i like to keep it simple.

i don't know why i attract this certain kind of people. i feel so much pain whenever i am forced to have conversations-no, it kills me every time i have to be in the same room as them. even if there are people who declare themselves as free spirits, enlightened ones, and unorthodox blabber mouths, i assure you, more often than not, they carry a lot of negative energy around. that's why i generally don't like being with adults. i prefer being with the kids, at least, all their angst are focused on one thing: curfew.

listen: i don't have any hang-ups. i just don't like sticky irritating annoying redundant people, places, and things. so don't force me to go near any of these if you don't want me lashing out on everyone/thing. i love my house, my mum, my dad, the dog, silence, my peace, and not being pretentious. i will not try so hard for people to think that i am an intellectual; my intelligence is displayed through my actions. also do not make me try to explain my art; it ruins everything. please do not analyze my 'weirdness'; i will not involve you in my mood swings. also, if you want me to respect all the beliefs you have invented, try not to be so rude when talking about the deity i believe in. don't make me talk; i am not one to argue simply because i am not the one who will feed your need for attention.

i tell you, i just want to be left alone. i provide for my own and i am content. no need to impress anyone, thank you, i like it simple. so if you disagree, look for your own kind.

----------------------------

generally quiet and happy here in my own little world. not angry anymore now. am excited for my new little adventures that will come soon. minding my own business, healing my almost-gone wounds, and waiting for my rocket to come- occassionally thinks of the pajama man and gets annoyed by bunny teeth but everything's steady here. i'm glad i turned 30. it makes a lot of difference. kasi pwede na ko maging cougar officially! bwahahahah!

death by baygon and other nonsense

been sitting here in front of the laptop for almost four hours. watched a movie, edited some pictures(half-heartedly), and been inhaling smoke from the burning mosquito coil. the mosquitos are still biting now, probably got immuned and probably just enjoy the high the katol gives them. i'll be dead way before these tiny monsters die.

----------wow, kahapon pa to, pero same story of my life pa rin.

my dada will undergo ear surgery in saturday, friday there. and i'm kinda feeling weird about it since they haven't told me what it is for and my sister is also clueless. hay nako dada... ten said he's actually more worried about the bills than the thing that might be in his ear. so ten gave me her theory why dada always have had that thing with his ear. too much noise at construction sites. well, dada had ringing in his ears due to Ménière's disease (pronounced /meɪnˈjɛərz/[1]). According to Wikipedia, it is a disorder of the inner ear that can affect hearing and balance to a varying degree. It is characterized by episodes of vertigo and tinnitus and progressive hearing loss, usually in one ear. It is caused by lymphatic channel dilation,[2] affecting the drainage of endolymph. It is named after the French physician Prosper Ménière, who first reported that vertigo was caused by inner ear disorders in an article published in 1861. The condition affects people differently; it can range in intensity from being a mild annoyance to a chronic, lifelong disability.[3]

-------------no wonder dada was always annoyed by me when i was in college. lol.

i am bored. although a have a bunch of stuff to do, i can't find the energy to do them anymore. the school year isn't finished yet,and i'm on vacation mode already. oh, and no, i don't want to go on a vacation. i have to contradict myself. i really want to work, but this is not what i want to do right now. but still i had to, and finally i finished reading my students' term papers. nosebleed.

------------------------------

4 of my friends have new babies. i want one, too!

me: how come they keep on having babies?

yosh: because they like sex?

me: i like sex, too.

yosh: but they actually have sex.

oh, yeah. and i don't really like sex. i think it's overrated. even if tel thinks differently and doesn't believe me, i really still don't like it. haha. it comes with age and maturity. lol.

-----------------------------

i'm annoyed. i don't want to be a home for the homeless. ulit, "the Homeless". isa lang kasi sya. hehe. i don't think i'm ready for ranting and negative energies since i just recovered from anger. gah. but i am maawain, i know. ok, i'll space out na lang so i won't have to listen. and i won't have to say "i told you so"...

-----------------------------

gotta sleep. a few minutes more, and i'm gonna be too hungry. i hate sleepless nights. i still get to think about my happy thought and it's not making me happy anymore. peste.

galit at nagpapaliwanag lang

i really hate not having anything to do. it makes me see details, and these details, more often than not, make me angry. let me rephrase that. details, for example, a stupid and senseless arguement, an unwitty remark, and plain stupidity, these, these make me angry.

and i've been angry for 2 weeks.

so i realized, i can't not have work. and i just can't work on one thing at a time. i have a need to multitask. according to my dear friend mumi, i have ADHD. my mum said one time, in passing, that i might have that, too, but wasn't put in therapy. thanks, mum! well, i do love to multitask because i get bored easily and i keep running around while working(and i only work on the computer. except of course i am also painting and washing the dishes at the same time).

daddy boss gave me things to do. yipee! happy! done! and now i'm bored again.

back to being angry. will update on my next mood swing.

random sheeet ng mga drama queens

had a bad dream last night.

he hugged and kissed me and said, take care of blah blah and blah blah, especially blah blah because she's pregnant. if no one takes care of her, i will marry her.

i went, papakasalan mo ung hindi mo mahal at hindi sayo ang anak pero ako sinasabi mong mahal mo, hindi mo man lang makasama?

drama queen. waahahhahah!

having this conversation with a friend suffering from misery caused by love. itago nalang natin sya sa pangalang Rubi, ang bidang kontrabida.

Rubi: feeling ko kasi parang di natatapos kagagahan at kahinaan ko tuwing didikit ako dun eh

me: or baka naman dadating ka na sa point na magsasawa ka or mamahalin ka din nya. unaunahan lang yan

R: ang tagal, ang tagal tagal ko magsawa. shet

me: matagal talaga

R: feeling ko pag nadivert ko atensyon ko oka na ako. abba kasi nm 10yrs na

me: buti ka nga un mahal mo totoong tao eh. ako hindi. ni hindi ko man lang nahawakan ang kamay

R: mahirap nga yan. kaso abba...ang hirap din nmn kasi ng malapit nga...nakakasama mo.....pwede may mngyari ulit..... pero alam mong parang wala rin sya dun. mahirap mamiss ang taong nasa tabi mo lng

me: hindi naman kita pinapaasa. sinasabi ko lang na maswerte ka pa din kasi existent sha. kung ayaw nya pa rin syo, magiging manhid ka rin jan

R: yeah i know. excited na ako sa araw na maging manhid ako sa knya .kelan kaya yun? parang kasi lahat ng aspeto ng buhay ko nagugulo pagnabubuang ako s knya

me: hahaha .ipagdasal mo lang yan na kung hindi para syo maging masaya na lang kayo pareho

R: abba, 10yrs ko ng pinagdadasal yan

me: mahirap yun ha... ako rin noh...

R: puki ng inang yan. mas masaya pa nga ako pag may gf yan hayup na yan

me: ...un arawa araw mong ipagdadasal na sana maging masaya sya at araw araw mo ipapaalala na hindi mo na sya dapat mahalin
...

me: hayy. eh wag ka na lang mainlove para masaya. taasan mo bigla ang standards mo hahah

R: yan talga nagpapabagsak sakin. or sabhin n nting SYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ang nagpapagbagsak sakin. leche. inisip ko nga abba....hindi kaya kung hindi ko sya naging frend.......10yrs ago, baka mas naging masaya or nasunod ko ang plano ko sa buhay ko na hindi ko lagi dinedepende sa thought na"baka sakali"

me: awwwwwwww... bata ka pa,marami pnag mangyayari sa buhay mo. i'm sure hindi eto un pinakamasakit na bagay kasi lalake lang yan meron pang mas matindi jan pero ang bottomline, hindi natin ikamamatay yan

R: nakakaumay na kasi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grrrrrrrr. abba!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ganyan magusap ang mga sawi. lol. pero wala naman nareresolve. ay, si rubi lang pala ang walang nareresolve, pusong mamon kasi na binabad sa gatas, palibhasa fag hag kaya grabe mag emote. hahaha! kaya para sa mga bata na nagsisimula na umibig, uminom kayo ng maraming kape para nerbyusin kayo sa mga matatandang dalagang emo!

midnight blues

watched american psycho and the machinist last night. was feeling a bit disturbed when i tried to go to bed and was also hungry. i remembered i got strawberries in the fridge. so this was what i had for my midnight snack:

nyeee, baliktad un order...too lazy to cut and paste..

i miss the pajama man. i shouldn't, though.

la lang

went to see claire at the hospital to get my shot last night. we hung out at the doctors' quarters a bit and claire told us a juicy chikka. it was a long story, and of course i needed to have side comments:

me: ay nako basta he's an a**hole pa rin for me

claire: he is really nice

me: a**hole!

claire: nako, if you meet him you'll fall in love with him

me: no, i will not get married for any reason except fame!

la lang.

speaking too soon

ah yeah, after publishing the last post, i did get a dizzy episode. sheesh. and now i have vertigo meds that make my tummy feel sick. darn it.

well, on a better note, i got me another business deal. and another friend also proposed another thing that's gonna be a really really good deal.

according to koji my dear friend, katulad ni kris aquino sa movie na 'feng shui', lahat ng swerte ko sa career ay may kapalit na kamalasan sa love life. more werk werk werk, less boys. haha! so now, i have to tell you i am really straight, but pathetic as it may seem, koji looks for guys for me at his favorite gay-dating site. kahit man lang daw gay, may makita akong mga lalake. haha.

i'm not complaining. i am working my ass off to forget a boy. for heaven's sake. haha! pag di pa ba naman ako matuto. hahaha!

i won't be going to china this march(wheee!). i should really go see specialists noh? sayang naman the month if i don't. thing is, if i do, i might not have enough money for shopping in HK! wah! kaya kelangan humada. hahahah! humataw pala. ano ba yan. lol. well, i think i can manage, and i can even ask my health care provider(dada!) for assistance. haha!

been painting for 3 weekends already. samio kicks ass pa din. and i'm the greatest. lol. will post pictures soon. i also submitted the second batch of revised spreads for hopepictures. i wish we can finish with everything already because i really need to pay the bills. and i'm really going crazy over the mineral make up i want to get. haha. i'm sooooo arte!

i want to meet up with yoshi later but i don't know if i can trust myself yet. i get dizzy walking from here to lets'...i wonder if i'll survive galeria, with a pregnant woman, and no money. nice combo. i bet it was avatar in 3d that triggered this whole thing!! imagine, hearing the stupid lines over and over all in 3d! i see you...i see you my ass! gah!

nothing much really has been happening. i don't even go out. i just stay indoors and i'd only go out for dinner if it's for free. nothing too exciting about carrot pineapple juicing in the morning. oh and yeah, i was hoping i can be vegetarian, apparently, "healthy" for me is not being healthy, i need my red meat yeah!!! iron-rich diet daw eh, low normal ang red blood cells ko. i'll die if i don't eat meat, lol, goodjab!

this is fresh. hehe

finally, i woke up without any signs of getting sick today. 11am also felt nice as it's kinda cloudy and it's not too bright outside. after days and days of a foreboding vertigo thing, i am not dizzy today.

kevin, my nephew, decided to practice his nursing skills on sick relatives, and has been checking up on me ever since this started. actually, we really don't know if this is vertigo because i've been hypotensive some days and that can be the cause for the dizziness.

it's not really affecting my work, but work is actually affecting my health. haha. i can't stop working even if i really feel like dying alreday. i guess it runs in the women in the family. too strong to let sickness interfere with life. kevin asked me to just rest for at least 2 days. stop using my eyes. yaiks. i have cimc, a project for goldfish, and samio and i are painting. i've also been checking on the kids at school almost everyday.

i guess i am coping. i tend to overwork when i'm in that certain position. hmm. maybe it helps me not to think about the dilemma or shit, and it works. but now it's kinda too much. i can imagine going down with the flu as soon as everything's done. usually happens. but what can i do, i am enjoying.

everything i believe in is real.

well, not really, but most of, yeah. was planning to write this really really emo entry; i think it's too early to go dramatic. i also intend to let it pass. if it's still in my head after 2 days, then will i write about it.

yesterday, i woke up around 8AM and started working really early. i was thinking about this guy who sends in work for the goldfishpool(see links on sidebar)from NJ; the last time he gave me something to do was a long time ago.i was getting concerned about our relationship because the last time, it took me mnore than a month to get the spreads done. i was worried that he didn't trust us anymore. anyway, i had to let that go because the china office just sent me 4 folders to work on. that means maybe a hundred files was waiting for me.

was making a mid-morning sandwich for kuya nonoy,who waas painting the gate, when the phone rang. it was the lawyers affiliated with the bank. oops, the last time i made a payment was november. i wasn't able to do anything december since i was in china and the holidays came in swarms. hehe. was gonna pay january but the bank's system was offline and i was told to just come back. but of course, i got me one hella schedule, and because the CSR told me to go to MY bank to make the payment, i totally intentionally forgot about it. so i need to make a payment before Feb 5 or else i'll go to jail! wah! hahaha. come on. lol. but yeah, that's how they do it. they're good in giving you paranoia. the best thing to do it is to go with their routine and be totally totally nice that they can't give you their scripted hell. hehe.

ok. honestly when i hung up, i was like, oh sheeeeet, where am i gonna get money. of course i don't really believe that i have to pay the whole amount (something like 10K++) in a week. so i was trying to compute in my head the money i'll be getting this february...that was hard...hahaha!i can actually make it. lol. but i'll have a week of doing the dayukdok diet. haha. kidding. so i prayed a little and asked for another raket.

after a few minutes, i checked my gmail. ta dah!!! work from NJ guy. i can pay the bank and someone else na mahal na mahal ako at di ako sinisingil pa. lol.

He is always good to me. I, in turn, this year, will do my best to be good to Him.

benutrex hi ya!

i got me a shot last night again of benutrex. that was my fourth time. i don't know why, but i really can't take needles. i can definitely get a tattoo, but getting shots make me squirm. went with tyrone to see claire. and claire had to administer it in the ER! the single patient's family members were laughing while i was getting it. tyrone saw a copy of this on the doctors' table:

he concluded that i needed bedrest.according to the wong-baker facial grimace scale, i made the top place. worst possible pain. and it was such a tiny needle. i keep forgetting to take photos of the syringe and the vials because i get too anxious when i see them.

my arm hurt a lot and felt really stiff. claire was upset last night because of work. she gave me bloody hell tuloy. hehe. it hurts a bit till now.

breakfast.

make you feel my love

if it means anything to you

ah, the old maid

after 100 years, kuya nonoy finally sold the junk. it maybe trash for me, but for others, they can be, like, treasure. haha! well, it was old stuff, mostly steel, and they're getting rusty and soon they're gonna be really worthless. so i had everything picked up by the junk shop people and kuya nonoy made more than 3K. gave him some, and asked him to buy paint.

now, there's so much space! and that means, less space for the rodents to live in. and the fence just got white-washed! teehee! it looks new again.

i've been wanting to scrub the sidewalk, too. but maybe i'll do that in the summer. my next project will be the ceilings. dada sent me money for that but i spent it on repairs and repainting of the roof first. then after that, i'm gonna sell the house. hehe. dada's gonna kill me, like torture me then chop off my extremities first, cauterize everything, then feed me to the wolves while i'm still alive and let me die in the cold and shit like that. and he'll do that like bruce willis. really cool, dada.

hehe..some stuff i have on my phone:

this is how we say it in china.

santa singing "poker face"

too many photos for one entry. gonna save the others for next time. ah, i have one more:

during detox. looks hungry.lol. ugly...

feeling sick

a little more than 2 weeks ago, i went to see a doctor. dada sent me money already so i had no excuses anymore. it's still the same thing; the lumps on top of my right clavicle scares people. there are like 2 or 3 lumps-mumma lump and baby lumps. lol.

the EENT gave me the same medication as the surgeon did. different names, though. EENt gave me ebutrol, an anti-TB med, and unasyn, a strong antibiotic. while on the meds, i was also taking decolgen for my colds and ascof because i was starting to cough. i felt better after a few days, maybe 4 days into the treatment. cough and colds were gone, but my sleep pattern was a mess. despite the fact that i was almost always high, i couldn't sleep until the sun came out. yeah sure, i always do that, but that was just crazy. the sun used to come out at 5am. now, it's still dark till 6:30am. and i was useless most of the days again.

until monday. i slept at 11am and was woken up at 1pm. lets needed to run some errands and i went with her. it was also the same day i had to pay bills and get an IV shot of benutrex c(kick ass vit c). it was also the last day of unasyn for me. went over to claire's for the shot. put on some drama over a 3cc syringe. dang,i hate needles. yeah, i cried a little. haha. after that, i was able to sleep at 7:30 pm. probably it was the exhaustion that got to me. well, was happy to be normal again. and i got my colds back.

so yesterday i went back to the EENT. feeling shitty again. and he says now he can feel that there are small lumps,too. apparently, he didn't feel them the last time. since the antibiotics somehow worked while i was on it, he gave me the same meds again. this time though, he gave me b complex because ebutrol fucks up your eyes. ooops. he forgot to give that to me the last time. yeah! as if my eyes aren't fucked up yet.

started with again unasyn last night. and had another shot of benutrex. and it made my pee a wonderful lime green color. slept at 3AM. and woke up at 4PM. isn't that wonderful? damn. i missed a day again.

so for breakfast, i had juice from 6 pieces of calamansi and honey, 2 ebutrols, unasyn,and b complex. haha. after 30 minutes, i had a banana and carrot pineapple juice. i wanted to eat something real so i decided to make bacon and pancakes. it's kinda hard to do that when you are spacing out. man. i can't even keep my panckaes flat. they're like a mess.

and it definitely is hard to be sick when you are alone.

i have to endure this for 2 more weeks. then i get a CT scan, an endoscopy, and probably an ultrasound. claire told me i should get a fine needle biopsy. i don't want it. i still get laughs when i say it's against my religion. seriously, that's one test i'm not gonna get. if it's cancer, let it be cancer. i'm considering going to laguna for alternative meds.

i think this is where you say, "be careful what you wish for"...

sigur ros/ Svefn-G-Englar

i have songs that play inside my head everyday. it's a short list. i swear it's a constant in my head. here's one of them.

KSP

wala lang, wala lang magawa. magpapapansin lang kahit walang kakwenta kwentang bagay.

so tired

i really want to go to sleep. i don't feel better. actually, after the antibiotics, i now feel worse. my lumps feel bigger, my throat hurts, i think i have a cold again, and i still can't sleep. if this goes on for one more week, i'm gonna start having hallucinations. then i'm gonna start wishing that i'll just die. claire gave me a prescription for vit c that goes in intravenously. to fight what kind of infection, i don't know. i have another doctor's appointment on wednesday. i know i'll be asked to have a work-up: CT scans, ultrasounds, endoscopy, etc. then a needle biopsy, which is no way i am getting.

gah, i'm at the edge already. i'm sleepless, therefore, uncreative. and that scares me. it's 8AM. i haven't slept yet. when is breakfast? really?

almost 10AM. i feel so tired. my brain is still working. finished working on the files i need to send. i wonder when this will actually stop. i tried to sleep earlier, seriously. i failed, just because i again ended up thinking about the pajama man. and instead of crying and whining, i decided to get up.

hmmm, you should check out postsecret this week. found 2 secrets that hit me right square in the face. so tired.

it's a purse!

carlo: hey, what's that, exchange gift?

me: no, i bought it myself.

(tel walks in)

tel: who gave you that?

me: i bought it!

tel: i can't imagine you buying that

tyrone: and i can't imagine anyone buying her that





it's a purse! don't be deceived, it's not a lunch box. teehee! oh, i forgot, there are 3 carrots inside it now. wait...

batgirl

according to tyrone, the proper term is "batman" -- batang manyak.

duh. my brain is totally fried like i need to get some serious reformatting or whatever.

why can't i just do my job and let me love you?---line from this message someone sent someone to win her over(and yeah, he got her, but she's a witch). i wanna use it, too. can you just stop with the drama and let me do my job and let me love you? haha! if you don't love me back in 2 days, i'm gonna shave off all my hair. moron! haha...i have a bad feeling that i'm gonna ba bald by monday. tsk tsk, now that i have this thing for silly headbands ( got me 3 with feathers today)...

how about, if you don't love me back in 2 days, i'm gonna disappear. haha...i'll do that by plastic surgery. gonna make me look like olivia wilde. then maybe he'll love me back? ahahah! emo...pathetic, abba, really pathetic.


ahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahaha!

no,i don't look like that

the last time i was at dong guan, i took a pic of me wearing this cap i got from the market:



and this one:

posted it as my display image in my ym. marco said i look like a geoduck. this is how a geoduck looks:

The geoduck (pronounced /ˈɡuː.iːdʌk/ "gooey duck"^[1]), Panopea abrupta, is a species of very large saltwater clam, a marine bivalve mollusk in the family Hiatellidae.

The shell of this clam is large, about 15 centimetres (5.9 in) to over 20 centimetres (7.9 in) in length, but the extremely long siphons make the clam itself very much longer than this: the "neck" or siphons alone can be 1 metre (3.3 ft) in length.

actually, what marco was trying to tell me, was that i look like this:

see how nicely trained the woman is holding the clam? hehe

meaning, i look like a dick. nice one marco.

my fave pic so far:

ok, so the world is a funny place. would you like some mussels to go with your geoduck? haha

dreaming with eyes wide open

i wanna get on a plane and fly down south, crawl in your bed, and sleep beside you. maybe i'll be able to fall asleep then. maybe it will be peaceful. maybe everything will be quiet in my head. maybe.

lazy ass

me: do you know totoy bato?
kat: you mean crushable hot totoy bato?
me: yeah, i crush him. he texted me.
kat: really??? what did he say?

me: he asked me if i'll be free sometime this month to meet in makati.
kat: go, girl!
me:haller! we're both from antipolo, i hate going to makati! tanga sya! hindi ko na sya crush!

ah. me and my lazy ass. there are things more important to me than meeting people ( kahit friends ko) at makati. like staying home and staring at my laptop. to go to makati, one must a) from 6am to 4 pm, get a tricycle to get to the town. get on a shuttle and pay P45. get off at ayala ave, cross the street using the underpass to get to glorietta,greenbelt,etc. ,or b) from 4pm to 7pm, get a tricycle to go to town. get on a rouge shuttle and pay P15. get off at valley golf and pray that there will be other shuttles going to makati. pay P35 and get off at ayala ave, cross the street using the underpass to get to glorietta,greenbelt,etc., or c) from 5am to 9pm, get a tricycle to town. get on a shuttle, pay P40 and get off at the santolan station. get the train to gateway. walk to the mrt station and get off at the ayala station. walk towards SM to get to glorietta,greenbelt,etc. di ba ang complicated??? no way am i going to makati without the proper motivation.

phone call from claire. how'd she know that i'm still up? haha!

i decided that i won't join the exhibit this march. i don't want to rush paintings; i don't want them raw because it makes me feel really bad if they turn out that way. plus, it's gonna be far away from me. haha. and yeah hell am not gonna commute huge ass canvasses to manila. haha. seriously, i have so many things to do already and i'm scared i won't be happy with my works.

i still have to finish the images for cimc and i need to do the mural for the ptv office. good thing, samio agreed to do the mural with me.

hmm,after months of being told what to do, i think i am now uncreative. i need to catch up. i hate being lost during conversations.

i need to sleep. i want to sleep. no matter how lazy i am, i don't end up sleeping soundly when i should. dang. i need help.

sleepless

despite the meds i'm taking for my colds and cabooches the lumpy, i am still not high enough to just fall asleep as easy as that. it only frustrates me when i lie in bed and my mind keeps on working. how can i keep my mind blank? like totally block out everything. is there a secret? i envy those people who can fall asleep fast. i even got me sleepytime tea. but it didn't work. it worked for my cousin though. why can't i just sleep????

last night i remember thinking about the following:

bacon for the chicken
soy sauce for the chicken
when to get bacon and soy sauce for the chicken
what to do with the car
drinking wine while under medication
the pajama man
that i don't have enough buko juice
how to make carrot juice
disposing the huge stack of ropes at the back
when can i go to the bank
what did i do with my money
what to do with my money
etc
etc
etc...

and it happens everynight. i just want to stop thinking and go to sleep

vacation mode pa din

went out to get a facial ( after 100 years). i really hate that i am breaking out like a teenager. sucks. but tyrone was nice enough to let me use(again) his prepaid facial coupon. so he bought me a facial, and i bought him takuyaki balls na hindi nya nahanap ang sarap. fair enough. haha. walked around and got me a tin batgirl lunchbox. kinda queer but i like. had dinner and walked around a bit. stopped to get churros. now am home. should've bought the cream puff, too. tsk. i'm craving for something sweet. and instead of working, i'm blogging. ha!

just got an email from dubai. the 500RMB the boss gave me in china won't be adjusted from my salary. that was my christmas bonus. haha! $70 isn't at all bad. seriously,both my bosses have been really nice to me. i'm lucky. i missed and postponed a lot of things last month (the walls of hope project, a couple of parties, and the ptv mural thing,etc.), but i don't feel bad at all. i'm thankful for this. i think i can start my year right. and even if my salary's delayed (again!), i'm not gonna panic. haha!

i was hoping that the binging would stop this week. i am really excited to detox. but we scheduled dinner on friday night at raena and pow's new place in marikina. so ok, i'll start detox on the 11th and do it for 18 days. wish me luck.

but of course, i want to be in control. and i can do it.

tyrone and i were talking about resolutions. he said, he's not gonna be mean anymore, he'll just be a liar instead. hahah! ako, i told him, i am going to be in control. shempre, except sa health and love because you cannot control that. and he added, the stupidity ng people around you. told him, i'll be manipulative then. haha.

so after doing the detox, it's gonna be raw fooding for me. and yeah, am gonna give up everything cold turkey.

finally, i went over all the invitations and friend requests and photos in facebook. clicked on ignore and untag a gazillion times. haha! in reality, i don't want facebook. ketchup ketchup lang naman ang purpose ko. if i delete my facebook and my friendster, will i still exist? haha.

-----------------------

daldal.

i was thinking of the familiar cases of old old ladies who never got married. they usually would have the same story. waited for someone who never came back. i think it's tragically romantic. still, romantic.

ikaw pa rin

i don't really listen to pop music or opm for that matter. the only songs i would hear would be those playing in public transpo. i don't really know where i heard this song from, but i like aicelle santos' voice. her voice gives me the goose bumps. and this song keeps playing over and over in my mind. it feels sad.

the season to be

woke up with a heavy head. have no idea if i made the mojitos too strong or because i have a really nasty cold. so i stayed in bed and went in and out of sleep until i couldn't anymore. stared at the ceiling for a long time. it's really actually weird when you have to remind yourself everyday to stop hoping. it's a brand new year and it's time to move on. i took a deep breath and got my ass off the bed.

january one. in a few hours, another party was coming up and i had to get myself ready. not to "party" but to help in the kitchen. heated water for a bath and opened emails. got to get working again soon or else i'll be swamped. thought of what to spend money on, but wasn't at all interested in spending money...so mature. ha!

i do feel older everyday.

helped prepare and serve food at my aunt and uncle's anniversary party. 33 years. that's a long time. sweet.

i wish the eating and drinking would stop so i can detox again. i don't feel right anymore. maybe it's all in the mind. maybe it's because of my colds. or maybe it's because i can't get this stupid thing out of my mind...

new year's resolution: to take control of the things i can.

christmas na christmas...

nothing really negative about yesterday and today. except for the fact that i slept at 7AM and my laundrywoman knocked(loudly) on my door at 10.i was planning to sleep through the hottest part of the day, at least i won't be conscious of my sweat, and won't complain as much as i did last night. everyone last night was wearing jackets or something like that, but me, i was sweating like a piggy. however, of course, a fan trained directly at me isn't such a horrible thing, either.

i got up around 2PM yesterday. whatever happened between 3PM and 5PM was kinda, hmmm, unusual. mental note: thrill is fleeting, disappointments are disappointing. haha. so much for moving on. well, you can't say i never tried. i'm still in the same place where i started. it doesn't really matter, though. i'm tough as nails. ha!

christmas dinner at 7 stretched to noche buena. had a lotta kinda meat.haha: fall-off-the-bone ribs, chickenjoy(whee!),ham,ate anne's fried chicken(burnt outside, bloody inside hehe) and shrimp with coconut milk and pineapples.carbo overload ng mashed potatoes with gravy, lasagna, and 2 kinds of cake. nagtambling nga ako after everything. ang taas ng sugar ko. haha, that was definitely the prize after being stuck in china for 10 days.

had red wine and bacardi for our annual thing, and it was quite alright. i swear, i did drink a lot, but was still ok walking in a straight line at 6AM. ahhh, ang bahay alak ko, malapit ka nang matuyot. haha. of course i say that every year, like how i'm gonna quit everything when the new year comes. i really am gonna do it this time, just until i'm sure na cabooches the lumpy isn't cancer. anyway, it did feel like christmas.

finally.

back home. had a nice time in china, surprisingly. aside from the cold cold weather, overall it was actually enjoyable. had a lot of tsingtao and was treated to a foot massage and laughed my heart out watching the people dance na wala sa tono. shopping was amazing now that i can make tawad na but still got an expensive dress for myself, kasi it fits. haha. loved the street food even though it made my jackets smell like siomai. met pinoys. and the cake at o'mc carr is just delightful. and i got six of them to share with the people here.

the factory's 3rd floor caught fire sunday night. the offices weren't affected, but i'm still wondering what happened to the tibetan mastiffs at the rooftop. kawawa naman. so wala kaming pasok ng saturday till today. so i had a lot of time to make lamyerda sa changping town.

and now, i'm back. grabe, i missed cyrus so much. he looked happy din naman to see me kanina when i hugged him. and yeah, i melted sa airport pa lang. good thing antipolo's got a nice climate.

hmm...i got a message from totoy bato's partner sa business. he' s looking for me daw and needs something. he's asked for my number na naman, haller, tanga ba sya, we just spoke a few weeks ago. bobo ba sya? ayoko ng bobo. haha. hindi kasi ako nagroaming. oh well. we'll see, take a number, totoy bato, i'm too busy.

and now i realized that the deadliest combo is being hopeless but not desparate. no need to exhert any effort. lol. not praying for it anymore, but not asking for replacements either. steady lang.

want to shave my head, but the shape's not perfect. antok na ko, sleep na kami ni dalgo. hello, bed!

sa huling pagkakataon

ok.random stuff. just want to take this opportunity to blog kasi i won't have access for 10 effin days. so after writing down the last post, i have decided to stop waiting and wishing and just embrace being alone. the next morning, got a surprise pm from chato, one of the sweetest people i know from innerdance. haven't heard from chato for a long long time. she went to palawan and i didn't even know she was back!

chato: i dreamt about you!
me: really?
weh, can't remember the thing. haha. but she told me this:

i was living in mindoro, and there were a lot of mangyans. i live in a big old house. she saw me there with a hunky island guy. the guy is my boyfriend, and we were so in love. she could feel it. haha. actually, she said the guy is also a good friend of hers. didn't ask if it was just in the dream or in real life. hahaha!

i got her confused kasi i said, island guy, huh? she thought i was into girls. wahaha! darn pretty straight. so told her about the guy i'm in love with and how the night before i gave up on waiting. she told me that maybe it is the universe's way of telling me not to. sabi nya, hold the fort. damn, i'm really patient but if ayaw sa akin, may magagawa ba ko? hehe. sabi ko, sana she saw the future in her dream. if she did daw, then i owe her one. blame the universe. haha!

so i finished packing already. all i need to put pa in the bag are the stuff my pinay friend in china asked me to get. after zipping the bag, i started clearing some stuff off the work table. i should clear that up really so i can actually use it instead of the dining table. i also stuffed a cushion, and now i have a cow print pillow on my extra chair. watched anime. tapos i got paintings off the wall and hung the paintings from the storage. dalgo and iago are now on the wall.

i need a shelf, seriously. i wonder how much totoy bato would charge for one. ah, ayoko na din pala sya kausapin. i don't think it's even worth the effort. i'll get one at the thrift shop near here. hmm, but i want something that 's really low so i can sit on it. i need a carpenter. i need to make up my mind. lol. i wonder if dad would hate me if i throw away the couch. and the dining table. ah the dining table is a magic table. it would normally fit 6 people, but i've seen 10 eat here together.

may wishlist na ulit ako na pwede magkatotoo:
1. a wall clock
2. new big ass pillows
3. new mattresses, one queen sized, 2 double
4.a new ceiling
5.walking shoes
6.derek ramsay

i think dada can buy me the first 5. magkano kaya si derek ramsay. teka, magcoconsult ako sa magic date ball. magiging kami kaya ni derek ramsay? sagot: you can count on it! sabi ko na nga ba, island guy daw eh!!

whatever. so goodbye for now. will be back christmas.lungkot!

i give up. para akong decepticon, gusto ko na magretreat. ewan ko ba naman, pero bakit ba ang lakas ng fighting spirit ko. sana may malaking shell na lang ako sa likod ko para pwede ako maging hermit crab, dun na lang ako sa loob, di na ko lalabas.

ok, so i've made up my mind to become a tramp again. that means, i'm not going out tomorrow night, on wednesday night, and on thursday night, too. but i want to watch the 3D christmas carol movie on friday night after i get my visa so, i'll be on vacation from being a tramp.

when i grow up i want to take residence in a mountain in tibet, be pals with the dalai llama, and sometimes would want to shave off his fur to make jackets. dang, i don't want to do this anymore.

note to self: make carrot and pineapple juice already, stupid. you're gonna be growing another head if you don't solve this now.

---made carrot pineapple juice. damn. i don't want to be a rabbit in my next lifetime.

when i prayed for my life-changing thing, i was given a great job. not really what i want, but it so works for me. *secretly praying to be sent to the scotland office or in germany* i'm actually starting to be comfy.


although i was actually hoping for a totally different thing, i'm feeling that totally different thing is not coming. i don't mean in the near future, i mean, not at all. what to do, what to do? go on hunger strike until i save enough on food that i can actually buy what i want. ha! crazy f*ck.

i think the last days of this year will be gone really fast. i don't think i will even feel the holidays. i'm leaving on monday and will come back on the 23rd. no facebook again for 10 days! sabagay, masaya lang naman ang holidays if masaya kang tao. pero kung tramp ka, mag isa ka mag spend ng christmas. ay! jeje and lek will be here pala. kaming tatlo na lang daw ang mag noche buena.

i want chicken and mango sandwiches, mushroom soup, salad, brie, and red wine.

this is my fourth attempt to write a new entry. i have nothing much to say siguro. i absorbed a lot of negative energy since tuesday and am still trying to flush it out of my system. it's funny how people come to me talaga bearing stories of love, pain, anger, etc.

then someone asked me, what will you choose, maging masaya or maging tama? and of course, i answered with, ang maging tama.

mas maraming tao pa rin ang pipili ng, ang maging masaya. pero hindi ba, sa pagpili ng tama, ang pag iwan ng kasiyahan mo sa oras na ito, hindi nangangahulugan na mawawalan ka na din ng pag-asa? ang pag-asa na maging masaya at maging tama. sabay ha. at sa pagpili nga ng tama, mas binibigyan mo ang sarili mo ng mas marami pang pagkakataon na maging masaya.

pero baka naman isang airhead lang ako. baka hobby ko lang na patuloy na i-convince ang sarili ko na ganun mag work ang mundo.

sa mga taong pinanganak na may kataling kamalasan, siguro, hindi posible ang ganun.

pero sa huli, mas pipiliin ko ang maging tama pa rin. kung yun ang ikakasaya ng karamihan, kahit hindi na ng sa akin, yun pa rin ang pipiliin ko.

twilight chapter 2 (bella gets her period)

due to insistent public demand,eto na. (sa facebook, hindi dito, gusto ko lang post)

chapter 2

once upon a time, bella is a girl. girls get their monthly periods. ergo, bella gets monthly periods. bella got hers for the month. bella goes out to buy tampons. bella buys tampons with cardboard applicators. you can buy these also in rustan's supermarkets. anyway, bella is excited. it is edward's birthday. edward is a vampire. he is a vegetarian vampire.

bella giftwraps her used tampons. she will give them to edward. she says to herself, "edward will be happy. edward is a vampire. he likes blood. i will give him blood. he will like it. he will laugh, ' ha ha ha'."

bella walks over to edward's house. she hands him her gift. edward opens the gift. edward says," i do not like tampons. i do not like stale blood. i like pulsating vegetables like mountain lions and elks."

bella has a pulsating petchay.

the end

christmas wishing

i got an early christmas gift for myself. a purple dell laptop. i named her petunia, it fits, and i am really happy to have her in my life right now. i'd like to thank tyrone for helping me get her, even though i have to pay for her for 12 months. thanks also to leandro for explaining and helping me understand what specs i need even if i keep telling him every night that he's gonna end up with me anyway since i'm the first girl in his life and the first girl he's ever loved, ako din un last. haha. salbahe.

hmmm, i still have a wish list, though. it's not really long but most of the things are still rather impossible. but what the heck, i'll keep wishing.

10. long hair

9. perfect skin

8. free bikram yoga classes and free rides to the studio

7. a juicer

6. a washing machine and dryer

5. a salary increase

4. a new and high-paying job for mum

3. happiness for eten and ali

2. hair for dad

1.

number one is still what i have been secretly wishing for since december 2006. i don't know if i should keep this in my wish list, but i have a lot of patience. i don't even know if it's right to be still wishing for this. but that's what my heart wants.

smsing

so i finally did. if chrisselle didn't raise her arms up and sorta screamed at me to do it already, i wouldn't have done it. but yeah, after a few weeks of hesitating and then a week of not wanting to actually do it anymore, and after the prodding of all the girls and boys around, i did it.

and i got a phone call. we will meet up soon.

cancer and arthritis

i've been promising everyone that i'll go see a doctor since last year. lol. ok, so i've been hearing stories of how a lot of people have been dying of ehmmm lymphoma. tama ba? cancer sa lymph nodes or whatever. f*ck the lumps at the base of my neck just stopped hurting after more than a week. it's like it hurts a lot everytime i get a cold or something. claire, one drunken night, tried to feel my neck if there are other lumps. she found 3 small ones. i don't know if they really exist since she was really wasted that night.

thing is, i just don't wanna spend on doctors and shit. well, i want to go to a naturopathologist instead but i keep on spending my money somewhere else. maybe carrot and pineapple juice will be enough since i'm guessing that will be first if they give me a diet list.

and yeah, i have pain again on my left wrist.

ah, getting old. not a pretty sight.

when i was starting this blog, i said something like this guy can't fall in love with me since i had this feeling that i'll die of cancer at 40. well, everyone will die of cancer eventually. i wonder if i'll reach 40. morbid ba? kaya lang, i don't wanna hit the bucket when i'm already ugly. gusto ko glamorosa, parang artista. ayoko ng cancer, ayoko maging hit and run victim, ayoko masagasaan ng train, at lumipad galing sa roller coaster. gusto ko maganda pa din ako, nasa bed tapos may fur.

hay nako, ok ok i'll go see a doctor. dang, i hate needles.

galing sa facebook ko: why i love the book "twilight"

i apologize for dissing people who love the twilight series of books. i was actually surprised when i chanced upon a copy of the first book. stephenie meyer is truly an amazing writer. her writing style reminded me of ernest hemingway. i can totally understand why many people are hooked. the book was written with such passion and is indeed compelling. here are excerpts from the first chapter that truly caught my attention. i hope you enjoy reading.

twilight

chapter one

introduction

once upon a time, bella is a girl. edward is a vampire. edward can smell bella's blood. bella's blood is delicious. edward does not drink human blood. edward is a vegetarian. edward likes the blood of mountain lions and elks. mountain lions and elks are vegetables. they are pulsating vegetables.

edward buys glitter lotion from the body shop. his favorite flavor is vanilla spice. edward is gay. bella is a fag hag. edward wears too much face powder. bella needs to throw up all the time.

vampires do not have blood. they are dead. they cannot have an erection. you cannot rigor mortis down there when you are dead. this story is sick. they are promoting necrophilia.

chapter two

bella gets her period

(coming soon)

ganda di ba. if you want me to post excerpts from chapter two, just message me.

lost it

hmm. i lost it. i was normal na(or so i thought) before i left for china last month. been up, then up again,tapos steady lang, then konting up, tapos down, tapos down pa ulit. lost the excitement for the chance to move on. losing some hope now. and am about to lose my mind na ata.

earlier today, i felt the need to cry. and after crying, i realized that i am so patient after all. yeah, of course, i have my own drama time alone because me being quiet and sad alarms the whole neighborhood. i don't know if i actually feel sad. i'm actually very disappointed. maybe i just keep setting very high expectations. errr, nah, they're not even high.

and of course my brain would always tell me that, there is a reason for whatever's causing my disappointment. and then i suck in all my tears again and try to wait again. ever so patiently.

a good friend once told me to come face to face with my dilemma. she told me that if i don't do it, we'll still be talking about this 10 years from now. but i don't think that will work in this kind of situation i'm in.

ha.

swedish meatball is crashing with me. flew all the way from turkey from his job to be with his girlfriend. ah, no, definitely not me. eeeew. ok, he quit his job to be with this girl he is totally head over heels for and he comes and girly gives him a lotta drama before they actually became a couple. the day after they finally become a real couple, i asked him if he already had plans after they established their relationship status. and he said no, he doesn't have any plans. ( i am secretly wishing he finds his own apartment already. it's not that i wanna throw him out, but he ate all the cereals again.haha)

errr, yeah, so after asking him about plans, i was kinda disturbed about his situation. i mean, i'd never ask a guy to come home to me. when i said i would relocate without any questions, i was thinking more of not wanting the guy to stop his life for me. kasi di ba, lalake ang magdadala ng pamilya kaya dapat maayos lagi ang state nya. or something like that( being stuck in front of the laptop for more than 12 hours a day doesnt help my vocabulary). oh well.

whatever. but i think girly should be the one taking care of him and not his girl friends, no? kawawa naman.

ayan. i feel sick. sucks pa na i can't work ng matino kasi of laptop problems. i just wanna stop thinking about silly things. because these silly things won't let me move on and get on with my life. as if there are so much to look forward to. ehmm...more disappointments?

nah,i'm not depressing. i don't know what i feel. it's like being hungry but not wanting to eat because you don't have any cravings. i wonder how "hollow" can be described.

i'm going back to china next month. yeah, work na lang myself to death. i guess that's all i can do.

goodbye, bed

going to china today. argh, instead of starting to work out this week, i feel like i am procrastinating again. so i'll just walk around dong tien li yuan every afternoon for 2 weeks to avoid the guilty feelings i will start having if i don't exercise. since i won't have anything better to do there(no blogging and no facebook), i'll try not to have any excuses anymore.

i'll miss my friends and most especially, my bed.

and when i get back, i will try to do something different. gah, only if i get the guts to. haha.

mabatong kinabukasan

ahhh...i'm feeling better now. thanks to the weather change.

so sad about the devastation brought by the typhoon but i feel worse about the fact that this showed us that most of our countrymen clearly has to no respect for our earth. the floods revealed how filthy we are and honestly, i feel that it is also us that brought about this unfortunate situation.

now that the flood waters unearthed the filth, i hope that we become more conscious about our responsibility as citizens of this planet.

but the strong winds cleaned up the air and that is a blessing.

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it's been a few weeks already that i've been trying to clean up the house. a lot of unnecessary things have accumulated and i think that this is the reason i have too much negative energy around. so far, we've fixed the roof and some of the walls, garage floors have been scrubbed, trash taken out, and junk have been sorted. so what can i do to dispose old dvds that don't work anymore? sa tv kasi napapanood ko na sinusunog lang ni edu manzano at ni bong revilla. my friend mark said we can make costumes for halloween. giant disco balls daw kami. haha. seriously, i'd like to know.

-------------

there's this guy i like. well, i don't think i really "like" him because i don't really know him. haha. he's lanky.haha. about 6 feet. and he's got a really strong jaw(drool), and he's kinda tisoy. just my type. LOL. crushing lang ako. itago na lang natin sya sa pangalang totoy bato.

saw him at a gathering once but we never were introduced. saw him again at this party and he came over to say hi. he's also an artist but he's into functional art. he works with wood. yuk. obvious na. hahaha! buti na lang wala kaming common friends na nagbabasa ng blog ko kundi buking na naman ako. we had small talk, well, a lot of it, during the party. there was this awkward time pa nga, kasi i was sitting on a very low chair and he came over ulit, medyo weird pala when you talk to the crotch of a really tall guy. hahaha! shempre i stood up kasi sabi ko sa kanya i can hardly hear him from down there. he got my number and medyo business-y naman un mga messages nya kasi he thought we can do business together. hayyyy, i'm willing to learn a new craft para sa kanya. ahahaha! pathetic!

anyway, the other day, he was at a party with a common friend. and he knows pala na i actually exist. he even knows daw na i went to his workshop but he wasn't there(i was dragged by some friends kahit ayoko!!!*with kikay voice and kilig*). according to my friend, he is looking daw for a girlfriend, early 30's and responsible. hallllleeerrr!!!pasok ako sa requirements! ahahaha! at itong friend ko naman, vinolunteer ako(anu beh!!!!*with kikay voice and kilig ulit*). pero ang perfect dun, he wants time daw to try lang, like for a year. kasi he doesn't really know what to do yet..haha, pangarap ko kasi, ganun, parang hanging out lang. perfect. papadala ko na resume ko at artist profile ko. mejo my friend was surprised when she found out that totoy bato is only 26. exactly my type! LOL.

so kaya pala, whenever i say " i don't like men", claire agrees. kasi daw i like boys. haha! but dati, a long time ago, i promised myself na hindi ako magkaka crush from their clan, kasi i've been to his niece's party dati, at ako nag pinaka dark ang skin! i stand out. haha. and the kids pa call me "face painting lady" hahaha.

mabato talaga to. walang future. cute cute nya, sarap ipag drive pag lasing sya.

going back to china on monday. sana umulan ng pera so i can finish the house repairs. at sana mag text na sya ulit. ahaha!

huwaw, labo...

been reading old entries. grabe. was insanely whiney pala, lalo na nung 2008. well, if i can go back, i'd write about love and world peace and taking care of trees. haha. well, to survive this cruel cruel world, i have to rant here. spares everyone from listening. i take everything back.

not for reading

i think i have to write down this one. this is kind of too soon, but i have to process it this way. i am not the type of person who asks for advice and shit, but i do rant a lot. but this is something difficult for me to verbalize, even to my closest friends. they usually would give far out pieces of advice, and even though they have the purest of intentions, it simply doesn't add up. after this entry, i hope i can focus again.

i was almost level-headed. i've been praying, struggling, and working on some private matters(well, they're not really private as i have blogged about it a gazillion times). i was hit by the big 3-O on a most normal day. i quietly celebrated with my family since most of my friends were unavailable that day. of course i had a lovely time with my pamangkins and cousins. i was stable.

the week after that(my birthday was on a friday), i found myself floating again. do you know how it feels to be both happy and scared at the same time? i wasn't confused, i had already established the position where i am supposed to stand. of all the things i am asking for, i know this is the prayer that will not be answered. and i have accepted it. i was doing well already.

i cannot imagine how only one person can turn my world around, inspire me, make me breath, and break me apart. i knew where it was headed for, but still, i dove in. while i was there, i was already expecting the end, yet, i kept praying for more. it was like setting myself up in a trap; i know i had no where to go. i was telling myself, if this is part of the process, it surely is confusing. confusing because i didn't know how it fit in the equation. was i to do more than just accept things? do i have to walk away from it, too? say out loud that enough is enough? i didn't want to think that fate was that severe, and i was afraid that bitterness will find its way in.

last saturday's storm brought a wall of rain and darkness was once again my friend. it was like as if they sky was crying with me. i was feeling the weakening of the ties that i thought would at least last a little longer. i was in agony, but i was hoping it would stay.

it died a natural death. it already did once, a long time ago. and it went again the same way. a lot of questions are stuck in my mind. how can someone run away from love when it's being offered without any conditions? are emotional and spiritual connections even real? did we ever exist? were we ever true? i came to the point where i asked for a sign. funny that the sign i was given caused me to think again. am i asking for the right one? i looked for the logic and found some and laughed to myself. i just want to figure out how i am supposed to do this. it may take me a few more weeks, maybe months, but i know i will figure this out.

i am over the fact that my prayer will not be answered. i have accepted, maybe even embraced it. but one thing remains constant. i love.

a whole lotta stuff and sh*t

wow, september really is one hella month. we got birthdays, traffic violations, and typhoons; name it, september's gotta have it.

i don't remember much from early september as i was half asleep, half awake most of that time. i remember going to tagaytay with mumai, though. just cleaned most parts of karen's house and bagheera, the outside cat, gave birth.

i remember going to the LTO 2 days before my birthday to get my license renewed. got there around 1:30pm and the line was already LONG. but the medical exam and drug test went quickly. amazing! i failed the drug test. negative? haha. went back to the LONG line and was able to get my photo taken. BUT. i was informed that i had to go to the MMDA office because i have a traffic violation, all the way from 2005.
**dream sequence**
got out of the office around 5am and was on my way home with blythe. it was around 5:30am, no cars along EDSA, driving fast OUTSIDE the bus lane. about 300 meters away from the crossing where the road will fork, i prepared to go to the outer lane. an old van cuts me from my right. i cursed loudly, and was about 200 meters away from the fork when i switched lanes. damn the mmda guy flags me to stop. guess what? SWERVING daw. POTRES. dalawa lang kaming sasakyan sa EDSA, di nya ba nakita ung nangyari???mababangga daw ako. i said, kaya nga na-delay ang pag switch ko ng lanes kasi muntik na ko banggain nung nag-cut sa akin. it was almost time for breakfast. didnt have money to give to the guy, asked for a ticket. i remember laughing and crying at the same time because of frustration. i was too tired to get angry. he gave me a ticket for DRIVING IN THE BUS LANE para cheaper ang fine. salamat ha. yeah, wasnt able to pay that since i wasnt able to ask anyone to go to the bank for me and i was deep in sleep during bank hours those days.
**tapos na**

so the next day, i went to guadalupe to pay for the 200 peso ticket. got there a little after lunch time. i was wearing comfy clothes: slacks, shirt,and slippers. ah. BAWAL ANG SHORTS.BAWAL ANG SANDO. BAWAL ANG SINYELAS. had to buy a pair of socks for 30 pesos. ayun. i spent like 2 or 3 hours there. wasnt really bad, but was really annoyed at watching grown men being told to sit down while waiting for their turn 5 times! i wonder, how difficult is it to wait while sitting down? i had no problems doing that. i think i even fell asleep while waiting.

friday came. i turned 30 and went to the bank to get some cash for my license. i only had a little, and i still had to buy some stuff for dinner with the kids. was so proud of myself for riding a jeep to the bank. it was really freaky hot that morning. and no fx was passing the bank that day. i got onto another jeep to go to the LTO(which i looked forward to, since it is in a mall, and there is AC there) halfway there, the jeep's engine overheated or something. haha. malas. ok lang since it was still early. i got off and got in another one. i got to the mall around 12:15. decided to get lunch. since i was on a tight budget, i decided to eat at chow king.

so i had my birthday lunch at chowking. ate kangkong with bagoong and lumpiang shanghai. how lonely.

went to the LTO before it opened. it was like 12:45. by 12:50, a huge crowd had already formed. at 12:55, the guy inside posted a sign that said the card machine is broken and will be giving out temp licenses only. i started to rant at camille who called me to greet me. i got to the verification window without bruises and scratches. went to sit, and realized that i already had my picture taken so that means my card was probably ready after all. and it was. sweet.

went to get chicken and other stuff. was in the grocery for a long time because i had to stay inside my budget. it took me a long time to compute prices and put back stuff in the shelves. LOL. and when i got out of the building, the sky was falling. ah, my birthday will never be complete without the rain.

haha. every one loved dinner. my fruit-stuffed roast chicken was a hit.

ah ang haba. and it's just the sh*t part pa lang. ahahahha.

cleaning up and inspiring

hello again. i'm done for the day with work and it's still early so i guess i have a lot of time to blog. LOL.

last month, before i went to china, i considered doing the master cleanse detox. it's something you do for at least 10 days to clean up. for losing weight, cleaning up your bodies of toxins, and to jumpstart a new lifestyle. i had told lelets about it and she was hesitant. i decided to do it anyway. i told my mum about it and emailed to her the articles i found about it.

the master cleanse is at least 10 days of lemonade. here's the recipe for one pint of the mix:
-juice from one lemon
-3 tbsp pure maple syrup(organic is the best, don't use flavored syrups. we cut down to 1 1/2 for our mix since we were targeting weight loss)
-1/8 tsp cayenne pepper
-the rest of the pint is non-chlorinated water
you get to drink 4 to 6 pints a day. but there's also the herbal laxatives at night and the salt water flush in the mornings.

mum did it ahead of me. i spoke to her on her 7th day and she was doing okay. it was also right on time because her work license expired and was home most of the time. mum lost 10 pounds and ten said she looks younger. surprisingly, lelets also agreed to do it before she leaves for europe. so we started august 25. we were sorta scared pa nga kasi the maple syrup is really expensive. but i was determined to do it and was focused on keeping a strong stand to motivate lelets. it was lelets' first time to do fasting; i did apple juice fasting a couple of times this year already.

it was kind difficult for me during the fast kasi a lot happened during those 10 days.

2nd day, party at manoli's for the launch of epy quizon's website, http://www.bananacueproject.com. there were bbq and beer and i had my lemonade. manoli was even offering me vodka for my juice. LOL. but i was stronger than that. hahah.seriously, it was funny because i stayed in the den and the bbq plate was right in front of me. danced to lovely music with kat. it was the first time, i think, that i didn't go home drunk from manoli's place. haha.

4th day was when i lost my phone. imagine, sitting in front of carlo and martin in chowking while they ate the lauriat plates. hahaha.

5th day, a saturday, i was again at manoli's for epy's daughter, misha's, party. i went there to paint faces. i stayed there only to do four faces, the kids weren't really interested in it. they were just having a lot of fun running around the garden. there was this cute kid, elias. he wanted me to make him into a fierce dragon. he was so happy with his face and showed off by hanging upside down on the monkey bars. he wasn't fierce; he kept on hugging me and sat on my lap and made me hug him. sooooo cute. i loved his brown curly hair. haha. when they started to bring out the food, i excused myself to go to another party. kids' party pa din. it was also my niece chloe's party. i got to gateway almost an hour and a half after the party started. and they were just starting to eat. ahhh...of course by that time i had no cravings for food. painted my pamangkins' faces and hugged a lot.

after that, the kids asked me if we can go to eastwood. i was running out of juice and had to settle for water. haha. so there with my truckload of pamangkins, we went. ayan, we stopped over at red mango. argh!! i love red mango's frozen yogurt, shempre ang galing ko, didn't have any.

it was also on the 5th day that joy's dad passed away. drove to the memorial chapels on day 6 and day 7. nainggit pa ko kay joy kasi she ate tokwa with tausi. leche.

10th day was another party at greenbelt 5. tinay invited me to bleach catastrophe. they had a launch party for cecille van straten's line in their store. argh. cibo and red wine. i just enjoyed watching samio and tope run around drunk and enjoyed more listening to samio speak in english. excused myself early and went home. happy that i overcame. haha

the 11th day is just orange juice day. and that was a really toxic day for me and lets. we had to go to galeria at 5 am to meet with someone. and got on a cab to get paper all the way to QC, and then to the printers in katips to drop of the files for bim and gen's invites. weird pa nga ang transition ko from the 10th to the 11th day kasi we didnt actually sleep.

anyway. i did cheat twice. i had 2 bananas during the thing. i was getting cramps and i think i needed potassium. anyhoo, i lost about 8 pounds. and my face looks thin. haha. lets lost a lot din.after that, ten did it and lost 10 pounds. my cousin,grace, did it, and lost 8 pounds. joy and kcue are doing it now. i bet they'll lose a lot.

the best part is the inspiring othere people to do it part. i can't eat processed food now. and rice is very hard for me to digest. i still eat cake, but not like before when i can finish one whole of a mini coffee crunch cake. lol.

now i need to exercise. i hope i can do yoga. but for now, i think i'll just walk around. will walk around legaspi over the weekend.

dork daw ako

so, it's been a long time and i have got a lot of stories to tell.

the story of the traveling cellphone

so eten got me a new phone. it's a chocolate nokia 6300. complete with plastic on the lcd. it was a month old when lelets asked me to go to the bank and to sm with her. so ok,i got dressed and put the phone in my right pocket. when i got in the car(sat on the backseat), she told me that we'll just go to the bank but we had to take her mom to a church somewhere in antips.

moved to the front seat after tita got out. we were going to pnb pala, which was a good thing kasi i had to go to NBS for some face paint. lelets went to get money and i went in the store na.when we got back to the car, i reached for my phone, which wasn't in my pocket. i looked for it in my bag, and it wasn't there. i actually even forgot if i did bring my phone with me. and i was like, uhm, mustve left it on the dining table.

we had to go to another bank and since the line was long in bpi, lets asked if she can go home muna to use the bathroom. i asked her to peek in my window to check if my phone was home. she got back after 30 minutes and told me that she didn't see anything. so we went back home. i checked the table, the bed, the other tables, hala, my phone wasnt anywhere to be found. told lets about it.

lelets felt a little guilty ata and said we should retrace our steps. haha, and for more drama, it started to rain, hard. went back to the church, asked around, no one came to turn in the phone(super busy nung place kasi they were selling cheap rice that day). i was feeling ok naman, trying to be calm about it. lets told me that i should try calling the phone. so i did, and my calls went through but no one was answering my hellos, all i could hear was music. i started feeling sore...i still count on the goodness of people, you know. this went on for like 4 times. sent messages like, i'll give back a reward and shit like that. pati sa nbs,wala yung phone. argh. it hurt ah.

lets dropped me off na and i told her na we should just go to sm so i can get a new battery and housing for my old phone. i felt sad na that time. kasi yung crush ko was texting. ahahah! joke lang yun. that was around 5pm.

around 6:30,lets called me up on the landline. may nag text daw sa kanya:"hawak ko cp mo,puntahan mo dito sa brgy looc, cardona rizal". katakot,parang kidnappers!cardona is like 3 towns away from antipolo,and you have to travel the zigzag downhill, nakakatakot,ang dilim,parang horror movie! we called up a guy friend to drive for us(kawawa walang car) and asked another guy friend to accompany us. so nag road trip kami.

we met with this guy, ingkit(kasi isang mata lang nya ung singkit), in morong. he told us what happened. a relative nila, the hometown alcoholic/praning found the phone daw. he went home to his bayaw(father in law ba un?), and asked the old man how to turn the phone off. when ingkit asked him what that was, the guy turned around and went out, got into a tricycle. he followed him daw on his own trike. he notified na daw the brgy tanod to intercept. so it was the tanod who had the phone that time na. kaya pala we needed to go to cardona kasi we need to make a report pa in the brgy hall para maayos ang turn over. so ok,they led us to the place.

ang maganda jan, para kaming celebrities. ang daming fans when we got there. ang dami daw kasing chismoso at chismosa dun. yung iba, mga may kaso, siguro kasi mahilig sa mga away at rambulan ang mga tao dun.LOL. at ang tanod,si mang lets(he was like happy na magkatukayo sila ni lelets hahahaha) told the story again. version nya. super tanod! sya ang bida. ininterview pa ko, para malaman kung ako talaga un owner ng phone.
unang tanong, kanino ang unang number: si aaamikkeliaaa po.
TAMA!
sino ang huling number: si zoomie po.
TAMA! anong kulay: brown po na may brief na leather na brown din.
TAMA ULIT!
at ako ay nagwagi ng isang nokia 6300 sa halagang P1000 plus P100 kasi nagpaload pa si mang lets para makareply sa mga messages namin. palakpakan!!! maraming salamat po!

inside the brgy captain's office, the mediator started interviewing me again as mang lets started writing on the log book. pati serial number nilagay pa nya.
mang lets: ano ang buong pangalan mo?
me: abba gayle mendoza po.
ML:spelling?
me: a-b-b-a..
ML: a-b-b-a
me:g-a-y-l-e
ML: j-e-y-l-e
me:G at A po...
ML: j...e...
at ngayon ako na si abba jeyle mendoza.

got my phone and a new name. lelets in turn got good mornings from ingkit.
as for the brgy tanod, he tried borrowing money from us. haller. mga hamak na mga empleyado lang po kami at ang kinikita po namin ay sapat lang po sa pangangailangan namin at ng pamilya namin.

still, i do believe that people are basically good even if they can have vested interests. same banana.

more to come...

miss adventures

finally home and happy. well, i've been here since the 22nd and i haven't had the strength to blog. but yeah, i have a lotta time to waste today so i decided to drop by here.

was in china again for 11 days. 10th to the 21st. i was feeling happy about it when i left the philippines but got really homesick when i couldn't access facebook. gah! they blocked it! and i was alone. dimple didn't show up. wanted to go back on the 3rd day. was feeling like hell; never experienced boredom like that. it's just not for me not to be able to talk with anyone. no one can talk to lisa in the office and i didn't really have nothing much to talk about with jack. and john can't speak much english.

finally boss daddy came on my 4th day and we went to han zhou and ning bo on the 5th at least i was busy and had lisa with me in the hotel. we went to the hotel restaurant for dinner and they had these chilled fake food you can choose from. ning bo has a fishing port and they're supposed to be popular for their seafood. so the resto had tanks of fish and shrimps and crabs and lobsters. man, i ran away from the tank with frogs! i mean, i can eat frogs but only when they don't have skin on. and they're warm and cooked. haha. but i can't stand the sight of them. wahaha.

got back to dong guan on my the 6th day and met this guy. huge guy. played soccer for the shang hai team and is moving to the HK team, i don't know really. he's black, by the way. it was sweet. haha. but short. and no, i don't believe in "once you go black, you won't go back". and yeah, it was my china fling. LOL. it was like "isang linggong pag ibig" but you have to do it with more beats and rap it.

got a nasty cold on my 9th day. thought it was the swine flu. really really bad. no kissing daw. haha. i hated the weather there.couldn't bring myself to go to work on the 10th day so i stayed in the hotel. weh. basta. nag away pa kami ni soccer guy the next day kasi ang insensitive ko. ahaha. errrr, i know i am bitchy.

got cheesecake for everyone the day i was gonna leave. amazing, i saw tinay and kuya arnel at the guang zhou airport. ayus. and that's it, i think.

bow.
breakfast at ning bo. i love how they prepare eggs in china.
the government wants you to like KFC!
the pussy shell. isn't that right?

dalgo in ning bo

sleep all day

if vampires were real, i would be one. slept as soon as the sun appeared and woke up when it disappeared. if i were a vampire, i'll probably have nicer skin, too.

will be leaving on monday for china. was expecting a wednesday flight, but the travel agent booked me for monday without consulting dimple. so i'll be alone till the the 14th. my boss won't arrive till the 13th,too. eeeep. but what i dread is monday morning when i have to wake up early to go the bank to see if i can get my money, then rush to QC for my passport, go back to marikina to meet with lets who'll take me to the airport. that was what i was trying to avoid, but thanks to my amazing travel agent, she just made my life harder up a notch.

so goodluck to the vampire who can't stand daylight.

won't be able to blog for 11 days. china's got this holy firewall you can't mess with.