i am writing in orange today to see if it'll cheer me up.
i don't know how to put what i'm feeling into words. it would only sound redundant, a cliche, everything would be a bunch of senseless jargons that i have pretty much used up before.
i think i am slowly dying. i have no more will to wake up and drag myself out of bed. i eat yet i feel like throwing up after every meal because i'm unsure of where to use nourishment i get. i feel like staring into blank white walls whenever i'm alone, and on special occassions, i feel empty even with company. i take long drives from antipolo to work or wherever, sometimes not knowing where to go anymore. i go out with friends, making excuses to live it up, but i feel so out of place sometimes.
i had been asked ridiculous questions today. it didn't really add much to my dilemmas. but it made me feel more shallow and hollow. i've also been having petty arguements with my mom, since i can't tolerate lectures about stuff i'm already fully aware of, especially when i am doing things about them already.
or maybe the fact that i am so dang broke creates these worries.
i don't know. joy asked me if i am still painting these days. of course, i don't, and i have no ideas whatsoever. she told me that my frustrations get the best of me. i just might die soon.
orange doesn't really work.
conversation between luke and eten
eten: kuya, ano bang magandang org na salihan
luke: orgy kaya
eten: parang maganda din ang orgasm noh?
luke: ay, oo!
i have decided to quit, well, i'll still have to see, though, all my bisyo. wish me luck.