the UK office sent me indesign files. errrr. already told them that i'm not familiar with that and learning will take a while. so one kevin said he knew it would happen. then i asked them if i can just send sample pdfs for the designs.the other kevin said ok, but to tell the boss about my plan. then the firrst kevin suddenly says i should try it because it's easy. naman eh. ayoko nga eh.

mga kevins talaga. lol

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i'm almost done with the pending work from the office. and i'm happy to have a new project for my favorite patron,JC(my favorite boy). lol. may theme ulit. lol. the first painting i gave him was a gift. the painting 'mikkey frog':


and the next one is 'my heart belongs to my oyster':


that's JC on the couch.

and yeah, we always have had themes. 'mikkey frog' is dreamy and happy and child-like. i painted it while i was head over heels in love with who else, mikkey frog. haha. (if i kissed mikkey frog, i wonder if he'd turn out to be my prince) ah, fireflies, stars, and sleepless nights.

'my heart belongs to my oyster' is also about love. JC wanted something that says love for life. and i was given ehm.. 2 weeks to do that? haha!

now jc tells me, hey make me another one that says, get ready for it, 'hopelessly hoping for a love that is coming'! lol. and i have till the 3rd week of july to finish that because his sister leaves for NY last week of the month. i have like a few ideas in my head, following the trend nung ginawa namin ni sam for bim and gen.

and now, for the most difficult part: will someone go to the market with me? i need to buy canvas! i'm scared! lol

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gotta go check my email. it's difficult when you have offices in 3 different time zones.

feels like the right path

i gave up already. i just asked to be brought to the place where i should be. i think i'm on my way there. and i think there's still so much room for blessings. even though the missing parts are still missing and may not come, i feel that enough substance will be provided to fill in the gaps.

it's sad that's it only now that i clearly see how things fall exactly, swak ha, into the right place, everytime it happens, but i never cared enough to notice. sayang. i should've said more thank you's.

unwell

i'm feeling all the shit and i think i know why. i haven't been taking care of myself since i after got sick. i've been lazy to prepare good food and not eating right, not exercising, and not sleeping right. kasi naman, i feel like i just need to work and work again and not stop. i'm not getting rich, but i am focused. and i am bloatey. so i guess, and i hope, that money just follows.

i also let small things get to me most of the time. most kasi annoy me, when they actually shouldn't. i'm not a perfectionist, i am a realist, but mediocrity is not acceptable still. am i contradicting myself? you tell me. so bakit nga ba? kasi MD na ko? haha.

was at tagaytay for 4 days. and still i can't relax. i kept thinking about emails and the server and photoshop. even during the massage thing at sonya's, naiiisip ko ang photoshop. but of course it is alwasy nice to see my friends who i get to see only in tagaytay.

next stop, china.

sun bathing inside the house? no problem!

made a huge mistake of setting up my work station right before the windows. i now have a nice tan and my fake giorgio armani shades is doing a great job. haha, kim told me to set up my umbrella on the table to shield me from the afternoon sun. great idea! lol.

even putting on clothes feels like torture. i wonder how's it gonna be in dongguan next week. the weather predictions also look bad. i just hope i get better before i fly off again. i have parang gitis, kumanta kasi ako ng mga songs ni sharon cuneta sa videoke last saturday. ay, totoo pala, pharyngitis pala, hindi pala parang gitis lang, kasi ang kati talaga!!! kasi naman, from cold and dry, naging warm and humid sa dongguan. tapos pag uwi, ay torture! masama nito kung ang next stop ko ay quarantine sa guangzhou. boo hoo!

i feel bad about being unable to concentrate. i feel bored kasi. lol. funny, but i have the need to multitask talaga. kanina, i was kinda lazy and didn't want to work so i asked tyrone if he wanted to hang out at a cafe to waste time. i ended up working at the cafe. shucks. everyone's telling me that i'm a workaholic. i think it's true. i can't even go out anymore kasi i feel like i'm wasting too much time sa travel. well ,there's nothing better to do anyway. i can party a lot and waste my life away but that bores me too.

it's 5am and i'm still working. gah. oh well. won't be too useful later. i should sleep.

i miss my starbucks

the first thing i wanted to do when i got here was to get coffee. so sunday came and i asked tyrone if we can just drive our pamangkins to sta. mesa after the evening service and get starbucks on the way home. of course, he cannot resist invitations like that. the clock in the car read 10:45 when we got in. i announced that we'll be at sta. mesa at 11:30. good thing that traffic was really light already. and we had enough time to get to gateway for my coffee before everything closed down.

we were like 5 minutes away from the sta. mesa house, i was busy stating our options(coffee bean and tea leaf, cafe adriatico. starbucks, etc.). i fixed my eyeglasses when suddenly, the left temple broke off! and i was like, wtf! still i was determined to get my coffee. but i had to stop for a bit because whatever's left of the glasses were wiggly and it made me dizzy.

we discovered that aurora blvd. is like a really long stretch of 7-11less land. the drive took forever because we had to slow down to look for any convenience store. finally we got to the araneta center, passed by the well-lit and busy coffee bean and tea leaf, and continued to a mini-stop, but they didnt have any super glue. went to a 7-11 and they were out of stock, too. went to another 7-11 and finally got my glue.


yes! coffee! drove to the parking lot, but the one near the cafes were closed so i had to turn around and park at the one we just passed by. walked blindly to the area where the cafes are, and yup, you guessed it, closed na lahat!!! wah!!!!


ended up at baang coffee somewhere in cainta and checked out the manager who was a very willing victim. he probably enjoyed that i stared. lol.


the superglue did give up after a day, and this is how my 6 year old eyeglasses look now:too bad i have to leave next friday and i don't have time to get a replacement. tsk tsk. ok pa to! lol. well, i have no choice but to keep it this way until i get back. hay china...

back home and feeling a tad weird

china for 28 days isn't just as fun as one would imagine. lol. this trip was way too tiring and boring, kinda. not really boring, but it just kinda felt like it dragged on after the first 2 weeks. was happy actually at first because i wasn't able to fly since january until march, and the weather there was just lovely. perfect ang weather because it was a relief after the heat ng holy week.

hmm. can't remember much of what happened during the china trip. funny. was awfully tired lang talaga, i guess.

went to xiamen to visit a factory and taught the chinese how to eat chicken wings properly. sold out ako. hahaha! lamig lamig, sarap. baby boss said it was mostly like that in scotland. sana sama nya ko. haha! ako na boss ng art department. lol

oh, yeah, my rubber shoes finally gave up and crumbled in guang zhou. it also made my feet stink. haha. so i left it in the trash can after the canton and jinhan fairs. lol. sabi ko, sa sobrang kakalakad namin sa super laking canton fair, na ang pangarap ko mamatay because of old age, ayun, sabi ko mamamatay na ko doon kasi super sakit ng katawan ko. shucks, after the 3rd day, i could feel my feet swell pag nakaupo ako. had to get me ankle supports kasi my left ankle started to kill me. but it was a new experience. so next time, i'll bring 2 pairs of shoes.

i do remember these 2 really really cute guys at one booth at hall 10.2 at the canton fair. no they're not chinese.not caucasian either. di namin ma-place sa globe eh. pero mahal na namin sila ni dimple. hehehe.

grabe, i think what got to me was the constant washing ng clothes. cebupacific sucks kasi, only 15 kgs ng baggage is allowed and that's like good lang for a week worth of clothes.

fast forward.

so now i'm back home. and just sitting down makes me sweat like bikram yoga. haha. ,may lagnat daw ang pilipinas according to chrissele. hmm. weird lang, kasi, i feel kinda alone. alone naman talaga ako, but this is just abnormal. maybe i'm not supposed to be here anymore. or maybe kasi i've been having a dreams that are not so nice to me.

i know! i think i'll just get curtains. and an AC. lol. centralized na lang para masaya. i bet hindi na ko magiging lonely kasi dito na titira mga kapitbahay ko. gah.

and now it's the next day na, kahapon's tomorrow. tagal ko sinusulat to ah. ayan. been coughing a lot, dry pa. tapos na ko bumoto!

3 days since i started this. gah! slow. ehm, it's confirmed. i am going back on the 21st. crunch time!

MIA

won't be back till may 7.china. bye.

painting!

just as i promised, here's the painting samio and i did for PTV's office. inspired by gustav klimt's 'the kiss'.

me, the stalker and other random cynic sheeet

no, not really. just kinda searched facebook photos of someone. so funny kasi nakanganga rin sya lagi. like me. haha! and secret lang ha, i stole 3 pictures. lol. hair's wavy, too. this is what sleeplessness do to me, it makes me psycho! i'm not even crushing; i was just curious.

ayan. wag natin sya iexploit. parang si david bunevacz lol.

Y: stalker. lol
me: yeah. yun ang title nun blog entry ko na i'm writing hahahah. nah. u wana see? ahhahahaha
Y: tingin nga
me: hahaha
Y: nice... very nice...lol
me: ahhahahaha that was funny hahahhah. crushable noh?
Y: yup
me: but wala na sya sa buhay ko
Y: bakit?
me: last i heard of him, *blah blah blah*. it wasnt even feb when he told me that hahaha
Y: lo
Y: l
Y: lol
me: i got that the first time
abba: ahahhaha sayang. seems like a fun guy
Y: onga and he seems nice
Y: very nice...
me: ahahahhaa you're so funny. sayang bagay sana kami
Y: i know
me: ahahhahaha
Y: onga

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funny how a lot people kill the whole love/relationship thing. shempre, you have cheaters, liars, whores and manwhores, users, etc. you know, the usual stuff. but i got more on my list.

-when people start to read to how to become politically correct to be in a relationship, that's kinda pushing it.
-when people use love to get revenge, that's definitely wrong.
-when people cry to manipulate their partner, that's crap.
-when people yell at each other in front of company, that's not love.
-when it's just convenient, that's not love.
-when people call their partner names, that's definitely not love.
-when cheaters mistake lust for love, that's stupid.
-when you can't grasp the idea of a 'sense of belongingness', then you're pretty sick.

you get the idea.

never was perfect, though, but i got a pretty good idea how love and relationships should be. but what i just saw from the third person's point of view, man, it just scares me to death. i wish people would just stop killing love.

haha, nah, not really interested in it now. just saying.

i like to keep it simple.

i don't know why i attract this certain kind of people. i feel so much pain whenever i am forced to have conversations-no, it kills me every time i have to be in the same room as them. even if there are people who declare themselves as free spirits, enlightened ones, and unorthodox blabber mouths, i assure you, more often than not, they carry a lot of negative energy around. that's why i generally don't like being with adults. i prefer being with the kids, at least, all their angst are focused on one thing: curfew.

listen: i don't have any hang-ups. i just don't like sticky irritating annoying redundant people, places, and things. so don't force me to go near any of these if you don't want me lashing out on everyone/thing. i love my house, my mum, my dad, the dog, silence, my peace, and not being pretentious. i will not try so hard for people to think that i am an intellectual; my intelligence is displayed through my actions. also do not make me try to explain my art; it ruins everything. please do not analyze my 'weirdness'; i will not involve you in my mood swings. also, if you want me to respect all the beliefs you have invented, try not to be so rude when talking about the deity i believe in. don't make me talk; i am not one to argue simply because i am not the one who will feed your need for attention.

i tell you, i just want to be left alone. i provide for my own and i am content. no need to impress anyone, thank you, i like it simple. so if you disagree, look for your own kind.

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generally quiet and happy here in my own little world. not angry anymore now. am excited for my new little adventures that will come soon. minding my own business, healing my almost-gone wounds, and waiting for my rocket to come- occassionally thinks of the pajama man and gets annoyed by bunny teeth but everything's steady here. i'm glad i turned 30. it makes a lot of difference. kasi pwede na ko maging cougar officially! bwahahahah!

death by baygon and other nonsense

been sitting here in front of the laptop for almost four hours. watched a movie, edited some pictures(half-heartedly), and been inhaling smoke from the burning mosquito coil. the mosquitos are still biting now, probably got immuned and probably just enjoy the high the katol gives them. i'll be dead way before these tiny monsters die.

----------wow, kahapon pa to, pero same story of my life pa rin.

my dada will undergo ear surgery in saturday, friday there. and i'm kinda feeling weird about it since they haven't told me what it is for and my sister is also clueless. hay nako dada... ten said he's actually more worried about the bills than the thing that might be in his ear. so ten gave me her theory why dada always have had that thing with his ear. too much noise at construction sites. well, dada had ringing in his ears due to Ménière's disease (pronounced /meɪnˈjɛərz/[1]). According to Wikipedia, it is a disorder of the inner ear that can affect hearing and balance to a varying degree. It is characterized by episodes of vertigo and tinnitus and progressive hearing loss, usually in one ear. It is caused by lymphatic channel dilation,[2] affecting the drainage of endolymph. It is named after the French physician Prosper Ménière, who first reported that vertigo was caused by inner ear disorders in an article published in 1861. The condition affects people differently; it can range in intensity from being a mild annoyance to a chronic, lifelong disability.[3]

-------------no wonder dada was always annoyed by me when i was in college. lol.

i am bored. although a have a bunch of stuff to do, i can't find the energy to do them anymore. the school year isn't finished yet,and i'm on vacation mode already. oh, and no, i don't want to go on a vacation. i have to contradict myself. i really want to work, but this is not what i want to do right now. but still i had to, and finally i finished reading my students' term papers. nosebleed.

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4 of my friends have new babies. i want one, too!

me: how come they keep on having babies?

yosh: because they like sex?

me: i like sex, too.

yosh: but they actually have sex.

oh, yeah. and i don't really like sex. i think it's overrated. even if tel thinks differently and doesn't believe me, i really still don't like it. haha. it comes with age and maturity. lol.

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i'm annoyed. i don't want to be a home for the homeless. ulit, "the Homeless". isa lang kasi sya. hehe. i don't think i'm ready for ranting and negative energies since i just recovered from anger. gah. but i am maawain, i know. ok, i'll space out na lang so i won't have to listen. and i won't have to say "i told you so"...

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gotta sleep. a few minutes more, and i'm gonna be too hungry. i hate sleepless nights. i still get to think about my happy thought and it's not making me happy anymore. peste.

galit at nagpapaliwanag lang

i really hate not having anything to do. it makes me see details, and these details, more often than not, make me angry. let me rephrase that. details, for example, a stupid and senseless arguement, an unwitty remark, and plain stupidity, these, these make me angry.

and i've been angry for 2 weeks.

so i realized, i can't not have work. and i just can't work on one thing at a time. i have a need to multitask. according to my dear friend mumi, i have ADHD. my mum said one time, in passing, that i might have that, too, but wasn't put in therapy. thanks, mum! well, i do love to multitask because i get bored easily and i keep running around while working(and i only work on the computer. except of course i am also painting and washing the dishes at the same time).

daddy boss gave me things to do. yipee! happy! done! and now i'm bored again.

back to being angry. will update on my next mood swing.

random sheeet ng mga drama queens

had a bad dream last night.

he hugged and kissed me and said, take care of blah blah and blah blah, especially blah blah because she's pregnant. if no one takes care of her, i will marry her.

i went, papakasalan mo ung hindi mo mahal at hindi sayo ang anak pero ako sinasabi mong mahal mo, hindi mo man lang makasama?

drama queen. waahahhahah!

having this conversation with a friend suffering from misery caused by love. itago nalang natin sya sa pangalang Rubi, ang bidang kontrabida.

Rubi: feeling ko kasi parang di natatapos kagagahan at kahinaan ko tuwing didikit ako dun eh

me: or baka naman dadating ka na sa point na magsasawa ka or mamahalin ka din nya. unaunahan lang yan

R: ang tagal, ang tagal tagal ko magsawa. shet

me: matagal talaga

R: feeling ko pag nadivert ko atensyon ko oka na ako. abba kasi nm 10yrs na

me: buti ka nga un mahal mo totoong tao eh. ako hindi. ni hindi ko man lang nahawakan ang kamay

R: mahirap nga yan. kaso abba...ang hirap din nmn kasi ng malapit nga...nakakasama mo.....pwede may mngyari ulit..... pero alam mong parang wala rin sya dun. mahirap mamiss ang taong nasa tabi mo lng

me: hindi naman kita pinapaasa. sinasabi ko lang na maswerte ka pa din kasi existent sha. kung ayaw nya pa rin syo, magiging manhid ka rin jan

R: yeah i know. excited na ako sa araw na maging manhid ako sa knya .kelan kaya yun? parang kasi lahat ng aspeto ng buhay ko nagugulo pagnabubuang ako s knya

me: hahaha .ipagdasal mo lang yan na kung hindi para syo maging masaya na lang kayo pareho

R: abba, 10yrs ko ng pinagdadasal yan

me: mahirap yun ha... ako rin noh...

R: puki ng inang yan. mas masaya pa nga ako pag may gf yan hayup na yan

me: ...un arawa araw mong ipagdadasal na sana maging masaya sya at araw araw mo ipapaalala na hindi mo na sya dapat mahalin
...

me: hayy. eh wag ka na lang mainlove para masaya. taasan mo bigla ang standards mo hahah

R: yan talga nagpapabagsak sakin. or sabhin n nting SYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ang nagpapagbagsak sakin. leche. inisip ko nga abba....hindi kaya kung hindi ko sya naging frend.......10yrs ago, baka mas naging masaya or nasunod ko ang plano ko sa buhay ko na hindi ko lagi dinedepende sa thought na"baka sakali"

me: awwwwwwww... bata ka pa,marami pnag mangyayari sa buhay mo. i'm sure hindi eto un pinakamasakit na bagay kasi lalake lang yan meron pang mas matindi jan pero ang bottomline, hindi natin ikamamatay yan

R: nakakaumay na kasi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grrrrrrrr. abba!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ganyan magusap ang mga sawi. lol. pero wala naman nareresolve. ay, si rubi lang pala ang walang nareresolve, pusong mamon kasi na binabad sa gatas, palibhasa fag hag kaya grabe mag emote. hahaha! kaya para sa mga bata na nagsisimula na umibig, uminom kayo ng maraming kape para nerbyusin kayo sa mga matatandang dalagang emo!

midnight blues

watched american psycho and the machinist last night. was feeling a bit disturbed when i tried to go to bed and was also hungry. i remembered i got strawberries in the fridge. so this was what i had for my midnight snack:

nyeee, baliktad un order...too lazy to cut and paste..

i miss the pajama man. i shouldn't, though.

la lang

went to see claire at the hospital to get my shot last night. we hung out at the doctors' quarters a bit and claire told us a juicy chikka. it was a long story, and of course i needed to have side comments:

me: ay nako basta he's an a**hole pa rin for me

claire: he is really nice

me: a**hole!

claire: nako, if you meet him you'll fall in love with him

me: no, i will not get married for any reason except fame!

la lang.

speaking too soon

ah yeah, after publishing the last post, i did get a dizzy episode. sheesh. and now i have vertigo meds that make my tummy feel sick. darn it.

well, on a better note, i got me another business deal. and another friend also proposed another thing that's gonna be a really really good deal.

according to koji my dear friend, katulad ni kris aquino sa movie na 'feng shui', lahat ng swerte ko sa career ay may kapalit na kamalasan sa love life. more werk werk werk, less boys. haha! so now, i have to tell you i am really straight, but pathetic as it may seem, koji looks for guys for me at his favorite gay-dating site. kahit man lang daw gay, may makita akong mga lalake. haha.

i'm not complaining. i am working my ass off to forget a boy. for heaven's sake. haha! pag di pa ba naman ako matuto. hahaha!

i won't be going to china this march(wheee!). i should really go see specialists noh? sayang naman the month if i don't. thing is, if i do, i might not have enough money for shopping in HK! wah! kaya kelangan humada. hahahah! humataw pala. ano ba yan. lol. well, i think i can manage, and i can even ask my health care provider(dada!) for assistance. haha!

been painting for 3 weekends already. samio kicks ass pa din. and i'm the greatest. lol. will post pictures soon. i also submitted the second batch of revised spreads for hopepictures. i wish we can finish with everything already because i really need to pay the bills. and i'm really going crazy over the mineral make up i want to get. haha. i'm sooooo arte!

i want to meet up with yoshi later but i don't know if i can trust myself yet. i get dizzy walking from here to lets'...i wonder if i'll survive galeria, with a pregnant woman, and no money. nice combo. i bet it was avatar in 3d that triggered this whole thing!! imagine, hearing the stupid lines over and over all in 3d! i see you...i see you my ass! gah!

nothing much really has been happening. i don't even go out. i just stay indoors and i'd only go out for dinner if it's for free. nothing too exciting about carrot pineapple juicing in the morning. oh and yeah, i was hoping i can be vegetarian, apparently, "healthy" for me is not being healthy, i need my red meat yeah!!! iron-rich diet daw eh, low normal ang red blood cells ko. i'll die if i don't eat meat, lol, goodjab!

this is fresh. hehe

finally, i woke up without any signs of getting sick today. 11am also felt nice as it's kinda cloudy and it's not too bright outside. after days and days of a foreboding vertigo thing, i am not dizzy today.

kevin, my nephew, decided to practice his nursing skills on sick relatives, and has been checking up on me ever since this started. actually, we really don't know if this is vertigo because i've been hypotensive some days and that can be the cause for the dizziness.

it's not really affecting my work, but work is actually affecting my health. haha. i can't stop working even if i really feel like dying alreday. i guess it runs in the women in the family. too strong to let sickness interfere with life. kevin asked me to just rest for at least 2 days. stop using my eyes. yaiks. i have cimc, a project for goldfish, and samio and i are painting. i've also been checking on the kids at school almost everyday.

i guess i am coping. i tend to overwork when i'm in that certain position. hmm. maybe it helps me not to think about the dilemma or shit, and it works. but now it's kinda too much. i can imagine going down with the flu as soon as everything's done. usually happens. but what can i do, i am enjoying.

everything i believe in is real.

well, not really, but most of, yeah. was planning to write this really really emo entry; i think it's too early to go dramatic. i also intend to let it pass. if it's still in my head after 2 days, then will i write about it.

yesterday, i woke up around 8AM and started working really early. i was thinking about this guy who sends in work for the goldfishpool(see links on sidebar)from NJ; the last time he gave me something to do was a long time ago.i was getting concerned about our relationship because the last time, it took me mnore than a month to get the spreads done. i was worried that he didn't trust us anymore. anyway, i had to let that go because the china office just sent me 4 folders to work on. that means maybe a hundred files was waiting for me.

was making a mid-morning sandwich for kuya nonoy,who waas painting the gate, when the phone rang. it was the lawyers affiliated with the bank. oops, the last time i made a payment was november. i wasn't able to do anything december since i was in china and the holidays came in swarms. hehe. was gonna pay january but the bank's system was offline and i was told to just come back. but of course, i got me one hella schedule, and because the CSR told me to go to MY bank to make the payment, i totally intentionally forgot about it. so i need to make a payment before Feb 5 or else i'll go to jail! wah! hahaha. come on. lol. but yeah, that's how they do it. they're good in giving you paranoia. the best thing to do it is to go with their routine and be totally totally nice that they can't give you their scripted hell. hehe.

ok. honestly when i hung up, i was like, oh sheeeeet, where am i gonna get money. of course i don't really believe that i have to pay the whole amount (something like 10K++) in a week. so i was trying to compute in my head the money i'll be getting this february...that was hard...hahaha!i can actually make it. lol. but i'll have a week of doing the dayukdok diet. haha. kidding. so i prayed a little and asked for another raket.

after a few minutes, i checked my gmail. ta dah!!! work from NJ guy. i can pay the bank and someone else na mahal na mahal ako at di ako sinisingil pa. lol.

He is always good to me. I, in turn, this year, will do my best to be good to Him.

benutrex hi ya!

i got me a shot last night again of benutrex. that was my fourth time. i don't know why, but i really can't take needles. i can definitely get a tattoo, but getting shots make me squirm. went with tyrone to see claire. and claire had to administer it in the ER! the single patient's family members were laughing while i was getting it. tyrone saw a copy of this on the doctors' table:

he concluded that i needed bedrest.according to the wong-baker facial grimace scale, i made the top place. worst possible pain. and it was such a tiny needle. i keep forgetting to take photos of the syringe and the vials because i get too anxious when i see them.

my arm hurt a lot and felt really stiff. claire was upset last night because of work. she gave me bloody hell tuloy. hehe. it hurts a bit till now.

breakfast.

make you feel my love

if it means anything to you

ah, the old maid

after 100 years, kuya nonoy finally sold the junk. it maybe trash for me, but for others, they can be, like, treasure. haha! well, it was old stuff, mostly steel, and they're getting rusty and soon they're gonna be really worthless. so i had everything picked up by the junk shop people and kuya nonoy made more than 3K. gave him some, and asked him to buy paint.

now, there's so much space! and that means, less space for the rodents to live in. and the fence just got white-washed! teehee! it looks new again.

i've been wanting to scrub the sidewalk, too. but maybe i'll do that in the summer. my next project will be the ceilings. dada sent me money for that but i spent it on repairs and repainting of the roof first. then after that, i'm gonna sell the house. hehe. dada's gonna kill me, like torture me then chop off my extremities first, cauterize everything, then feed me to the wolves while i'm still alive and let me die in the cold and shit like that. and he'll do that like bruce willis. really cool, dada.

hehe..some stuff i have on my phone:

this is how we say it in china.

santa singing "poker face"

too many photos for one entry. gonna save the others for next time. ah, i have one more:

during detox. looks hungry.lol. ugly...

feeling sick

a little more than 2 weeks ago, i went to see a doctor. dada sent me money already so i had no excuses anymore. it's still the same thing; the lumps on top of my right clavicle scares people. there are like 2 or 3 lumps-mumma lump and baby lumps. lol.

the EENT gave me the same medication as the surgeon did. different names, though. EENt gave me ebutrol, an anti-TB med, and unasyn, a strong antibiotic. while on the meds, i was also taking decolgen for my colds and ascof because i was starting to cough. i felt better after a few days, maybe 4 days into the treatment. cough and colds were gone, but my sleep pattern was a mess. despite the fact that i was almost always high, i couldn't sleep until the sun came out. yeah sure, i always do that, but that was just crazy. the sun used to come out at 5am. now, it's still dark till 6:30am. and i was useless most of the days again.

until monday. i slept at 11am and was woken up at 1pm. lets needed to run some errands and i went with her. it was also the same day i had to pay bills and get an IV shot of benutrex c(kick ass vit c). it was also the last day of unasyn for me. went over to claire's for the shot. put on some drama over a 3cc syringe. dang,i hate needles. yeah, i cried a little. haha. after that, i was able to sleep at 7:30 pm. probably it was the exhaustion that got to me. well, was happy to be normal again. and i got my colds back.

so yesterday i went back to the EENT. feeling shitty again. and he says now he can feel that there are small lumps,too. apparently, he didn't feel them the last time. since the antibiotics somehow worked while i was on it, he gave me the same meds again. this time though, he gave me b complex because ebutrol fucks up your eyes. ooops. he forgot to give that to me the last time. yeah! as if my eyes aren't fucked up yet.

started with again unasyn last night. and had another shot of benutrex. and it made my pee a wonderful lime green color. slept at 3AM. and woke up at 4PM. isn't that wonderful? damn. i missed a day again.

so for breakfast, i had juice from 6 pieces of calamansi and honey, 2 ebutrols, unasyn,and b complex. haha. after 30 minutes, i had a banana and carrot pineapple juice. i wanted to eat something real so i decided to make bacon and pancakes. it's kinda hard to do that when you are spacing out. man. i can't even keep my panckaes flat. they're like a mess.

and it definitely is hard to be sick when you are alone.

i have to endure this for 2 more weeks. then i get a CT scan, an endoscopy, and probably an ultrasound. claire told me i should get a fine needle biopsy. i don't want it. i still get laughs when i say it's against my religion. seriously, that's one test i'm not gonna get. if it's cancer, let it be cancer. i'm considering going to laguna for alternative meds.

i think this is where you say, "be careful what you wish for"...

sigur ros/ Svefn-G-Englar

i have songs that play inside my head everyday. it's a short list. i swear it's a constant in my head. here's one of them.

KSP

wala lang, wala lang magawa. magpapapansin lang kahit walang kakwenta kwentang bagay.

so tired

i really want to go to sleep. i don't feel better. actually, after the antibiotics, i now feel worse. my lumps feel bigger, my throat hurts, i think i have a cold again, and i still can't sleep. if this goes on for one more week, i'm gonna start having hallucinations. then i'm gonna start wishing that i'll just die. claire gave me a prescription for vit c that goes in intravenously. to fight what kind of infection, i don't know. i have another doctor's appointment on wednesday. i know i'll be asked to have a work-up: CT scans, ultrasounds, endoscopy, etc. then a needle biopsy, which is no way i am getting.

gah, i'm at the edge already. i'm sleepless, therefore, uncreative. and that scares me. it's 8AM. i haven't slept yet. when is breakfast? really?

almost 10AM. i feel so tired. my brain is still working. finished working on the files i need to send. i wonder when this will actually stop. i tried to sleep earlier, seriously. i failed, just because i again ended up thinking about the pajama man. and instead of crying and whining, i decided to get up.

hmmm, you should check out postsecret this week. found 2 secrets that hit me right square in the face. so tired.

it's a purse!

carlo: hey, what's that, exchange gift?

me: no, i bought it myself.

(tel walks in)

tel: who gave you that?

me: i bought it!

tel: i can't imagine you buying that

tyrone: and i can't imagine anyone buying her that





it's a purse! don't be deceived, it's not a lunch box. teehee! oh, i forgot, there are 3 carrots inside it now. wait...

batgirl

according to tyrone, the proper term is "batman" -- batang manyak.

duh. my brain is totally fried like i need to get some serious reformatting or whatever.

why can't i just do my job and let me love you?---line from this message someone sent someone to win her over(and yeah, he got her, but she's a witch). i wanna use it, too. can you just stop with the drama and let me do my job and let me love you? haha! if you don't love me back in 2 days, i'm gonna shave off all my hair. moron! haha...i have a bad feeling that i'm gonna ba bald by monday. tsk tsk, now that i have this thing for silly headbands ( got me 3 with feathers today)...

how about, if you don't love me back in 2 days, i'm gonna disappear. haha...i'll do that by plastic surgery. gonna make me look like olivia wilde. then maybe he'll love me back? ahahah! emo...pathetic, abba, really pathetic.


ahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahaha!

no,i don't look like that

the last time i was at dong guan, i took a pic of me wearing this cap i got from the market:



and this one:

posted it as my display image in my ym. marco said i look like a geoduck. this is how a geoduck looks:

The geoduck (pronounced /ˈɡuː.iːdʌk/ "gooey duck"^[1]), Panopea abrupta, is a species of very large saltwater clam, a marine bivalve mollusk in the family Hiatellidae.

The shell of this clam is large, about 15 centimetres (5.9 in) to over 20 centimetres (7.9 in) in length, but the extremely long siphons make the clam itself very much longer than this: the "neck" or siphons alone can be 1 metre (3.3 ft) in length.

actually, what marco was trying to tell me, was that i look like this:

see how nicely trained the woman is holding the clam? hehe

meaning, i look like a dick. nice one marco.

my fave pic so far:

ok, so the world is a funny place. would you like some mussels to go with your geoduck? haha

dreaming with eyes wide open

i wanna get on a plane and fly down south, crawl in your bed, and sleep beside you. maybe i'll be able to fall asleep then. maybe it will be peaceful. maybe everything will be quiet in my head. maybe.

lazy ass

me: do you know totoy bato?
kat: you mean crushable hot totoy bato?
me: yeah, i crush him. he texted me.
kat: really??? what did he say?

me: he asked me if i'll be free sometime this month to meet in makati.
kat: go, girl!
me:haller! we're both from antipolo, i hate going to makati! tanga sya! hindi ko na sya crush!

ah. me and my lazy ass. there are things more important to me than meeting people ( kahit friends ko) at makati. like staying home and staring at my laptop. to go to makati, one must a) from 6am to 4 pm, get a tricycle to get to the town. get on a shuttle and pay P45. get off at ayala ave, cross the street using the underpass to get to glorietta,greenbelt,etc. ,or b) from 4pm to 7pm, get a tricycle to go to town. get on a rouge shuttle and pay P15. get off at valley golf and pray that there will be other shuttles going to makati. pay P35 and get off at ayala ave, cross the street using the underpass to get to glorietta,greenbelt,etc., or c) from 5am to 9pm, get a tricycle to town. get on a shuttle, pay P40 and get off at the santolan station. get the train to gateway. walk to the mrt station and get off at the ayala station. walk towards SM to get to glorietta,greenbelt,etc. di ba ang complicated??? no way am i going to makati without the proper motivation.

phone call from claire. how'd she know that i'm still up? haha!

i decided that i won't join the exhibit this march. i don't want to rush paintings; i don't want them raw because it makes me feel really bad if they turn out that way. plus, it's gonna be far away from me. haha. and yeah hell am not gonna commute huge ass canvasses to manila. haha. seriously, i have so many things to do already and i'm scared i won't be happy with my works.

i still have to finish the images for cimc and i need to do the mural for the ptv office. good thing, samio agreed to do the mural with me.

hmm,after months of being told what to do, i think i am now uncreative. i need to catch up. i hate being lost during conversations.

i need to sleep. i want to sleep. no matter how lazy i am, i don't end up sleeping soundly when i should. dang. i need help.

sleepless

despite the meds i'm taking for my colds and cabooches the lumpy, i am still not high enough to just fall asleep as easy as that. it only frustrates me when i lie in bed and my mind keeps on working. how can i keep my mind blank? like totally block out everything. is there a secret? i envy those people who can fall asleep fast. i even got me sleepytime tea. but it didn't work. it worked for my cousin though. why can't i just sleep????

last night i remember thinking about the following:

bacon for the chicken
soy sauce for the chicken
when to get bacon and soy sauce for the chicken
what to do with the car
drinking wine while under medication
the pajama man
that i don't have enough buko juice
how to make carrot juice
disposing the huge stack of ropes at the back
when can i go to the bank
what did i do with my money
what to do with my money
etc
etc
etc...

and it happens everynight. i just want to stop thinking and go to sleep

vacation mode pa din

went out to get a facial ( after 100 years). i really hate that i am breaking out like a teenager. sucks. but tyrone was nice enough to let me use(again) his prepaid facial coupon. so he bought me a facial, and i bought him takuyaki balls na hindi nya nahanap ang sarap. fair enough. haha. walked around and got me a tin batgirl lunchbox. kinda queer but i like. had dinner and walked around a bit. stopped to get churros. now am home. should've bought the cream puff, too. tsk. i'm craving for something sweet. and instead of working, i'm blogging. ha!

just got an email from dubai. the 500RMB the boss gave me in china won't be adjusted from my salary. that was my christmas bonus. haha! $70 isn't at all bad. seriously,both my bosses have been really nice to me. i'm lucky. i missed and postponed a lot of things last month (the walls of hope project, a couple of parties, and the ptv mural thing,etc.), but i don't feel bad at all. i'm thankful for this. i think i can start my year right. and even if my salary's delayed (again!), i'm not gonna panic. haha!

i was hoping that the binging would stop this week. i am really excited to detox. but we scheduled dinner on friday night at raena and pow's new place in marikina. so ok, i'll start detox on the 11th and do it for 18 days. wish me luck.

but of course, i want to be in control. and i can do it.

tyrone and i were talking about resolutions. he said, he's not gonna be mean anymore, he'll just be a liar instead. hahah! ako, i told him, i am going to be in control. shempre, except sa health and love because you cannot control that. and he added, the stupidity ng people around you. told him, i'll be manipulative then. haha.

so after doing the detox, it's gonna be raw fooding for me. and yeah, am gonna give up everything cold turkey.

finally, i went over all the invitations and friend requests and photos in facebook. clicked on ignore and untag a gazillion times. haha! in reality, i don't want facebook. ketchup ketchup lang naman ang purpose ko. if i delete my facebook and my friendster, will i still exist? haha.

-----------------------

daldal.

i was thinking of the familiar cases of old old ladies who never got married. they usually would have the same story. waited for someone who never came back. i think it's tragically romantic. still, romantic.

ikaw pa rin

i don't really listen to pop music or opm for that matter. the only songs i would hear would be those playing in public transpo. i don't really know where i heard this song from, but i like aicelle santos' voice. her voice gives me the goose bumps. and this song keeps playing over and over in my mind. it feels sad.

the season to be

woke up with a heavy head. have no idea if i made the mojitos too strong or because i have a really nasty cold. so i stayed in bed and went in and out of sleep until i couldn't anymore. stared at the ceiling for a long time. it's really actually weird when you have to remind yourself everyday to stop hoping. it's a brand new year and it's time to move on. i took a deep breath and got my ass off the bed.

january one. in a few hours, another party was coming up and i had to get myself ready. not to "party" but to help in the kitchen. heated water for a bath and opened emails. got to get working again soon or else i'll be swamped. thought of what to spend money on, but wasn't at all interested in spending money...so mature. ha!

i do feel older everyday.

helped prepare and serve food at my aunt and uncle's anniversary party. 33 years. that's a long time. sweet.

i wish the eating and drinking would stop so i can detox again. i don't feel right anymore. maybe it's all in the mind. maybe it's because of my colds. or maybe it's because i can't get this stupid thing out of my mind...

new year's resolution: to take control of the things i can.

christmas na christmas...

nothing really negative about yesterday and today. except for the fact that i slept at 7AM and my laundrywoman knocked(loudly) on my door at 10.i was planning to sleep through the hottest part of the day, at least i won't be conscious of my sweat, and won't complain as much as i did last night. everyone last night was wearing jackets or something like that, but me, i was sweating like a piggy. however, of course, a fan trained directly at me isn't such a horrible thing, either.

i got up around 2PM yesterday. whatever happened between 3PM and 5PM was kinda, hmmm, unusual. mental note: thrill is fleeting, disappointments are disappointing. haha. so much for moving on. well, you can't say i never tried. i'm still in the same place where i started. it doesn't really matter, though. i'm tough as nails. ha!

christmas dinner at 7 stretched to noche buena. had a lotta kinda meat.haha: fall-off-the-bone ribs, chickenjoy(whee!),ham,ate anne's fried chicken(burnt outside, bloody inside hehe) and shrimp with coconut milk and pineapples.carbo overload ng mashed potatoes with gravy, lasagna, and 2 kinds of cake. nagtambling nga ako after everything. ang taas ng sugar ko. haha, that was definitely the prize after being stuck in china for 10 days.

had red wine and bacardi for our annual thing, and it was quite alright. i swear, i did drink a lot, but was still ok walking in a straight line at 6AM. ahhh, ang bahay alak ko, malapit ka nang matuyot. haha. of course i say that every year, like how i'm gonna quit everything when the new year comes. i really am gonna do it this time, just until i'm sure na cabooches the lumpy isn't cancer. anyway, it did feel like christmas.

finally.

back home. had a nice time in china, surprisingly. aside from the cold cold weather, overall it was actually enjoyable. had a lot of tsingtao and was treated to a foot massage and laughed my heart out watching the people dance na wala sa tono. shopping was amazing now that i can make tawad na but still got an expensive dress for myself, kasi it fits. haha. loved the street food even though it made my jackets smell like siomai. met pinoys. and the cake at o'mc carr is just delightful. and i got six of them to share with the people here.

the factory's 3rd floor caught fire sunday night. the offices weren't affected, but i'm still wondering what happened to the tibetan mastiffs at the rooftop. kawawa naman. so wala kaming pasok ng saturday till today. so i had a lot of time to make lamyerda sa changping town.

and now, i'm back. grabe, i missed cyrus so much. he looked happy din naman to see me kanina when i hugged him. and yeah, i melted sa airport pa lang. good thing antipolo's got a nice climate.

hmm...i got a message from totoy bato's partner sa business. he' s looking for me daw and needs something. he's asked for my number na naman, haller, tanga ba sya, we just spoke a few weeks ago. bobo ba sya? ayoko ng bobo. haha. hindi kasi ako nagroaming. oh well. we'll see, take a number, totoy bato, i'm too busy.

and now i realized that the deadliest combo is being hopeless but not desparate. no need to exhert any effort. lol. not praying for it anymore, but not asking for replacements either. steady lang.

want to shave my head, but the shape's not perfect. antok na ko, sleep na kami ni dalgo. hello, bed!

sa huling pagkakataon

ok.random stuff. just want to take this opportunity to blog kasi i won't have access for 10 effin days. so after writing down the last post, i have decided to stop waiting and wishing and just embrace being alone. the next morning, got a surprise pm from chato, one of the sweetest people i know from innerdance. haven't heard from chato for a long long time. she went to palawan and i didn't even know she was back!

chato: i dreamt about you!
me: really?
weh, can't remember the thing. haha. but she told me this:

i was living in mindoro, and there were a lot of mangyans. i live in a big old house. she saw me there with a hunky island guy. the guy is my boyfriend, and we were so in love. she could feel it. haha. actually, she said the guy is also a good friend of hers. didn't ask if it was just in the dream or in real life. hahaha!

i got her confused kasi i said, island guy, huh? she thought i was into girls. wahaha! darn pretty straight. so told her about the guy i'm in love with and how the night before i gave up on waiting. she told me that maybe it is the universe's way of telling me not to. sabi nya, hold the fort. damn, i'm really patient but if ayaw sa akin, may magagawa ba ko? hehe. sabi ko, sana she saw the future in her dream. if she did daw, then i owe her one. blame the universe. haha!

so i finished packing already. all i need to put pa in the bag are the stuff my pinay friend in china asked me to get. after zipping the bag, i started clearing some stuff off the work table. i should clear that up really so i can actually use it instead of the dining table. i also stuffed a cushion, and now i have a cow print pillow on my extra chair. watched anime. tapos i got paintings off the wall and hung the paintings from the storage. dalgo and iago are now on the wall.

i need a shelf, seriously. i wonder how much totoy bato would charge for one. ah, ayoko na din pala sya kausapin. i don't think it's even worth the effort. i'll get one at the thrift shop near here. hmm, but i want something that 's really low so i can sit on it. i need a carpenter. i need to make up my mind. lol. i wonder if dad would hate me if i throw away the couch. and the dining table. ah the dining table is a magic table. it would normally fit 6 people, but i've seen 10 eat here together.

may wishlist na ulit ako na pwede magkatotoo:
1. a wall clock
2. new big ass pillows
3. new mattresses, one queen sized, 2 double
4.a new ceiling
5.walking shoes
6.derek ramsay

i think dada can buy me the first 5. magkano kaya si derek ramsay. teka, magcoconsult ako sa magic date ball. magiging kami kaya ni derek ramsay? sagot: you can count on it! sabi ko na nga ba, island guy daw eh!!

whatever. so goodbye for now. will be back christmas.lungkot!

i give up. para akong decepticon, gusto ko na magretreat. ewan ko ba naman, pero bakit ba ang lakas ng fighting spirit ko. sana may malaking shell na lang ako sa likod ko para pwede ako maging hermit crab, dun na lang ako sa loob, di na ko lalabas.

ok, so i've made up my mind to become a tramp again. that means, i'm not going out tomorrow night, on wednesday night, and on thursday night, too. but i want to watch the 3D christmas carol movie on friday night after i get my visa so, i'll be on vacation from being a tramp.

when i grow up i want to take residence in a mountain in tibet, be pals with the dalai llama, and sometimes would want to shave off his fur to make jackets. dang, i don't want to do this anymore.

note to self: make carrot and pineapple juice already, stupid. you're gonna be growing another head if you don't solve this now.

---made carrot pineapple juice. damn. i don't want to be a rabbit in my next lifetime.

when i prayed for my life-changing thing, i was given a great job. not really what i want, but it so works for me. *secretly praying to be sent to the scotland office or in germany* i'm actually starting to be comfy.


although i was actually hoping for a totally different thing, i'm feeling that totally different thing is not coming. i don't mean in the near future, i mean, not at all. what to do, what to do? go on hunger strike until i save enough on food that i can actually buy what i want. ha! crazy f*ck.

i think the last days of this year will be gone really fast. i don't think i will even feel the holidays. i'm leaving on monday and will come back on the 23rd. no facebook again for 10 days! sabagay, masaya lang naman ang holidays if masaya kang tao. pero kung tramp ka, mag isa ka mag spend ng christmas. ay! jeje and lek will be here pala. kaming tatlo na lang daw ang mag noche buena.

i want chicken and mango sandwiches, mushroom soup, salad, brie, and red wine.

this is my fourth attempt to write a new entry. i have nothing much to say siguro. i absorbed a lot of negative energy since tuesday and am still trying to flush it out of my system. it's funny how people come to me talaga bearing stories of love, pain, anger, etc.

then someone asked me, what will you choose, maging masaya or maging tama? and of course, i answered with, ang maging tama.

mas maraming tao pa rin ang pipili ng, ang maging masaya. pero hindi ba, sa pagpili ng tama, ang pag iwan ng kasiyahan mo sa oras na ito, hindi nangangahulugan na mawawalan ka na din ng pag-asa? ang pag-asa na maging masaya at maging tama. sabay ha. at sa pagpili nga ng tama, mas binibigyan mo ang sarili mo ng mas marami pang pagkakataon na maging masaya.

pero baka naman isang airhead lang ako. baka hobby ko lang na patuloy na i-convince ang sarili ko na ganun mag work ang mundo.

sa mga taong pinanganak na may kataling kamalasan, siguro, hindi posible ang ganun.

pero sa huli, mas pipiliin ko ang maging tama pa rin. kung yun ang ikakasaya ng karamihan, kahit hindi na ng sa akin, yun pa rin ang pipiliin ko.

twilight chapter 2 (bella gets her period)

due to insistent public demand,eto na. (sa facebook, hindi dito, gusto ko lang post)

chapter 2

once upon a time, bella is a girl. girls get their monthly periods. ergo, bella gets monthly periods. bella got hers for the month. bella goes out to buy tampons. bella buys tampons with cardboard applicators. you can buy these also in rustan's supermarkets. anyway, bella is excited. it is edward's birthday. edward is a vampire. he is a vegetarian vampire.

bella giftwraps her used tampons. she will give them to edward. she says to herself, "edward will be happy. edward is a vampire. he likes blood. i will give him blood. he will like it. he will laugh, ' ha ha ha'."

bella walks over to edward's house. she hands him her gift. edward opens the gift. edward says," i do not like tampons. i do not like stale blood. i like pulsating vegetables like mountain lions and elks."

bella has a pulsating petchay.

the end

christmas wishing

i got an early christmas gift for myself. a purple dell laptop. i named her petunia, it fits, and i am really happy to have her in my life right now. i'd like to thank tyrone for helping me get her, even though i have to pay for her for 12 months. thanks also to leandro for explaining and helping me understand what specs i need even if i keep telling him every night that he's gonna end up with me anyway since i'm the first girl in his life and the first girl he's ever loved, ako din un last. haha. salbahe.

hmmm, i still have a wish list, though. it's not really long but most of the things are still rather impossible. but what the heck, i'll keep wishing.

10. long hair

9. perfect skin

8. free bikram yoga classes and free rides to the studio

7. a juicer

6. a washing machine and dryer

5. a salary increase

4. a new and high-paying job for mum

3. happiness for eten and ali

2. hair for dad

1.

number one is still what i have been secretly wishing for since december 2006. i don't know if i should keep this in my wish list, but i have a lot of patience. i don't even know if it's right to be still wishing for this. but that's what my heart wants.