Friday, November 03, 2006

i had to delete everything i typed.

i already wrote about how i went to cubao without a car, about the surge of crowds coming and going, of making blythe wait in cubao. of lrt rides and parlor games. of food tripping and starbucks' red cups. of mike and joy coming over last night to listen to the crickets and gaze at the stars. of my days locked in the studio and scrubbing off paint from my hands.

and then i find myself depressed, again, thanks to a text message and a parent. i've been telling myself not to let my emotions get the best of me. that inspite of the events that had recently happened, i told myself, i'm cool. but then as much as i try, other people would hit the switch. and now i'm back where i started.

and to make things worse, i'm going to apply for the same role i had a few months back and i 'm going to make my life miserable again. so that i could save my sanity. so that my self-worth would stay intact and so that i can be away again. it doesn't even have to mean that i am swallowing my pride. it's just that i want to be a bird so that i can fly far far away.
whine, whine, i guess i do love misery and misery loves me, too.

3 comments:

hazimeister said...

why not put ur depression in ur painting?

and im missing you? who says so?

or.................


you just miss me, do you?

ahehehe! cheer up! im here..

abba said...

hay, my life is more complicated than you think, hazim. hehe, i do miss you kasi tulog ka lagi lately, haha! =) eh wala ka naman! haha!

russ said...

wag mo isipin na magiging miserable k dahil ul get a job. come on b positive... and besides u know we are always here for u. :)