Wednesday, July 13, 2005

i am writing in orange today to see if it'll cheer me up.
i don't know how to put what i'm feeling into words. it would only sound redundant, a cliche, everything would be a bunch of senseless jargons that i have pretty much used up before.
i think i am slowly dying. i have no more will to wake up and drag myself out of bed. i eat yet i feel like throwing up after every meal because i'm unsure of where to use nourishment i get. i feel like staring into blank white walls whenever i'm alone, and on special occassions, i feel empty even with company. i take long drives from antipolo to work or wherever, sometimes not knowing where to go anymore. i go out with friends, making excuses to live it up, but i feel so out of place sometimes.
i had been asked ridiculous questions today. it didn't really add much to my dilemmas. but it made me feel more shallow and hollow. i've also been having petty arguements with my mom, since i can't tolerate lectures about stuff i'm already fully aware of, especially when i am doing things about them already.
or maybe the fact that i am so dang broke creates these worries.
i don't know. joy asked me if i am still painting these days. of course, i don't, and i have no ideas whatsoever. she told me that my frustrations get the best of me. i just might die soon.
orange doesn't really work.
conversation between luke and eten
eten: kuya, ano bang magandang org na salihan
luke: orgy kaya
eten: parang maganda din ang orgasm noh?
luke: ay, oo!
freakazoids.
i have decided to quit, well, i'll still have to see, though, all my bisyo. wish me luck.

4 comments:

thinking out loud said...

abba love,
sabi nga ni neil just keep on writing. i love reading your journal kahit minsan sad.

hay. how i wish i can just zap all your loneliness. well, the next time you feel low, just remember our kenkoy days in fa. mikko and his animated face, jess' autistic movement, mga drawings ni jr, the golden girls, mr. burns, mga ghost sa room, madrinian, at kung anu ano pa. i'm sure those memories will somehow cheer you up.

but if that doesn't work, just swing by the house. watch tayo ng maraming maraming flick and kain tayo ng maraming maraming popcorn and chocolates! yehey! tara na!

abba said...

don't worry raens, you know how i am...i'm sure this will go away soon and shemps...here comes the sun danandanan, here comes the sun danandanan, it's alright...

alam ko na, kasi i miss my ipod ehehehe!

withdrawal lang to =)

thinking out loud said...

hay nako. alam mo naman na precious and ipod sa buhay natin. ikaw lang kilala ko na nagpapahiram ng ipod.

btw, dami ko ng new songs pwedeng pang download. plus chris rock's stand up comedy show. sobrang nakakatawa pakinggan! trip out sobra!

abba said...

okst! visit ako after samio returns my baby. =)