Tuesday, July 05, 2005

four-letter words and other silly thoughts

that's how i feel like today. let's take this literally, okay? i've been down with fever last night and my tummy has been bothering me since early today. must be something we ate. actually, even my mom and dada are sick, too. cold sweat ako maghapon and sobrang sakit ng joints ko. ewan ko, but my immune system just gave up ata... i don't usually get sick, not this long, no.
i woke up around 8am today. i remember opening my eyes much to my relief, after a nightmare. well, not really a nightmare. it was a tiring dream.
--- i was driving from sta. mesa to makati, it was quite dark. i passed through a tunnel and ended up in an empty lot. although i can see ortigas from the place, it was rather sinister-looking. i got out of the car, my eyes looking for landmarks and searching for details so i can get back quickly to the car in case something happens. there were people, but no way for the car to pass through to get back to civilization. i went back to the car, thinking i could go back the same way. but i couldn't find the tunnel, nor the car.
instead of the tunnel, a building stood in front of me. there were old abandoned rooms and filthy toilets. i was scared although i knew that i don't dream of monsters and ghosts. it was rather quite and everytime i'd peek into the rooms, i saw little girls who seem to be more surprised of seeing me than me seeing them.
it was killing me, running around, looking for a way out. i tried slapping and pinching myself to wake me up, i remember screaming for someone to wake me up. i was so exhausted. then i saw juanlou, the guy who did my tattoes. i begged for him to wake me up, instead he injected something into the muscle between my thumb and forefinger. he was telling me something about giving me a higher dose of a drug to make me remember. i felt woozy and and everything got blurry, still, no memory.---
i woke up with a start. tsk tsk, no sweet sleep for the sick kid.
i wanna slam my car kanina sa butt ng truck in front of me. i kinda feel robbed, cheated or something. it's not right, not fair, not nice. whatever's lacking with me, tell me, i don't like playing second fiddle. as much as i wanted to sleep kanina, my mind kept playing scenes that never will be.
-------anyway, it's already wednesday. i can't seem to finish this entry in one sitting. kakainis.-----------
i'm still mighty pissed off but i'm not suicidal, mind you. kakapikon lang kasi there's this guy i've been friends with for quite a while already but i don't like talking about him with friends eh. so medyo parang irrelevant sya di ba? anyway, after a few nights of drinking plus lots of serious talks, i realized na it must be love na.( that's another four-letter word for ya). well, i didn't really care to much about him until one day,we were out drinking and he was talking to this girl, tapos ayun, a pang hit me straight in the chest. few seconds lang, pero sobrang it was there...
well, found out recently na there's a girlfriend na pala, but ayus lang.i'm not dissing this love thing, actually. i'm even happy a close friend is finally in love, and some are still carrying the torch for their significant others. haha! kasi naman, i hosted the reception for a close friend's wedding. e di ba, one you become the emcee or the bridesmaid, yun na yung role that you'll be playing forever!!! haha...self-pity ito...
enough of that crap...

No comments: