goodbye, bed

going to china today. argh, instead of starting to work out this week, i feel like i am procrastinating again. so i'll just walk around dong tien li yuan every afternoon for 2 weeks to avoid the guilty feelings i will start having if i don't exercise. since i won't have anything better to do there(no blogging and no facebook), i'll try not to have any excuses anymore.

i'll miss my friends and most especially, my bed.

and when i get back, i will try to do something different. gah, only if i get the guts to. haha.

mabatong kinabukasan

ahhh...i'm feeling better now. thanks to the weather change.

so sad about the devastation brought by the typhoon but i feel worse about the fact that this showed us that most of our countrymen clearly has to no respect for our earth. the floods revealed how filthy we are and honestly, i feel that it is also us that brought about this unfortunate situation.

now that the flood waters unearthed the filth, i hope that we become more conscious about our responsibility as citizens of this planet.

but the strong winds cleaned up the air and that is a blessing.

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it's been a few weeks already that i've been trying to clean up the house. a lot of unnecessary things have accumulated and i think that this is the reason i have too much negative energy around. so far, we've fixed the roof and some of the walls, garage floors have been scrubbed, trash taken out, and junk have been sorted. so what can i do to dispose old dvds that don't work anymore? sa tv kasi napapanood ko na sinusunog lang ni edu manzano at ni bong revilla. my friend mark said we can make costumes for halloween. giant disco balls daw kami. haha. seriously, i'd like to know.

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there's this guy i like. well, i don't think i really "like" him because i don't really know him. haha. he's lanky.haha. about 6 feet. and he's got a really strong jaw(drool), and he's kinda tisoy. just my type. LOL. crushing lang ako. itago na lang natin sya sa pangalang totoy bato.

saw him at a gathering once but we never were introduced. saw him again at this party and he came over to say hi. he's also an artist but he's into functional art. he works with wood. yuk. obvious na. hahaha! buti na lang wala kaming common friends na nagbabasa ng blog ko kundi buking na naman ako. we had small talk, well, a lot of it, during the party. there was this awkward time pa nga, kasi i was sitting on a very low chair and he came over ulit, medyo weird pala when you talk to the crotch of a really tall guy. hahaha! shempre i stood up kasi sabi ko sa kanya i can hardly hear him from down there. he got my number and medyo business-y naman un mga messages nya kasi he thought we can do business together. hayyyy, i'm willing to learn a new craft para sa kanya. ahahaha! pathetic!

anyway, the other day, he was at a party with a common friend. and he knows pala na i actually exist. he even knows daw na i went to his workshop but he wasn't there(i was dragged by some friends kahit ayoko!!!*with kikay voice and kilig*). according to my friend, he is looking daw for a girlfriend, early 30's and responsible. hallllleeerrr!!!pasok ako sa requirements! ahahaha! at itong friend ko naman, vinolunteer ako(anu beh!!!!*with kikay voice and kilig ulit*). pero ang perfect dun, he wants time daw to try lang, like for a year. kasi he doesn't really know what to do yet..haha, pangarap ko kasi, ganun, parang hanging out lang. perfect. papadala ko na resume ko at artist profile ko. mejo my friend was surprised when she found out that totoy bato is only 26. exactly my type! LOL.

so kaya pala, whenever i say " i don't like men", claire agrees. kasi daw i like boys. haha! but dati, a long time ago, i promised myself na hindi ako magkaka crush from their clan, kasi i've been to his niece's party dati, at ako nag pinaka dark ang skin! i stand out. haha. and the kids pa call me "face painting lady" hahaha.

mabato talaga to. walang future. cute cute nya, sarap ipag drive pag lasing sya.

going back to china on monday. sana umulan ng pera so i can finish the house repairs. at sana mag text na sya ulit. ahaha!

huwaw, labo...

been reading old entries. grabe. was insanely whiney pala, lalo na nung 2008. well, if i can go back, i'd write about love and world peace and taking care of trees. haha. well, to survive this cruel cruel world, i have to rant here. spares everyone from listening. i take everything back.

not for reading

i think i have to write down this one. this is kind of too soon, but i have to process it this way. i am not the type of person who asks for advice and shit, but i do rant a lot. but this is something difficult for me to verbalize, even to my closest friends. they usually would give far out pieces of advice, and even though they have the purest of intentions, it simply doesn't add up. after this entry, i hope i can focus again.

i was almost level-headed. i've been praying, struggling, and working on some private matters(well, they're not really private as i have blogged about it a gazillion times). i was hit by the big 3-O on a most normal day. i quietly celebrated with my family since most of my friends were unavailable that day. of course i had a lovely time with my pamangkins and cousins. i was stable.

the week after that(my birthday was on a friday), i found myself floating again. do you know how it feels to be both happy and scared at the same time? i wasn't confused, i had already established the position where i am supposed to stand. of all the things i am asking for, i know this is the prayer that will not be answered. and i have accepted it. i was doing well already.

i cannot imagine how only one person can turn my world around, inspire me, make me breath, and break me apart. i knew where it was headed for, but still, i dove in. while i was there, i was already expecting the end, yet, i kept praying for more. it was like setting myself up in a trap; i know i had no where to go. i was telling myself, if this is part of the process, it surely is confusing. confusing because i didn't know how it fit in the equation. was i to do more than just accept things? do i have to walk away from it, too? say out loud that enough is enough? i didn't want to think that fate was that severe, and i was afraid that bitterness will find its way in.

last saturday's storm brought a wall of rain and darkness was once again my friend. it was like as if they sky was crying with me. i was feeling the weakening of the ties that i thought would at least last a little longer. i was in agony, but i was hoping it would stay.

it died a natural death. it already did once, a long time ago. and it went again the same way. a lot of questions are stuck in my mind. how can someone run away from love when it's being offered without any conditions? are emotional and spiritual connections even real? did we ever exist? were we ever true? i came to the point where i asked for a sign. funny that the sign i was given caused me to think again. am i asking for the right one? i looked for the logic and found some and laughed to myself. i just want to figure out how i am supposed to do this. it may take me a few more weeks, maybe months, but i know i will figure this out.

i am over the fact that my prayer will not be answered. i have accepted, maybe even embraced it. but one thing remains constant. i love.

a whole lotta stuff and sh*t

wow, september really is one hella month. we got birthdays, traffic violations, and typhoons; name it, september's gotta have it.

i don't remember much from early september as i was half asleep, half awake most of that time. i remember going to tagaytay with mumai, though. just cleaned most parts of karen's house and bagheera, the outside cat, gave birth.

i remember going to the LTO 2 days before my birthday to get my license renewed. got there around 1:30pm and the line was already LONG. but the medical exam and drug test went quickly. amazing! i failed the drug test. negative? haha. went back to the LONG line and was able to get my photo taken. BUT. i was informed that i had to go to the MMDA office because i have a traffic violation, all the way from 2005.
**dream sequence**
got out of the office around 5am and was on my way home with blythe. it was around 5:30am, no cars along EDSA, driving fast OUTSIDE the bus lane. about 300 meters away from the crossing where the road will fork, i prepared to go to the outer lane. an old van cuts me from my right. i cursed loudly, and was about 200 meters away from the fork when i switched lanes. damn the mmda guy flags me to stop. guess what? SWERVING daw. POTRES. dalawa lang kaming sasakyan sa EDSA, di nya ba nakita ung nangyari???mababangga daw ako. i said, kaya nga na-delay ang pag switch ko ng lanes kasi muntik na ko banggain nung nag-cut sa akin. it was almost time for breakfast. didnt have money to give to the guy, asked for a ticket. i remember laughing and crying at the same time because of frustration. i was too tired to get angry. he gave me a ticket for DRIVING IN THE BUS LANE para cheaper ang fine. salamat ha. yeah, wasnt able to pay that since i wasnt able to ask anyone to go to the bank for me and i was deep in sleep during bank hours those days.
**tapos na**

so the next day, i went to guadalupe to pay for the 200 peso ticket. got there a little after lunch time. i was wearing comfy clothes: slacks, shirt,and slippers. ah. BAWAL ANG SHORTS.BAWAL ANG SANDO. BAWAL ANG SINYELAS. had to buy a pair of socks for 30 pesos. ayun. i spent like 2 or 3 hours there. wasnt really bad, but was really annoyed at watching grown men being told to sit down while waiting for their turn 5 times! i wonder, how difficult is it to wait while sitting down? i had no problems doing that. i think i even fell asleep while waiting.

friday came. i turned 30 and went to the bank to get some cash for my license. i only had a little, and i still had to buy some stuff for dinner with the kids. was so proud of myself for riding a jeep to the bank. it was really freaky hot that morning. and no fx was passing the bank that day. i got onto another jeep to go to the LTO(which i looked forward to, since it is in a mall, and there is AC there) halfway there, the jeep's engine overheated or something. haha. malas. ok lang since it was still early. i got off and got in another one. i got to the mall around 12:15. decided to get lunch. since i was on a tight budget, i decided to eat at chow king.

so i had my birthday lunch at chowking. ate kangkong with bagoong and lumpiang shanghai. how lonely.

went to the LTO before it opened. it was like 12:45. by 12:50, a huge crowd had already formed. at 12:55, the guy inside posted a sign that said the card machine is broken and will be giving out temp licenses only. i started to rant at camille who called me to greet me. i got to the verification window without bruises and scratches. went to sit, and realized that i already had my picture taken so that means my card was probably ready after all. and it was. sweet.

went to get chicken and other stuff. was in the grocery for a long time because i had to stay inside my budget. it took me a long time to compute prices and put back stuff in the shelves. LOL. and when i got out of the building, the sky was falling. ah, my birthday will never be complete without the rain.

haha. every one loved dinner. my fruit-stuffed roast chicken was a hit.

ah ang haba. and it's just the sh*t part pa lang. ahahahha.

cleaning up and inspiring

hello again. i'm done for the day with work and it's still early so i guess i have a lot of time to blog. LOL.

last month, before i went to china, i considered doing the master cleanse detox. it's something you do for at least 10 days to clean up. for losing weight, cleaning up your bodies of toxins, and to jumpstart a new lifestyle. i had told lelets about it and she was hesitant. i decided to do it anyway. i told my mum about it and emailed to her the articles i found about it.

the master cleanse is at least 10 days of lemonade. here's the recipe for one pint of the mix:
-juice from one lemon
-3 tbsp pure maple syrup(organic is the best, don't use flavored syrups. we cut down to 1 1/2 for our mix since we were targeting weight loss)
-1/8 tsp cayenne pepper
-the rest of the pint is non-chlorinated water
you get to drink 4 to 6 pints a day. but there's also the herbal laxatives at night and the salt water flush in the mornings.

mum did it ahead of me. i spoke to her on her 7th day and she was doing okay. it was also right on time because her work license expired and was home most of the time. mum lost 10 pounds and ten said she looks younger. surprisingly, lelets also agreed to do it before she leaves for europe. so we started august 25. we were sorta scared pa nga kasi the maple syrup is really expensive. but i was determined to do it and was focused on keeping a strong stand to motivate lelets. it was lelets' first time to do fasting; i did apple juice fasting a couple of times this year already.

it was kind difficult for me during the fast kasi a lot happened during those 10 days.

2nd day, party at manoli's for the launch of epy quizon's website, http://www.bananacueproject.com. there were bbq and beer and i had my lemonade. manoli was even offering me vodka for my juice. LOL. but i was stronger than that. hahah.seriously, it was funny because i stayed in the den and the bbq plate was right in front of me. danced to lovely music with kat. it was the first time, i think, that i didn't go home drunk from manoli's place. haha.

4th day was when i lost my phone. imagine, sitting in front of carlo and martin in chowking while they ate the lauriat plates. hahaha.

5th day, a saturday, i was again at manoli's for epy's daughter, misha's, party. i went there to paint faces. i stayed there only to do four faces, the kids weren't really interested in it. they were just having a lot of fun running around the garden. there was this cute kid, elias. he wanted me to make him into a fierce dragon. he was so happy with his face and showed off by hanging upside down on the monkey bars. he wasn't fierce; he kept on hugging me and sat on my lap and made me hug him. sooooo cute. i loved his brown curly hair. haha. when they started to bring out the food, i excused myself to go to another party. kids' party pa din. it was also my niece chloe's party. i got to gateway almost an hour and a half after the party started. and they were just starting to eat. ahhh...of course by that time i had no cravings for food. painted my pamangkins' faces and hugged a lot.

after that, the kids asked me if we can go to eastwood. i was running out of juice and had to settle for water. haha. so there with my truckload of pamangkins, we went. ayan, we stopped over at red mango. argh!! i love red mango's frozen yogurt, shempre ang galing ko, didn't have any.

it was also on the 5th day that joy's dad passed away. drove to the memorial chapels on day 6 and day 7. nainggit pa ko kay joy kasi she ate tokwa with tausi. leche.

10th day was another party at greenbelt 5. tinay invited me to bleach catastrophe. they had a launch party for cecille van straten's line in their store. argh. cibo and red wine. i just enjoyed watching samio and tope run around drunk and enjoyed more listening to samio speak in english. excused myself early and went home. happy that i overcame. haha

the 11th day is just orange juice day. and that was a really toxic day for me and lets. we had to go to galeria at 5 am to meet with someone. and got on a cab to get paper all the way to QC, and then to the printers in katips to drop of the files for bim and gen's invites. weird pa nga ang transition ko from the 10th to the 11th day kasi we didnt actually sleep.

anyway. i did cheat twice. i had 2 bananas during the thing. i was getting cramps and i think i needed potassium. anyhoo, i lost about 8 pounds. and my face looks thin. haha. lets lost a lot din.after that, ten did it and lost 10 pounds. my cousin,grace, did it, and lost 8 pounds. joy and kcue are doing it now. i bet they'll lose a lot.

the best part is the inspiring othere people to do it part. i can't eat processed food now. and rice is very hard for me to digest. i still eat cake, but not like before when i can finish one whole of a mini coffee crunch cake. lol.

now i need to exercise. i hope i can do yoga. but for now, i think i'll just walk around. will walk around legaspi over the weekend.

dork daw ako

so, it's been a long time and i have got a lot of stories to tell.

the story of the traveling cellphone

so eten got me a new phone. it's a chocolate nokia 6300. complete with plastic on the lcd. it was a month old when lelets asked me to go to the bank and to sm with her. so ok,i got dressed and put the phone in my right pocket. when i got in the car(sat on the backseat), she told me that we'll just go to the bank but we had to take her mom to a church somewhere in antips.

moved to the front seat after tita got out. we were going to pnb pala, which was a good thing kasi i had to go to NBS for some face paint. lelets went to get money and i went in the store na.when we got back to the car, i reached for my phone, which wasn't in my pocket. i looked for it in my bag, and it wasn't there. i actually even forgot if i did bring my phone with me. and i was like, uhm, mustve left it on the dining table.

we had to go to another bank and since the line was long in bpi, lets asked if she can go home muna to use the bathroom. i asked her to peek in my window to check if my phone was home. she got back after 30 minutes and told me that she didn't see anything. so we went back home. i checked the table, the bed, the other tables, hala, my phone wasnt anywhere to be found. told lets about it.

lelets felt a little guilty ata and said we should retrace our steps. haha, and for more drama, it started to rain, hard. went back to the church, asked around, no one came to turn in the phone(super busy nung place kasi they were selling cheap rice that day). i was feeling ok naman, trying to be calm about it. lets told me that i should try calling the phone. so i did, and my calls went through but no one was answering my hellos, all i could hear was music. i started feeling sore...i still count on the goodness of people, you know. this went on for like 4 times. sent messages like, i'll give back a reward and shit like that. pati sa nbs,wala yung phone. argh. it hurt ah.

lets dropped me off na and i told her na we should just go to sm so i can get a new battery and housing for my old phone. i felt sad na that time. kasi yung crush ko was texting. ahahah! joke lang yun. that was around 5pm.

around 6:30,lets called me up on the landline. may nag text daw sa kanya:"hawak ko cp mo,puntahan mo dito sa brgy looc, cardona rizal". katakot,parang kidnappers!cardona is like 3 towns away from antipolo,and you have to travel the zigzag downhill, nakakatakot,ang dilim,parang horror movie! we called up a guy friend to drive for us(kawawa walang car) and asked another guy friend to accompany us. so nag road trip kami.

we met with this guy, ingkit(kasi isang mata lang nya ung singkit), in morong. he told us what happened. a relative nila, the hometown alcoholic/praning found the phone daw. he went home to his bayaw(father in law ba un?), and asked the old man how to turn the phone off. when ingkit asked him what that was, the guy turned around and went out, got into a tricycle. he followed him daw on his own trike. he notified na daw the brgy tanod to intercept. so it was the tanod who had the phone that time na. kaya pala we needed to go to cardona kasi we need to make a report pa in the brgy hall para maayos ang turn over. so ok,they led us to the place.

ang maganda jan, para kaming celebrities. ang daming fans when we got there. ang dami daw kasing chismoso at chismosa dun. yung iba, mga may kaso, siguro kasi mahilig sa mga away at rambulan ang mga tao dun.LOL. at ang tanod,si mang lets(he was like happy na magkatukayo sila ni lelets hahahaha) told the story again. version nya. super tanod! sya ang bida. ininterview pa ko, para malaman kung ako talaga un owner ng phone.
unang tanong, kanino ang unang number: si aaamikkeliaaa po.
TAMA!
sino ang huling number: si zoomie po.
TAMA! anong kulay: brown po na may brief na leather na brown din.
TAMA ULIT!
at ako ay nagwagi ng isang nokia 6300 sa halagang P1000 plus P100 kasi nagpaload pa si mang lets para makareply sa mga messages namin. palakpakan!!! maraming salamat po!

inside the brgy captain's office, the mediator started interviewing me again as mang lets started writing on the log book. pati serial number nilagay pa nya.
mang lets: ano ang buong pangalan mo?
me: abba gayle mendoza po.
ML:spelling?
me: a-b-b-a..
ML: a-b-b-a
me:g-a-y-l-e
ML: j-e-y-l-e
me:G at A po...
ML: j...e...
at ngayon ako na si abba jeyle mendoza.

got my phone and a new name. lelets in turn got good mornings from ingkit.
as for the brgy tanod, he tried borrowing money from us. haller. mga hamak na mga empleyado lang po kami at ang kinikita po namin ay sapat lang po sa pangangailangan namin at ng pamilya namin.

still, i do believe that people are basically good even if they can have vested interests. same banana.

more to come...

miss adventures

finally home and happy. well, i've been here since the 22nd and i haven't had the strength to blog. but yeah, i have a lotta time to waste today so i decided to drop by here.

was in china again for 11 days. 10th to the 21st. i was feeling happy about it when i left the philippines but got really homesick when i couldn't access facebook. gah! they blocked it! and i was alone. dimple didn't show up. wanted to go back on the 3rd day. was feeling like hell; never experienced boredom like that. it's just not for me not to be able to talk with anyone. no one can talk to lisa in the office and i didn't really have nothing much to talk about with jack. and john can't speak much english.

finally boss daddy came on my 4th day and we went to han zhou and ning bo on the 5th at least i was busy and had lisa with me in the hotel. we went to the hotel restaurant for dinner and they had these chilled fake food you can choose from. ning bo has a fishing port and they're supposed to be popular for their seafood. so the resto had tanks of fish and shrimps and crabs and lobsters. man, i ran away from the tank with frogs! i mean, i can eat frogs but only when they don't have skin on. and they're warm and cooked. haha. but i can't stand the sight of them. wahaha.

got back to dong guan on my the 6th day and met this guy. huge guy. played soccer for the shang hai team and is moving to the HK team, i don't know really. he's black, by the way. it was sweet. haha. but short. and no, i don't believe in "once you go black, you won't go back". and yeah, it was my china fling. LOL. it was like "isang linggong pag ibig" but you have to do it with more beats and rap it.

got a nasty cold on my 9th day. thought it was the swine flu. really really bad. no kissing daw. haha. i hated the weather there.couldn't bring myself to go to work on the 10th day so i stayed in the hotel. weh. basta. nag away pa kami ni soccer guy the next day kasi ang insensitive ko. ahaha. errrr, i know i am bitchy.

got cheesecake for everyone the day i was gonna leave. amazing, i saw tinay and kuya arnel at the guang zhou airport. ayus. and that's it, i think.

bow.
breakfast at ning bo. i love how they prepare eggs in china.
the government wants you to like KFC!
the pussy shell. isn't that right?

dalgo in ning bo

sleep all day

if vampires were real, i would be one. slept as soon as the sun appeared and woke up when it disappeared. if i were a vampire, i'll probably have nicer skin, too.

will be leaving on monday for china. was expecting a wednesday flight, but the travel agent booked me for monday without consulting dimple. so i'll be alone till the the 14th. my boss won't arrive till the 13th,too. eeeep. but what i dread is monday morning when i have to wake up early to go the bank to see if i can get my money, then rush to QC for my passport, go back to marikina to meet with lets who'll take me to the airport. that was what i was trying to avoid, but thanks to my amazing travel agent, she just made my life harder up a notch.

so goodluck to the vampire who can't stand daylight.

won't be able to blog for 11 days. china's got this holy firewall you can't mess with.

stormy days long nights

i'm upside down again. i know i should take advantage of the weather and sleep at night when it's cold and sweet. unfortunately,i still can't.

i've been wanting to scrub the sidewalk and the garage floors. and rearrange the mess outside. i want to scrape the paint off the fence and repaint it and scrub some more. if i can, i'd even clean the roof and the gutters. it's weird here, because our place is not high-end, but if i do stuff like that, people stare. maybe it's because of the fact that i'm a girl or i'm not the maid. can't wait for the raining to stop and the good antipolo weather.

mum wants me to go to hawaii. it's either they file a petition for me or get married( which she said is easier). i was laughing my ass off when we were talking about it. so i told her to get me someone who smells really good. after hanging up, i froze and realized that i for whatever reason that is (lurve or papers), i don't think i wana get married at all. i spoke to her again a few days after that and now she wants to set me up with this guy. he's american daw and he's 42, i was like, mum! that's old! and she was like, ilang taon ka na ba? err..almost 30... kinikilabutan ako.

so i figured out that maybe i do wana get married in the future. i thought i'd be married by now nga eh! eh apparently, ayaw sa akin ng universe. so maybe wag na nga lang. nakakaloko no. the thing that i wanted the most came and went and left me scarred. eh ang sarap pa naman kutkutkutkutin at tungkabin ng peklat. peklat ka! peklat! wah!!!!!!!!!!!

grabe the wind ha. so strong like making whistling sounds na. it's so cold here. and lonely, too. not too much has been happening. mejo quiet ang life here now.
**time space warp***

jo came to put a splint on my left hand's middle finger. the joint connecting the intermediate and distal phalanges hurt and feels swollen. i can't tell though, i have chubby fingers.LOL. and right after that, we had tea. tyrone then came to pick me up. we went to his place and i had chicken curry and rainbow maki. then we had cake. talked about cory and people who plan to run for the 2010 elections. gah.nosebleed. i hate politics. really do.

jo started texting half past 11. lets also texted looking for me. quiet daw ang earth kasi wala ako. i suddenly had this craving for hot choco. it's soooo damn windy today, perfect for that. tyrone said i should just invite them over since we have ghirardelli anyway, and he also had this sudden craving for that. tita started looking for food for us in the fridge and handed me this huge embotido. lol. too big and too frozen. hahah. found the bottle of peppermint paddy syrup and searched the cupboard for the cream whipper. tada! mint choco! lets and jo came with stuffed breadsticks. premidnight snack snack.

haha. evil. i don't think it's a good idea that tyrone moved closer to me. a few weeks back, it was krispy kreme. i dread the day that the gazebo and the baking area behind his house will get fixed because we already promised ourselves pizza parties. hayy. so much for healthy eating.

my deadly sin for today: gluttony and sloth. potek, pamatay talaga. my favorites.
**back to my room***
i wish the voices in my head shut up for a minute.

i don't know what to do at this point. i know that i want to travel and go as far away as i can. if i reach the other side of the earth, will i still have sleepless nights and will my waking dreams keep on haunting me? maybe they will stop. maybe the powers i have is stronger than i actually think. because going to places and leaving things familiar takes unnatural strength. because change is always scary and to claim the changes means i am actually beyond normal. i am abnormal. sheesh, i still make me clown after all.

does saying goodbye fall into the same category? leaving without moving. i wish i find the strength and the will to do it again.

it's about time i do.

ok na!!!

ang lakas ng ulan. i'm freezing here!

i thank the universe for giving me this defective sun broadband thingy, which i can use everyday, every hour, except that the connection flactuates every now and then. so that means, my dear bestfriend, joy, that cyber sex isn't at all possible when my webcam won't work. you can't accuse me of that even if i keep myself locked up in the house all day and night. i love that i can use the usb thingy even when i am inside moving cars, except that my laptop has sucky batteries and can last only up to 2 and a half minutes when not connected to an electricity source. i also love it when attaching files to email stir up my emotions because after waiting for 3 hours ,and crying my eyes off the sockets, the files still won't attach because the yahoo and gmail keep timing out.

ahh, technology.

my nokia 1100 died on me a few weeks ago. the battery looks swollen and the adhesive tapes and rubber band feature won't hold it together anymore. i had another mobile phone i kept in case the 1100 died, but ten used it when she was here and took it back with her to hawaii. i asked her to send the phone back instead of getting a new one, but she insisted that it's sucky so she sent me money instead. gah. my baby sister plays the role i should be playing. again. so, i got myself a nokia 6300, which cost me a sweet P6,500. and after paying for it, i realized that i would have been better off with a new battery(P500) an a new housing(around 200 i think) instead. too late.

still trying to figure out how to hold it comfortably and how to actually work the phone. i think it's too slippery and too much color makes my head hurt. but i don't wana sound ungrateful. thank you ten and the universe for giving me a phone that has a real camera. i can now take photos of photos of random guys that look peculiarly familiar posted on mall walls.

this entry was interupted by a phone call. leslee called to say that their house is flooded already. it had only been an hour since it started raining. at least she is prepared this time. the last time she almost went crazy and kept crying. two more days before they move out of the house and they get this going-away gift. so lets and i went to pick her up and her brother-in-law. poor girl. kagaganda,lumulusong sa baha at sa lahat ng mikrobyo na dulot nito.

worse is that i have a tummy ache. naeLBMbo ako.scary! i don't know why, maybe it's because that i had a KFC snack box, a baby cake from sugarhouse, and dinner at teriyaki boy in a span of four hours. wah! i hope it's just that because i don't wana die of the uni sashimi i ate. so now i know that i'm ready for detox.

i have to go to the travel agency later. gah! i dread the travel agent. she's like the black hole of cheer and a brick wall rolled into one motherf*ckin being. seriously. can you believe this, the day i was to fly to china, she made me go to QC to pick up my passport and other documents. instead of meeting me somewhere halfway and making my life easier, she had to be the source of a lot of panic. and the airport is like 2 hours away from their office! and her voice, argh, she sound like she has testosterone overdose. but of course, i don't wana be mean to her. she goes to the embassy for my visa and i don't have to see makati(i swear, i hate the place).

whiney!

shorter days

been going out a lot. not to bars and parties and stuff like that, though. been hanging a lot with friends, stayed over in tagaytay and mandaluyong, just to cook, eat, watch tv, and talk a lot. went to meet clients, see joy and papa, and just walked aimlessly around a small portion of the city. i guess this makes days feel shorter and time faster.

so far, i finished one project for the goldfish pool. i also got paid.lol. small time lang naman to., but it's all good na din. i'm doing two more projects and i can't wait to get them done. i'm hoping that we can print before august 8. i'm getting anxious about it. however, at the same time, i feel excited and happy. i hope more projects will come on november. that's when my schedule will be clear.

the process of forgetting and healing is here, with occasional painful reminders of what i am trying to forget and what the healing is needed for. well, it's supposed to work that way, i guess. it's long overdue, but at least i know i'll be fine. well, no, i don't think i'll ever be fine. only consolation is that i know i'll be more of an ass than what i was before. and that definitely makes a difference. lol.

i'm going back to china for 2 weeks this august. i'm rather excited about the traveling. more excited than the first time. the thing came right on time, since everyone else is going somewhere. i also could use the change of scene. and i want to get some cheesecake for everyone. lol. next trip will be on october, for the canton fair. that sounds exciting. i like going to fairs. beats doing nothing. haha. but what i'm really looking forward to is my wacom. i'm supposed to get one when i get there.

back to work for me.

i'm on an oatmeal only diet. haha. that's the only thing i have here in the house. so sad. but i think it'll be fine. i've been staying indoors a lot, and would just usually go out after midnight to hang out with the other night walkers.

so far, nothing big has happened. i'm on a retainer and will be working for cimc here from my house. just really excited that i'll be getting a wacom tablet soon. now if i can only afford a new laptop...haha, nevr mind about a new one, should just get this one checked and fixed. so all is going well, i think, with this job. i have to go to china again next month. i swear i will not overpack and i will not forget to bring a shoulder bag.haha.

i need to get a new mobile phone, seriously. my phone drops calls since the battery is like warped or something. haha. and the rubber band feature can't hold it together. the tapes also don't work anymore. haha. i feel sad. i love this phone. too many moments together. haha.

oh and i am seriously crushing on this guy. haven't met him yet, but he might come over in september. and baka he'll stay here. hala, ayan, eto na, normal na ulit ako. kasi i actually think someone is better-looking than the pajama man. eh haller! kamukha nya si brad pitt, pano ba naman ako di mag ka crush dun. ayan ha, dalawang pictures pa lang nakikita ko tapos mga kwento, hmft. puntahan ko na lang kaya sa san fo yun. haha. ang landi ko. ehehe. yeach, syempre hindi naman totoo yan. nagiinarte lang ako. kaya pag dating nya, kelangan lagi akong naka pants, kasi baka pag nagskirt ako, malaglag ang panty ko! haha. whatever. still hung up...damn...

still trying to figure out how to solve the financial crisis i'm in. grabe. slaving myself pero tig-hirap pa rin ako. kung pwede lang talaga magbenta ng laman, at ng taba syempre.

yoshee's preggy na. and yes, i heard that blythee is 8 months on the way din. am so happy. pero, oo, nadedepress ako!wah! pwede na bang mag curl up and die? was hoping that i'll be pregnant bu now din, unfortunately, wala pala sa plans yun. alin? yung to take me seriously? ahaha. korek. ang hirap noh, un masaya ka for the people you love, pero, malungkot ka for yourself. si joy kasi, nag FLAMES pa, at sweetheart daw yun sa guy, sa akin enemy, tapos friends lang daw kami, samantalang sila ni kcue, married! MARRIED!!!!ang daya... hikbi...hikbi...

ayoko na nga. sabi ko na nga ba, hindi talaga dapat ma-in love ever. at dapat din hindi dinidefine na "love" ang very strong emotions na "like" lang ang tinutumbok. hmft. hindi na ko maniniwala sa love love na yan. ang labo di ba, wedding invitations ang business ko pero sablay ako. sabi nga ni tyrone, gumawa ka ng "hate" card for every design you do, same motiff. haha. riot. meron din akong wedding invite design for me-and the pajama man. haha.pathetic. dapat sunugin na. ang cute cute pa naman nya, wah!!!

seriously, ang tagal naman ako maka get over, para kong tinapang balisa(super old maid di ba?). nakakainis kasi naman, namaster ko naman ang coping dati, bakit ngayon, ang tagal ng proseso ko. i hate it when it takes this long. kalahating taon na ha, hindi na cute. lampas kalahating taon na, sana sampalin na ko ng realidad! punyets!

pero sa totoo lang, hindi naman talaga makakalampas sa process kung di ko rin naman pabayaan ang sarili ko na magprogreso. bakit nga naman kasi kelangan pa mag karoon bigla ng ideals. yun lang. pag natatak na sa utak mo yung mga bagay na gusto mo, ang hirap makaabante.

sana yumaman na lang ako para makalimutan ko ang mga issues ko na walang kwenta. oo, juvenile na ko. hmft. at oo, totoo na umiyak ako kanina kahit nag papatawa pa rin ako. seryosong malungkot naman talaga. at pagyumaman na ko, magyoyoga na lang ako araw araw. bow.

sore but not losing

gah! so many things to feel bad about. and this site isn't called "whiney me" for nothing. so i made my "sore about shit" list.

1. sore that i bought my laptop centuries ago to make money, but never got to do that. until now. and it's a dinosaur and i named it "slow"

2. since Slow is a stupid inanimate object, i'm having a hard time using him for my design jobs and my tutorials

3. so sore that i ate a lot in cebu

4. shitty about the fact that i can't get over the pajama man. stupid me. he's probably gotten past the abba stage a long time ago so should quit it, right? too much hang ups, too many cute guys i ran away from.

5. yeah, and i regret that i blew my chances with the guys at will

6. so sore that i don't know if i should get a new laptop or a new internet provider

7. really sore that i don't have money for a new laptop nor a new internet provider

8. too tired from juggling 3 jobs, and frustrated that i'm getting so little done

9. sorry that i counted my chicks before they even hatched

10. shitty again when i think of the fact that i can relocate, you know, if he only asked. but yeah, he didn't

11. pissy about my pimples. at 29.

12. pissy for still being unable to see transformers ii

13. scared that my front tooth will die and fall off

14. sore that i'm running out of creative juices fast because of too much thinking.

15. loathes the person who invented krispy kreme

16. hopeless about going to germany this year

17. sore about broken toys and no shelves

18. hates the fact that money doesn't grow on trees

19. pissy about my being unorganized and sleepless

20. frustrated that i miss the pajama man like hell. in agony for deciding not to hope anymore.

yeah, got a lot of things to complain about, but i also can't help being happy because most of my dilemmas are from happy reasons. just wanted to rant. haha.

i'm in tagaytay and i left hidalgo at home and i can't sleep.

this is hidalgo and me in dong tian li yuan in dong guan

dalgo at the empark grand hotel in fu zhou.



dalgo at the city hotel in xia men

too bad didn't have a cam in tai zhou and in wen zhou. haha. lucky teddy bear/human baby.

more stories from china

here is story number 5

i took a hot bath monday night since my feet were killing me. i only had tuesday and wednesday to spend in china and i was really excited to get this over and done with. around 9:30pm i decided to watch the wolverine movie. which was really great. haha. by 11:30 i was done and ready to sleep. i was so proud of myself because i finally will sleep in before midnight. set my alarm at 7am.

i woke up tuesday morning with a smile on my face and i checked my phone. gah! 8:31! my ride will be there at 8:40! i forgot to turn up the volume of the alarm. hmfttt! so isipin nyo kung anung pagkakandarapa ang ginawa ko. i washed up but didn't shower anymore(since i decided that no matter how smelly i get, the people in the office will be worse). i was downstairs at 8:38. hahahaha!

too bad, my ride came at 8:48.

story 6

so tuesday night means a long hot bath again. and i did scrub myself till i turned red. good thing because, wednesday morning just got worse.

i slept around 3:30am because i had to watch the xmen trilogy. damn. i swear i will not download trilogy mixes anymore. anyway, i was able to get up at 7am. got dressed, went downstairs to buy food and went back to my room. i was taking my sweet time until bath time came. i was thinking, gotta poop so that will be the least of my worries, gotta take a long bath so i'll smell good the rest of the day(which means office,train ride,taxi ride,and plane ride). so yeah, pooped, check, flush, uh oh...won't go down...was able to brush teeth, check...telephone shower, water scalding hot and won't come out if it's higher than my knee...

called the front desk and the girl who answered kept giggling. damn coulnd't understand a single word i was saying. she even came up and told me to go downstairs to wash. ok lang sya, eh naka tuwalya nga lang ako! so from the sink and with a facetowel, i started scrubbing myself with soap and the scalding water. buti na lang si shisharen knocked and gave me half a bucket of water. so nag succeed naman ako, and na flush ko din un toilet.

ouch. my skin stung when i put on cologne. and yeah, i think they sabotaged me. on my last day. the announcement pala was already there, but yep, it was in chinese. sooo stressful.

story 7

the train ride was ok except for the part that i had to carry my suitcase up the steep staircase since rolling it up the ramp would be more complicated. i was able to find my way to guang zhou and was thankful that i decided not to buy cake to take home anymore.

i picked a taxi and the driver spoke broken english. he opened the door to the passenger's side and yeah i did get in. so it was like an hour of talking with him. it was soooo stressful, he was really nice but yeah, the accent was really bad. and he spoke with a lisp. ***nose bleed*** don't want to think about it again

story 8

hmmm...i don't think i have anything else to tell. ah, the moral of the stories? haha...never go to china without a dictionary and without our anti-rabies,anti-tetanus,anti-hepatitis shots. seriously.

stories from china

i've been home a day when my throat started to hurt. maybe because of too much huffing and puffing smoke. oh well. so now i have to wear masks since i don't wanna be blamed for carrying any virus from china.

well, china had been a good trip. i was dragged by the boss to maybe 6 cities/provinces(tai zhou, xia men, fu zhou, and some other places) but mainly stayed in dongguan. i stayed in a total of 5 hotels, had 4 airplane rides within china, spent almost a total of 20 hours driving from a city to another, and ate a couple of weird food during my 2-week stay.

so instead of writing about the nice things in china, i decided to write about my mishaps and hilarious experiences. and there are quite a few.

story 1

i was at the terminal 3 at 4pm of june 10. i tried to turn my roaming on 4 times but never got any confirmation. i started texting with dimple to tell her that i'll be seeing her soon and she gave me a few more instructions. i told her that my phone won't work in china so she better make sure that someone would pick me up. i arrived at the guang zhou airport around 9:30, and was out at the arrivals hall around 10. there were people waiting outside, most have sheets of paper with names on them. i was wearing my contact lenses and my eyes were drying up so i had to strain myself to look for my ride home. unfortunately, no one was there for me. boo hoo. i was really tired(thanks to my suitcase and two more bags.damn, i need a lighter laptop).

i waited for a couple of minutes more to see i f someone would turn up. after say, 30 minutes, i decided to look for a phone. so i went to the information desk and made hand signs that i needed a phone card. so finally i was able to call dimple. finally, the driver found me. leche,di naman talaga nya ko hinahanap eh.it was almost 12 and it was another 2-hour drive to dong guan. damn. all this time i was thinking, maybe this is a sign and i shouldn't be in china.

haha, the driver was hacking up phleghm during the drive to dong guan but he drove like mad and was at the hotel after an hour and a half. great.

but dimple said, i had to be up by 6:30 because i have to go to schen zhen for a flight to tai zhou. it would be just for a night so i packed an overnight bag. of course, girl talk lasted till the wee hours and i hardly got any sleep. wah.

story 2
phlegm boy was there to pick me up at 6:30 and dropped me off at terminal A in schen zhen. dimple said i should phone the bosses for information. it was too early and not all the stores where open. went downstairs to look for another phone card but the 7 11 didnt have any. so i went back up to ask people but, yeah, no one can understand me. so i went back down again and up again and finally was able to get one upstairs then went back downstairs for the phones. uh oh, the bosses were to meet me in another airport. damn. so i asked someone where i should be checking in. i was supposed to be in terminal B. damn.

and thanks to dimple, i was wearing girly sandals and a skirt(so that i'd look nice for the bosses). my feet were killing me. damn the huge airports!!! so finally i was able to get my boarding pass and found my gate. was in the plane at 8:40 and fell asleep. when i woke up at 9:30, we were still on the ground. and someone announced that we'll be leaving at 9:40. that was scary for me since i couldn't phone the bosses since my stupid phone doesn't work and scarier when the chinese started screaming (profanities i bet). nothing much for me to do so i slept again. yeah we did get to the next airport after an hour.

we were supposed to get off when we were asked to go back to our seats again. haha. police men got in and left with a guy in handcuffs. explains the delay.

finally, saw the bosses and was told that we will be away for 2 days. great. i don't have clothes for 2 days. guess what i did.

-----------
my gums were swollen the first few days i was there. the food was too salty and it burned me. tsk tsk. ws able to eat good food when i went to fu zhou. i was with another girl on that trip and i wanted to tell her to go brush her teeth, but i decided against it after she treated me to dimsum.

survived most of the days without any problems. i had misadventures again though after dimple left. during her last night, we went to changping town around 9pm to see the market. she took me out to dinner and dvd shopping and cake shopping. dinner was great, i ordered a lot and went home with leftovers i planned to eat the next day. changping town was like tutuban only bigger with a lot of beggars that chase you around. got me a case of akira kurosawa movies, like 30 of them. and some other stuff. of course i couldnt buy clothes for me since nothing would fit. ahaha. but got really lovely cakes.

story 3

i didn't walk dimple to the car the next day. i don't want to get emotional. before she left, she gave me a couple of rmb to survive the next four days including train and taxi fare to the airport. the day passed quickly and when i got back to my hotel, i got the food from the fridge. so how am i gonna heat the leftovers(pork knuckles, bok choy, potatoes, and chao fan)? simple. boil water, let the food cook, and drain. parang lucky me pancit canton. washed the excess salt and oil away.

and one more thing, i didn't have chopsticks. then i realized, i am filipino for crying out loud. i ate with my hands.haha. nag work naman. haha. all because i didn't want to talk with the people downstairs for some.

story 4

the toilet bowl in my room in dong tian li yuan was weird. i think it needs more pressure to actually flush it down. so, if it's yellow, i let it mellow(like for 2 no. 1's lang ha) and if it's brown, i flush it down. i went in the bathroom one night to wash my hands but i left the soap by the tub. i forgot i was wearing the bedroom slippers( which had plastic soles). i went to get the soap and didn't notice that the floor was wet. yeah. i slipped. the small toes of my left foot hit the tub and worse, my right arm went straight into the toilet bowl. errrr..good thing there was really really hot water and i sterilized myself. haha. my left foot hurt a lot after that. and i did laugh at myself. gross.

argh. too sleepy to tell about stories number 5-8. haha. tomorrow na lang. i hope you got stressed with my stories. haha

cereals, cebu, and my nerves

had to delete 6 drafts before this entry. haha. been really lazy about writing, which is a good thing because that meant less whining.

May had been a merry month in spite of the fact that i am still depressing and obsessing about my one true love. tried to do something about it, but ended up being too busy and anxious about stuff.so what about May? ok, so i tried to squeeze everything into this month including vacations, paper works, 2 jobs, and worrying. oh, and unexpected events/babysitting. and also, i think i was out more this month than i've ever been since the year started. i never imagined myself being a daywalker but i really had to force myself to go out.

May started with a quiet time in tagaytay. spent a few days with karenina, enjoyed coffee and endless talking. got back home to stress on waiting for my passport, which came 3 days late. spent the days eating canned food since i was too poor to buy real food.

going-away party at kris' (the swedish meatball/manfloozy/friend) place one wednesday. but yeah, he didn't make it to the plane the first time(didn't bring enough money for the terminal fee and the atms at the airport weren't working). he didn't make it the second time too(he didn't have papers). well, got really wasted at the party and karenina posted the incriminating photos in facebook. please don't bother to look. seriously.

and somewhere along the middle, had a mong kok lunch with joy. she's back!

then, the subic trip came. drove with my friends from the village to a huge house with airconditioning in all rooms. cooked for everyone and we all got wasted on bacardi 151. had fun playing guesstures and was forced out of bed since someone said that being drunk inside the house is dangerous. almost everyone threw up. haha. then got me a big bag of cereals with marshmallows, a box of captain cruch, and mint chocolates from duty free.

then as if the universe was conspiring with me, got a phone call the next sunday from kris that he needed a place to crash since the parents of the girl he was staying with are coming. was forced to drive to crame because he insisted that he had luggage(told me that thrice over the phone while i was trying to give instructions on how to get here to antips). kris stayed for a while and ate my cereals (cereals with milk, cereals on bread, mixed cereals,etc) since i don't have real food in the house. finally kris realized he had money in the bank after a week of poverty and spent his last days outside partying. which was really good because i really didn't like sharing the bed with him because i can't snore all i want. (hey,it's hard to look pretty when you are sleeping, and i didnt want to embarass myself) (and i got a lot of mean remarks about my being all talk and no action...hey...)

joy and i had another mong kok lunch with beer. went to visit her dad that day, and we went to tito oca's amazing show that night. (it's still on so catch "wounded spirit" at the megamall art center till the end of this week i think).received a pleasant surprise before i left megamall and it made my heart jump...hay... got home late and packed kris' bags and mine.

the next day it was off to cebu for me and to sweden for kris who made me carry his luggage to the car. letlet drove me to the airport and damn, loved cebu but i ain't going back there in a long time. man, food is cheap and amazing and i am pretty sure i gained weight. hmft. haha.

did the skywalk thing at club ultima the first night. for free. thanks to uncle virgil and tita edith, and to the driver, jepoy. next day was rainy and jepoy didn't book a reservation for sumilon for island hopping and was too lazy to drive to bantayan. we were forced to stay in the ayala terraces since i also had to do a class at 4pm that day. but the class wasn't really mine and i wasted good good time stressing myself out on that. we went home and accomplished nothing. mumai and karenina stayed in bed from 5pm to midnight and i didnt want to go out anymore but they did so we went clubbing at club vudu with my cousins and some friends. damn. the moment i walked into the bar, this cute irish guy started dancing with me, had his hands on my shoulders in an awkward way(he was like 6" something so it really did look and feel awkward) and i was like "uh oh" and yeah, i ran away. haha! damn. i couldn't flirt back! haha! i did find my way back to the dancefloor and back to the guy, but i was too uncool and was too weird and yeah, i didn't get his name and number. am i getting old or what? haha...oh yeah...i'm stuck up...

so the third day was spent at another mall. stupid stupid decision. but karenina and mumai did their shopping and we went to another bar that night but it wasn't really a nice place so we went home and finally, the fourth day came. jepoy took us to parkmall for a P235 lunch buffet. ate crab,salad, squid, lechon atc but stayed away from rice. damn. it's like sooo cheap. haha, but it was uncle's treat again even if he weren't there. we drove to maribago white sand beach resort and used uncle's certificates. we got upgraded to a suite for free and finally was able to go swimming. lovely lovely place, but the grilled rock lobster was lovelier. haha.

fourth day was spent on traveling and hanging out with my cousins later that night.last day was spent pigging out in club ultima and a chinese lunch buffet(care of tita edith and uncle virgil). arrgh! flight back home was bumpy.

finally got back home June 2. tired. and happy.

things that can make me forget

i have a wish list. i think if i get everything on my list, i might forget about most of my hang ups, including you. funny, but right now, this is almost close to impossible. so that means, i won't be forgetting anything or anyone. haha.

1. a 23" intaglio printing press with stand

2. an 11" baby press

3. free unlimited bikram yoga sessions for a year

4. Docucolor 5065 Digital Press

5. a huge shelf

6. a faster and better laptop

i'll need a workspace, too. a new studio, perhaps?

my passport's not coming today. duh. i thought so. karenina said i should get a flu shot before i go to cebu, and china's not gonna be nice,too. so really i should get the shot, and now, all i can think of are needles. leche. scary.

busy week ahead of me. field trip on monday with yoshi, packing and tutorials on tuesday, hospital visit and tito oca's exhibit on wednesday, then off to cebu on thursday. the beach on friday and the sky experience on saturday plus tutorials again. i hope i can survive the week.

kitties!

karen sent me this:

cuties! but i still don't think i can raise kittens. i'll just keep loving my cyrus to the end. haha.

quickie

all the while i thought i have two months to do my thing. but three nights ago, i was told that i only have one month. i am left with less now,maybe 3 weeks. sure i can squeeze everything in that span of time. i can do this, i can make it work. i got so much practise at cramming. haha.

i'm scheduled to leave for china on the first week of june. i was surprised when i was told that i really need to be there. they're rushing me, but i can't really complain since it's gonna be like a paid vacation.

but, i'm really nervous about the goldfish situation, with bim and gen's wedding coming up and we still don't have anything finalized. plus, i am not sure if i should let go of the etutor thing. i know that everything will fall into place, though, i still have that kind of faith. if i take the job to china, then that would be really good. for me and my dogs. haha. it's good pay and i don't know if i want to risk it.

but really, only one thing disturbs me. what if he comes back and i won't know? haha. wah! wishful thinking lang...